How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life [Episode #796]
This week’s topic is: How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life
The purpose of today’s show is to hone in more about how intuition plays out in our relationships. This is where we really do need some internal guidance as much as possible, because it can feel confusing at times. This is, who do I wanna spend time with? Who do I want to spend my life with? Who do I want to have a family with? Who do I want to grow closer to in friendships? Who do I want to travel with and share life experiences with?
And I can say from my own personal experience that when we use our intuition, the right relationships can add so much to your life. They can be mirrors, they can be ways to awaken into more growth, to propel us into more self-actualization and awakening that we could do on our own in different ways.
And on the other hand, following the wrong path, staying in stagnant relationships or following the mind instead of the heart’s intuitive wisdom can lead to stagnation, depletion, frustration, and huge energy drains.
What we’re gonna focus on today is in the context of relationships. Although there’s a lot of emerging science around intuition, of course, intuition plays a part in your career, in your life’s journey, in where you choose to live in many infinite contexts. However, today we’re going to hone in a bit on the relationship piece and break it down a bit.
Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question sent in by a Beauty just like you, listen now to find out!
I have a habit of staying in relationships (Friendships, Romantic) too long even when deep down I know it is not working or good for me. How can I learn to trust myself and my own feelings and instincts?
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Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.
Speaker 1: 00:02 Hello, love, and welcome back to our Thursday q and a show where our topic today is How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life. Intuition is an enormous topic. It’s one that I covered in the latest book. You are more than you think you are, and I delve into some of the research and some of the practices around intuition from a life perspective. So if you’re interested in this topic, I encourage you to go deeper there. But the purpose of today’s show is to hone in more about how intuition plays out in our relationships. So this is where we really do need some internal guidance as much as possible, because it can feel confusing at times, right? This is, who do I wanna spend time with? Who do I wanna spend my life with? Who do I wanna have a family with?
01:05 Who do I want to grow closer to in friendships? Who do I wanna travel with and share life experiences with? And I can say from my own personal experience that when we use our intuition, the right relationships can add so much to your life. They can be mirrors, they can be, um, ways to awaken into more growth, to propel us into just more self-actualization and awakening that we could do on our own in different ways. And on the other hand, following the wrong path, staying in stagnant relationships or following the mind instead of the heart’s. Intuitive wisdom can lead to stagnation, depletion, frustration, <laugh>, just huge energy drains. And so what we’re gonna focus on today is in the context of relationships. Although there’s a lot emerging science around intuition, of course, intuition plays a part in your career, in your life’s journey, in where you choose to live in many infinite contexts. But today, we’re gonna hone in a bit on the relationship piece. Gotta break it down a bit. Maybe we’ll talk about intuition in another context, because it’s really, really important.
02:43 Before we get deeper in though, I wanna pause here and give you a little reminder to please leave us a review for an iTune or Apple Spotify. We’re, if you listen to our show, I bring this up at the beginning of the show just as a little reminder, because it’s pretty easy and free, and it’s just a great way to support the show. So, especially if you’ve benefited from the show in any way, it’s a wonderful way to pass it on to help others benefit and just share, which is really what our whole community has been founded on. I also encourage you for your own self care, for your own energetic management to subscribe to our show. And that way you stay in the flow. You may listen to it on the day of our publication, which is Mondays for our interviews and Thursdays for this q and a show, or maybe a little bit later or whatever.
03:39 But subscription really does help to keep you connected to us. And so it’s a wonderful, um, again, self-care practice. I also encourage you to share the show. As you listen to a particular episode. Someone may come up for you and you think, oh, this person really needs to hear this right now, or, this could help someone. And so I urge you to act on that instinct. I do this every day, all the ways I can, you know, sharing on social media or what, you know, a lot of what’s coming through Sal Luna and my books is because of that. And I could say that this organic sharing really does expand your own life, right? We’re all this interconnected web. So I encourage that connection and sharing as much as possible. I also wanted to remind you while we mentioned the latest book, baby, you Are More Than You Think You Are.
04:38 The book is now out in paperback, so if you haven’t yet picked it up, you maybe have heard me mention it here before. This may be an amazing time as we head into summer. Maybe you’re going on a trip or maybe you have a little bit of extra space. You wanna be outside more. You wanna take a book to the beach or to the park, or whatever it is. I encourage you to check it out because if we’re connected here on the podcast, I think you would benefit from some of the teachings and practices that I share in the book that have really benefited me, which is the motivation of that book as well. So you can check it out again. Wherever books are sold, it’s called, you Are More Than You Think You Are. Okay? So let’s get into our topic today, trusting your body’s intuition in friendships and relationships.
05:28 And our question comes today from Olga, who lives in Berlin, sending you lots of love out there, Olga, to my German beauty. Thank you so much for being in our community. I love the truth of connection, really transcending time and space. Sometimes we think, oh, we live so far away. Oh, my life is so different. I live here and you live there across the world. But those are little details. <laugh>, what really matters is this connected, this connection through our hearts, and we can really feel it. You feel it. Now, you can tune into that truth. We don’t have to be sitting here right next to each other. We are connected in this web, in this field, in this matrix from a, you know, my, my favorite writers, David Bo and Lynn McTaggart talk about this energetic field in the same way that Yoa talked about this energy matrix. So here we are. I won’t go on that tangent too much, but just wanted to send you so much love. I know you can feel it, Olga, when you tune in. Thank you for being in our community. Thank you for your question, which is, I have a habit of staying in relationships, friendships, and romantic too long, even when deep down, I know it is not working or good for me. How can I learn to trust myself and my own feelings and my own instincts?
07:03 So I feel, I feel there is this wisdom coming through, even in your question, Olga, because you’re turning to trust. You’re saying, well, how do I build this trust? So somewhere innately inside of you, you know that part of this is really learning to trust yourself. And there’s part of you where you say, deep down, I know it’s not working or good for me. So there is intuition rising in you. What we want to work on and pay attention to is how do I expand that intuition? How do I learn to discern between the messages of my head and the more subtle messages of my heart, which is where intuition is going to speak to you through. It’s not gonna come from this linear, heady place. It’s gonna come from this deeper place, this true self, right? So the true self manifests from inside of us.
07:58 So whilst we may gather information from the outside, and whilst many people, many well meaning friends may have many different sorts of opinions, it needs to be filtered through your own heart, through your own intuition, to arrive at the place where you feel the guidance, you feel what is best for you in terms of these relationships. So even though this feels and is a bit less easier to study in a scientific context, there are actually research, there is actually research studies that have been published around the science of intuition. There’s some that I published that I explain rather in highlight in the chapter, in the new book about being an intuitive body. There’s also a study
08:54 I wanna highlight here that we’ll link to in our show notes firstname.lastname@example.org. This is research published in the Journal of Personality. And so social psychology suggesting that intuitive decision making can lead to better outcomes compared to analytical decision making in certain contexts. So there’s this wisdom, this almost tapping in of higher intelligence that we can’t always explain, but they’re starting to see that, hmm, it actually does lead to bit better outcomes. And as I mentioned in the book, there is a consensus among many scientists that it was intuition and Nobel Prizes winners said they were guided to, why did I research this particular hypothesis? Why did I look into this area? Why did I delve here? And so there’s something that guides us, and that certain something is intuition. And so even in the highest, you know, most linear minded scientific context, there is an element of intuition coming forth.
10:07 This is a study published in the Psychological Science Journal, found that people that were more in touch with their bodily sensations, which is their ability to perceive their intu internal body signals another way, how intuition speaks to us, were more likely to make decisions that were congruent with their underlying preferences and values. So sometimes we have this deep knowing, oh, this is what I really want. But then sometimes we get confused about how to communicate our needs. Then we get confused about what fits into our needs as we’re talking about here on the show, who’s really the most aligned person to share our life with or our Saturday afternoon with? Or, you know, to go into a project with or partnership with. So we need to listen more. It’s more subtle. It’s, you know, some, your best friend may have a very strong overt opinion, verbal opinion, but we don’t want that to override these more subtle messagings, which we’ll talk about in just a moment.
11:20 A couple more studies I wanna, I wanna highlight here. One comes from the Journal of Personality in Psych in Social Psychology, that suggests that trust is a fundamental aspect of close relationships. So trust is born of intuitive, knowing we intuitively know to place trust in someone. And if we don’t, then sometimes we get into situations. We’re always questioning. We always feel suspicious, even if you know that may be founded or not. This knowing who to trust is born of intuition in the first place. A study fa published by the Journal of Family Psychology, found that individuals had a greater tendency to trust, tended to have more satisfying and committed romantic relationships. So we’re not encouraging blind trust here, like stick our head in the sand and trust no matter what. But again, this intelligent trusting aspect, this wisdom of trusting, which comes from the wisdom of intuition who are drawn to you, just have this feeling inside of you.
12:36 Maybe on a second date, you’re having dinner, you’re connecting with someone, you’re looking into their eyes, there’s something that says, Hey, I’m going to trust this person. And from my personal experience, and I share about this in the new book, on the outset, when I met my husband, there were many things that, you know, from my mind, place from the heady place sparked. Mm, I don’t know if I can trust this person. He, you know, I’m just gonna be quite frank here. He had a lot of tattoos of naked women, images on his body, um, symbols. You know, there was just like, just, I don’t know, just things that I thought, Hmm, is he like a playboy? Is he someone I can trust to wanna be in a relationship? Right? The heady place said, Hey, this is someone that is telling me he’s never really been in a deep committed relationship.
13:33 This is someone that’s telling me that he’s never really loved anybody, right? So it was like all these s you know, on the surface, if I was analytical about it, if I wrote it down on paper, like a pro com list, I’d think, Hmm, I, I don’t know that this is a good idea, but somewhere inside of my body, there was this like a feeling of relaxation and connection. Almost like this, huh? Like this side. Like, I started to feel really comfortable and connected to John right away. And so building trust and our intuitive guidance may look very different than what our mind tells us. And thank goodness I had been meditating a lot. I’d been dropping more into this intuitive place for the months prior. Because otherwise, I really think that if I hadn’t done that, if I hadn’t honed in on my intuition, I would’ve gone right by him. Sort of like, literally like a, hi, nice to meet you, bye. I’m out the door. I’m leaving this party. Probably never talk to you again, right? So this is just an example of, wow, my goodness, I could have gone right
Speaker 3: 14:50 By my soulmate. And we don’t want that to happen to us, whether it’s a deep friendship that we might have bypassed us, a real soul connection, a real partnership. And on the other hand, if we go through the head and we think, oh, this person has a similar, you know, similar family values to how I was raised, and it looks really good on paper, and, um, you know, blah, blah, blah, we grew up in the same town. Or we both like to ski. You know, some of, I’m not saying that those things are wrong, that maybe also in alignment with deeper intuition, but that can’t be the only deciding factor. The surface, you know, similarities because we are deeper than that. We are energetic beings, we are magnetic beings. There’s frequencies, there’s connections that are much more than what we’re doing on the surface. You know, it’s not just, oh, I want to meet someone who’s eating plant-based, because that’s great.
15:58 I mean, it is great, of course it makes things easier, but it didn’t work out that way for me. John goes in and out of plant-based, he’s very respectful of it. Our kids are plant-based, but he is an omnivore, right? So I dated plant-based people before, and it wasn’t this sort of deep connection. So the doings, the happenings, the surface of life, there’s practicalities to that. You don’t, you know, may not maybe very difficult to be with someone that has a very adverse life perspective. It would be very difficult for me, for instance, to be with an atheist. So, or John and I really connect as we’re both deeply spiritual. It’s the core of our life. It’s the core of our family life. So it’s really important to me. That’s more though than a hobby or an activity. That’s a, that’s a deep energetic influence that runs through every single fabric, every single cellular material of our life.
16:56 So what I’m saying though is when we learn to tune in, it may or may not correlate with what the mind is telling us. And so this is where it starts to, um, we have to start to really listen, which we’ll talk. I’ll give you some tips in just a moment. So last little pieces of research I wanna mention, again, this is all in the show notes, my solona.com, that, um, the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples non-verbal communication, so being attuned to each other’s, um, needs intuitively their facial expressions, the body language touch. This was associated with relationship satisfaction and stability. And then also the re there’s a research published in the Journal of Non-Verbal Behavior, finding that people that can pick up on non-verbal
Speaker 4: 17:48 Cues to gain information had, um, far better communication. I mean, this seems obvious, but sometimes we don’t always think about it, right? What people are trying to say to us is far more than the words that they’re using. You can notice the shifting about. You can notice how they’re sitting, if their legs are crossed, if their bodies are closed, if their bodies are open, how they’re feeling. And then you can intuit the best response in your relationships, right? And you can intuit when someone is saying something that is in alignment with what they’re really saying or what they’re really meaning or what’s behind it. So you could just start to be more, my experience is start to be more discerning as well. There’s a lot of people talking and saying things which sound nice and flowery and pretty and whatever, but is it authentic? Is it genuine?
Tip #1 How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life: Practice self-awareness
18:43 And we all want genu. You know, we wanna be around genuine people. We wanna know that who we’re dealing with. What they’re saying is really what, you know, the, the, the walking, the walk, so to speak, that’s important in our relationships. It’s important to allow us to go deeper, right? So here are some of the ways, and I’m speaking here to Olga and to all the community, that you can really start to learn to trust your intuition and your instincts. So we don’t get trapped caught in stagnation, depleted relationships, confusion, heartbreak over and over again. The same patterns that seem to haunt us. So the first thing that we wanna do is to practice self-awareness with your body’s physical guidance and sensations. So the mind is often trapped in a web of thoughts, complicated patterns of, oh, this made me think of this. You know, just these, these non-linear thought trains bouncing from one thing to the next to the next.
19:56 And also just being in the past me, uh, you know, recalling things of the past, dreaming of the past, imagining the future, not really being here now. And so we can’t always trust the thoughts of our mind, even if they seem really strong. Thoughts can also be triggered by past wounds and things that happened in our earliest awarenesses of relationships, namely our parents, and what was playing out with them. So it’s really important to learn, to be aware of what’s happening in your body when you’re interacting with others, when you’re in certain situations, when you’re in different conversations, notice what’s happening to your heartbeat, to the feeling in your gut, literally in your physical gut, around your stomach, your solar plexus, your middle. If there’s a tightening in your shoulders, there’s a quickening of your breath. Or as I mentioned, when I met my husband John, there just felt this relaxation happening, this real connection where I started to feel like I could relax into being myself.
21:08 So just notice and practice more of this listening. So in the beginning, again, may feel very unfamiliar. You may, you may have to actually consciously tell yourself to tune into the body. Mm. You could have a little checklist even in your journal. You know, what, how did I feel in my, in my hips, in my breath, in my gut, in my, you start to notice where your body sends you messages. For me, it’s a lot around my heart. It’s also a lot in my gut. So when I feel disconnected to someone, I almost almost feel out my throat as well, or something feels depleted. It’s like a deep gut almost sensation, A searing, a coldness, a iness starts to come in. So I’ve learned to recognize that with my own training, my own self-awareness. And then that helps to emerge more and more over time.
Tip #2 How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life: Reflect on past experiences
21:58 The next step I have for you is to reflect on past experiences. So you wanna recall or reflect on times when your instincts did leave you lead you to positive income outcomes. Or when you did have a gut feeling, but you ignored it. And this is what happened. So I have those experiences and I reflect on them, and I encourage you to do the same. Because what this does is it gives you more confidence for the future. So you can remember what the feeling was like, and you can remember the clarity, but somehow you doubted yourself. So I remember being with a group of girlfriends and crying and saying, Hey, you know, I’m with this great guy, but I don’t know that it’s right. And across the board, every single one of my friends said, well, he’s so great. This is normal. Sometimes in relationships to doubt or to second guess yourself. And so I literally talked myself out of exiting the relationship at that point. It then went on and I could say, with love and self-compassion, it dragged on and went on far longer than it probably should have.
23:25 And so, hmm, I look back at that and I thought, well, it seemed clear as day to me inside of my body, but for some reason I didn’t trust it. For some reason, I went outside of myself and went to my friends, which is okay to do. But then I ended up trusting what they were saying more than what I was trusting within myself. So now reflecting on that, not from a place of beating myself up, but from a place of, hmm, reflection is really helpful because it does help me to see, oh, you know, that inner clarity, that inner knowing does have truth in it. There’s wisdom in it. And I remember feeling it in my body and feeling it in a repeated pattern. In a way it kept calling out to me. So this helps you give information for the future when you start to really reflect.
Tip #3 How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life: Validate your own feelings
24:17 Number three is to validate your own feelings. So, you know, depending how we’ve grown up, we may have been taught to push things down or it’s not okay to feel overwhelmed or sadness or grief or whatever it is. And so to be clear, we don’t wanna wallow in these feelings. We wanna really focus on digesting them faces, facing them, uh, processing them. But we also wanna validate them like, what is, what is alive in me right now? What is this? Cuz then we can start to understand more about the promptings. Even if the emotional balance or resiliency isn’t totally there yet, there’s something coming through here and maybe there’s a situation that I’m not using my voice in, or maybe this relationship is draining or I’m not being authentic. So validate your feelings and then see what’s behind it and what you really wanna communicate and what feels important to your own feelings.
Tip #4 How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life: Quiet reflection
25:22 Because our emotional intelligence with ourself is going to give us a lot of information about cues, guidance, and so on. The next part is to make space for quiet and reflection. It’s really important to carve out time for solitude, stillness, meditation going into nature because the voice of the intuition is quite subtle. So again, if we’re always just listening to our friends’ opinions, if we’re always on social media, if we’re always playing loud rock music, there’s nothing wrong with any of these things per se. But if it dominates our life and crowds out any stillness, it becomes even more difficult to listen to our intuition, to listen to our hearts, and to listen to what is coming through for us, for our highest and best good. So I also want to mention that the meditations, the practices that I teach in the new book on the website are, you could practice them in about seven minutes or so. This isn’t meant to take up your whole day, but it is about re-patterning our lives to learn to go inside for the answers, to learn to tune back inward. Or maybe all our answers were, you know, currently or in the past sought from tuning
26:42 Outward, going outward, going outside of ourselves. So there needs to be this calling back in of our power back into coming in. And we really come in when we create silence and stillness. Quiet in reflection. The next part is practicing boundaries, healthy boundaries. So if we’re being tro on all the time, if there’s just mm things happening in your home relationships, it could be with your children, it could be with your partner, it could be with your business partner, you start to not hear your intuition as much because you’re constantly just in this depleted pattern. So you’ll listen and hear more. As you start to activate these boundaries, you’ll, your intuition will come forward more. But it could be something as simple as saying, Hey, when I’m in my room and I close the door, it really does mean I, I’m meditating. I need this time.
Tip #5 How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life: Setting healthy boundaries
27:36 Please don’t burst in. I’ll come out when I’m ready. Or setting the boundary of, hey, you know, to a friend, I need quiet time in the evening. So after eight o’clock or nine o’clock, whatever it is, I’m just not gonna text back. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it doesn’t mean I don’t wanna support you, but I need to really take this time for myself, right? So the healthy boundaries are going to help this inner connection build and continue to build over time so that it strengthens and then it will serve you.
Tip #6 How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life: Practice self-care
The next part is to practice self-care, because this is where the practicality of our Sal Luna four cornerstone lifestyle really does come in with that sturdiness. When you’re eating in a way that is supportive to your entire body and your to your microbiome. When you’re taking care of your physical body, your exercising, you’re taking your detoxy and your SPO probiotics, your digestive enzymes, your strengthening yourself from the inside out.
28:32 And again, these, um, what we’re talking about here today is part of our emotional balance, our wellbeing and their spiritual growth, right? It’s part of self-care is tuning in. All of these work together to strengthen your intuition. If you’re eating crap all day, if you’re eating a ton of sugar or a ton of soda, just you know, foods that are creating these ups and downs and these swings in your energy, it becomes much harder to listen to the subtle messages. If you have candida, yeast overgrowth, ibs, all of these different digestive disorders, bloat, chronic bloating, then your transmitters, the hormones in your body are imbalanced. And so that aspect goes out the window and it also makes it harder to listen to your intuition. So everything works synergistically together and it is really important to recognize that and to nourish that and to carry that forward.
29:25 So let us review again some of these important tips and tools and whether it’s a few of these that you go into, or one or two that you really start to resonate with and put some energy into wherever you are, encourage to really nurture your intuition because the benefits are, you know, beyond the scope of quantitative measurement. The benefits are the more deeply fulfilling relationships, more love, more connection, more joy, more bliss, more peace. And I can say my personal relationship with my husband, inspiration, motivation for our life goals, what we’re creating together and individually in our work and our projects, in the writing of my books in this podcast, in so many ways, relationships can just add so much love and beauty to our lives. And so this intuitive power of who we’re drawn to, who we wanna release with love and compassion, either completely or simply spending less time with it, will be of amazing service to you in your life.
In Review on How to Trust Your Body’s Intuition in Friendships and Intimate Relationships in Life
30:38 And when you serve yourself and when you’re able to add more to the collective means, your life is in more service to the whole. So this is what’s good for you, it’s good for the whole as is the micro, as is the macro. So the points again, or the tips are to practice self-awareness to your body’s physical sensations. Reflect on past experience to gain more confidence for future intuitive guidance. Validate your own feelings, create more space for quiet and reflection, practice healthy boundary settings, and practice holistic self-care through our four cornerstone approach. And on that last note, I’ll mention what we have offerings in all of the cornerstones over on our website. Everything from food recipes, meditations, um, community zooms. We have live zooms every month for our subscriber community. We also have holistic courses like our Waterfall cleanse, many articles so much is over on the website, including the show notes from today over at mysolluna.com. We will be back here Monday, as always for our next interview show. So till then, sending you so much love and so much gratitude. Look forward to connecting with you more, much love and much peace to you. [inaudible].