This week’s topic: How to Raise Your Standards In Your Love Life with Matthew Hussey
I am so excited for our amazing guest today, the Matthew Hussey, who has a new book out, which is amazing, very easy to read, very informative. It’s called Love Life, How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily No Matter What. If you’re not familiar with Matthew, he has millions of people on his number one YouTube channel for dating. He is a New York Times bestselling author. He is also incredibly kind and loving himself. I’ve actually seen some of his videos because I have many friends who have used Matthew’s advice to find their loved ones. So I am so excited to share…..
Topics Covered
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Book Overview
09:31 Finding Happiness Today and Breaking Unhealthy Patterns
32:21 Recognizing Compatibility Beyond Surface-Level Interests
43:35 Navigating the Pressure of Having Children
51:50 Creating Plans for Different Eventualities
About Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey is a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and coach specializing in confidence and relational intelligence. His YouTube channel is number one in the world for love life advice, with over half a billion views. He writes a weekly newsletter and is the host of the podcast Love Life With Matthew Hussey. Hussey provides monthly coaching to the members of his private community at LoveLifeClub.com. Over the past fifteen years, his proven approach has inspired millions through authentic, insightful, and practical advice that not only enables them to find love but also feel confident and in control of their own happiness. He lives in Los Angeles.
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Transcript:
Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.
Kimberly Snyder (00:01.232)
Hi loves, welcome back. I am so excited for our amazing guest today, the Matthew Hussey, who has a new book out, which is amazing, very easy to read, very informative. It’s called Love Life, How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily No Matter What. If you’re not familiar with Matthew, he has millions of people on his number one YouTube channel for dating. He is a New York Times bestselling author,
Matthew Hussey (00:09.166)
a new book out which is amazing, very easy to read, very informative, called Love Life, How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily No Matter What. If you’re not familiar with Matthew, he has millions of people on his number one YouTube channel for dating, is New York Times bestselling author. He is also incredibly kind and loving himself. I’ve actually.
Kimberly Snyder (00:30.672)
He is also incredibly kind and loving himself. I’ve actually seen some of his videos because I have many friends who have used Matthew’s advice to find their loved ones. So I am so excited to share this amazing book. And Matthew, thank you so much for being here with us today.
Matthew Hussey (00:35.885)
Thanks for having me Kimberly and sharing your platform with me. It’s a privilege to be here.
Kimberly Snyder (00:56.432)
Well, we were just chatting a little bit. I just got back from the farm in Hawaii and I understand that you are married now and that you and your wife would perhaps love to live a little bit of a farm life yourself.
Matthew Hussey (01:08.525)
Do you know we got married in Kauai? We did the big wedding with family and friends and everyone in Sicily, but we needed to get a marriage license somewhere that would be a little easier. And we live in America, we live in LA.
Kimberly Snyder (01:10.736)
Did you? What?
Kimberly Snyder (01:22.928)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (01:36.204)
We were like, where would we go if we got to just have our own little elopement away from everybody else? What would be our dream? And Kauai was that dream. So we flew to Kauai and we got married on the beach in Kauai, just the two of us and someone doing this, the little tiny little ceremony. And it was, it will forever go down as one of my favorite memories is being there and doing that. So it, you know, I could easily sell.
going and starting a farm in Kauai to Audrey. She would be there tomorrow.
Kimberly Snyder (02:11.024)
I looked on your Instagram and I saw the, you know, the fairy tale Italian wedding that was so beautiful. So I didn’t know that. That’s amazing.
Matthew Hussey (02:20.587)
Yeah, no, it was so lovely to do it with all of our loved ones. And at first I was a little intimidated by that. It just felt I’m not one for like birthday parties and things like that. I don’t like to be the center of attention in that way. But when it was our wedding, it didn’t strike me until I was there how amazing it is to have all these people you love in one place for you. It was really special, but it was also really special for me and Audrey just to sneak off to a beach in Kauai.
Kimberly Snyder (02:34.384)
Yes.
Kimberly Snyder (02:43.6)
Yes.
Kimberly Snyder (02:51.408)
Well, I loved how you got really personal in your book and you shared about how you’ve been this dating coach since your 20s and yet you didn’t get married till recently. So, you know, a lot of us have seen your YouTube channel, we’ve seen a lot of your videos and I just wonder how you were drawn to this path, Matthew. It sounded very organic, people were starting to come to you. How did you even get into relationship dating in the first place as a young single man?
Matthew Hussey (02:57.545)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (03:18.889)
Well, I needed all the advice myself. So that was why I started because I was like my first case study trying to, and not as in I was my first case study trying to find love. I was a teenager when I became interested in self -development. I was my first case study when it came to wanting to be more confident and wanting to know how to have more impact with people. And I was…
Kimberly Snyder (03:22.704)
you
Matthew Hussey (03:48.169)
maybe 11, 12 years old when I first read How to Win Friends and Influence People. It was a book that was on my dad’s bookshelf when I was growing up and I picked it off and I started reading it and I was hooked. It just was, to me as a kid, it was a revelation to learn that there are actually things you can do to have more impact, that you don’t need, I didn’t need to be stuck with how shy I was.
Kimberly Snyder (03:53.264)
Mmm.
Kimberly Snyder (04:17.872)
Hmm.
Matthew Hussey (04:18.216)
I didn’t need to be condemned to, I’m an introvert naturally, I’ll always be an introvert, but I was shy in ways that didn’t always help me on top of being introverted. And this book helped me to start to come out of my shell more. And from that point on, I kind of became just so invested in…
different tools that I could learn that could help me have more of an impact in life. So when I started working with other people, it was only me sharing what had already worked for me and what I’d loved learning about. I had no idea the extent to which my YouTube channel that started at 19 years old would go on to get half a billion views. Uh, and you know, millions of subscribers. I just could never have, I could never have predicted that. And.
you know, over time, more and more people would come to me for help in their love lives. And, you know, my first book 10 years ago became a New York Times bestseller. And it just, you know, every one thing after another just kept taking me into kind of a greater sense of scale. But I’m still doing what I was doing 17 years ago when I started. I’m still just standing on stage, making videos, talking about these subjects that…
I really, really enjoy and that have really, really not just helped millions of others, but have helped me and continue to help me.
Kimberly Snyder (05:49.072)
It’s such a beautiful story. It’s so organic. And I, you know, you can feel the, the humility, the humbleness, the kindness, the accessibility. And I think that’s part of the magic, the Matthew Hussey magic. Also, what I love about your philosophy, and it really comes through in your notebook is that you’re not selling being in a relationship, as you say in your own words, as a badge of honor, you really talk about being whole and happy and complete in yourself. And then if you want to share life with another person that’s beautiful, or if it’s
prompts you to leave a unhappy relationship, which is something I’ve gone through myself. And this, wow, this new freedom, this new energy rushes in that, you know, it’s not so, it’s just not this one exact way that people have, this one path people have to follow. And you really talk about that.
Matthew Hussey (06:36.901)
Yeah, well, I mean, firstly, for anyone who, you know, is listening to this thinking, I really want to find love. I really want to find my person. It’s the most universal feeling in the world and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in wanting it. It’s, you know, I think we still live in this, this culture that kind of, it almost shames people for wanting this thing.
certainly for wanting it too badly, when it’s something we all want, but we have to sort of pretend that we’re fine and we’re indifferent. And, you know, if it happens, it happens. When deep down we’re like, please, I just really want this to happen. We’re like, we have to pretend that we don’t care or that we’re not that invested in it. When for many people, it’s the thing they want the most in the world. Add to that if they want a family and they feel like there’s a…
Kimberly Snyder (07:16.944)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (07:34.435)
You know, they’re running out of time to have a family. Now there’s a whole other added level of panic and anxiety around that never happening and their window closing. So I wrote this book in part to also take the pressure off of anyone who is making themselves, who is shaming themselves for wanting to find love as badly as they do. And frankly, for feeling that it’s really hard to be single because…
It is hard to be single and it is a lonely road much of the time and it can create a real kind of ongoing heartbreak. It’s not necessarily the acute heartbreak of the love of your life just broke up with you. It’s the ongoing chronic pain of longing, of going to bed each night, really wishing someone was next to you and not having anyone next to you. That pain is real.
And it is normal and it is human. And yes, we live in a world that loves to extol the virtues of solitude and how important it is to spend time alone and to be good in your own company. And that’s all true. But at a certain point, even when we’ve got good at being on our own and in our own company, there’s a little thing that’s in our mind that says to us, okay, I’d really like to find love now. So I want to take that burden of…
shame off of people and say it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to feel lonely, it’s okay that you really want to find love. Now let’s look at what we can do to find love a little faster and that’s a huge part of what this book is designed to be, as a co -pilot for anyone who’s looking to find love. But also how can we get to a place of
what I call happy enough today so that we don’t feel like we’re wasting our lives waiting for it to happen because these are good years and you might be in some of the best years of your life and you don’t want to lose them to anxiety and to constantly fearing whether it’ll ever happen or not. I don’t…
Kimberly Snyder (09:33.968)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (09:59.298)
I say specifically happy enough instead of happy because happy is intimidating. And a lot of the people who say you just have to be happy first, there’s almost a little bit of like, it’s easy to say that when you’re married, when you’re in a relationship and you look back and you go, oh, you just have to find happiness now before it ever happens. You know, like I could BS on that. I bet you weren’t 1000 % totally whole and happy before you met this person that’s now the love of your life.
We all have work to do and we all still struggle but can we get to a place of happy enough where we say I… You can even admit when you’re happy enough you can even admit that if I met the love of my life I might be happier but I’m happy enough today that if it doesn’t happen I’ll be okay.
Kimberly Snyder (10:37.456)
Yes.
Kimberly Snyder (10:47.152)
you
Matthew Hussey (10:55.202)
I’m happy enough today that if the wrong person walks through the door, I can say no. I’m happy enough today that if the right person walks through the door, I can be myself instead of the person that I try to be when the stakes are so impossibly high that I feel like I can’t screw anything up because if I lose this person, then I’m going to die.
That’s what I mean when I say happy enough and this book is not just about helping people find love faster but it’s about helping them achieve that state of happy enough while they’re on the way there.
Kimberly Snyder (11:29.552)
That’s so beautiful and it’s so true because we don’t want to feel so desperate that people can smell it, right? You said in part of the book where people can feel I’m too important too quickly, but at the same time, we want to feel that wholeness so that we can more easily magnetize someone in.
Matthew Hussey (11:48.674)
And dangerously, when someone becomes too important too quickly, there are two dangers of that. One is what you just said, which is that people will start to question our value if they become too important too quickly to us. Because they’re like, why is this person suddenly treating me like I’m a God when all I’ve done is been, I’ve been on one date with them and was mildly charming. But the other danger is that if we in
Kimberly Snyder (12:07.664)
I see.
Kimberly Snyder (12:11.76)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (12:17.602)
our desire to find love, make someone too important too quickly. We miss all of the warning signs that they’re actually not someone we should be considering as a serious candidate for our life partner. We miss, we make our minds up about how great they are before we ever know. And all we know in the, for anyone out there who gets too obsessed with someone too quickly,
Kimberly Snyder (12:38.928)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (12:45.442)
What we tend to do there is that we measure someone’s importance by the impact they have had on us. But impact doesn’t mean character. Character can only be measured over time. And character is consistent. So you don’t know, you can’t measure consistency on three dates.
Kimberly Snyder (12:58.256)
Mmm.
Kimberly Snyder (13:02.224)
Right.
Matthew Hussey (13:12.194)
All you know is the impact someone has had on you that they feel really exciting, that it feels like you have an amazing connection, that you can talk about anything, that you’re really attracted to them. That’s great from the point of view of impact, but it’s not suggestive of their character. Character is consistent and consistency can only be measured over a longer period of time. So if you want to make someone less important immediately,
Remind yourself that you don’t really know them. You don’t really know who they are. You don’t know what their character is. And you can only see that by taking a bit more of a, we’ll see approach rather than a, this is it approach.
Kimberly Snyder (13:42.96)
Mmm.
Kimberly Snyder (13:55.664)
And also Matthew, it’s important to get to know our own patterns, right? I know you talk about this in your work a lot because for me, one of the patterns I could only see over time was, as you’re suggesting, I would be really into someone, but it was someone that, as I look back, was a little bit, felt safe, right? Because then I have abandonment issues. My mom went back to work when I was two weeks old. So I wanted to keep love. So it was always like, I wanted to love the person more, right?
Matthew Hussey (14:15.746)
Mm -hmm.
Kimberly Snyder (14:25.232)
So then it was this pattern of, hey, that’s not working. I’m just not, you know, just not into them anymore over and over again. So it is really important that we take this moment to reflect and see what are my patterns? Why am I always ending up breaking up with this person or it doesn’t end up, you know, working out. So we have to see that in ourselves before we just become this chronic data and then worry in 10 years or what, you know, wonder why, why am I, why are my relationships not really working out? Why am I not feeling fulfilled?
Matthew Hussey (14:46.938)
Fear.
Matthew Hussey (14:54.265)
Yeah, we, there’s a moment, one of my favorite chapters in this whole book is a chapter called Never Satisfied. And it’s a chapter where I talk about why it is we keep going for the wrong things over and over again, things that hurt us, things that bring us pain. A cycle that a lot of people find themselves in, and I’m guilty of this too, is going for…
Kimberly Snyder (15:02.992)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (15:23.768)
someone who, you know, in some way excites you, but is not really available to you. And then when we get steamrolled by that person and they really hurt us, we feel like, Oh my God, I just need someone who’s, you know, a good person who’s going to treat me well. And then we find a good person who treats us well and we feel safe, but we feel bored. And.
Kimberly Snyder (15:31.888)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (15:53.687)
We go, this can’t be it. I don’t feel what I’m supposed to feel. And so we question it, whether they’re the right person. And then we go back out in search for someone who excites us. And then we get hurt all over again. And so we end up in this loop between these two different feelings. And I wrote this chapter to basically outline the five reasons why we keep going for the wrong people.
And one of them, as you alluded to, when you talked about your childhood is we have certain things, certain realities that we are used to that are familiar to us. And because they’re familiar to us, we find ourselves continuously gravitating towards those things. And they become, there’s a race car driver, Mario Andretti, who said his tip for race car driving was don’t look at the wall.
your car goes where your eyes go. So if you’re always looking at the wall, you’re just going to crash into the wall, even though what you want is to go around the wall. And I have watched this play out not only in my own life, but in people’s lives who I’ve coached for the last 17 years, all over the world, who keep looking at the wall. And there was a, and because they keep looking at it, they keep crashing into it.
Kimberly Snyder (17:15.888)
Mmm.
Matthew Hussey (17:21.461)
worked with a woman who had real abandonment issues herself and she started dating a guy who by all accounts was a good guy, like he had been treating her well and then one Saturday he had a little get together with his friends and he didn’t invite her and it really hurt her. She felt abandoned, she felt like I like him more than he likes me, I’m gonna get hurt.
He’s embarrassed by me. He didn’t want me around his friends. It was so much story had taken place in her head. On the day she was cold with him the two days before, because that was her pattern, was just go cold. Because if I’m going to get back for her, some people when they worry about abandonment, when they have a core abandonment wound, they go into a foreign instinct. And it’s how do I make you happy? How do I make sure that you don’t let me go for her? She went into.
Kimberly Snyder (18:01.072)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (18:19.476)
fight or flight where she was like, I’m out. If you’re going to hurt me, I’m out. And so what she did was she went cold. And then on the day she turned to fight and she went, why didn’t she text him and said, why didn’t you invite me? And he said, I’m so sorry. I just, I haven’t seen these friends in a while. I was excited to see them. I was just getting a few people together. I didn’t realize it would, it would hurt you. Can I call you later? And she wrote back,
Kimberly Snyder (18:20.688)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (18:48.788)
don’t bother. And he then didn’t call her for days. And then she spoke to me and said, what do I do? I just feel like, you know, he was great, but then he didn’t invite me. And so I texted him this. And so here is a person who is so worried about being abandoned that she made abandonment happen. Right. Because what happens is when we’re so when we’re really afraid of the wall,
Kimberly Snyder (19:11.056)
Yeah.
Yeah, Jimmy created it.
Matthew Hussey (19:19.091)
some of us, it’s like we will get close to it so that we can control it. And for her, it was like, I’m going to abandon him before he can abandon me or I’m going to force him to abandon me. So she said, don’t bother. And then he said, okay, I guess I won’t call. But she didn’t do any of the things that might have allowed that relationship to progress. And that’s what I mean by when we’re staring at the wall, we end up bringing on
Kimberly Snyder (19:31.28)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (19:48.915)
the very thing we say we don’t want in life, which is one of the great tragedies.
Kimberly Snyder (19:56.336)
Mm. Well, let me, I love this real world example, Matthew. Now another one I’m going to throw at you is the fixer, right? So I’ve, I’ve done this myself being with someone that says, Oh, they’re not, you can’t get that close. They’re not in touch with their feelings. I feel like I can fix this person. I feel like I can open up their heart. I can change them. They have this history and they’ve even said to me, I can’t get really close to someone. Um, my ex, my last ex did not work out. We, um, he’s a great guy.
but we ended up having a child together and separating. So it did create a lot of pain. But you know, we get along great, but it was that pattern or a pattern where I said, oh, I can be the one. I can be the one to change this person. And I’m sure you see this a lot in your work. You talk about red flags, you talk about consistency. What would you say to a listener right now who’s like, yeah, I do that.
I try to be that one that, you know, you see the person in front of you and you want them so badly to be different that you keep going down that path.
Matthew Hussey (20:49.651)
try to be that one that you know you see the person in front of you and you want them so badly it’s going to be different. Yeah. Well it’s firstly just just having compassion for where that comes from for you is really really important. You know the same thing I said to that woman that I coached is when you got triggered by him not inviting you to this little get -together.
have compassion for the part of you that is triggered because this is not, you didn’t decide to get triggered. It’s not like you said, you know what I’m gonna do today? I’m gonna wake up, I’m gonna feel anxious all day, I’m gonna feel sick to my stomach that this person doesn’t like me, I’m gonna just have a really miserable day. You didn’t decide that. There is something deep in you that comes from a time that was very real.
Kimberly Snyder (21:24.816)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (21:49.619)
And whether or not this situation is real, whether or not you truly like him more than he likes you, or he’s going to hurt you eventually, we don’t know any of that. But even if it’s not real right now, there was a time in your life where it was real. And you’re still feeling that today. And so instead of hating yourself for that, show compassion and sympathy for yourself that this is not feeling I chose. It’s a feeling that’s visited me.
Kimberly Snyder (22:04.528)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (22:19.731)
and it’s not a nice feeling to have. So I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anybody, least of all myself. Let me give myself compassion right now. And so for that person who’s going into fixer mode, start with that compassion of there is a cycle of this in my life that comes from somewhere. Let me give myself compassion for that.
Kimberly Snyder (22:39.408)
Mm.
Matthew Hussey (22:42.323)
I didn’t just choose to go into fixer mode out of nowhere. Something got triggered in me that’s making me feel like I need to or want to fix this person. Then when we have that compassion, it allows us to breathe a little better. We can have a little awareness that makes us step back from it and say, this is a pattern. This probably almost certainly isn’t the first time I’ve tried to do this. It’s occurred before in my life. And if it’s occurred before in my life,
then it’s really not about this person. It’s about something in me that is happening. So in a way that helps because it stops us from making this person too important in the story. We stop thinking that the, you know, the reason that I’m doing this is because this is the one and I just need to fix them so that they realize it and they just become what I need them to be. And no, we’re feeling this not because they’re the one, we’re feeling this because this is…
Kimberly Snyder (23:26.832)
Yeah, back to that.
Matthew Hussey (23:42.323)
what we feel in situations like this. So that allows you to start to see it as a pattern rather than an indicator of how important the person is. Then we can say, is this pattern one that serves me? Does it help me? And you have to get really honest about that. Now with the fixer pattern, you have to say,
Kimberly Snyder (23:46.128)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Matthew Hussey (24:08.947)
this hasn’t served me in the past. In fact, it’s hurt me in the past. And why has it hurt me? Well, it’s hurt me because it keeps me engaged with a science fiction future reality where they are someone other than the person they are. It doesn’t focus on the reality of who they are right now. Now, why is it science fiction to assume…
that this person is going to be this future version that I need them to be. Why is that science fiction? Well, let’s look at it. Let’s look at change itself and how hard change is. When we talk about any of these patterns, here’s where I think is a really valuable thing to focus on. When I’m talking about that woman who got anxiety on a deep level when he didn’t invite her to the get together,
Kimberly Snyder (24:48.208)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (25:03.251)
or when you’re talking about the person who feels compelled to go into fixer mode. Those two people are both acutely aware of how hard those patterns are to change in themselves. They’re really, really hard to change. They require self -awareness. They require massive amounts of dedication to wanting to form new patterns.
In some cases, they require therapy or coaching or at least deep internal work and a constant desire to do something different than our pattern. So many times that eventually that’s no longer our pattern in the same way that we have formed a new pattern. And even then we will find ourselves occasionally getting triggered in the old way and having to stay connected to…
Kimberly Snyder (25:32.368)
Yes.
Kimberly Snyder (25:50.864)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (25:59.763)
this new pattern and this new way of being that we want in our lives. And so it’s difficult work and it is not for the faint of heart. And the only person who truly makes those changes is someone who’s deeply motivated to change those things. So with all of that knowledge of how hard it is for you to change something about yourself,
Kimberly Snyder (26:18.96)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (26:27.507)
Ask yourself on what grounds you think this person is about to change this thing about themselves that they aren’t even deeply motivated to change.
Kimberly Snyder (26:40.624)
It’s true. It’s true. And you know what, Matthew, what I realized and what you were in your teachings, as you said that this awareness, it really started to come to me that the reason I wanted to be a fixer was had to do with self -esteem, right? Like if I can fix this person, if I can give them something, then I am valuable, right? Versus, hey, I’m whole and valuable as myself. So,
Matthew Hussey (27:02.067)
versus hate.
Kimberly Snyder (27:06.448)
I love when we talk about specific things as you do in your coaching and in your videos because I think it really illustrates it.
Matthew Hussey (27:14.387)
Yeah. And you just made a really important point, which is that usually when we have a behavior like that, it’s meeting some kind of need that we may not have ever really acknowledged. And until we acknowledge what need that behavior is meeting and address that need a different way, we’ll feel compelled to keep acting out that behavior for you. It was meeting a need for significance because.
Kimberly Snyder (27:28.208)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (27:43.827)
If I can, if I can just fix this thing about this person, if I can help them, that’s what makes me valuable. Well, you have a desire to feel valuable until you can find a healthier way to, to feel that value in yourself and to, you know, a healthier way to feel significant. You’ll keep going back to the old way because it’s what you know. And we’re, we’re addicted to the things that have been working for us so far.
Kimberly Snyder (28:08.848)
That’s right.
Matthew Hussey (28:14.003)
even if alongside working for us they come with terrible side effects.
Kimberly Snyder (28:19.984)
It’s true in that awareness, right? As we grow in our hearts, as we connect to the true self, to the energy inside, our vision grows. That’s the yogi say, the third eye. We can see more. So the story goes, and my personal story, Matthew, my mom passed away really suddenly. Within six weeks, our son wasn’t yet a year old, but it was this epiphany, right? Like, whoa, anything can happen at any moment. So I was a, you know, I lost my mom. I was a new mom. And it was at that moment, Matthew, that I said, hey, this isn’t…
it. This isn’t working. We’re not getting closer. It helped me see. And so then I moved out on my own, became a single mom. And then I spoke to a monk at the Self -Realization Fellowship nearby in Lake Shrine. And he said, treat your home like an ashram for five months. So in those five months, Matthew, I meditated, I went back to scripture. I really just wasn’t trying to date or go out. I came back into myself healing that.
Matthew Hussey (29:07.109)
Wow.
Kimberly Snyder (29:15.856)
root of this pattern that shows up sometimes in our dating relationships, because that’s where we can not see, but you can see when you step back what’s really going on in a deeper level. So after that period, then I felt so whole. I went out and met my now husband at a dinner party when I wasn’t looking for anyone. So it really took that healing inside to change.
Matthew Hussey (29:36.388)
So I really stopped that feeling, but… What did you do during that time when you were… When you felt the pull of, you know, wanting that contact, wanting love, what, you know, those urges to just get out there and escape any feelings of loneliness or disconnection? What did you do in those moments?
Kimberly Snyder (30:01.52)
So I did, I had to face myself, right? Because like you say here in your book, it’s easy to go back into those, oh, I messed up, I should go back. I had to sit and I remember being really lonely, crying in my closet, sometimes nights, hours, you know, so my son wouldn’t hear. And I just found a lot of solace in these teachings, these yogic teachings, and I would read a lot and I spent time with friends, but I said, I’m not going to, um,
Matthew Hussey (30:11.812)
it.
Matthew Hussey (30:23.299)
Wow.
Kimberly Snyder (30:30.064)
I didn’t want to go on any dating apps. I never did. I didn’t go out. But I just immersed. I went deep into my work. I went deep into the teachings and the scriptures and the Bhagavad Gita, things that I found a lot of healing in. And I swear, Matthew, when I came back out, when I popped back out on the other side, I was so much more. The energy that I held myself within the world was so different.
Matthew Hussey (30:55.458)
Oh my god.
Kimberly Snyder (30:55.504)
It really created a different experience. And now, as you know, not everyone’s going to lock themselves up for five months, but we can all reflect. And you so beautifully lay out a lot of ways that we can reflect in your book about why is this happening? How do I really feel about myself? What are my childhood patterns? Because, you know, as the yogis say, it’s easy to be on your own and just live these patterns out. But when you are faced with that mirror of being in a relationship, it brings up so much.
Matthew Hussey (31:14.434)
because when you say you need to be on your own.
Kimberly Snyder (31:23.92)
But then Matthew, there’s the discernment of, am I growing with this person? Are they helping me heal? Or am I simply with the wrong person? Which can sometimes be really hard to discern.
Matthew Hussey (31:24.417)
Is then Matthew a discernment of am I growing for this person? Are they helping me feel or am I producing wrong? Sometimes it’s really hard to discern. You can. Well, firstly, I just, your story is amazing and it’s, you are so, you are so uncommonly brave for being able to do that and to sit with those feelings and.
especially in what must have been a tremendously difficult time anyway to sit with your feelings. You know, the loss of a sudden loss of a parent on its own would make it an extremely difficult time to sit with your feelings, to then leave a relationship with someone you have a child with. And I mean, it’s just the level of bravery in you to be able to do that to a place where…
you are able to heal and then find something better for you is extraordinary. So it makes me so happy that you’re out there talking to people and doing what you do because that’s an amazing example. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t.
Kimberly Snyder (32:31.76)
Oh, Matthew. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t perfect, right? There was a period where I kind of met someone at a birthday party and kind of went down that old pattern and dated this person. And I said, this is the same thing. This person’s safe. I’m uninspired. I’m not getting closer to them. And got out and then went back into my, my self healing hole. But I did go out and say, Hey, the same thing’s happening. So then I went back.
Matthew Hussey (32:52.032)
Yeah. Yeah, but that alone, that recognition of this, this is it. This isn’t it. And this is me doing playing out my pattern again. It’s, um, it is truly amazing. I forgot your question.
Kimberly Snyder (33:09.744)
Matthew, then the funny thing is, is that I popped back out, went to this dinner party and met someone who was completely not my type, complete opposites on the surface, right? Into CrossFit and motorcycles and a huge meat eater on plant -based yogis. It’s just completely not safe, but it was this connection that we felt right away. So it’s interesting when you write in your book about compatibility and we had very different interests.
Matthew Hussey (33:19.648)
opposite on the surface right into crossway and motorcycle.
It’s just completely not safe, but it was this connection that we felt right away.
Matthew Hussey (33:37.727)
different interests but
Kimberly Snyder (33:39.248)
but the values, the loyalty, the honesty were there. So even though my triggers were going off, hey, this person doesn’t feel safe, they’re really different, they live a different lifestyle, there was, because I was so grounded in myself, there was this deeper recognition of, oh, hey, the values, what really counts is there, even though the surface doesn’t seem to match up. Can you speak a little bit about that? Because that can be hard for people that are on dating apps and they’re…
Matthew Hussey (33:43.839)
even though my triggers were going off, hey, this person’s gonna be safe, they’re gonna be different.
Matthew Hussey (33:55.711)
taking values, what really counts is there even though…
Matthew Hussey (34:01.118)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It’s funny, isn’t it? I wrote a story in the book about a guy who always dated dancers and it was like his thing. And then I asked him, I said, is your
Kimberly Snyder (34:05.936)
focusing on, hey, we both like to ski or we both like this, but then the deeper stuff isn’t really there.
Matthew Hussey (34:30.205)
Is your wife a dancer? And he said, Oh my God, she’s the least coordinated person I’ve ever met. And, and I said to him, well, does that bother you? You know, after the history of people you’ve dated and he said, Matthew, what amount of time am I on the dance floor for in my year? He said, it’s it, this is not an activity that shapes the quality of my life, but my wife is my best friend.
Kimberly Snyder (34:55.856)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (34:59.932)
We have the greatest time together. She is the most incredible mother. Like these are things that impact my life every single day. So it’s really fascinating to me. I work with a lot of people who are looking for love and it’s fascinating to me how many of them are disqualifying people in the beginning based on things that really aren’t going to have any impact on the quality of their life or their relationship long term.
Kimberly Snyder (35:15.152)
Yes.
Kimberly Snyder (35:26.864)
you
Matthew Hussey (35:29.66)
And I think sometimes we have to let go. Some of that is ego. You know, some of that is we have these egoic things that we like the way someone looks or how they’ll look with our friends and whether our family is going to be impressed by them or whether we think that society will be impressed by them or there’s all these… Exactly, exactly. And there’s a lot of people who it’s like they’re shopping for a social media.
Kimberly Snyder (35:34.064)
Yes.
Kimberly Snyder (35:49.776)
Yes, they’ll look good on my social media.
Matthew Hussey (35:58.619)
relationship, you know, and they’re not shopping for what’s going to make them happy. And that’s what I try to get people in touch with. It’s one of the things I talk about in the book when I’ve read a chapter called How to Rewire Your Brain so that you can actually rewire yourself for happiness and contentment in love instead of chronic dissatisfaction. And one of the things I talk about is going with what makes you happy, not going with what feeds your ego.
Kimberly Snyder (35:59.952)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (36:28.731)
because they’re often very different things and when we constantly date based on what feeds our ego or what we think will look good, we actually end up missing the people that would make us incredibly happy.
Kimberly Snyder (36:28.848)
Hmm.
Kimberly Snyder (36:42.)
So Matthew, I want to talk about this term that you have in your subtitle, raise your standards. And I’ve heard you say this a lot in your videos. So someone’s listening to this and they think, well, my standard is someone who’s incredibly good looking, right? And I only date, and I have friends like this. They dismiss all these amazing people because they want the really, really hot guy. And then they say, well, that will make me happy. How do you help people distinguish well?
Matthew Hussey (36:55.867)
Yeah
Kimberly Snyder (37:07.984)
We all know, you know, looks are great and mutual attraction is really important. But at the end of the day, what if someone’s like a six or a seven, but shares the values and they’re not that 10? This person has this pattern of dating tens, tens, tens, and then it doesn’t work out.
Matthew Hussey (37:22.651)
Yeah, well I think that sexual chemistry matters. So you want someone that you have sexual chemistry with, which isn’t the same as someone being the best looking person in the room. It’s who you actually feel sexual chemistry with. There are plenty of people who you can think are objectively just so attractive, they’re magazine attractive, you know? And then you meet up with them and you’re like,
Kimberly Snyder (37:37.392)
That’s true.
Matthew Hussey (37:53.563)
I don’t know. It doesn’t translate. And then there are other people that you would never pick out of a dating app profile lineup and you meet them in person and you’re like, this is weird. Like there’s something about them. I don’t know what it is. There’s something about them that I find really compelling or really attractive. And sometimes I think we get in our own way when it comes to those things, because we’re so thought -based and we’re so kind of
Kimberly Snyder (37:54.384)
It’s like flat, yeah.
Kimberly Snyder (38:13.68)
Yeah.
Kimberly Snyder (38:22.064)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (38:22.843)
judging the outside and their style or their height or their face, whatever it may be, we’re judging all of these things that we’re not actually present enough to feel what we might be able to feel with that person. Attraction is much more interesting than that. It really is so much to do with like, you know, you can kiss someone for the first time and be like, what the hell was that?
Like I didn’t know I would feel that with you. You know, like you’ve just, there’s something about them. And it’s really important not to dismiss people before you ever get to the point of experiencing that feeling. I also think that there’s a lot of…
Kimberly Snyder (39:04.656)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (39:11.387)
Sometimes, well, let me say two things. Firstly, I think a lot of the time when we’re looking for these things and we have this kind of almost a bit of contempt for people who don’t have those things, we never say that, but that’s a lot of the time the emotion that’s in play. It shows a kind of contempt that we have towards ourselves. That…
Kimberly Snyder (39:29.584)
Mmm.
Kimberly Snyder (39:36.432)
Mm -hmm. I see what you mean.
Matthew Hussey (39:38.939)
There’s ways that we’ve not accepted ourselves and our own flaws and how we look in the morning and how we feel a lot of the day. And it’s not like a lot of the time it’s not that we are in love with ourselves. And so we’re just trying to find the hottest person we can because we want someone who’s on our level. A lot of the time it’s we have contempt for the parts of ourselves that we find unattractive and
Kimberly Snyder (40:07.6)
Hmm.
Matthew Hussey (40:08.539)
We’re trying to run away from that by finding somebody else who’s perfect or we think is perfect because it’s like by aligning ourselves with them. It’s like, it’s like school. If you felt like the insecure kid at school, if you felt like the geek at school and you weren’t proud of being the geek at school, certain geeks are proud of being the geeks at school. But there are other kids who are like, I hate the fact that I’m perceived this way. And so they want to hang out with the cool kids.
so that they can feel like if I’m with them, everyone’s going to see me as cool as well. And I don’t believe I am cool, but if I’m with them, no one’s going to notice that I’m not. Whereas they have contempt for other people who are not popular and not cool because, and they’re like, for those people, it’s like, don’t stand too close to me. You’re going to rat me out. You’re going to give away my, you know, people are going to realize I’m not cool if I’m seeing with you too much. So.
Kimberly Snyder (40:40.656)
Yeah. Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (41:05.947)
you end up having contempt for these things that remind you a little too much of yourself and the realities of your own flaws. So I think there’s a little bit of that often playing into it as well. Our lack of compassion for the flaws of other people or the perceived flaws of other people is really a kind of, it’s a sign that we haven’t really fully accepted ourselves yet. Because if we have accepted ourselves, we have a lot more compassion for those things.
Kimberly Snyder (41:34.096)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (41:35.259)
and other people as well.
Kimberly Snyder (41:37.136)
Well, it’s a lot of thinking, right? Like you’re saying, how am I gonna look? How am I gonna fit in? It’s all these thoughts, the mind where the ego lives. It’s just this thinking, comparing, right? Versus the heart, the heart coherence is very, which is where a lot of my work is, Matthew, is calm. And it’s actually this feeling, it’s intuition, right? That isn’t gonna be like pro -cons list, this, this. It’s just more, hey, this feels really right to me when I’m calm and not.
Matthew Hussey (41:46.843)
Yeah.
Kimberly Snyder (42:04.848)
these erratic huge emotions, which are actually of the mind and the ego, that are all knowing, the knowing.
Matthew Hussey (42:08.635)
That’s so good. That’s so good and so, so important. And the other thing is we have to suspect ourselves when we say we have really high standards, but then in another area, we have absolutely no standards. Like the number of times I work with someone who says to me, Matt, it’s hard for me. I have really high standards. And…
Kimberly Snyder (42:24.944)
Right.
Matthew Hussey (42:38.267)
They describe to me a person that they’ve been on and off with for the last two years, who has treated them like crap, who has not in any way accepted them, who isn’t even saying yes to a relationship with them, who picks them up and puts them down at their own discretion, who’s not kind to them. And I’m like, so what you mean when you say you have really high standards is you have really high standards.
Kimberly Snyder (42:46.448)
Right.
Matthew Hussey (43:06.875)
for how tall someone is or for how their facial symmetry yeah but you have absolutely no standards for kindness that or for how someone treats you i don’t think that’s not high standards to me that’s like it’s a very a la carte version of high standards you know where you say i have really high standards but actually about the most important things in life
Kimberly Snyder (43:08.784)
You right! Exactly!
With their bone structure. Yeah.
Kimberly Snyder (43:19.92)
Right.
Commitment. Yeah.
Kimberly Snyder (43:30.512)
Right.
Matthew Hussey (43:35.931)
You don’t seem to have any standards. If that’s the case, we have to start suspecting how we’re choosing people.
Kimberly Snyder (43:43.344)
And I love how you have a chapter about resetting the biological clock because as you mentioned at the top of the podcast, a lot of people say, well, I really want to have kids. A lot of women say that I have friends. This amazing friend who shall remain unnamed is, I want to say settling, but there’s this guy, he’s like, and she doesn’t talk about him. All she talks about is I can’t wait to have kids. I can’t wait to have kids. Right? So when we talk about this standard,
Matthew Hussey (43:48.187)
Mm -hmm.
Matthew Hussey (43:58.875)
is.
Kimberly Snyder (44:10.384)
knowing that we are worthy of love at any age, right? It’s not like, oh, I’m getting close to 40 or 50 or 30 for some people, whatever it is, I better get on this track because that time pressure is of the mind. It’s of the ego and it creates these pathways which are not of the heart, they’re not sustainable in the long -term and not true compatibility.
Matthew Hussey (44:32.603)
No, but the challenge of course is that that time pressure is also of the body for so many people and it creates these situations that are truly terrifying to people because they go, if this is the thing that I want the most in the world and I’ve had my fertility tested and I have a doctor that’s telling me,
Kimberly Snyder (45:00.976)
Oh God
Matthew Hussey (45:02.971)
You kind of, you need to get a move on because like, you know, maybe your, your egg count is low or maybe, you know, if you leave it past the next two years, you might really run into some challenges in getting pregnant or it’s, it’s really for people to receive that news. It’s like, it’s almost a impossible situation. People are being told that they have to receive the news that you might only have a
Kimberly Snyder (45:07.184)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (45:32.142)
couple of years or a handful of years left to make this happen. But also don’t put too much pressure on people when you go out there and date. Be super calm and chill. This is why I wrote this chapter because I think that what women go through, especially in this area, and that’s not to say there aren’t many, many men who deeply want children who find themselves with a similar challenge of not having met someone because I’ve met many.
Kimberly Snyder (45:40.112)
What are we supposed to do? What are we supposed to do?
Matthew Hussey (46:02.029)
But for women especially, I have spent 17 years trying to help people find a sense of presence and calm in their love lives and to make great choices for their happiness. While simultaneously knowing that there is this elephant in the room, that one of the things that is making it so hard for them to be present and grounded and calm is that they feel that time is running out for this thing that they do.
It feels like for many, not for all, but for many, it feels like it’s, it’s like essential to their being to be able to experience that part of life. Um, what I talk about in the book and I do it with the help of, um, some very, uh, astute and highly acclaimed fertility doctors. But I always, I’ve said for years, I’m not an expert in.
women’s biology. I am not an expert in, you know, I can never fully understand what it is to be a woman going through that. But my God, have I had a front row seat to the pain that it causes women and to the decisions that often get made from a place of panic that lead to really disastrous long -term consequences. And I’ve also had a front row seat to the grieving that women
Kimberly Snyder (47:11.664)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (47:30.028)
inevitably do when they did really want it to happen and they missed that biological timeframe for doing so. The tremendous grief that people experience. So all of that led me to say when I wrote this book, if I’m really going to write a book that helps women, and this book is for everybody, you know, this book, men can pick up this book and they’ll get so much from it. But I said, if I really want to write a book that’s honest about what can help women,
I need to write a chapter on the question of having a child and what I encourage people to do and I will never be able to do justice in the space of a few minutes on what this chapter does because what this chapter does is deep and it’s profound and it’s very practical as well. Um, but, and it deals with an impossibly difficult subject, but
What I encourage people to do in this chapter is to first be… So much of this book is about having hard conversations and the hardest conversations we have to have are with ourselves, not even with other people. And one of the hard conversations we have to have with ourselves is, and again, women especially, if they know that they want children within a certain timeframe, or how important is it for me that I have kids? Just how important is it? I need to just quiet the noise, step back.
Kimberly Snyder (48:40.816)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (48:59.308)
and ask myself, how important is this? And if the answer is that it feels like this is fundamental to my life goals, then we need to start working backwards from a place of creating inevitability for that. So what does plan A look like first off? Well, plan A might be that I meet someone this afternoon, we fall in love and that…
Two years from now, we’re having children together. What’s my plan B if plan A doesn’t happen?
And plan B for many people is, okay, well, and sometimes for people part of plan A is I freeze my eggs today. You know, I do that so that at least I’m buying myself a little time or I’m creating some optionality and that’s expensive. Many people don’t have access to the resources to be able to do that. It can be hard on a lot of people’s bodies. There was a lot of good reasons not to do it too, but at least bring that into the conversation for yourself to say,
At what point does it become important to me to take that step? And even if I don’t, is there an age by which if I haven’t met someone…
I decide I’m going to do this another way. I’m going to do this on my own, let’s say. Could I do this on my own? Do I see that as a possibility for me? It’s not a possibility for everyone. Not everyone wants to do that. Not everyone wants to take on the incredible hardship that can come for people with that. That’s okay. It’s not about judging yourself. It’s about being honest with yourself about what options are you willing to entertain? And at what point do those options kick in?
Kimberly Snyder (50:25.008)
Mm -hmm.
Matthew Hussey (50:49.58)
in a very real way if plan A hasn’t happened. And in the chapter I talk about plan B, plan C, plan D, plan E. What are all of the different eventualities that and what we do is we look at those eventualities and we say, you know what, if it came to that, if it came to plan B and that’s what I’m going to do, then I am going to resolve, I’m going to make it my mission.
Kimberly Snyder (51:02.928)
Yup.
Matthew Hussey (51:20.524)
to make Plan B so amazing, so beautiful that Plan A is going to be a distant memory because I can’t imagine a life where Plan B didn’t happen. That’s the essence of happiness is once we know that we don’t settle for Plan B, we settle on Plan B. And when we settle on Plan B, we resolve to make it exquisitely beautiful.
Kimberly Snyder (51:44.56)
Mmm.
Matthew Hussey (51:50.54)
There is no right way to do it in life. It’s your life. You can’t screw it up. It’s your life. You make your path. And let’s remember, by the way, that even people who think they have their plan A all figured out. Life is life. You could marry the love of your life and your partner might be infertile. Your partner might not be able to have children. The two of you might struggle for years to get pregnant and it’s still not work out.
Kimberly Snyder (52:06.928)
It’s done.
Matthew Hussey (52:17.74)
There are no guarantees in any of life and that should in some ways bring people some comfort if they haven’t met someone yet. There’s no guarantees in life. What there are though is us deciding what is important to us and then, yes we focus on making plan A happen, but you know what allows you to relax with plan A? When you go on a date, instead of going with all that anxiety and that
Kimberly Snyder (52:25.104)
That’s right.
Matthew Hussey (52:46.732)
pressure of like, this needs to happen. What allows someone to relax is knowing that there is a plan B, there’s a time by which plan B kicks in. And if I end up going for plan B, I’m going to settle on plan B and I am going to make it part of the art of my life. And it’s going to be a masterpiece. So now,
Kimberly Snyder (53:10.384)
I love it.
Matthew Hussey (53:13.836)
Let me enjoy this date that I’m on. Let me be present with this person. Let me also bear in mind the fact that I know that this is something I really want for myself also means that if I find out this person has no interest in having children, then I’m not going to stick with this person. I’m going to move on because when people stay, when someone’s 38 and really wants children and then they meet a really attractive 23 year old,
Kimberly Snyder (53:17.008)
Mmm.
Kimberly Snyder (53:34.992)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (53:42.796)
a party and they start having an affair with this 23 year old because it’s fun and it’s exciting and it feels validating and that’s someone who’s not had the hard conversation with themselves about how important it is for them to have children. That they haven’t been honest with themselves and because they haven’t had that hard conversation with themselves they’re now entertaining something that albeit fun in the short term is
absolutely not aligned with their vision for where they want their life to go. Once we get honest with ourselves, we can be highly intentional about who we entertain and who we give our time to, but we can also do that from a place of calm, knowing that if it doesn’t work out this way, our happiness is not on the line. Our happiness is covered by all of the plans we’ve already made in advance for ourselves.
Kimberly Snyder (54:37.616)
Brilliant. I love that. It makes so much sense as you’re laying it out, Matthew, because otherwise we’re in this limbo place, desperation, feeling completely out of control. My friend who lives nearby did a similar thing. She was 38. She said, I really want to have a child. She did it on her own. And the reason she did, she created a plan. She said, I don’t want to put pressure on a relationship. I’m going to meet someone that is going to have to accept me.
Matthew Hussey (54:40.108)
it’s based on…
Kimberly Snyder (55:04.624)
as I am with this child because she really wanted a child so she went her own path. And I will say Matthew, across the board, for any woman who decides that they do want to have children, what you can do to empower yourself is to get really healthy at any stage, right, with your diet. And there’s a lot of research now around heart coherence. If you do some of these heart coherence techniques, you can create 100 % more DHEA in a month, which is important for egg quality, especially in your late 30s.
Matthew Hussey (55:05.324)
Yeah.
Matthew Hussey (55:10.348)
I’ll say Matthew, across the board, for any woman who decides that they do want to have children, what you can’t do to empower yourself is to get really healthy at any stage, and get your diet, and there’s a lot of research now.
Kimberly Snyder (55:31.44)
that I’ll be sharing more about, but there’s a lot of things you can do to say, hey, this is what I want. It’s going to be different pathways, but I can’t control everything, but I can take the right supplements and get my gut health and check. Do a lot of things.
Matthew Hussey (55:34.028)
And that comes down, that comes down once again to decide, once you decide what’s most important to you or what’s really important to you, then you control what you can. And, and, and, and you, you only have the motivation to control those variables. If you’ve been honest with yourself about how important it is.
Kimberly Snyder (55:51.984)
Yes, yes.
Matthew Hussey (56:02.412)
and what kind of timeframe you realistically have for that thing. Then we work backwards from that. And for anyone listening or watching right now, please know, I know that there are a hundred different caveats for everything I’ve said, that if we had three hours in this conversation, I would be making. It’s why I say I can’t do justice to this chapter in a short form conversation, but the chapter itself,
does do justice to this subject. And I’m not, I don’t come to this as, hmm, I don’t come to this claiming to be an expert in that field. I come to it as someone who just wants to prompt you to have the conversation with yourself or with other people in a way that gets you to do things that you wouldn’t otherwise do if you didn’t have that conversation now. So.
Kimberly Snyder (56:34.672)
Yes.
Matthew Hussey (57:02.06)
And if you know anyone in your life that’s in a stage of life where that’s relevant to them, please gift this book to them because I promise you that chapter alone is worth getting the book for if you know someone who is going through anxiety on that level.
Kimberly Snyder (57:19.12)
It sounds like Matthew, it’s been a couple of years since you wrote another book and it sounds like there’s been so much authentic prompting in you to write this book and to include these subjects and what you’ve seen over the last few years. This is brand new material from your last book and it feels at the forefront of what people really need to hear right now.
Matthew Hussey (57:41.676)
Yeah, I certainly didn’t write a book because I wanted to jump on writing another book after my last book. It’s actually, my last book was 10 years ago and ever since my publisher at HarperCollins has been, they literally, I’ve had emails every single year saying, is it time yet? Are you ready yet? Can we please get another book? And every year I said, it’s not, I don’t feel like,
Kimberly Snyder (57:55.632)
covering you.
Matthew Hussey (58:09.964)
It’s the right time. I don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t feel like I have quite everything I want to say yet. I wrote this book out of a need. I wrote this book because I, you know, I started to realize that I was as excited, if not more, by the people who approached me in the street saying, I’m no longer in a toxic situation because of you, as I was by the person who came up to me and said, I found love because of you. And that…
Kimberly Snyder (58:29.328)
Mmm.
Matthew Hussey (58:39.66)
When I understood that, when I understood that it meant just as much to me that someone felt more at peace, that someone felt happier, that someone felt like they were able to be single and manage the difficult emotions of being single, I realized that this has to be the basis for this book. The reason the subtitle is, you know, how to raise your standards.
which I believe is essential to finding the right person, find your person and live happily no matter what is because I didn’t want this book just to be a co -pilot for anyone who’s looking for love, which it is, and it will help people find love faster. I also wanted it, I wanted this book to help people manage the really difficult and complex feelings that they feel when they have a deep yearning to find love.
Kimberly Snyder (59:17.68)
Thank you.
Matthew Hussey (59:40.14)
or to have a family or both, and it feels like it hasn’t worked out so far. I have so much sympathy and feel so much connection towards those people, not to mention the people who are in a later stage in their lives, who find themselves single again at a time where they never felt like they would be single. They never conceived of…
Kimberly Snyder (01:00:07.056)
Hmm.
Matthew Hussey (01:00:09.516)
being in their 50s or 60s or 70s and not having somebody. And, you know, I wrote this book for them too. I’m really, to everyone out there.
I would love for you to get a book for yourself, but the truth is one of the biggest reasons that I want people to get a copy is because it will help me raise awareness for this book. And if you help me raise awareness for this book, it’s going to get into the hands of people who have no idea who I am and have no idea that this exists, this work exists and are suffering right now because they don’t have access to…
ideas and information that could instantly bring them a greater sense of calm and help them make decisions that would make them happier. So for anyone out there who is listening, there’s a website, lovelifebook .com where you can get the book from any retailer you want, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or if you’re international, you can also, there’s links there for you too. We’re doing some giveaways for people who get the book. So if you enter your receipt number on that page, lovelifebook .com, there are some amazing giveaways there.
And also, even if you don’t win one of those giveaways, every single person who gets a copy of the book is getting an exclusive invite to a virtual event I’m doing on May the 4th called Find Your Person. And the whole concept of this event is that we’re going to take this book and we’re going to bring all of the ideas to life in a very real way so that you have a kind of plan for your year going forward.
So everyone’s invited to that who gets a copy of the book and you’ll find all of that information on lovelifebook .com.
Kimberly Snyder (01:01:57.616)
Perfect, Matthew. And we will put this in the show notes as well on mysaloon .com and all about Matthew’s information and how you can find about his YouTube channel. And once again, the book, beautiful book, Love Life, lovelife .com. Matthew, thank you so much for sharing. Oh, sorry, lovelifebook .com. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your authentic, real desire to help people. It really comes through and your wisdom, which is.
Matthew Hussey (01:02:04.908)
We should.
Matthew Hussey (01:02:13.036)
lovelifebook .com.
Matthew Hussey (01:02:20.62)
Thank you.
Kimberly Snyder (01:02:26.)
so beautifully outlined in this book. I can’t recommend it enough. It’s also very accessible and I will say entertaining, easy to read book. I get sent a lot of books and I actually did read the whole book. It was great and it just kept flowing along. So thank you so much, Matthew, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your work and for helping so many.
Matthew Hussey (01:02:38.7)
Ha ha!
Matthew Hussey (01:02:42.7)
It’s great.
Matthew Hussey (01:02:47.916)
It’s such a pleasure, Kimberly. I’ve loved this conversation, truly. It’s been a, you are such an authentic presence yourself and I’m really, really excited to learn more about the work that you’re doing because it sounds so aligned with what I’m doing as well. And yeah, I’d love to bring you to my audience sometime because I think your energy is, your energy alone is a very healing energy. So thank you.
Kimberly Snyder (01:03:13.968)
Thank you so much and loves. We will be back here Thursday as always for our next Q &A show. Remember to check out the show notes and all the information about the amazing Matthew Hussey.
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