6 Ways to Let Go of Control and Flow in Life [Episode #864]

This week’s topic is: 6 Ways to Let Go of Control and Flow in Life

I am so excited to talk about a very special topic this week, which is about abundance. It’s about love. It’s about letting go of control because love is something that can’t be controlled. It can’t be put into a box. It got me thinking about this idea of how we try to insert control into our lives, whether it’s around our diet, our relationships, our work, it’s around over planning, it’s trying to control our bodies. And control ultimately lacks energy, it squeezes and creates constriction.

Our topic is around 6 Ways to Let Go of Control and Flow in Life, and this is something that I’m really passionate about because I know what it’s like to try to exert control coming from a background of disordered eating, trying to manage my weight, being very obsessive about weighing myself, trying to obsessively plan all the steps of my future based career. I know what it’s like to feel that squeeze and that rigidity, and it isn’t conducive to health. It isn’t conducive to vitality. Today I’m going to give you 6 very tangible ways that we can break free of these shackles of control and move forward with more health and vitality and energy and flow across your life.

Remember you can submit your questions at https://mysolluna.com/askkimberly/

[Question Answered]

Katelyn – New Jersey

Lately I’ve been so irritable with my mother-in-law and how she goes against the upbringing that we use when raising our children. It’s taking so much of my peace away. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this?

 

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Other Podcasts you may enjoy!:

• How To Cultivate an Attitude of Letting Go and Increase Your Bliss
• Letting Go
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• 6 Practical Ways to Avoid Stress Before it Arises and Live Life with More Flow

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Transcript:

Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.

00:00 Introduction: The Power of Letting Go of Control

Kimberly Snyder (00:01.59)
Namaste loves and welcome back to our Thursday Q &A show. I am so excited to talk about a very special topic this week, especially given that it is Valentine’s Day, which is week, which is about flow, which is about abundance. It’s about love. It’s about letting go of control because love is something that can’t be controlled. It can’t be put into a box. So it got me thinking about this idea of how we try to inserts control into our lives, whether it’s around our diet, it’s around our relationships, it’s around our work, it’s around over planning, it’s trying to control our bodies. And control ultimately is lack energy, it squeezes and creates constriction. So today our topic is 6 Ways to Let Go of Control and Flow in Life.

And this is something that I’m really passionate about talking about because I know what it’s like to try to exert control coming from a background of disordered eating, trying to manage my weight, being very obsessive about weighing myself, trying to obsessively plan all the steps of my future based career. I know what it’s like to feel that squeeze and that rigidity, and it isn’t conducive to health. It isn’t conducive to vitality. So today I’m going to give you six very tangible ways that we can break free of these shackles of control and move forward with more health and vitality and energy and flow across your life. So wanted to mention again, this is brand new still where we are recording these podcasts now. So if you love to listen on your walks, please continue to do so Apple Spotify, but also you can also watch the shows on YouTube. I’m here in my wonderful office space slash meditation space. It’s very intimate. I love to share this space with you. So if you are so inclined, you can also watch our show before we dive deeper as well. A little reminder that there is so much more information on this topic and many others on our website, which is mysolluna.com.

Kimberly Snyder (02:16.366)
We have other articles, other podcasts, hundreds of plant -based recipes, guided meditations and more. So please check out all that we have to offer there to support you and your amazing true self journey, yourself, your energy, your expression in the world. So you’ll see me looking down from time to time. I’ve got my other laptop here where I’m going to read some of the research and also our question today around letting go of control to flow.

Question around the topic of: 6 Ways to Let Go of Control and Flow in Life: Lately I’ve been so irritable with my mother-in-law and how she goes against the upbringing that we use when raising our children. It’s taking so much of my peace away. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this?

More in Life comes from Katelyn who lives in New Jersey. And Katelyn writes, thank you so much, love, for first of all, writing into our show, bringing this topic to mind because a lot of us struggle with control. Also, Katelyn is one of our favorite people here in the community. She’s our GM of Solluna, so love the name. And you write, I have always been a person who plans everything in advance and I struggle when I have to be spontaneous and not be in control of all aspects of my life. What can I do to let go more and feel peaceful in my life?

03:13 Chapter 1: The Importance of Peacefulness and Letting Go

So once again, Katelyn, thank you so much. I love that you brought in the word peaceful because that’s really a big key to this. When we are trying to control, whether it’s micromanaging our diet or our weight or our vacations or whatever it is, we don’t feel peace because our nervous systems are always sort of on hypervigilance. Is this enough? Did I eat too much? Am I counting my calories enough? So we’re never in this relaxed state of peacefulness. And we need to be more in this relaxed state of peacefulness for energy to flow for creativity to rise, for our vitality to reach all our cells, for rejuvenation to take place, detoxification, everything to function at an optimal level. We don’t want to be in a state of stress and anxiety and rigidity and holding, right? So you can feel it in your body if you consider times where you’ve planned or situations where you tend to micromanage, whether that’s an event or the work week.

Kimberly Snyder (04:30.702)
or, you know, again, your meals or whatever it is, we want to bring in more of this peacefulness. And so there’s research around this, of course, and around anxiety. There was a 2011 study on psychological health in the clinical psychology review, and it found that mindfulness, or the various aspects. I don’t really love the term mindfulness to be honest, because it makes me think of being too heavy. I like to say self -awareness helped to increase well -being and it decreased the need for control. So for more my, you know, again, I’ll say it, mindfulness or self -aware when we’re going into patterns, when we’re trying to exert too much control, like, oh my gosh, I’m really starting to obsess too much about what I’m going to make for dinner tonight.

06:20 Chapter 2: The Role of Flexibility in Creating Flow

Let me shift into taking a deep breath and staying present and directing my thoughts, my energy somewhere else. Our wellbeing will go up and the needs to control will start to dissipate little by little. So this self -awareness that we can bring in, which I’ll talk about just in a moment when I talk about our six key points, is a really wonderful way to bring about management of control because sometimes we are not aware. We are just not aware how obsessive we can actually be. So flexibility is something that’s really important. Here, flexibility means that we go with the flow. And I love this word pivot. We pivot with how life is showing up. So when we do that, we say, oh, I expected it to take 10 minutes to get to my meeting but there’s traffic and now it’s going to take 30 minutes. We instantly start to pivot and say, well, instead of getting stressed, I’m gonna use this extra 20 minutes to make this work phone call or call a loved one or tune into the Feel Good podcast or listen to some relaxing music or whatever it is. And flexibility has actually been shown in research that the greater…

Kimberly Snyder (06:47.566)
psychological flexibility we have, the better our mental health outcomes. And this was studied in 2010 in a study in the clinical psychology review. So when you think about your body, when we’re flexible and we’re supple, we take the time to stretch, we don’t get the same aches and pains, right? So flexibility in life means that we are not holding on to resistance in the way that we get rigid and we try to control and we try to keep things really small and tight. So another study in the annual review of psychology found that individuals personality traits influence their coping strategies and including the tendency to let go versus seeking to control situations. So this is an interesting thing to consider as we go into our points now, which I’m very excited to share with you, very tangible points with more detailed action steps. I bring this research forward because when it comes to different personality types, we need to be self -aware. There and in our Vedic terms, we could say we all have different dosha, we all have different dominant energies. So if you’re someone that has a lot of fire, a lot of Pitta energy, big truck going by,

And we have a lot of Pitta energy. It means that we like to be fiery and we may have more of that fiery energy wanting to exert things to be our way. And it’s important to be aware of that. And then from a lifestyle standpoint, when we talk about self care in just a moment, there’s ways to cool that fire a bit with foods, with herbs like coriander and certain spices, which can help to cool that tendency.

If we’re kapha, we tend to be more literally going with the flow. Kapha is earth energy and it’s water. So similarly to how a boat shapes, a water shapes around a boat, we tend to be less controlling in general and more grounded, more easy, easier sort of in our approach to things. So that’s something to note. And then there’s vata energy, which is typically my more dominant energy where we’re creative.

10:00 Chapter 3: Understanding Personality Types and Control Tendencies

Kimberly Snyder (09:07.118)
And also we can also have set ideas about, you know, creatively, I want this to go this way. So just being aware of our general personality type can foster self -compassion and self -understanding, which can help us to understand. And, oh, wow, I really, it’s natural for me to have this tendency to control and not to feel bad about it, just to be aware so we can start to nourish and bring more watery energy, more flexibility, more of this Svaristhana Chakra, we could say the Sacral Chakra, which is our creative center. Because the truth is, the more we’re able to be flexible, we flow and amazing things can start to open up. We don’t have to be so anxious. Our health can start to open up.

All this energy that can be wasted in adrenaline and cortisol and micromanaging can instead be freed up into our creative passions. It can be freed up into more energy running through all our organs and running radiating out of us. And it can be freed up into more abundance because as I mentioned at the top of our show, control is very constricting. It means this is the way my ego wants.

And so I’m going to try to push this way. Whereas when we step into wholeness, it means we step into allness and to unlimited possibilities. Right? So there’s a lot of abundance and letting go of control. And that’s what we want in all areas. We want to nourish this allness versus getting caught up in constricted, which is stress, anxiety, depletion, hormonal dysregulation.

Right. And impaired digestion, lowered immunity, all of these things are very much related. And so as we go into these six points, I want you to consider perhaps areas in your life where you tend to exert a lot of control and just take a moment to reflect. I can say for myself in the past, it was very much around meals, very much around, you know, trying to control my food intake and what my body shape looked like.

Kimberly Snyder (11:27.98)
Nowadays, I’ve largely let that go, but I can have a tendency to micromanage my edits, for instance, where my book edits, which I’m in the midst of. Now this book is different. I notice I’m like really looking deeply into each thing versus, ah, you know, flow and trust and my editors have amazing ideas as well. I don’t have to spend so much time micromanaging every single word.

of the book, which takes a lot of energy. And this is my eighth book now coming up. So we shift and we see, and we learn about ourselves. So we can breathe new life into freeing ourselves from old patterns. And it’s very exciting to do that. And again, it just frees up so much more energy. So let us…

12:26 Chapter 4: The Power of Self-Awareness in Breaking Control Patterns

go through these amazing ways that we can create more of this in our lives. And again, if you’re watching this and you see me looking down, I’m just referencing my notes here. And so let’s talk about, let’s go back into that flexibility. And I want you to imagine the flexibility in your body. You can just lift your shoulders up for a minute and then let your shoulders drop and notice any areas of tension that you want to loosen.

When we’re flexible, you think about a tree that flexes in the wind, we don’t break, right? So control is rigidity, snapping energy. The twigs are snapping and breaking. It means there’s like holdingness. We start to get hardness in our joints and aches and pains in our back and our shoulders, perhaps, versus flexibility is that beautiful watery quality where we flow with how life actually shows up.

And we’re able to not get stressed out if the restaurant doesn’t have our exact food. We make the most of it because at the end of the day, it’s the stress and the cortisol that’s secreted that ultimately ages us. It ultimately impairs our digestion, pulls the blood flow, pulls the circulation out. So we don’t want to get so fixated on, I have to eat these exact foods every day or else. And we don’t have to get so fixated on this is how exactly things have to be in my life.

Kimberly Snyder (13:52.142)
or else, right? Instead, we go with the flow. And so this means when things don’t show up, taking a moment to regulate, this is a very important part of health, regulate our body, we may notice our normal stress responses, we start to go into faster breathing, our heart rate speeds up, we start to feel maybe a tightening sensation in our shoulders. This is where flexibility means.

My focus now is on. Soothing, getting back to calm, taking some deep breaths, maybe going to the bathroom for a moment, taking a quick walk, doing what we need to do to get more into this supple space before sending an email response, before reacting, before eating, before getting angry, before saying something that later we have to clean up. Flexibility means I notice I’m getting rigid.

And now I’m going to go back into this space of flexibility and openness and see how I can just pivot. River is going to turn this way or this way. And I’m going to go with that beautiful flow.

15:06 Chapter 5: Cultivating Self-Compassion to Soften Control Tendencies

The next thing is pairs with the flexibility. I already kind of went into it in this point is self -awareness, which we talked about in the research, which some like to call mindfulness. I don’t like to be too much up in the mind. I like to be in the body and the heart and in the gut. So I tend to avoid that word more. But if that word resonates with you, just this idea of more awareness in this present moment about where I’m starting to clamp down.

Kimberly Snyder (15:36.27)
For me, I notice that my voice changes if I’m starting to say, actually, I really wanted it this way where expectations come in. So that’s a sign for me and my self -awareness that this isn’t really, this isn’t something that I…

This isn’t flexibility. This isn’t something that I want to go into is more control, more clamping down. So I notice it. I notice my voice doesn’t feel as fluid. It feels a little bit sharp. Sometimes I can get a little bit short. And this is a sign to me, oh, you’re going into a path of control. Just take a moment, regulate yourself.

and breathe and remind yourself that ultimately it’s going to be okay. Don’t take this too personally. Don’t take it too seriously. So for me, my voice is one way I can be self -aware and start to shift more into suppleness and flexibility. Another sign is I’m starting to go into circular thoughts. I’m starting to get obsessed. Why did that person send this email? Why did they consider this? They’re being preemptive or this is the wrong schedule or whatever it is.

Right? So my thoughts start to race and this awareness now that I’ve created that awareness drives me to focus in my body. So I literally touch my body, I put one hand on my heart, one hand on my belly, sometimes both hands on my heart, sometimes both hands on my belly. It’s very intuitive, meaning go down into your gut.

drop down into the true self, which is beyond the thoughts. It’s beyond the ego, which can often be offended and try to clamp down the ego as the part of us that wants to control. So I go down into these deeper places in my body and I really had, it’s become a practice, like a muscle, we can build strength there to get out of the mind, go to these deeper places inside of us to remind ourselves we are safe. We are secure. We can deal with this.

Kimberly Snyder (17:45.166)
The self -awareness, I’m going too much into my thoughts, my ego is going to cause me to suffer and to go into a stress response. So the more we start to become self -aware, we go down and we remind ourselves life is like this giant river and I too can have this ability to pivot and flow in life.

And life is here and I’m okay. Right. So we can learn to self soothe and self regulate in a couple seconds to a couple moments. And this is time very well spent. We’re not wasting time. We’re not going to get behind because when we’re more regulated, we’re more efficient in what we’re creating, what we’re writing in emails, what we’re strategizing and work or how we’re going to deal with our children or how we’re going to walk into that school meeting or whatever is before us.

19:02 Chapter 6: Holistic Self-Care for Resilience and Letting Go

where there’s going to be less of a mess to clean up later. So we want to make sure that we regulate and create that self -awareness. Next part that we hit on before is that self -compassion. So that deeper understanding where we don’t beat ourselves up for, you know, trying to control or noticing that we’re rigid, or maybe we’re a bit unkind in an interaction. What we want to do is just be aware that…

Control comes from pain from the past. Something, some kind of unresolved trauma causes us to clamp down because we’re trying to exert control to feel safe. So when we start to be compassionate to ourselves, it softens the pattern. Instead of beating ourselves up, we just realize, oh, I actually left my heart and I started believing some of these ego, you know, ego mind -based thoughts because of something from my past.

So now I can choose to soften more, to be more flexible so that going forward, I don’t create these same type of rigidity lack -based tendencies. So all we can do is go forward. And so what we want to do is to create that compassion, that self -awareness, to keep that love for ourselves going. And this actually creates more shifting.

Kimberly Snyder (20:00.878)
versus excessive guilt and shame, which is another way to drag down our light and our energy. We wanna learn the lessons and move forward. And this is something that I talk about very much in my latest book, You Are More Than You Think You Are. There’s sections around forgiveness, self -forgiveness, and why guilt is so energy depleting and ultimately doesn’t serve us or anyone else, right? So compassion is really important. We create that awareness, we stay compassionate,

And then that’s a very powerful way to shift our patterns. Compassion is really important when we think about, I could say for myself, a recovering, disordered, eating person that had a lot of control tendencies. It wasn’t until I started to feel deep compassion for myself and I could see where it came from, trying to exert control, to feel safe in my adolescent body, to feel loved.

to feel, you know, just seen this all these ways. Wow, I woke up to that. And it was from that really loving place that I started to create new patterns. So consider where you can be more gentle with yourself. Consider where there’s harshness and the ways in which we look at ourselves and the ways in which we treat ourselves that harshness creates more rigidity, creates more control, not good enough.

This wasn’t good enough. I’m not enough in my career. I’m not enough as a mother, whatever it is, and soften that. Soften, soften, and then out of that, like the phoenix rising of new patterns can move forward from that. So our fourth way that we want to talk about here is self -care. So the more we’re nourished, the more we’re in a more resilient,

place, to be strong, to pivot with life, to have the energy to be self -aware. All of these things need very practical, holistic self -care across all the cornerstones. So what I mean by this is, first of all, getting enough rest when we’re more frazzled, when we haven’t slept enough. So we need to create these beautiful patterns of going to bed at a regular time, not eating so late.

Kimberly Snyder (22:26.19)
having warm elixirs in the evening. You know, some of it, we have whole shows around evening routines, which you can check out. We’ll link to in the show notes, making sure we’re getting enough rest is key. Making sure that we are nourishing ourselves properly. So our brains are functioning well. And I mean the brain in our guts and the brain in our head and our mind, right? So this means good gut health. This means fiber.

This means taking our SBO probiotics every day. This means eating fresh food. This means moving away from packaged food, junky foods, excess sugar. That also makes us very erratic in our mental and emotional health. It’s easier to clamp down and to just fall into old patterns. We’re not feeling good in our bodies. So it’s so important that we’re providing this nourishment for ourselves.

And as my long -term listeners know, I’m a huge fan of simple eating. So the more we can just make simple meals for ourselves, the more we can serve ourselves going forward, very simple grocery shopping, simple food prep, just keeping things around that are easy to prepare and will make it easier for us to stay on track. And then exercise is really important. I keep mentioning the rigidity in the body.

specifically stretching, yin yoga or regular yoga, things that are not so linear, although it’s great to run to go for walks, but also to combine that so our bodies don’t feel tight. So no matter what, I’m a huge fan of stretching for five, 10 minutes a day. That’s part of my evening routine. I do it a lot with my husband after bedtime with the kids, roll out the yoga mats, light a candle on our altar.

Play some relaxing music. I feel so good to stretch at the end of the day. I’m also a big fan of rollers, fascia rollers, just to get some aches and pains out of my neck and shoulders. I’ve been sitting a lot lately in front of the computer with the book edits and all sorts of things, right? Driving around, just neck rolls. Wow. Does it feel good to release tension from the body? And then of course, allowing space for meditation. Sitting.

Kimberly Snyder (24:46.03)
and being, we need to nurture our spiritual health, our growth, our wellbeing, our connection in here. So when we’re so connected on the inside, this is the ultimate way to not try to control the outside so much. We’re not grasping so much for our self -worth and our identity because we’re so connected. We know that our self -worth and our identity cannot be defined on the outside. So the more we sit in the spaciousness that meditation provides,

The more this pivoting, this flow translates into our outer environment and the ways in which we show up in the world. So meditation is a key part of our lifestyle. Meditation is a key way to let go of disordered eating. It’s a key way to have a more healthy relationship with your body and with your career goals and with your financial goals and with your love goals.

25:18 Chapter 7: Being Present and Grateful in the Now

course, it’s Valentine’s Day week. So if we are more in touch with this beauty inside of us, love inside of us, we don’t have so much desperation and trying to seek a partner or trying to hold on to a partner. We become the source of love, we become more radiant and magnetic. And then we’re able to actually attract more love in without this efforting, without this pushing, which is actually desperate and pushes things away.

It’s like that control of, I need a partner now, I need to do this. People feel that energy. So the more we take care of ourselves, the more we have this holistic self -care, the more we’re able to draw things in and bring things to us. It’s a beautiful flow. So the more we flow inside of us, more actually flows towards us. And this is the real law of abundance. There’s a lot out there about manifesting in abundance.

And I truly believe when we are in an abundant state in our health and our energy and the way that we’re approaching things, the flow goes both ways. We’re flowing energy out, energy flows back to us. So we can see that really start to show up in our lives. And that’s what holistic self -care will help to provide for us. And along those lines, this is why I’m so passionate about our amazing Saluna digestion -based supplements.

Kimberly Snyder (27:15.352)
flow detoxi, flowing toxins out of you, amazing probiotics, our amazing digestive enzymes and so on. Please check them out on our website if you are not yet familiar. The next is to be here now. When we are always future -based, control, control, and we’re in the past, the pain makes us try to control the future. Bring it here now. Be appreciative.

Be grateful. That is the quickest way to come into the now. If you start to find, be aware, see it all ties together. We’re self -aware that our thoughts are going to, what am I gonna do later? What if this client leaves? What if this doesn’t work out? What if I don’t get that job? Be grateful for this moment. The small, simple things, oh, this coffee right now tastes so good. Or this tea. I’m so grateful. I have an amazing support system. I’m so grateful.

for my friends showing up for me when I’m going through this really tough struggle and finding a job, right? Whatever it is, gratitude now, I’m really grateful, even inanimate objects, I’m so grateful for my favorite warm coat keeping me warm right now. Being here now means appreciating now, and that helps to expand us out of fear.

29:02 Chapter 8: Embracing Life and Saying Yes to Flow

out of trying to control all these traumas and pain and fears, rigidity clamping down, appreciation on the other hand expands. And this is a huge part of the research and work that I’ll be sharing in my new book coming out in September and also my children’s book coming out in May. Thankfulness and gratitude and appreciation open the body. They open our energy. So we want to really take advantage of that energy.

And then we want to say, yes, yes, yes, yes to life. Yes to what shows up instead of resisting. Remember, resistance is, is control. Resistance is no, I don’t like this. I’m going to get in a bad mood or I’m going to lash out or I’m going to, you know, get upset or complain or feel disappointed. Yes is part of that pivoting. It’s part of that flexibility. Yes. Okay. This is happening. Let me adjust.

Kimberly Snyder (29:29.87)
Let me make this quick text and push this other appointment back because I’m stuck for an extra hour in this appointment. Yes is, okay, this restaurant doesn’t have plant -based options, entrees. Let me put together a bunch of sides or let me order an extra double salad or whatever it is. Saying yes, yes is a way to open up flow. We don’t have to control everything. It’s so exhausting.

And again, we’re only going to create more lack -based energy. So we want to say yes to life. So let me see, let’s go through this again. We want to, they all work together, right? We want to be flexible, go with the flow, stay flexible in our body, stay flexible with life. We want to be self -aware when we are going into control tendencies, when we’re trying to micromanage and just take a moment to self -regulate.

to notice our voice is getting a little choppy, a little fast. Take a moment to breathe, get back to a neutral stance before we move forward. Number three, we want to be compassionate, self -compassionate. There’s fears coming up here, right? There’s pain from the past. This is why control is rearing its head. So we want to nurture ourselves, understand where it’s coming from. Instead of clamping down more, beating ourselves up more, then we can shift patterns going forward.

Self -compassion is so important. We want to have self -care. We want to nurture ourselves so that we can go forward. We want to eat to really nurture ourselves. We want to sleep well. We want to exercise. We want to do all these things. We want to make space for meditation. And the more we do this, the more we are in a more resilient place to let go of control. And then we want to be here. We want to be grateful for here right now, for our bodies as we’re showing up, for life as we’re showing up.

And then we’re not trying to be so, again, rigid and controlling when we’re grateful and we’re more expanded. And then we want to say, yes, yes to life. Yes, as it is. We’re going to make the best of things. We’re going to make lemonade out of the lemons. We’re going to shift. We’re going to be open to the best things coming in that our ego couldn’t even see. The little mind and the controlling mind doesn’t even see. So in this way, we can continue to move forward and forward into more love.

32:23 Conclusion: Resources and Support for Letting Go of Control

Kimberly Snyder (31:54.67)
and more expansion. So please check out the show notes, which will have the research on the studies. It will have the information here you can reference. Over there on mysolluna.com, you can also ask me more questions. You can let me know how I can support you further. This is a huge topic around control. And there’s a lot around fear and being fearless. In my latest book, I’ll mention again, you are more than you think you are. So please,

head to that specific chapter in the rest of the book to support you. And please check out all our other offerings, the recipes, the amazing digestion -based products, as I mentioned, when our bodies are free and clear of toxins, and have incredible balance, proper ratios in our microbiome, we will feel much more resilient and energized and amazing. So all of that is over on mysalina .com. I will be back here Monday as usual for our next interview show.

So until then, sending you so much love, so much gratitude, and I’ll see you back here soon. Namaste.