8 Lessons on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive [Episode #738]
This week’s topic is: 8 Lessons on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive
This is such a huge topic when it comes to our health, our overall well-being in a really true sense. I’m not talking about just achieving the weight that you want or going to the gym a certain amount of times a week, or getting a certain amount of sleep every night. These are important aspects of wellness, as they are contributing factors.
What really ultimately matters is the peace and your internal state moment to moment, day to day. That’s real wellness experienced and the issue with forgiveness is when we don’t forgive, rather when we hold onto resentment, it creates a real inflammatory effect inside of us.
I invite you to be open to our conversation today and to see from an emotional wellbeing standpoint, where we can continue to dive deep and continue to let go because underneath is only love. Underneath in the True Self is this incredibly powerful energy that we can block. We tend to block our own energy from fear and forgiveness which means that we don’t want to be heard again, it’s a, it’s a type of protection mechanism. We want to move through all of that and today I’ll be sharing 8 lessons to start letting go and start feeling good.
Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question sent in by a Beauty just like you, listen now to find out!
Kimberly, I find that I struggle with forgiving people and moving on when someone or a situation has hurt me. What can I do to let go of this pattern?
Inspirational Thought of the Week
Forgiveness is a powerful way to access more love in everything we do. There are so many occurrences in life, from our early infanthood and childhood on, that can leave us with little and perhaps not-so-little wounds. These wounds, if not allowed to heal properly, become scars that block the flow of love. These little wounds keep us reacting in the same way, upset about the same things, ruminating about the same past stuff over and over again. It’s not only a tremendous waste of energy, but it dams up the streams of love that are meant to flow in a million different ways throughout our entire lives.
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Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.
00:01 Namaste loves and welcome back to our Thursday Q&A podcast where our topic today is 8 Lessons on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive. This is such a huge topic when it comes to our health, our overall wellbeing in a really true sense. I’m not talking about just achieving the weight that you want or going to the gym a certain amount of times a week, or getting a certain amount of sleep in every night. These are important aspects of wellness, but they’re contributing factors. What really ultimately matters is the peace and your internal state moment to moment, day to day, right? That’s real wellness experienced and the issue with forgiveness. When we, um, or when we don’t forgive, rather when we hold onto resentment, it creates a real inflammatory effect inside of us. We can say that there’s an excess of Pitta, of fire energy, there’s anger there, resentment, or for some reason we’re holding onto this situation or, um, you know, some series of events or whatever it is.
Thought of the Week
01:14 This, of course, can be true for other people. It can also be true of ourselves. Self-forgiveness is such a powerful process. Now, I’m not saying that forgiveness is easy, but it’s very, very important to, in order to really create the lives, to create how we wanna feel in our lives. This whole topic of forgiveness is something that I address at length in the new book called You Are More Than You Think You Are in the You Are Love chapter, and I’m gonna read a little bit here from page 62. Forgiveness is a powerful way to access more love in everything we do. There are so many occurrences in life, from our early infanthood and childhood on, that can leave us with little and perhaps not-so-little wounds. These wounds, if not allowed to heal properly, become scars that block the flow of love. These little wounds keep us reacting in the same way, upset about the same things, ruminating about the same past stuff over and over again. It’s not only a tremendous waste of energy, but it dams up the streams of love that are meant to flow in a million different ways throughout our entire lives. The only way to open these blockages is through forgiveness. This involves letting go of the hurt and allowing it to flow away from you. This can be a difficult process, but is something that can revolutionize our lives.
02:10 And it goes on and on in this chapter and in this section. So what we’re talking about here is opening up your being and your body to more of your natural state, which is love to flow through all your cells and all the channels. That’s what I’m talking about here in the book, and that’s what we’re gonna be talking about here in the podcast.
03:07 It’s not always easy because the hu you know, the human part of us, the ego wants to hold on. It feels like the victim. It doesn’t feel, you know that somewhat it’s justified to let go of something perhaps, but in a much larger expanded sense, this is key to resilience, strength, love, peace, joy coming out in much bigger ways. We need to be the bigger person. We need to connect to the higher self, to the true self and allow ourselves to forgive and let go. Again, there’s so much research around this whole topic of forgiveness from a scientific perspective, from our physical bodies, from infl, inflammation, I mean, autoimmune. We see the rise of many different health issues today, and there’s so many different emotional and psychological factors involved. It’s not just about the toxicity in the water or, you know, in our body care products that are keeping us from filling this really, you know, clogged, stagnant, toxic energy.
04:14 It is up to us to really open up to forgiveness. And if this is felt difficult or challenging with certain people in your lives, believe me, I think that’s true for all of us. I have experienced this as well with relatives and family members that didn’t always feel so kind to me, and they weren’t so kind to me always growing up. And there were definitely scars and there was definitely a lot of pain and a lot of hurt and resentment. But now, you know, coming into adulthood, I’ve really realized through amazing teachings and really just introspection and seeing that I don’t wanna carry this around. I don’t want to be the one suffering for past incidences. So part of this is really making the decision that we wanna heal, that we wanna let go, and then we can keep moving forward. And what we’re gonna get into today in, uh, just a moment, are eight practical tools.
05:16 Eat lessons that will support you in this practice of forgiveness. So as we go through the show today, there may be something that pops up very organically, which means the energy is probably quite potent. A person, a situation, could be at work, could be in your personal life that still has some lingering feelings, there is still some forgiveness left to do, or maybe you just sit back and you listen to what we’re saying here today, but later on today or later on in the week, or at some point, something may have been buried deep inside of you and it starts to come up and is in need of, of extra energy, extra love and forgiveness. So sometimes, you know, it works in different ways, but I invite you to be open to our conversation today and just to see from an emotional wellbeing standpoint, which is where this show fits in our third cornerstone, where we can continue to dive deep and continue to let go because underneath is only love.
06:21 Underneath in the true self is this incredibly powerful energy that we can block. We, we tend to block our own energy from fear and forgiveness is a type of fear. It means that we don’t wanna be heard again, it’s a, it’s a type of protection mechanism. So we wanna move through all of that.
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07:30 So actively sharing, encourage you to actively share. And in our community, it could be a particular episode or maybe the show in general that you think someone would benefit from. So please share the show through a link or a screenshot with them. I already mentioned the new book. You are More Than You Think You Are, and particularly with this topic today, there’s a lot of information there that will support you further. It’s a very practical book, practical exercises, practical teachings. So please do check it out wherever books are sold.
Question around the topic of: 8 Lessons on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Kimberly, I find that I struggle with forgiving people and moving on when someone or a situation has hurt me. What can I do to let go of this pattern?
All right, now let’s get into our show today. Eight lessons, eight Practical Lessons. We like it, we like to keep it practical here because the theories are great. This idea that yes, we should always forgive is great, but how do we actually do it? How do we implement it in our lives? This has always been of interest to me, whether we’re talking about practical ways to get rid of bloat, practical ways to really find your soulmate or manifest your life partner, whatever it may be. Because I think that this can be learned. These are skills, there are teachings around this, the great ones that have come before, like pha, yoga, NAZA, the, the Yo Geese that have brought incredible wisdom here, have a lot to share on this and all these topics. So we don’t have to reinvent the wheel,
08:54 But rather we need to lean on these teachings, lean on the great ones, lean on the teachers, the true teachers, and see how it applies into our life. And this is how we move from acquiring truths, you know, like we can rattle off quotes into, into our lives, into experiencing it. And this is how Yo said, we create realizations. We actually start to live them. So our question this week comes from Denise in Pennsylvania, sending you lots of love there. My east coast friend, as it starts to get cold, I grew up in Connecticut, so I’m very familiar with this shifting weather much more dramatically. So on the East coast, sending you a big, warm, cozy hug. You write, Kimberly, I find that I struggle with forgiving people and moving on when someone or some situation has hurt me, how do I let go of this pattern?
09:54 So again, I wanna get into thank you so much, Denise. This is a very honest, vulnerable question and I can feel it and the energy and for sure, there are many of us that have struggled with forgiveness in the past. And I struggled again with some, some relatives that were around me a lot as the child growing up. And you realize that, which we’ll get into the show today, forgiveness is a really powerful thing to do. Forgiveness is taking back our power. It’s saying, no matter what’s happened here, I can, I can choose, I can process this, I can choose, I can let go of it. My power is not allowing you or this situation to continue to hurt me, but rather into choosing expansion, choosing to, to see this as growth and to move past it.
#1. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Grief
09:54 So the first, first tool though I wanna point out is, is grief. We need to lean into pain and understand that life is not just gonna be about running towards harmonious, happy situations. We wanna create harmony, we wanna create the strength. But it comes through integration. It comes through feeling the pain and feeling the disappointment or whatever it was that happened deeply. And we need to really honor that.
11:35 You know, one of the things that I mentioned earlier is there’s a lot of fear around forgiveness. We are fearful that we’re going to feel that pain again. We’re gonna, we’re fearful that we’re gonna be disappointed again, or that this person may hurt us. But when we grieve and when we allow ourselves to really feel this spectrum of human emotions, it is such a powerful launching pla pad for forgiveness to come in. We’re not trying to push away the fear, we’re not trying to push anything away. We’re allowing that it can start to come through us and we can digest it. And in that process we get stronger. We are, it is in the strength and the love coming through from integration that allows us to forgive. Sometimes if something very deep has happened to us, we’ve been, you know, there’s been infidelity from a spouse or, you know, really deep childhood things have happened through this process of integration and feeling and grieving, a therapist may be warranted some professional help if we feel that we need that support.
12:43 So I definitely wanna call that out upfront. But it is important to find a way to feel. And when we feel and we can allow ourselves to hurt a bit, it means that we are on our way to healing. And again, it, it, it opens up the door for forgiveness to happen if we’re not really deeply feeling, it’s like a splinter that stays in your system and it just continues to agitate and, and irk us. And it’s not on the way to, to fully being healed unless we remove that. So we wanna face and again, grieve what has happened to us or what, you know, the, the perceived, um, situation, the, the emotions, what we’re feeling. We wanna take that time and really honor the grieving process, whether we require that help or not. That is a huge part of starting to forgive.
#2. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Forgiveness versus holding grudges
13:36 Number two, reflect on the benefits of forgiveness versus the cost of holding grudges. We have inherited this pattern of holding on, pushing someone away, keeping them out of our lives because it’s a protection mechanism. And maybe we saw this growing up, maybe people around us, our teachers, our family members, our friends do that. They hold grudges, our, especially our parents. It’s very impactful when we see the ways in which they do conduct themselves. But now, as healthy functioning adults, we have this ability to intro expect yoga. Nada says that introspection is one of the greatest tools of progress. So we need to create the emotional maturity to see actually really see is there a benefit to me holding a grudge from this person? Does it feel good to me? Is it creating more peace inside me and my life? Or is this actually wearing me down?
14:40 So we wanna create this expanded vision. This is part of the opening of the third eye. When we introspect and we turn the search light the mirror on ourselves, it allows us to make a mature decision more easily. Still, we have to, you know, work at it and work on this really important life skill of forgiveness and letting go. But still we can make this inner decision, what is it that I really want? Is it more love? Is it more lights? Is it more energy? Is it more, um, lo you know, just expansive feelings in my life or do I wanna play small? Do I wanna continue to give my power away in this situation? So there’s this mental emotional part of it where we really just have to choose. And once we choose to forgive, we can work towards it. But this intention of forgiving is so key because if we don’t really consciously choose, we, we, it gets sticky and we continue to hold on.
15:45 So I encourage you to really take some space, and this is where journaling is very powerful. We wanna sit with ourselves and see what am I getting out of this? And I will just say there was some, you know, just drama with old relatives that I remember as a child. And it sort of came back up again after my mom passed. And, you know, there was just a lot more contact with certain people and things like that and arrangements in the aftermath. And it brought up a lot of these old feelings for me. And I remember sitting with myself and thinking, you know, wow, you know, there, there is a choice here to see things in a way of, um, blame and holding on, or there’s this higher road choice. This is what introspection can give, can give us this intention, this really clearly seeing. And I remember saying to myself, I do wanna take the higher road. I don’t wanna be affected by this.
#3. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Stop blaming
17:01 Which takes us right into number three, stop blaming. Being the victim means that we continue to hold onto this real resentment. Now to be clear, it doesn’t mean that there is an excuse if people have really abused you or, or there is other people’s actions that are a reality, a factual reality. But we don’t wanna keep blaming that person or again, the situation because that is not empowering. It is in the past and that actually can’t be shifted. But what we can shift, and again, this is part of taking the power back, is where we stop blaming, we bring the energy back into healing ourselves. So imagine all this energy that goes out in trying to, um, hold on all the time to this real strong anger, or again, this just, you know, feeling of of cutting someone off, getting them out. There’s a lot of energy in that. And so if we can stop blaming and we can come to some level of acceptance, and again, professional help may be warranted in this regard, but shifting into seeing more with eyes of love and compassion that, you know, that person might have felt really limited at the time. They may have been really blocked, and I can’t take this back, but I don’t wanna be affected by this anymore. So we continue to work on ourselves, we work on our tools, we give ourselves the support, which could be therapy. It could be, you know, healing work. It could be body work, which we talked about a few weeks ago, like acupuncture or massage, just to help old energy leave. Whatever it is, we start to honor self and the blaming cycle doesn’t help. So we start to put that energy back into our own healing.
#4. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Practice humility
18:53 Number four, we practice humility and we let go of unrealistic expectations. So it’s unrealistic to think that maybe we are gonna completely forgive overnight. We wanna be humble in that we are human, we are not saints, right? Yet in this life journey, you know, I’m not sure much agitated or there wasn’t too much anger that Mother Teresa held onto or many of these great saints that we read about their lives. They were at a place of real, such deep connection with God and spirit that human frailties and interactions maybe didn’t have the same fear inducing effect. So we wanna be humble because we are on the journeys, we are in it, all of us are in it. We are battling ourselves every day. We’re battling the eco ego every day. So we wanna bring this real sense of gentleness and with, with the light of awareness we want. We don’t wanna beat ourselves up if we continue to have some negative thoughts about someone, or we have a little bit, you know, lingering feelings. We wanna just keep bringing this gentleness of love to ourselves and to this situation. And gradually we let things start to move. We let energy start to move.
20:20 For me, it was, you know, when I think about some of the, the people that I’ve, I’ve forgiven, it took time, it took time. And there were still situations where I’d see these relatives at weddings and certain events and it would bring up old feelings. Like I mentioned stuff around my mom, which is now five years ago. And I, I was gentle with myself and allowing myself space because we can’t push, you know, it’s this, this fear energy inside of us. We remember the pain, it has to unravel on its own. So we just wanna keep showing up for ourselves and holding space for ourselves, but being gentle, being humble and gentle.
#5. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Sacredness of all things
21:04 So number five, remember the sacredness of all things. So when it comes to these situations, it can be really hard to feel that anything light, sacred, positive is involved. But if we can trust and remember that there is divine intelligence running through all things, and that we can step away from judgment and seeing things as good, bad, I only want good, we can say, well, things played out. This is, you know, in the past, so much of this is letting go of the past. And I learned there are lessons here or you know, there is life evolving and human connection is messy, but there’s this sacredness of, of everything still. It gives us this more expansive perspective. Instead of saying, well that sucked and you know, this should never have happened. These are all really strong judgments and judgment keeps us from integrating. It keeps us from accepting, which is really such a huge lesson of the do is just being with what is. We can bring our light, we can bring our anchored nest, the deep love inside of us to what’s showing up. And this helps us move through because if we’re stuck in our egoic minds and separations of this bad that good, this shouldn’t have happened, it really does keep resentment alive, this fire of anger burning inside of us and we never heal.
#6. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Forgive yourself
22:36 So number six, forgive yourself. This is such a huge part of forgiveness because otherwise, you know, we project anger from maybe we didn’t act the right way or we should have done something differently or we messed up. So I wanna read you another passage here from the new book, page 64. One of the most important acts of forgiveness is to forgive yourself. We’ve all screwed up in different ways. Think of the time you might have yelled at your parents when you were really frustrated with yourself, botched a project and got disciplined for it, told a lie or told, talked nonsense about someone, and it got back to them. Instead of continuing to beat yourself up over a past mistake or indiscretion, move toward an experience of self-compassion today, you are not the same person you were a year ago, last month, or even yesterday. We are all growing granted at different rates, but we still grow.
24:01 So forgiveness is saying in this present moment, I’ve unlocked more of love in this present moment. I can choose to look back and say, wow, a big emotion came up, or I spoke in anger, or I did something maybe from a hasty place or a fear-based place. I’m sorry, let me take these lessons and then let me let go of it. We are often so hard on ourselves and what I’ve experienced, because as a recovering perfectionist, I know this all too well. When we don’t forgive ourselves, a hardness can come into our hearts. A rigidity, uh, tough like a a sharpness can come across in our voice, and that’s projected out in the world. If we don’t want that, we want to bring this loving tenderness to self first, and that will in turn, soften and bring more love into all our interactions. This self-forgiveness is so relieving to the body.
25:02 So it’s like a weight being lifted. It’s like this amplification to your vitality. This life force gets unleashed and unlocked and you suddenly have more aliveness and again, more compassion for others. So I highly encourage you to sit with yourself and see what arises in terms of self-forgiveness. So really important practice here on six page 65, the self-reflection forgiveness practice that I encourage you to use. Get the new book for others. And also in, in terms of how it relates to yourself. I’ve gone through the practice and I’ve gotten so angry with myself. There’s things in the past I had to let go of. And even in the present moment, if I get impatient sometimes with my husband or I say something sharp, I feel so horrible afterwards. And then I, you know, as I cut yourself a break, you slept three hours and you’re taking on too much. And then I see that in other ways. You know, I need to communicate my needs more. I need to speak up more. And then I, you know, I have to sit with myself and forgive myself otherwise, that, that lingering resentment of self really does carry with me and I can feel that heaviness and that sadness. So it is a skill we have to really learn to forgive ourselves and cut ourselves a break. We learn and sometimes we need to apologize and clean up, but we learn and then we move on.
#7. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Wish your offenders well and move on
26:35 So number seven is wish your offenders well and move on. Okay, easier said than done. But again, this, this self-forgiveness practice is, you know, part of that is looking what I mentioned in the book, what, what has helped me here is seeing a gift from the situation in the now moment. So I really learned so much about, you know, relationships, I learned about communication, I learned about trust. I learned about this or this. And so, wow, we’re in a different place now from this person. I wish them the best on their life journey. I’m wishing myself the best in my life journey. And now let’s move on. You know, without this stickiness, without this encumbrance. Because that’s what forgiveness really is, is just allowing more to flow through. So the waterfall, I use the water analogy so often as we continue to let things flow through, we just open up so much more to energy and abundance coming in, abundance in ways, abundance and love, abundance and resources.
27:51 So it’s just vitally critically important to take that intention of saying, okay, you know, this happened. We both learned wishing you the best moving forward. And there’s been some people along the way that I’ve had some unfavorable business interactions with. And you know, from, from the victim perspective, I, I didn’t know much I signed this bad thing or I got taken advantage of. But in the expanded perspective it says, wow, you know, I learned this person was in a certain place, I was in a certain place. Let’s just move on. Let’s just let it go, right?
#8. Lesson on How To Finally Let Go of the Past and Forgive: Letting go
28:30 And so number eight, and finally here as we’re talking about finally letting go, a really important thing that we can do is to choose love in the moment we choose. So we talked about choosing, you know, understanding that there’s a benefit to letting go, choosing not to hold onto grudges, but in the deepest and most expanded sense, we’re just saying, I want more love in my life. I want feel more love. I wanna be a force of love. I want to flow love. I wanna show up in love. Love, let’s go love for gifts. Love sees that we’re all making mistakes left and right, but underneath that is the light of spirit and all things. So choose love above all things. Choose love for yourself. That’s how we forgive ourselves. And then we forgive others. We just choose love. It’s beyond, it’s different than right, wrong. This should have happened. The victim, the blame, the most powerful force is love. So just choose love.
29:50 Another show that pairs really well with this show that I mentioned earlier is the body energy, um, episode, which aired a few weeks ago. So if you’re going through something really sticky, the body does hold energy and to support you in the process, I recommend listening to that show and seeing which of those modalities may speak to you. Whether it is acupuncture or massage or reiki or ecstatic dance or there’s so many different ways of moving energy through you. But mentally we make, we may make this decision to heal, we wanna forgive and then spiritually we choose love. But there is this physical part, and the physical part can be a very powerful ally. So please, I encourage you to go back and listen to that show as well. So thank you as always for being here with me. I truly and sincerely hope and pray from the bottom of my heart that some of this resonated with you and it will support you in your journey.
30:48 If you can think of anyone who’s having a difficult time forgiving, please pass the show along to them. The more all of us heal, the more we all open up to love, the world will shift and transform and we will feel it. We’re all connected as brothers and sisters. So we are all here to heal and to support each other in this profound lifelong journey of healing. I will be back here Monday for our next interview podcast. Till then, I send you so much love. Truly it is my honor to be here with you. Thank you so much for listening and being in the community. Please keep the questions coming email@example.com. You can submit them there. We, we read through them, we organize them by the cornerstones, food, body, emotional wellbeing, and spiritual growth, which is the way I know to be the most supported is to take this holistic perspective. So I will see you in cyberspace. Please check the show notes again, mysolluna.com. I’ll link to shows, recipes, meditations, other resources. I think you would enjoy sending you so much love and light and see you back here in a few days. Namaste.