How To Create More Peaceful Relationships through Acceptance with Hubby Jon [Episode #655]
Today’s solocast topic is: How To Create More Peaceful Relationships through Acceptance with Hubby Jon
I am so excited for our very special guest today, who happens to be the one and only Jon Bier, my incredible husband. And today we’re talking about finding a way to accept and celebrate differences, and to create more peace in your relationships. This includes, your personal relationship, your spouse, your significant other, but also in your friendships, in your work environment, with your neighbors, and with your colleagues.
We’ve been taught to think that differences of opinion or differences in ways of living and ideas can create walls and separation. However, when we learn to celebrate and accept, we find ways to come together in deeper ways, and life continues to open up. And it’s such a beautiful thing.
I really love this conversation with my husband, Jon. We are very different and we love to share about that, and also how we connect in the deepest ways. Jon is not only an incredible husband, he’s an incredible man, Papa bear. He is honest, so creative and authentic. He has his own brand that he’s created, Jack Taylor PR, his marketing strategy. He’s really built this incredible business from his authentic heart. And so I can’t wait to share this conversation with you today.
Topics Covered In How To Create More Peaceful Relationships through Acceptance with Hubby Jon
#1. How having strong connections is possible in the world despite our differences
#2. Celebrating differences within our relationships and creating more peace
#3. The relationship between acceptance and being present
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Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.
Kimberly: 00:01 Hello, my loves and welcome back to our Monday interview podcast. I am so excited for our very special guest today. A repeat guest who happens to be the one and only John hubby, John, my incredible husband. And today we’re talking about finding a way to Sept differences, to celebrate differences even, and to create more peace in your relationships. So this includes, of course, your personal relationship, your spouse, your significant other, but also in your friendships, in your work environment, with your neighbors, with your colleagues, we’ve been of taught to think that differences of opinion or differences of, you know, ways of living and ideas can create walls and separation. But actually when we learn to celebrate and accept, we find ways to come together in deeper and deeper ways and life continues to open, been up. And it’s such a beautiful thing. And I really love this conversation with my husband, John, we are very different and we love to share about that, but also how we connect in the deepest ways.
Kimberly: 01:16 John is not only an incredible husband. He’s an incredible man, Papa bear. He is on honest and so creative and authentic. He has his own brand that he’s created Jack Taylor PR his marketing strategy. He’s really built this incredible business from his authentic heart. And so I can’t wait to share this conversation with you today.
Fan of the Week
Before we get into it, I want to give a shout out to our fan of the week. Her name is SarahashleyFox, and she writes when the student is ready, the teacher appears I’ve been binge listening to Kimberly’s podcast for the past two months. And I can’t say enough good things. Kimberly is a Ray of light, inspiring us to live our brightest lives from a place of inner joy and self acceptance. There are a million things we can listen to, but this podcast helps me set the tone of my day and reminds me of all the ways I can nourish my mind, body and soul.
Kimberly: 02:17 Well, thank you so much, SarahashleyFox, my love for being in our community. I am so grateful that we found each other. I believe, yes, there are no coincidences and we, when our soul cries out for, for growth and for tools, we find a way we find each other. We find our community. So I am so happy that you are here. I send you so much love. I send you a big virtual hug. Thank you so much for your review and my, for your chance to also be shouted out as our fan of the week. Please be sure to write a review on iTunes or wherever you listen to your podcasts and, and send us, you can also take a picture. You can do it for the, for the, you know, for the love in your heart, just for the, you know, the joy writing review.
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Kimberly: 03:06 But as an extra incentive, if you take a screenshot of your review and send it to firstname.lastname@example.org, we will also send you our seven self-love affirmation series, another or tool that you can listen to to help you reframe some limiting beliefs. So thank you so much in advance. We know this, you know, in the world we live in today, reviews are important and please be sure to subscribe to our show and that way you don’t miss out on any of these interviews or Q and a community podcast, which are on Thursdays. And please also share the podcast with anyone that you think would benefit from the show, from any of the, the, the different aspects. It’s such a beautiful thing to share our tools. So whether it’s a friend, a loved one, a colleague, path it along, and finally, I will share that if you are not yet aware, my new book is now out. The new book baby has just birthed into the world. You are more than you think you are. So please be sure to pick up a copy today, where I take you on this journey of teachings, tools, practices for really raising your self-esteem and living your best life in all areas, including in abundance and vitality, confidence and more so you can check it out. Wherever books are sold, you are more than you think you are. All right, all that being said, let’s get into our podcast today. Amazing interview with hubby, Jon.
Interview with Jon Bier
Kimberly: 00:01 Here we are again, in the woman cave, a rare visit from Papa bear into the woman cave. Thank you so much, babe, for coming back here, coming back on the podcast. First of
Jon: 00:13 All, it’s like a whole different world down here. This is in my house. It smells of a sense of oils and
Kimberly: 00:23 Just it’s so
Jon: 00:24 Dense spirituality. I feel like I’m in like some kind of Ashra. I mean, it, it feels like I’m in your womb. Is that weird,
Kimberly: 00:33 Baby? First of all, you get so excited. Put the mic next to your face. I love it. I’m gonna put you down here
Jon: 00:40 For, I’m just a bit of a, a mouth breather. I don’t want to people listen to the, the, the, the painting.
Kimberly: 00:45 Oh my goodness. Well, first of all, babe, I’m so excited. You’re back. I just wanted to, um, say that, talking about this topic today with you about accepting and celebrating our differences for more peaceful relationships is something you’ve been talking about for a very long time, this idea of acceptance. But before we get to that, before we get in, I just want to take this moment to share with all the community, how grateful I am for you. Um, it’s been a lot the past few weeks with the book launch, I’ve been travel. It’s just been like an emotional journey as well. You know, and I see where I am attached. Was it, you know, attached to the book almost like it felt like giving birth, you know, which sounds funny, but it, you know, you work on something it’s inside of you and then it comes out into the world. And so, you know, it’s just been a lot the last few weeks and you’ve been with me every step of the way. You know, everything from getting up with me at 2:00 AM to make coffee for me for the good morning America segment, to just being there, to process and talk through and hold me when I’m feeling, you know, down and the self-doubt comes up. And then also being there to celebrate the happy moments. So first of all, thank you for being an amazing husband and human
Jon: 02:10 Well, mama. Uh, thank you for that. And, uh, you said you were going to list, um, your favorite 20 things about me on this, on this podcast, or maybe we could do a little poll like husband H is for handsome. Oh my God. You is for Uber. Helpful. B is for badass. I don’t know. Um, but uh, we don’t have to do that. We don’t have to do poetry here. I just, wait, can I come hang out here when you aren’t around. This is fantastic. I want to get now,
Kimberly: 02:45 Wait, I just wanna say, I love your little, you know, semi you know, little, whatever you were just doing with the letters, but you forgot the letter S you went beat badass. You didn’t say S hubs,
Jon: 02:58 Spit hubs, please
How having strong connections is possible in the world despite our differences
Kimberly: 03:00 Chill. Oh, I love it because you wanted to fit in badass. So, um, anyways, babe, I love, you know, I love sharing you with a community and I am open. I love to share about our love because it’s something that I always wanted, but I wasn’t sure existed. And I think when we share our stories, you know, and I, in the, in the new book, I talk about, you know, I had a lot of difficulties or struggles and past relationships. And so, you know, um, I just wanna share that. I really feel that this connection is, is, is possible in the world. We have it. And I think the more we do connect inward, we create that we, yeah, it’s interesting. Create that in our relationships with, you know, romantically or friendship wise, this applies to coworkers. It applies to relationships in general.
Jon: 03:57 Yeah. I never wanted this. Um, I knew it instantly when I, when I met you. And when I, when I saw you, it was like, it was very, very quick, but it wasn’t something that I ever wanted. I was like, yeah, I’m open to it. If I meet someone, you know, like I remember I used to how I used to say it. I used to have like a phrase, I’d be like, yeah, if I meet someone and, you know, make her better and she makes me better and we’re better as a team than we are as individuals and sure. I’ll, you know, figure it out. And, uh, and I think I meant that, you know, even though it was like a, a definitely a phrase that I would say often when that thing came up, um, but as soon as we met each other, uh, it was very, uh, it was very quick, wasn’t it? Well,
Kimberly: 04:48 You know, I have a whole thing that we could go down the rabbit hole, which we will not right now, but about time. And my, um, the, you know, the, the quantum physics interest in me says, oh, you know, time isn’t linear. Right. So for me, it didn’t feel quick. It felt like, it felt like it felt right. It felt like a flow. Yeah, it felt right. But there was no part that ever felt hurried, but it felt like this flow and, you know, back to this idea of acceptance and celebrating our differences to create peace. And I would say just deeper relation chips in general. So this topic is, you know, we’re talking about it as husband and wife partners, but also again, like I said, this applies to, you know, your relationship with your coworkers or your, you know, your friends, your loved ones, neighbors, people in your community, um, around this idea of first of all, acceptance.
Kimberly: 05:42 And I remember be, you know, going back to us for a moment, you know, in the beginning, and still recently I came on your podcast and, um, which by the way is the one day podcast. Thank you for the plug with John Bier. And it’s wonderful. I came on your podcast and you recently brought up like, oh, you know, so different still. And it was, you know, in the beginning. Sure. Like, I think physically not even write about this in the new book, you know, I was like, oh, it’s, you know, of course we recognize we’re, you know, different, you have a lot of tattoos and, you know, you do a lot of strength stuff, you know, big Jude into CrossFit. And that’s like the last thing I would personally be drawn to with different interests, you know? Um, and you’re like motorcycles and I’m plant based.
Kimberly: 06:32 And when we met, you’re not plant based, um, I’m still not plant and you’re still not plant phase. You’ve gone in phases to be fair. Yes. You’ve had vegan periods, plant-based periods, but yes, you are not now. So anyways, there was, there was a deep acceptance for our differences that I’d love you to talk about baby, because in the past you’ve, you’ve, you’ve called it right in the head. You’re like, Hey, it’s not about hanging out with someone that does the same things as you. And it’s not about necessarily trying to like squeeze into the middle, but this idea of acceptance definitely, you know, runs through our relationship where those other things don’t seem as important.
Jon: 07:13 Yeah. I, I think also, um, I think it came very naturally to me to, uh, accept it. I actually like differences. I know my own stuff, you know what I mean? Like, I’m, I’m familiar with my things and I don’t need, when I’m thinking about a life partner. Uh, I think it’s good baby. But, um, when I’m thinking about a life partner, I’m not thinking about the things that we like to do together in terms of hobbies and things like that. If anything, those commonalities can be a distraction, right. Because you’re not actually, you’re, you’re, you’re ski, you know, or you’re, or you’re, you’re, you’re doing activity together that you both happen to enjoy. And that’s a real, that’s not about like, those are not character things. Those are, you know, how you spend time. And if anything, on the path, like leading into that path of, of delusion yes.
Jon: 08:25 Because it’s taking you away from actually, you know, like being conscious with each other and actually getting to, to know each other and peeling back the layers and being vulnerable and, and all the things by the way that I’ve never been in other relationships. And so, uh, I didn’t even, it came quite naturally to me when I, when I, when I, when I felt connected, but, uh, like being in, we’ve said this a lot, that being in a, in a called a conscious relationship, uh, a real kind of soul partnership allows you, I was gonna say for better or worse, but for better, um, to be the worst version of yourself at times, and know that you’re still loved. And, and, uh, that’s something that, you know, you and I, like, you’ve seen me at my best and you bring out the best in me. Uh, and you’ve seen me at my, at my absolute worst. And there have been times where our relationship, uh, has brought out the absolute worst in me. And sometimes GARS, we are worst the meanest, the coldest that anything to the people closest to each yeah. That we are the closest with.
Kimberly: 09:43 Well, you know, it’s so funny because we can be yes, but what you were saying, and you said it really, um, you know, eloquently again, back to this idea of the doing, like people match the doing, uh, these, um, you know, I, I saw this show once with my mom and she really liked it called the bachelor, which I’m sure, you know, are you familiar with it, baby?
Jon: 10:08 Maybe. Yeah. So, so it’s not that Canadian, first of all, I haven’t lived in Canada since the nineties. Uh, right, right. And, but besides that, uh, everybody’s familiar with the bachelor. Okay.
Kimberly: 10:18 I’m just, it’s up to you. No, no. I’m saying the bachelor again. I, I, some of, some of these shows I don’t always catch, we don’t own a TV either, but anyways, the bachelor dating sites, which I haven’t been on personally as well, I know I, I’m a little bit out of touch with some of this technology stuff, but it’s, it’s, I assume ’em a lot of it. And I hear a lot of it’s based on like, oh, we have matching hobbies. We like to do the same stuff. Right. That comes into play someone I imagine. And the outer doing, sometimes it matches up and sometimes that’s great. Sometimes it doesn’t match up, like with us, we like to do different things, but it’s almost like, you know, what I talk about in the, the new book or more than you think you are difference between ego and the true self, right?
Kimberly: 11:01 The ego is when we over-identify with the outer world, it’s like, we like to ski. It’s like the things you, you, you do together. We work out in the same way. That’s great, but it’s not what the whole relationship should be. Right. Or it’s like, we’re both physically attractive. I think you’re beautiful. And I think you’re handsome, but of course that’s gonna shift and change versus, you know, deep acceptance comes in relationships. I think when we can just see to who we are, first of all, like that, you know, we connect to this eternal formless part of us, the energy, the soul, we can say spirit individualized or our, our hearts when we connect in. We, we see through that. So I think acceptance becomes easier because the outer stuff becomes less important naturally.
Jon: 11:51 Yeah. I, I agree with that. Um, completely.
Celebrate differences within our relationships and create more peace
Kimberly: 11:58 So let’s talk about acceptance though, in everyday life, which again, sounds great, but you know, we have this divine part, we have the human part, and I think we’ve both, you know, let’s talk about food. And I think for a lot of us have had struggles periods where maybe we eat differently than our partner. We’ve had so many people right into the podcasting. They want plant based and their, you know, their spouse or their partner or their roommate or whoever wasn’t supportive, or they feel so strongly, um, that they want their partner to be healthy, which is I get that. I feel all that with you, babe. I shared, like, I don’t wanna push, um, you know, my ideas on you. I am plant based as you know, I’ve been plant based for, you know, over 13 years now. And when we met, you tried it cuz you know, I was plant based and then you went in and out, well,
Jon: 12:51 I’ve tried it a lot. I mean I spent six months being plant based. Right. When I met you trying to, trying to woo you. No. Uh, but I did pretty close to when I met you, uh, after being pretty caribous, uh, for a lot of my life. And uh, and then I spent another six months. So baby, I’m telling you the mic is good. No, when
Kimberly: 13:13 You come close, I promise. It’s good. No, but I love how it sounds
Jon: 13:17 Close. So, um, and uh, I also just didn’t do it properly. I don’t want this podcast to be about, you know, being plant based or not. But uh, I see the, I see the truth of it to be perfectly honest and I definitely fierce feel spiritually lighter on a, on a plant-based diet. But uh, you know, I struggle with food. I numb myself with food and that density of eating, you know, large amounts of meat is sometimes what I’m looking for in that numbing.
Kimberly: 13:56 Yeah. And it’s, you know, it’s hard for me to witness because the, you know, the part of me that cares so deeply about you and your health and I see you eating that, I think, oh man, like it’s heavy, but then, you know, back to this idea, but so
Jon: 14:13 We’re talking about acceptance.
Kimberly: 14:15 Yes. Of accept exactly. I’m saying in my head, I think that, but then, you know, acceptance, I think part of that also means moving away from right. Wrong, good, bad. Like my idea is the right answer. And there were times where I felt that, you know, like I had to like, oh, I look at these studies and like, did you watch that documentary? Like really like back up my I idea, but I think over time, um, you know, for me, it’s, it’s got along with my path of, of just meditating more and more introspection journaling of really stepping back from those hard lines, whether we’re talking about food or, you know, even like a political opinion or, um, you know, idea, whatever it is when we step away from right wrong, you know, we soften the edges. There’s
Jon: 15:08 Also, you know, like there’s a line and the lines are, tend to be character lines, I think. And for example, and not, not even maybe characters the wrong way, but let me, let me give thought to this as I’m saying it, and it’ll, it’ll figure itself out if you were an atheist. Mm. We probably wouldn’t connect on a soul level because what would we really be connecting on? Or if you were like a racist, but you were great in every other way. Yeah. I’m like, yeah. But like, can’t, these are, these are core issues about like how you like feel about people and it’s like life
Kimberly: 15:48 Perspective. It runs through all things. Yes.
Jon: 15:51 So, um, you know, but as somebody’s diet, you know, is, is not, you know, one of those things that, uh, yes, I think it’s really appropriate to, you can have an opinion, but to really try and change someone. Um, I think that’s where the acceptance has to come in.
Kimberly: 16:10 So you, you raise an important part. You were like, it’s not, um, it’s not the thing that runs through everything. So, you know, character values, like we said, in the, from the beginning, we have the same values. We really, um, believe in honesty and, um, love unconditional love. Like we have values that are shared. So again, when we connect on that deeper heart level, you know, some of the, like the other stuff just seems less serious to me or that’s how I perceive it. Well,
Jon: 16:44 We’re connected on the foundational things. Yes. You can’t like you can’t build on a, on a crappy foundation. You know, the things that are, that are core elements of our being in our purpose and our existence and how we look at the world, we’re very aligned on and it’s the little things, you know, and not, not that diet is a, is a little thing or, but like it’s kind of a little thing and all the other things are surface. Whether or not I ride motorcycles, whether I have tattoos, whether I’m into, you know, mixed martial arts or martial arts. And, uh, I mean, those are, those are the hobbies.
Kimberly: 17:21 Yes, exactly. Exactly. So, um, acceptance, and let’s talk about this part in celebrating differences for peaceful relationships. So if we go a little bit broader and we look around the world today, babe, like, and you are in the news a lot more than me, I know there’s so many different ideas and, you know, um, perspectives about the pandemic, you know, and all the, the, you know, just the ways, the political things that happen solutions for, you know, um, just ecological change. Like there’s just so many differences. And we may find ourselves having different opinions from our loved ones, from our coworkers, our friends and our family. So it’s, you know, this idea of oneness is that inside of the oneness, you know, we all are from source, but we’re all different. So for me, when I think about this part of it, what’s helped me again, get away from right and wrong is, and of course I fall in and out of it, you’ve seen me in my lowest.
Kimberly: 18:30 You’ve seen me in the self-doubt, but it does come back to, oh, you know, connecting to this uniqueness inside of us, you can call it the soul, the energy, the intuition, the heart, whatever it is. But it’s, you know, this formless part of us, the true self part of us. So I feel like the more I’ve spent effort meditating and can connecting to that when I see people again, when I’m in it, in the space and not in the fear and the self-doubt, you can start to feel more like who someone is, cuz you feel more of who you are. And so again, someone can have different ideas and opinions, but you still find a way to connect
Jon: 19:09 Well, and, and beyond that, you know, like when I see you at your lowest, when I see you with self-doubt, it is shocking to me because I see you at your most conscious, I see you at your highest possible potential. I see you as you really are. Uh, and it’s the same, same thing I think with, with me when, when, you know, like I struggle with, with the, with those insecurities, like we all do. Uh, and for a long time, I think I was so insecure that I wouldn’t even admit to myself that I struggled with self-doubt. I think that’s a very common thing with people, but we all do. And, uh, almost to all of us, nearly all of us. And uh, if you don’t, you probably should. Not because you should, because, but because it’s just, it, it can be sometimes the we’re we’re, our ego is so strong that it’s blocking any, any type of feeling like that. Um, but you see me at my most con and so you can’t, uh, you can’t imagine me having those feelings of, of self-doubt or insecurity or not being confident. Um, yeah. Which is amazing.
Kimberly: 20:26 And I think it’s important to have these mirrors to each other. I mean, in our case, we are, you know, married lovers, best friends. So we, these really strong mirrors to each other, you know, and I’m so grateful for that, you know, but it could also be your roommate, your, your sibling, your parent, your best friend, your co, your coworker, you know, helping to just, um, in different ways, give you some perspective. Because when I, now, when I’m spiraling and self-doubt my mind and the egos, the chatter of the ego gets so loud. It’s, you know, we all go through those dark times. And for me it gets, you know, it’s, I gotta change environment. I have to go for a walk, you know, that’s where this, you know, weekend. You’re like, okay, you can go for a walk, but like, I’m like, okay, I need to breathe and just get out of my head.
Kimberly: 21:25 And, um, you know, it’s these tools and practice is that help me come back, help me accept more. Um, you know, and, and just, I think about the depth that comes from acceptance, because like you were saying blocking, I think sometimes we block our deepest relationships or, you know, feeling and connecting in a deeper way because we keep things surface because of, of the fear, because of the pain, um, you know, for all these ways. So then we focus on surface stuff. So then we, you know, it’s like this cycle, when we go deeper, the acceptance comes and then we celebrate the differences because we start to love more and more who that person is. And so their expression is, um, you know, we accept it.
Jon: 22:10 Yeah. We were, you know, we were really lucky from the perspective that, um, we were able to be vulnerable with each other really, really quickly. Yeah.
Kimberly: 22:23 How did that happen? I don’t know. I was never vulnerable with anybody else. And neither were you? No, we just felt each other. We collapsed into each other, just opened up into each other. Didn’t we?
Jon: 22:35 Yeah. And, um, what’s also interesting and not to get woo woo. But I’ll get woo, woo. We had lived within blocks of each other all over the world for years. We lived in the same small town in Australia
Kimberly: 22:51 And we were, um, you know, it’s
Jon: 22:54 Oh. And used to go to the same bars on the same nights. Oh my
Kimberly: 22:57 Gosh. So this is something that, um, I’ve, I’ve meant to say at the beginning. Um, and I totally forgot. So I wanna bring it back to this, this idea back to, um, Brother Satyananda right. Who came on the podcast and I told you this, he said to me, your solely is in the same orbit. Right. And so it’s like timing. Yeah. And so I feel like, you know, it really was that. And when he, um, when we saw him recently, just a few weeks ago, when he came on the podcast, we went to like trying and he was asking me, he was like, he saw you agreed. You know, we just had this little chat at the beginning and he to do the podcast in the chapel, which is really special. And he is like, so how are things going? How’s the marriage and blah, blah, blah. And so he kind of chatted. And we said, he said, you know, he is like, John loves you for you.
Jon: 23:45 And he said, you never told me
Kimberly: 23:46 That. Yeah. I never told you that. He said, John loves you for you. And he’s like, that’s how it’s supposed to be. And that’s why you feel this peace. You know, it’s not everybody needs the partnership path, but you know, for us, in our way, it felt like, um, you know, how you seeing me has helped me grow in different ways, you know? Definitely. So again, we be, we can be mirrors to each other in really powerful ways and help each other grow. And so we’re very grateful for you, baby.
Jon: 24:21 I’m grateful for you, mama. I mean, this is a 180 life. I don’t even remember the old one.
The relationship between acceptance and presence
Kimberly: 24:29 So, so present. Oh, so that’s a great point in this moment when we get out of the mind chatter and we’re here soul to soul, or you’re with your, um, again, whoever we’re talking about, partner, roommate, friend, when there’s really intense present. Mm. We keep coming back to presence. I feel that acceptance comes because we’re out of the narrative, like the old stuff it reminds you of, or, you know, what all the St the chatter, the fear, it’s just like, oh, okay, I’m looking at this human at this soul. And they’re making this choice and this choice, do you think, or am I, am I making a, a draw by saying, there’s a relationship between acceptance and presence?
Jon: 25:13 No, I think of course there’s a relationship with between acceptance and presence, because when you’re, when you’re present, I think that you are focusing on, you know, what, what is important. And so that, that comes, that comes naturally. But also, I, I mean, and, uh, I think, you know, our, our relationship has obviously made me dive more into being present. It was something that I was looking looking at anyway. And, um, but now I notice it in terms of actual duration of time when you are, when you’re actually like, instead of having a million things going on, which I’m the king of that, um, you know, having all these notifications and, oh my gosh
Kimberly: 26:01 Alerts and the alerts, it’s so hard and
Jon: 26:04 Hilarious, a ton of stuff happening, uh, time moves very quickly. Yes. But when you have none of that, and you’re just doing that thing that you’re doing, like just, you know, taking a bath with Moses time, something like that, it is just one hour can feel like four hours of, of bliss. Yes. Um, and, uh, it’s, it’s wonderful.
Kimberly: 26:27 It is relationship with time is something that I’ve been saying this on some of the podcasts I’ve been going on, my relationship with time has really shifted as a result of the practices that I’ve been doing. Um, you know, I bring it up because it’s top of mind of me, for me, is in the new book. Like the ways that I keep, like you said, growing awareness of that, there is these two parts of me, the ego and the true self. Yes. Because otherwise you identify with where you are, but it’s not true. There is the ego and the true self is always there underneath it’s is stable. And when, you know, I, one of my favorite chapters in the book, the warrior chapter, and I got this really sweet email from Ruth actually was, I read about her in the warrior chapter. She’s incredible.
Kimberly: 27:16 I will link to her podcast as well. And the show notes. And I really admired that. She went from being a single mom to create, she had not really worked anywhere, but she was a dancer. And so she started became a spin instructor, and then she founded, you know, um, flywheel. Yeah. It was the one on one before flywheel SoulCycle. Yeah. Anyways, one gets too far off track, but she’s an example of using perseverance and getting past doubt in the mind. So essentially that chapter is summing up the Bava Gita. And so it’s an allegory, right? It’s this great battle with char of tears and, and horses and, and weapons, but really it’s about the battle that each of us is waging every day. It’s the battle of the mind. It’s the battle of the fear. The ego for is the true self. Do
Jon: 28:05 You find yourself doing something and then realizing mid doing it, that you are coming at it from a place of ego and not true self, and then shifting your thought process or how you act.
Kimberly: 28:18 So for me, it’s, it comes right before, right? It’s like that tipping point, like I could go in our, couldn’t go out. I could go this way. And I know you felt it too. And when I’m really in that story in the wound, I know I’m going the ego way. Right. Which could take on many forms, like withdrawing myself, or, um,
Jon: 28:39 You actually do know that
Kimberly: 28:41 It grow. Yeah. The awareness comes and I’ll tell you, what’s helped me grow the awareness, the body awareness. I know the feeling I’ve linked it. And this is another practice I share with this tightening in my chest and like in my upper abdomen. So now I am getting, you know, it’s gotten easy. Everybody gets the same thing by the way, the tightness. Totally. Yeah. So what I, the tools that made it easier to breathe through, or just, you know, wait, the 90 seconds that research out of Harvard, um, shows, you know, allows us to process the biochemical reactions of strong emotions, like rage and anger, um, whatever it is. And so like riding that out, having this knowledge, having these practices, like, you know, over time, you know, we can say life is neutral. And then all these reactions have come from childhood wounds in, you know, the past. And so we start to just heal our reactions and these practices really help that.
Jon: 29:41 It’s amazing once you do it, because once you do it one time, you know that you can do it. I sometimes like I’ll feel myself acting in ego, especially like, say like with anger and I’ll feel myself going into something. That’s amazing because oftentimes, so often we are angry about something other than the thing that we’re pretending to be angry about.
Kimberly: 30:03 We’re using it’s spout that it can come through.
Jon: 30:05 Yeah. We’re using it as an excuse. Be like, I’m legitimately wronged here. Let me take all this other anger that didn’t have an outlet and put it through this spout. And once you’re aware of that, then you can cuz there there’s there’s phases to it. And the first phase is being aware of it and being like, you can, there’s a little birdie on your shoulder and being like, you can let this go right now, champ, you can let this go. This is not what you’re angry about. You can let this go. Yeah. And then, you know, not doing that over and over. Cause it feels good to go into the anger. It feels good to go into the it’s very like, uh, star wars. Isn’t that. Um, but uh, it feels good to, to, to go into it temporarily. It doesn’t actually feel good. Right.
Jon: 30:48 Because you still, you still have that tightness. You still have that knot. You’re still moving towards darkness. But then the one time that you say to yourself, because it’s not actually a choice if you never do it. Right, right. But then you get to a point in your, on your path where you actually are like, Hey, listen man, you can let this go right now. And then you listen to it and you say, you’re right. I can, I’m gonna let it go. And instantly peace yeah. Comes over you. And then when it happens the next time, which it happens with us the other day. Yes. Um, it become a thousand times easier and then a thousand times easier and then a thousand times easier. And uh, before too long, you’re in control of your emotions, uh, for the first time, maybe in your entire existence.
Kimberly: 31:39 Amazing. So back to acceptance, it comes like that feeling. It could be anger, but it could also be, oh, I want a lecture about eating my way or why this choice, you know, you are living your life wrong in some way, whatever the insinuation is. And instead remembering the truth is that every human is on their journey. And so if you offer them the information already and they haven’t taken it, we can’t push well to not be, to be where they’re not. Right. So it’s like that feeling that tightness of like, uh, I wanna, you know, lecture them about eating dairy or about blah, blah, blah or whatever it is. Acceptance means we breathe in and out and we let it go. Like you said, we just let people be on their own journey. Why do we have to comment? Why does it have to be our way?
Jon: 32:25 Totally. Also I cut out dairy long ago.
Kimberly: 32:32 You had to save
Jon: 32:34 Hate, oh, is a new milk out. Goodness, it’s called potato milk. Have you heard of it? No, it’s a
Kimberly: 32:38 New milk. It’s
Jon: 32:39 Potato potato. It’s been a potatoes. Yeah. Swedish company.
Kimberly: 32:42 Wow. That’s so interesting. It’s you know, the, the creativity in that space is, is amazing. Although
Jon: 32:51 The poor milk people, like it was a defined term and now it isn’t.
Kimberly: 32:56 Mm. Well, you know, sometimes, uh, transformation is called for and Miyoko Schinner, who came on the podcast as well. And she was talking about, she has a, a program. She was actually investing in helping dairy farmers, transition into other crops and waste. Oh, that’s smart. Yeah. So it was really beautiful. It came full circle. Um,
Jon: 33:20 That’s a brilliant way to actually affect
Kimberly: 33:23 Shade. Yes. Yeah. And integrate it with the people. Yes. Along
Jon: 33:26 The ch you know, instead of trying to subsidize yeah.
Kimberly: 33:30 A dying business. Exactly.
Jon: 33:32 Exactly. Actually creating new business that that thought process will change the world.
Kimberly: 33:37 Exactly. Because it, it is acceptance that things are different now and adapting to the shifts
Jon: 33:45 Because you can never fight against it. You see it a lot with industry like truck drivers, right. Everyone’s like, well with autonomous trucks shipping, like what’s gonna happen to the truck drivers. And the reality is if an in innovation comes around, that provides a better alternative for efficiency and environment and yeah. Cost, then there might not be a, a job available, but there’s other jobs available that these industries create and, and things like that. Right. But we, we have this thing in culture where we’re like, but what’s gonna happen to X, Y let’s subsidize this and that’s not really functional.
Kimberly: 34:25 Right. But there’s this quality in that, which is openness. I’m open to things changing. I’m open to trying things a different way. I’m open to it. Doesn’t have to be, like you said, subsidizing the old system. So there’s like a flow there’s fluidity when there’s more openness. And so I think that’s a big part of acceptance too. Is that again, we’re open to more than just right wrong. My ideas, there has to be this literal, literal open expansion. I think of the heart energy of our bodies of all this rigidity in keeping tight. It just, I think it wears us out over time when we try to clamp down on our way. Um, so I think, you know, breathing and sitting and being present and meditating and, um, all these practices we talk about, it creates more of that expansive openness. So it makes it easier.
Jon: 35:23 I concur mama bear.
Kimberly: 35:25 So talking about though. Okay. Celebrating differences. So let’s say we are wanting to enact change. I would like you to be, let’s use an example, like really healthy, right. Or we’re trying to enact change at our company at our business, in our, you know, change a part of our house, let’s say with a roommate or whatever it is. So we say, well, if I celebrate differences and I accept them, then maybe I don’t get my way. Right. The natural, like ego question that comes up. And so I, I was, um, I was on a zoom call today. I wanna share something that had, you know, conversation from today, which is Dio, who, you know, I love Dio. He joined my team a few months ago. He’s so sweet. I met him in New York, in person for the first time, a few weeks ago. And he was talking about, he was at his cousin’s house and his cousin said something that was really like mean, or that he didn’t like.
Kimberly: 36:18 And he said, you know, he’s like, I was, he, he loves, he really, uh, connected with the book and breathing. He’d never tried to meditate before. Mm. And he said, I was gonna rise up an anger. I was gonna say something he’s like, but then I just said, choose love. And he said, he literally just like, let it go. I and stayed loving. And he said, his, his cousin became loving too. So when I say this, you know, question like, oh, but if we accept, how do we get our way? I feel like when we, um, soften into that openness again, the true self energy, expansive loving, we’re connecting, that’s the place where we can find a solution. Right. That’s the place where we can speak openly and find a way versus pushing
Jon: 37:06 Yes.
Kimberly: 37:08 In all things. Right. Think about, you know, from a political level down to interpersonal work
Jon: 37:16 Level. Yeah. And to be honest, you don’t really have a choice, you know, like you can try and push things, but that’s not really going to, even if somebody does something for you, like if I stop eating meat for you,
Kimberly: 37:33 Right. It’s not sustainable. It’s not gonna
Jon: 37:35 Stick. Um, if I, if somebody wrongs me and I get really angry out it, right. I’m the one that suffers. Cause I’m living with that anger when I can just, you know, accept that. That’s what happened, deal with it directly, but not angrily and move on to the next thing. Mm. You know, I think that a lot of these emotions that we have have, and that we react from are we’re coming from a place of clouded judgment. We’re not actually making the best decision for us when we’re making these decisions based on emotion, when you actually accept something. And by the way, it’s not the easiest sometimes to accept something. No, you know, you have to really be in a, in a conscious place, um, to be able to accept it. You have to be in a place where you aren’t emotional from that situation. But I mean, how many times have you reacted out of emotion and had it be the right decision?
Kimberly: 38:43 Exactly. Exactly. It just doesn’t work out. It’s so hard sometimes because we fall into that pattern. Um, but I wanna, I wanna, um, bring up something a little bit of from bay because, you know, we, we talk about our love. Always. It’s gonna always intertwine there, but I wanna be, you know, proud wife that I am for a moment, but also I think there’s some real, uh, practical, um, uh, practical information in here. Some wisdom that you can share with us is that I’m a hubby here has just grown and grown his business now to almost 40 people working for UBA, which is incredible. You’ve just, you know, the fact that it’s aligned, you’ve created like a really wonderful work culture and people are happy. We had a dinner with a group of your, um, colleagues, you know, now a few weeks ago, but you could just tell people really have, and it’s just exponentially grown.
Kimberly: 39:40 Um, Jack Taylor, PR marketing strategy, all the things that you do. And I have to think, you know, I see some of the, um, managers you’ve hired in their, you accept, they have a different life. You know, one of them lives in the Midwest. She’s not in New York, she’s not having, you know, although it’s different now with the pandemic and things, but she’s not in the office. She’s not, you know, doing her typical way, but you really connected with her. And so you found a way to accept her different work style. Right. And so I, I see some somewhat of your work day and you know, one thing I can see is the, is a level of, um, acceptance and, and trust that you have with your team. And I think that’s part of what’s led to your success in growing so much.
Jon: 40:29 Yeah. So, uh, I mean, I’m in a unique industry where the people that are on my team are my currency. They’re my inventory. They are the entire business. And so it took me a long time. You know, we’ve been in business for 12 years and, uh, for, for a long time, I thought of the business and the people that worked there as an extension of me, I was the business. Everyone else kind of helped me be a better version of myself. And a few years ago, I realized that that wasn’t a scalable business. That wasn’t the business that I wanted to be a part of. And that there were a whole bunch of skills that, that I didn’t have, and that I needed, you know, an actual team beyond me to be able to do this. And also it’s just to be honest, a better business decision, like right now.
Jon: 41:34 Um, if I don’t go to work, the business still runs perfectly because I have all these amazing people that all have they fit each other culturally, they’re a fit workwise. They’re a fit. There’s no real trust issues. I mean, I don’t have, like if I hire someone, I trust them ’em. And then if, if there’s a, a breach of trust, we probably can’t work together. But, uh, it doesn’t really happen. You know, like people, people, wherever they are, they have to, they have to do their job. They have to show up or in a lot of, uh, you know, pretty constant communication. We’re a small enough company, 40 people where, you know, you can’t really hide. And I think the
Kimberly: 42:18 Well, but you mean taking back to it, sell like acceptance and celebrating differences. How has that, do you think contributed,
Jon: 42:28 Well, I just think that, um,
Kimberly: 42:30 To your success,
Jon: 42:32 I think that comes naturally to me to be, to be honest, I think that I’m looking for differences specifically. I do not want, uh, uh, a homogenized environment. I want people that, you know, come at things with different perspectives from different places, um, and have different skillsets. So the, the, the culture, you know, of, of helping is consistent, but, you know, like we are very, everybody helps each other. Everybody works across teams. Uh, everybody wants to be there, everybody’s in it, you know, to, to win everyone believes in the cause. Uh, and the cause by the way, like we work with brand that do something meaningful that help the world, that solve problems that, that help people in a, in a real way. And I think people really get connected to those bigger picture things. Um, but, uh, of course I find it, you know, like I, it doesn’t come the, the idea of wanting something the, because it’s familiar, that is foreign to me. I don’t want familiar. I actually want the, the differences because I already know the familiar, I want the, the other, the other perspectives and the other ways of doing things.
Kimberly: 43:53 I think it’s easier in some areas than others. Like some aren’t as triggering, but let’s say someone was like hardcore, um, you know, opposite political idea
Jon: 44:04 Wouldn’t bother me. Really. No,
Kimberly: 44:07 You don’t think it would like cha you know, challenge you in those Mo you could really just, cuz I, you know, listen, I’m not the most, um, political person myself, but some issues I do feel very strongly about as I think most all of us do. But um, again, I think the more we connect in, again, those things that all of them, ultimately we get passed right wrong. We start to connect to the oneness and we find a way, right? Yeah. Love finds a way to connect. You
Jon: 44:39 Still can’t be, you know, like this is not like if someone’s an atheist, I can work with them and it doesn’t impact our work relationship. Right, right, right. Whatsoever. But if someone is, Hey, oh yes. Can’t work with them. You know, there’s still those foundational elements. They’re just less intimate than they are when you’re talking about a, a partner in life. Yeah.
Kimberly: 45:02 Yes. It’s true. I think that, um, I think the space where people are like, feel free to express and be themselves, there’s gonna be the passion, the life force, the energy coming through. And so it’s gonna feel healthier. It’s gonna be vibrant and grow, you know, again in a relationship and also in a company in the work in the company culture
Jon: 45:26 As well. Yeah.
Kimberly: 45:30 So, um, what else, babe? Anything else to share?
Jon: 45:35 Probably uh, gimme a prompt. Are you excited for the super bowl this weekend?
Kimberly: 45:39 Oh my God. Right? That is a sign. You’re gonna wrap the podcast up. So thank you so much. My love. Um, I really, I enjoy these conversations where we do get to share. And I just want to, uh, again, share of my gratitude for you just being so honestly great dude.
Jon: 46:00 Did you say great dude? Yeah. A great dude.
Kimberly: 46:03 Just so loving and honest and loyal fun. Kind of now doing the 20. Yes. You put in my head. I started thing 20 less. Yes. Okay. Well anyways, you know, I love you and my loves, you know that. I love you too. Thank you so much.
Jon: 46:21 And do they know what it’s like down here in this little womb of Sage and Palo pond? I don’t even, no, I, some of the herbs down here I’ve never even smelled before. It’s like this glorious, uh, like Buddhist cave down here. What’s going on. Yeah.
Kimberly: 46:38 It’s, it’s a pretty special space. I have shared on Instagram. Some photos it’s been a while, but you know, my friend tied, it helped me. She create, you know, we, these are custom couches to fit the space and our friends at, um, what’s that place called? Oh, uh, rock palace. We, these crystals rock paradise. Sorry. Rock, rock, rock par uh, rock paradise, rock paradise. Oh my God. Totally face Jason. If you listen to this, sorry. I love your crystal shop and it feels just very nurturing and it’s great to have a little space, you know, I appreciate it.
Jon: 47:14 And mama, before we go, I just want to say one thing to you. What is it? Happy birthday. My queen.
Kimberly: 47:20 Oh, thank you. My love. It was in the recent past. And I have to say that I, you know, for as long as I can remember, it was my favorite birthday.
Jon: 47:32 Wow. Simple birthday.
Kimberly: 47:34 It was simple, but it was profound. It was, you know, service at lake shrine, which is always so meaningful to me, which is Paramahansa Yogananda meditation organization. And his teachings are featured in all the chapters of my new book. He’s the one that brought yoga from the west. He’s the one that brought Korea yoga in, um, Raja yoga ways to connect to the infinite, to the divine, the, in the most efficient path in the spine. So anyways, um, we spent the, we did the service. We walked around the lake, we got some little gifts there. And then we went to plant food and wine. We ate outside. It was nice to just be there, have a big table and know MOSY and EE had toys and they were crawling on things and MOSY was playing with ice and we just relaxed. And we actually had a couple cocktails, you know, we don’t drink very much at, and I definitely felt tipsy, but it was fun. It was
Jon: 48:33 Fun. You wonder why it was so fun because we had two cocktails. That’s about our that’s about our max. Yes,
Kimberly: 48:41 But it was, it was just glorious and fun and eat all favorite foods and cake. And then this is the other great part. Papa went to the art store. He took EE and he took Bobby and I stayed with Moy, came back with hundreds of dollars worth of art supplies came back. The entire kitchen table became this art deck of sprinkles and googly eyes and pipe cleaners and paint and canvases. And it was this beautiful mama painting that you guys made in one of the hands. Everybody put their hand print. Wasn’t that incredible? So honestly, um, I can’t think of anything else I would’ve wanted. It was so meaningful and beautiful. And again, back to authentic self connection. That’s where I was, you know, after this book launch, I didn’t wanna have a party didn’t wanna go out. I didn’t wanna do things. I wanted to feel nurtured and loved. And that’s what
Jon: 49:37 I got. Right. And that’s I do you think it’s part of the, by the way, I do this on my podcast also where I do a long goodbye just naturally. I like to do that. Well,
Kimberly: 49:48 It’s like goodbye, but hold on, we have another. Yeah. Yeah.
Jon: 49:51 Do you think, um, as, as part of your conscious path, you end up becoming more uh Auste as you, as you progress like you, like, that’s a very simple day, you know, some people might want a vacation. Some people want to go shopping some people, but as you kind of go, no, no, hold on. Want less stuff.
Kimberly: 50:12 So to me there’s a big difference between simple and austere. Like maybe that’s my connotation with the word again. That’s where a language can get tricky.
Jon: 50:19 Yeah. I think maybe I, I don’t use that word often. And I think that austere feels
Kimberly: 50:23 Like, like tighten buttoned up simple. Definitely. I connect to that word. I feel like, what is
Jon: 50:29 Aus, do you think? I meant, I meant like Aus, just meaning like, not a lot.
Kimberly: 50:34 If, if to me I think more of like stern when I think of Aus, but I’m not sure exactly, but for me again, that’s where we have a little bit, people can have a different interpretation of words.
Jon: 50:44 I think I could just also I could be wrong.
Kimberly: 50:50 Less stuff? No. In general, that’s the theme of life, right? That’s the point of this union? Yoga. I think, you know, true self connection. It all is. You need less and less from the outside. And you’ve seen that with me, with food babe, and how simply I eat. And I said, if you met me 10 years ago, I was so into recipes. I was working with the raw food cafe in the east village. I was living and breathing food. I was having, you know, yoga. Um, one of my, the friends from the yoga community, we would make food together. It was a big part of my life. And now it’s not that I don’t care at all, but it’s very simple. I don’t need a lot of things. It’s very simple seasoning. It’s taken me a long time to get here, but you’re right. I wanna do simple things on my birthday. I don’t like need a lot of stuff in general. I’m so happy. We don’t go for dinner Hawaii or here. I love to sit in the yard. We love to be home. Yeah.
Jon: 51:45 I mean, I always was a bit of a homebody, but this is extreme. I, I basically haven’t left the house in two and a half years and I feel good about it. Although I do still love trucks and motorcycles. Yeah, I do. I do love them. Yeah. Um, I feel good about it.
Kimberly: 52:03 No, even when we’re in Hawaii, you know, we’ll pop out to do maybe a waterfall walk, but a lot of the times we just wanna be home and that beautiful pastor and the forest.
Jon: 52:12 Yeah. I think you can still have the nice stuff as long as you don’t put value on that, on those things that you know, aren’t there.
Kimberly: 52:20 Yeah, totally. Well, anyways, my love, I love you so much. I appreciate you. And I love you too. If you’re listening to this because we’re connected. I also love the, My Beauties. I love it. Remember my loves to please, um, head over to the show notes at mysolluna.com, where you will see links to other podcasts. I think you would enjoy meditations. Remember on our Solluna app, I put out free meditations every week, almost the practical enlightenment meditations, the circle and more so there you have it. I’ll be back here in a few days for our next Q&A community podcast. Ooh. Until then take great care and sending you so much love to you. Namaste.
Kimberly: 04:41 All right. My loves, I hope you enjoyed our conversation today with my incredible husband, John, who is a very vibrant and important member of our community. And I love that he brings out this different aspect of me and that I get to share about this part of my life with you guys. And yeah, just feels really special. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for being along for the ride. Remember to check out our show notes at mysolluna.com for more podcasts, recipes, meditations, things that you would enjoy. Also our Solluna app, which is free in the app store, which is a great place to see the practical enlightenment meditations, as well as tools. Again, recipes. It just makes it really easy to, to find our resources over there. I’ll be back here Thursday for our next Q&A podcast to then take care. Remember to get the new book. You are more than you think you are sending you so much, love so much gratitude. Namaste.