My pregnancy has been the kind of easy pregnancy that I hope to help others create in the future. I say that because I hope my experiences (at least up until now), can be inspirational for other women, not make those moms dealt a harder hand with more preggo issues feel resentful or jealous…sometimes it really doesn’t seem fair that some experiences are so much harder for others, I know.
But to be honest, I’ve just had some acid reflux throughout the pregnancy and a little nausea and fatigue in the beginning, but those are my chief complaints.
I’ve also maintained tremendous energy, hiking, doing yoga and now still walking at least 5 miles a day, and (don’t hate me for saying this but it is possible, especially for those following Beauty Detox), I’ve only really gained weight in my belly.
But…now things are not feeling so easy. Lil Bub’s due date- or should I say “guess date”- came and went uneventfully. Now that seems like ages ago, even though it’s only been a week.
The anti-climatic feelings surrounding the due date led to a little bit of anxiety after just 2 days past, leaving me to wonder, What’s going on?
There’s a lot of things that are not helping me feel better. The first is the deluge of probably well-meaning friends, family and colleagues asking the dreaded “Is the baby here yet?” question, mostly over text. Some of them day after day (!).
I stopped answering everyone, just tuning it out, deleting the texts and going inward.
Don’t you think you would know if the baby is here, because I would send an announcement? I keep thinking to myself.
Despite my better intentions to remain calm and “yogi-like”, I can feel animosity towards the specific people inquiring about the baby building inside, like a hot volcano. It sounds mean and unwarranted, and maybe it is, but it’s how I really feel.
To make things worse, there are the Hormones. Hormones with a capital H. I know I am overly sensitive right now. Maybe as sensitive as I’ve ever been in the span of my life. It’s part of the reason I feel so annoyed at all the poor well-wishers.
It also puts me into spontaneous tears multiple times a day. I’ve never cried so much for reasons that aren’t really clear. When people ask me what is wrong all I can mumble/shriek/whisper/moan is: I don’t know!!
There is also the anxiety about the situation. My caregivers are quick to point out that every day the baby is getting bigger. I know that! But what can I do?
Inducing is a very last resort for me. I really want Bub to come out when Bub chooses, as long as I can stretch it. I’ve tried everything now, from spicy food, to acupuncture (multiple treatments), to cupping, to raspberry leaf tea…nothing has worked so far.
We went back in to check Bub since it is a week past the “guess date.” The measurement for the amniotic fluid is supposed to be at least a 5, and mine is 11. So plenty of fluid for Lil Bub to swim around in.
Bub’s heart was measured for 15 minutes straight and Bub was pronounced very “healthy and active.” Bub likes it in there! No stress or strain. But yes, I know the inevitable…baby gets bigger by the day.
Mama is simply exhausted. Running around to the various appointments and checkups, walking 5+ miles a day (which energizes me but combined with everything else, still takes a lot of energy!), the hormonal/emotional extremes and ups and downs which seem to come every hour…and oh yes, being PAST due, carrying an apparently big baby around in my belly that is sucking nutrients and energy 24/7…yes that is exhausting also!
Do I sound insane yet? Well I definitely am, on some level. I’m holding on by a thread, Beauty. But don’t worry, it’s all temporary. Your Beauty Detox Mama is still very much here and present and strong for you and all the Beauty Detox community!
In fact, I KNOW this experience will help me to serve you better, to be more in tune with the intricacies of life, to be more compassionate, more intuitive.
I just want to share this very real aspect of life. It’s not all perfect, and it’s certainly not all controllable. Things don’t always go the way we want or think they will go. But I think that’s part of the Big lessons we are given, part of life, part of growth.
I’ve already grown in so many tremendous ways from this pregnancy. It brought a lot of emotional healing to the surface, which I didn’t really know wasn’t totally healed.
It forced me to consider how I want to mother my child.
But now, the lessons are coming in spades on letting go. The birth, as far as timing and many other details, is not going so far the way I had planned.
The actual birth itself may or may not be the way that I wanted it to be. And you know what? That is okay. I’m letting go, minute by minute. I’m just going to go with the flow.
I’ve done my best, eaten the best I could have and rested and been the best mother to baby in womb I could. However Bub comes out is up to Bub and God. It’s in the Universe’s hands now, and I’m going to step aside and just let it all happen.
Even as I write those words I feel a power, a wonderful ease. What a lesson! If we can let go of what we can’t control, how much power there is in that, which can be redirected into channels that we can influence.
The journey is just unfolding in the most beautiful way Beauty, for you and me.
Sending you love and blessings! ;)
P.S. Yay! I am now on Snapchat…You can follow me by using my username kimberly-snyder or scan my snapcode below! :)