How a Conscious Relationship Can Foster Growth Across Your Whole Life with Hubby Jon [Episode #847]
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This weekās topic is: How a Conscious Relationship Can Foster Growth Across Your Whole Life with Hubby Jon
I am so excited to have my amazing hubby, Jon Bier, back on the show, who is going to discuss with me growing in a relationship and building together. Weāve been on an amazing journey and we love to share about whatās really helped us in our relationship and how we continue to build our family life and projects together. Itās really exciting.
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Other Podcasts you may enjoy!:
- 8 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Alive after Children with my Hubby Jon
- How To Recognize and Free Yourself of Co-dependent Relationships in Life
- How to Trust Your Bodyās Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life
- How Emotional Intelligence affects Personal Relationships in Your Daily Life
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Transcript:
Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.
Kimberly: 00:02 Namaste everyone and welcome back to our Monday interview show. I am so excited to have my amazing hubby, AKA Papa bear back on the show today, who is going to discuss with me growing in a relationship and building together. Weāve been on an amazing journey and heās been on the show I think three or four times, and we love to share about whatās really helped us in our relationship and how we continue to build our family life and projects together. Itās really exciting. So thank you so much, hubby for being back on the show today.
Jon: 00:40 Oh, well thank you for having me, mama.
Kimberly: 00:43 And before we get deeper in, I wanted to remind you that on our show notes, which are going to be posted@mysauna.com, we will have links to other shows I think you would enjoy, as well as articles, recipes, meditations. Itās also where you can submit questions for our Q and a podcast, which are always on Thursdays. So everything is always on my sauna.com. Alright, that being said, letās get into our show today with my amazing hubby, Jon, who is right next to me. I have to say that itās five 30 in the morning right now. We got up early to do this show. We have to fit it in the day. Weāre really busy in the evenings, weāre tired. So thank you Papa Bear for getting up early with me.
Jon: 01:31 Well, itās my pleasure. And todayās a big day, isnāt it?
Kimberly: 01:35 Today is a really big
Jon: 01:36 Day. Are we nervous?
Kimberly: 01:39 No, I think we are prepared. Do you want to share whatās happening today,
Jon: 01:43 Part of the
Kimberly: 01:43 Showās theme?
Jon: 01:44 Yes. Iām from Canada and even though Iāve been here for about 20 years, 20 something like that, a little shy of 20 years, I donāt have a green card. Iāve been on visas and so today Iāll be getting my green card and Iāll be able to leave the country again, which I havenāt been able to do for two and a half years.
Kimberly: 02:07 Yeah, itās exciting. We are having our interview today, so we had to get all this paperwork together. We didnāt get it together right away after weād been married, weāre coming up on five years of marriage and then things were slow during Covid. So today we got a big interview,
Jon: 02:27 But so they give us a list of questions or at least my lawyers did, they
Kimberly: 02:31 May ask, and
Jon: 02:32 Iām like, I donāt know some of these. What type of toothpaste do you use? I dunno, we both use the same toothpaste, but itās some organic fluoride free brand that I donāt know the name of.
Kimberly: 02:46 Some of the questions are really intense. I think it was like, do you sleep with the ceiling fan on?
Jon: 02:55 Oh, that oneās easy.
Kimberly: 02:57 Yes, in the summer, snow in the winter.
Jon: 03:00 Yeah, but I mean, yeah, maybe itās not. I donāt know if I do you do? I donāt have a separate ceiling fan. If it was up to me bss, if it was up to me, weād have a pitch dark room, cold, cold mattress, and a big gravity blanket on top.
Kimberly: 03:21 Oh my gosh.
Jon: 03:22 Itās be a cold cocoon and have it about 66 degrees in the room.
Kimberly: 03:28 Well, sometimes when people meet us, they still say, oh wow, you guys have such opposite lifestyle habits. It used to be people say, oh, youāre so opposite. But I just donāt feel that at all anymore. Itās funny because I feel like, which is part of the show today, weāre really coming together in so many ways. Weāre going to share with you guys some of these projects that weāre working on together, which is really exciting. Weāve been married for five years and yes, there are differences. We eat completely differently. Youāre carnivore based and youāre CrossFit and Iām more walking in nature and meditation.
Jon: 04:13 I have a potty mouth. You
Kimberly: 04:17 Like all your biohacking stuff. The cold mattress is my worst nightmare, whatever itās called, the eight sleep best. But thereās been this melding, I was trying to explain to some of my friends thatās come together over the last five years, just almost like this yin yang, this shiva shakti, this divine feminine, this divine masculine really coming together, which took some years to get to and we really had to work out our own communication. We had to work out some of our own trauma. We had to work on our own selves and look at where we are now.
Jon: 04:52 Where are we a wonder?
Kimberly: 04:56 Well, in a couple ways. Number one, well first letās talk about the opposites thing and then weāll talk about some of the ways in which weāre working together, which I donāt think wouldāve been possible earlier. Okay. So do you still think of us as opposites?
Jon: 05:09 No, I think we have vastly different interests and we look at the world, we have a few things that appear opposite. Itās not just eating habits. Right. You believe in non-violence. Yes.
Kimberly: 05:29 Not killing the animals.
Jon: 05:31 Iām a martial artist and I have a heavy meat diet, but I donāt think weāre that. I donāt also want to, I donāt believe in violence. I believe in knowing how to fight and I like the practice and the discipline and the art of martial arts and in of animals. Iād rather have a relationship with my food and know where itās coming from than just go to the grocery store and pick out some meat in a styrofoam package. Which is different from your perspective, but itās not as different as you might think.
Kimberly: 06:14 Well, yes, and I know for some people thatās a really big thing and food is a big thing for me, but with our values and love and how we raise our kids and being compassionate and spiritual, it just feels like weāre so aligned on so many other in all the ways that are really important day to day, that at first, and we found ways to work with the food. We are very blessed and lucky in that we have separate kitchens because the smells can be really intense for me and
Jon: 06:55 For me.
Kimberly: 06:56 So we can, you mean my food smells are intense? Yeah, the broccoli is too intense.
Jon: 07:01 The broccoli. I was going to say the garlic, but you donāt eat garlic.
Kimberly: 07:06 Yeah, well, lentil pasta smells like lentils. Yeah. So anyways, you used to say that all the time to people, but youāre like, weāre so different. Weāre so opposite. You donāt say that anymore. I donāt feel that because I think now at this point weāve just melded together so much in so many ways.
Jon: 07:30 Yeah, I would agree with that.
Kimberly: 07:33 So letās see. Wow. So weāve been married now and weāve built this, weāre working on building this farm together in Hawaii. We didnāt plan it, but we wanted to get another property and we wanted to get another property together. And then we chose to get something tropical and we found this beautiful piece of land and then we had an idea to get cacao trees and honey, and then the next piece of land next to it came on sale. And so then we decided to get that. And now we have a pretty big, sorry, our three-year-old this year, whispering next to us. Momo, youāre awake now. Good morning.
Jon: 08:26 I thought youāre so cute that
Kimberly: 08:29 Heās so cute.
Jon: 08:30 There you go. Heās running back in the closet.
Kimberly: 08:32 Heās playing in the podcast closet next to us. So anyways, I got a little distracted, but we decided to, itās a big deal putting a farm together. We have a beekeeper and we put a lot of work and with our hands in the land, we
Jon: 08:45 Planted every tree ourselves
Kimberly: 08:47 From seed through the nursery, from seed. So I feel like weāve learned a lot from creating the farm together.
Jon: 08:54 Well, but also we met, got married very quickly, got pregnant right away, right away without planning for it.
Kimberly: 09:04 Bought this house, bought
Jon: 09:05 This house, and a year later on a whim, unplanned. And weāre abundant people, but weāre not wealthy people. This was everything that we purchased was like, oh God, how are we going to figure this out? How are we going to figure
Kimberly: 09:26 This out? It was leaving onto that willy
Jon: 09:28 Pat. And then a year after that we bought the second property, the third property, but the second Hawaii property. And those were all the right decisions. Those were things that it was like, Hey, letās figure out now how to build our businesses, make more money, become more abundant and pay for these things. And now I can honestly say that we have our properties no matter what happens in life from here on out, I donāt need anymore. I donāt need a different property. I donāt need to live in this giant house. I never want to live. I donāt live value living in a giant house. I do value living on a sprawling piece of land. I love that. Being able to drive a vehicle on our land is a real dream of mine that weāve been able to achieve. But I would never want to live in a giant house.
Kimberly: 10:31 So youāve taught me a lot about abundance and not being, itās not irresponsible, but thereās this idea of stretching and then stepping up. So first I was like, wow, okay, weāre going to get this other one and weāre just going to have to figure out, weāre just going to have to grow things to be comfortable within those two mortgages. And then when the third one came, I felt it going into savings to pay for the down payment. And then the monthly, there was a bit of a squeeze, but we had to really step up and youāve really stepped up in your business since weāve been married. I think when we started you were what, three or four people and now you have 55. So thereās been this explosive growth which coming together I think as a family, like you said in the beginning, we fell in love.
11:32 We got married in two months, a couple months after that we got pregnant with Moses. And so there was this sort of whirlwind of, hey, all this stuffās happening. We bought our house I think a month after we got married or something, or maybe before we got married. It all just sort of happened. And then there was this melding and settling in and just really like, oh wow, weāre doing this now weāre five years in. And itās like, wow, weāre coming together more and more. Thereās that passionate wild love that we always felt and we still feel, but thereās been this more deeper day-to-day integration. Itās hard to put into words, but where weāre really coming together as a couple. I feel like as a family, that takes time.
Jon: 12:19 We spend a lot of time together.
Kimberly: 12:21 Yes, we
Jon: 12:22 Do. Covid where we didnāt leave the house for a year and a half really. And we also had a baby in that time. So we were extra cuddled in together, which was for me, for us. And having that time with Moses when he was born was a really special time. And itās taken its gears to almost reintegrate and start venturing out a little bit more. And to this day, and I think forever or forever is a long time, but we often go to the meditation center, we go to SRF on Sundays. And I often notice and not because, because I feel like I have to stay in because I donāt, but I often notice that I havenāt left the house since the previous Sunday where we went. And itās not because I donāt want to, sorry, itās not I want to, and I donāt really content here. And also I donāt feel claustrophobic here. We do have land, we do have lots of people coming to visit. We have created our lives where I can work from here, I can train from here, which is the bulk of how I spend my time. I have family, I have training and I have work, and I can do most of it from here really comfortably.
Kimberly: 14:04 And Saturday was a great example where I had a friend come over and I spent the morning with her and who were the kids? And then you hung out with us and then the afternoon your best friend came over and we were able to hang out with him. And so people do come to visit us and we have this really nice, just kind of secluded mountain feels really nurturing environment. And then both of us weāre doing the podcast. You have a podcast as well one day with John Beer and you are on Zoom all day and Iām on Zoom with sauna. So weāre interacting with people, but we have this really supportive space. So yeah, we bring people to us. We donāt leave all the time, but weāre very productive. Weāre creating a lot during the day without having to leave all
Jon: 14:58 The time. It feels like a real luxury.
Kimberly: 15:02 So wow. I was thinking about Covid. It was wasnāt was an interesting time. I think it was because we had this land and we had this space. It didnāt feel as claustrophobic as we had friends in apartments and lots of people in cities. It mustāve been really tough. But for us, we sort of kept that really close space to this day.
Jon: 15:32 I mean, thereās nothing else that if I want to go do something Iād do it. Itās just that I donāt like being in crowds. Yesterday we went into Venice. Oh
Kimberly: 15:46 My gosh, itās like going to the big sea.
Jon: 15:48 We went to the grocery store in Venice and I was like, get me out of here. It is just not where I want to be right now. I want to be in small groups and I want to be in nature and I donāt want to go to the amount of live music and stuff that I get invited to and that I say no to because every time I go, itās just not my truth. I just do not like being in crowds almost ever.
Kimberly: 16:22 So one of the things Yogananda talks about is the importance of environment on our spiritual growth and our happiness. And he says, besides meditation, thatās the most important factor. So you and I both used to live in Venice, and if youāre in that environment and youāre around Abbott Kinney and youāre going to all these stores, itās like this. It just keeps feeding that sensory part where, oh, I need to buy more clothes and I need to be seen here. I need to go to these restaurants. But once youāre out of that environment, like yesterday we went and looked at it, itās not appealing anymore, but there was a time when we were both in it and just part of that and environment shifts as you go through different phases and life and itās really powerful to make an environmental shift and notice for us simplifying life, and I talk about this a lot in the show, how a simple life does in many ways breed a healthier life, a happier life.
Jon: 17:16 Do you think we have a simple life?
Kimberly: 17:19 I think weāve simplified our lifestyle. I think weāre busy, weāre creating, we have businesses, I am writing the books, we have kids. But I think as far as taking out a lot of the layers on top about going out a lot and having to go to a lot of events and going to a lot of restaurants and shopping a lot and buying a lot, I think weāve simplified tremendously, tremendously. I think about where you were when I met you and you were bachelor and you were going to air one twice a day and you were going to all these events all the time, as was I. And of course if youāre a single person, you tend to be going out more, which means there was a time where I was going to a lot of red carpet events, which means there constantly thinking about what youāre going to wear and shopping and planning ahead and what are the shoes and itās more stuff.
Jon: 18:16 Yeah, there was definitely a lot more travel and a lot more doing things. I mean, I also, I used to own that ghost town and I would go there every week. Itās a four hour drive each way every single week and then to be there and itās a lot.
Kimberly: 18:35 So now weāve created so much closeness and one of the things weāve done other shows about is how a conscious relationship and our marriage has been a mirror to each other. So in the last few years weāve done so much work on ourselves and seeing, wow, these are patterns that I didnāt even know were there.
Jon: 18:59 Yeah, I think we have to explain what conscious means to us. I think thatās a term that gets thrown around a lot and I think that it just think it requires some kind of definition from our perspective.
Kimberly: 19:20 Define it my love.
Jon: 19:22 So for me, I think above, and Iām open to, Iām expecting to have a conversation around this, but for me conscious really means trying to be as honest as possible. And thatās really challenging because itās not just about not lying. We lie to ourselves all the time. And so having a partner thatās a mirror to yourself and having conversations that are uncomfortable that you could just omit. And I think thatās been a big part of it, is an omission is a lie. And by the way, we all do it. We do it from time to time because sometimes itās just, I donāt want to have this conversation right now and this is a nothing thing and Iām going to, but you try not to do it and you donāt do it most of the time. And sometimes when you do it, you might come back to it later or something like that. But I think itās really having a relationship that is the priority in your life and trying to be as honest as possible and upfront as possible, not just in your relationship but to yourself.
Kimberly: 20:54 Yeah, I think that thereās different pathways to spiritual growth. And in the householder pathway, if you pick a partner that is your equal and that is your true partnership allows you to open in consciousness, which means awareness. So for me, our hearts, we just fell in love and that love was so strong. And this is one of the things I talk about in the next book, the relationship between the heart chakra and the third eye. It can open up your vision. So vision is clarity and part of that vision is seeing yourself and the other person in the world. But the part about seeing yourself is what a conscious relationship can really do, which means that you can see your patterns and you can see your tendencies and trauma that came from childhood. And I always say this to you, the depth of our love is something I had never felt before.
21:58 So it brought up things and it brought up seen this and abandonment and other trauma issues. And so the conscious relationship brings forward this greater vision. So the more you can see, the more you can heal, the more you can grow, the more your heart continues to grow, the more love continues to grow. So like you said, itās very honest. You donāt get to that level of closeness. And now what Iām trying to put into words, five years in, weāve grown so much individually and weāve grown together because that level of closeness doesnāt come if you donāt see yourself. And itās very easy to numb in our world, itās very easy to just keep a more surface relationship and have things on the side. I hang out with my friends and then we come together and we watch TV or we drink wine, alcohol, we smoke weeded together, but weāre not really seeing everything. So thereās levels of it, but weāve chosen this really conscious path and thereās been times itās been really challenging because weāve really had to work on our own stuff and itās hard to see ourselves. But the gift of a conscious relationship is that deeper vision, that incredible growth and that honesty.
Jon: 23:10 Yeah. What part I really appreciate is we get into bed early, which we do most nights and we have that time together and it feels like weāre in mission control and weāre lying next to each other in bed and weāll talk about various things. What do we want to do with the bathroom? What are we excited about in our businesses? We are mirrors to each other for different things that weāre struggling with in business, in our relationships with other people, and weāre planning our next steps together.
Kimberly: 24:01 I think the time that we have together is really sacred and people talk about carving out date night and going out, and sometimes thatās a feeling to us, but most of the time I just want to be with you. And we love to cuddle in bed for hours, we love to touch and I find the touch very nourishing and important and I donāt really want to always be in a more public space. Hold on a second, hereās little Momo. There we go. Real life here with our kids and itās still dark out. And I love, another thing thatās really shifted is I think when youāre single or in our last life living in Venice, thereās a lot less than New York, but thereās more night stuff now. We are early bed, very early morning people like you say, I donāt want to go out at night. I want to cuddle with you and get up at five in the morning and get the day going.
Jon: 25:01 Oh yeah. My ideal situation most of the time doesnāt happen at this in terms of bedtime, but it often happens in terms of morning. But my ideal situation is in bed by eight up by in the fours. If I am up later than four 30, I feel like Iām slacking a little bit. But I work New York hours, so my team is already up. I still like to be up before them, but my team is up three hours earlier and I like to work out in the morning and I like to have all the time in the world. I donāt like to be rushed in anything that I do. And so being early for me is a real solution to that and is a real luxury. I sometimes will do a one hour workout in two hours because I can, and Iāll listen to podcasts and Iāll take longer sets, longer rests in between, and Iāll maybe stretch longer, do something else that I wasnāt going to do. Maybe Iāll take a sauna that it wasnāt planned. But I like that time.
Kimberly: 26:16 But thatās part of what I think we were saying about simplifying life. There was more stuff, youād be up later, you wouldnāt be able to do that. And for me, itās like having space to just sit out in the nature. I take my walk sometimes I do meditation when Iām walking because thereās less stuff that weāre trying to pack in day to day.
Jon: 26:35 Itās one of the real reasons that I love Hawaii so much is that thereās a real time hack there for someone who doesnāt value evenings anymore, but really values mornings that extra two or three hours a day that Hawaii. Hawaii, if I wake up at four in Hawaii, itās nine or 10 in N
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