The Mind-Body Connection and Your Health [Episode #412]
Welcome to the Feel Good Podcast with Kimberly Snyder. Our goal is to help you be your most healthy, confident, beautiful and joyful! Our topics focus on health and wellness (physical, emotional/mental and spiritual), holistic nutrition, medicinal plants, natural rhythms and cycles, beauty, meditation, self care and rituals, spirituality and personal empowerment.
Feeling Good means we are healthy, balanced, peaceful, confident and joyful, right in the midst of our perfectly imperfect lives. Feeling Good requires us to tune in and nourish our whole selves, which is made up of the four Solluna Cornerstones: our food, our bodies, our emotional well-being and our spiritual growth. Feeling good naturally leads to also looking good, in a much more powerful way from glowing skin created from within, a beautifully healthy body, radiant energy, and a greater level of overall well-being and personal growth.
Thursday is our community show, where I cover a themed topic and answer four questions that come right from members of our community, just like you! We are here to support you in living your most beautiful, inspired and joyful life.
I’m your host, Kimberly Snyder, founder of Solluna, New York Times best-selling author and nutritionist. I’m so grateful and honored we found each other!
This week’s topic is: The Mind-Body Connection and Your Health
Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question and 3 more sent in by Beauties just like you, listen now to find out!
Why do I feel that even good or wanted changes can be just as stressful as unwanted changes? I just got a new job but feel more stressed out than if I didn’t get the job.
Julia – Manchester, Vermont
Is it true that when we’re stressed, anxious, or upset, our bodies react in a way that might tell us that something isn’t right? How do we help our body to stay calm?
Clare – Valley City, North Dakota
After the death of a loved one I developed a stomach ulcer. I hadn’t experienced such a physical reaction to a stressful event before. I didn’t know where to begin to help prevent it to begin with. I’ve since recovered and am still healing emotionally, however, my question is, if it’s possible to stay ahead of how our emotions ultimately affect our physical health, and how?
Steph – Globe, Arizona
If anxiety can cause physical problems and keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse, how can I get over my hesitancy to tell my boyfriend when something is bothering me?
Inspirational Thought Of The Week
Stress is when you’re here, but you want to be there.
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Want to know what to expect from other episodes of the “Feel Good Podcast with Kimberly Snyder”? My passion is to inspire and empower you to be your most authentic and beautiful self. We offer interviews with top experts, my personal philosophies and experiences, as well as answers to community-based questions around topics such as health, beauty, nutrition, yoga, spirituality and personal growth.
The intention of the Feel Good Podcast is to well…help you really Feel Good in your body, mind and spirit! Feeling Good means feeling peaceful, energized, whole, uniquely beautiful, confident and joyful, right in the midst of your perfectly imperfect life. This podcast is as informative and full of practical tips and take-aways as it is inspirational. I am here to support you in being your very best! I have so much love and gratitude for you. Thank you for tuning in and being part of the community :).
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Transcript:Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.
Kimberly: Hi Beauties. Welcome back to our Thursday Q&A podcast, where our topic today is the mind, body connection and your health. We had amazing questions come in this week about this very important topic about how everything is so related. And when we think about health and beauty, it really isn’t just a product. It isn’t just a food item or one magic recipe. But it’s really how we live our lives, which is really been a huge, huge focus of my work. It’s really expanded into that the last few years, and I’m really passionate about talking about this topic.
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Kimberly: So we had amazing questions coming from you beauties, and I’m super excited to dive right in. But before we do, I just want to give a little shout out. If you haven’t yet left us a review on iTunes, please take a moment to do so today, perhaps. It really just could be a sentence. It could be like one line, just super easy, but it’s an amazing way to support the show, and it helps other beauties find this information that could really help their lives. So thank you so much in advance, and also a little reminder to please be sure to subscribe to our feel good podcast, and that way you don’t miss out on any interviews, which are our Monday show or any of these Q&A podcasts, which are always on Thursdays.
Kimberly: And I want to introduce our amazing general manager of Soluna, Kaitlin, who was out in New York, and she has gathered the questions. She has been with us always since we started the podcast a few years ago. Welcome Kay. I hope things are still nice and I don’t know, toasty is the word, but pleasant out there in New York for you.
Katelyn: Yes. Great to be back this week, and I love this topic. I’m really excited to dive in. The weather, as everybody knows, I always like to talk about the weather. It’s still, it’s going good. I’m happy, fall has arrived and it’s cooling down a little bit. As you know, fall is my favorite season. I like it a little bit cooler moving away from the summer months, and getting ready for the holidays and then the next few weeks is exciting.
Kimberly: Yes, I love October. I think it’s a amazing month, with Halloween, having a child now, I think Halloween is fun, again, I wasn’t really into it the last few years, but yeah, it’s just that, this month it’s not too cold yet, but, it’s a time where we can really get into hot elixirs and pumpkin, spicy drinks and more hot chocolate, which was our elixir and ayurvedic hot chocolate is actually our elixir recipe this month in the Soluna circle. So I liked the coziness of October.
Katelyn: And October is a big month for you. You’ll be a married lady by the time we’re back next week on the podcast.
Kimberly: Yes. So it is very exciting, Kay. I am getting married in two days from today.
Kimberly: This Saturday. It’s going to be a really intimate, beautiful ceremony. We’re only having 50 people in our backyard and strung up a bunch of Bristol lights and that with the catering from Plant Food and Wine, which is my favorite restaurant in LA. And one of the monks from Lake Shrine, which is our meditation center is marrying us, and we’re doing elements of a Soluna circle, ask where everybody’s going to participate instead of just having three speeches. So I’m really excited-
Katelyn: It’s beautiful.
Kimberly: … about the wedding and yeah, it’s tough guys. I’ll share pictures of course on Instagram.
Katelyn: Yeah, for sure. We’ll definitely check out Instagram, and we’re also happy for you. So thank you for sharing that.
Kimberly: Thank you [crosstalk 00:04:15].
Katelyn: I’m glad you could make the time this week to talk about the mind body connection and I guess you could just dive in.
Question 1: Why do I feel that even good or wanted changes can feel just as stressful as unwanted changes? I just got a new job, but I feel more stressed out than if I didn’t get the job.
Katelyn: Okay. So our first question is coming from Alexa in Logan, Utah. Why do I feel that even good or wanted changes can feel just as stressful as unwanted changes? I just got a new job, but I feel more stressed out than if I didn’t get the job.
Kimberly: So Alexa, this is a really great question. I think that sometimes we associate stress with negativity or unmet expectations or things that we don’t want to turn out a certain way. But actually, our stress response is activated when something perceived out of the norm or change in general starts to come our way. So I’ll give an example. As I mentioned, I’m getting married in two days, and I also wanted to share Kay that I am moving, we are moving into a new house in about two weeks, on the 21st.
Kimberly: And so it’s a lot of really positive things. We found our dream house, it’s amazing. It’s in the woods. We just found it and put in an offer, I mean just moves really fast. Like sometimes real estate deals do. I don’t know many people that would probably want to get married and move house in the same month. So even though it’s my dream house and it’s amazing, and of course, I’m marrying my dream man and especially with all the ups and downs in my personal love relationships, I’m just more grateful than ever.
Kimberly: So this is like the happiest time, but it’s a lot. And I’ve had a couple breakdown moments of like, there’s too much going on, and I’ve cried to John, my fiance and to myself. So, yogis talk about this idea where equanimity is the goal and it’s not getting too down about anything. It’s not being too attached and overly sad or prolonged anger, like on the downward spiral, but also to be overly elated and just over the top excited also can be imbalancing to our adrenals, and to our energy.
Kimberly: So to answer your question, Alexa, either way of the spectrum, and by the way, congratulations on your new job, it can feel like a lot on your body because your body is still processing change. And so that’s going to feel, that’s a good amount of stress on your nervous system. So what I will say to you, and this is what… I’m telling you exactly what I tell myself, is to really take time to soothe your nervous system. And you can do that in a few different ways. For me, I keep talking about elixirs and hot drinks because that is, I’m actually sipping a hot drink right now. I think that’s one of the best ways to slow down and to give your body concentrated ingredients that have the bioenergetics to, again, either rebalance your adrenals or just put a little bit of extra vitality and energy in your body and have just incredible effects.
Kimberly: The one that I’ve been going to a lot is a Tulsi Rose tea. And when we think of Rose, it has a very pacifying quality. It’s said to be a scent for the heart chakra. So it’s very Yin, it’s very soothing, it’s very love-based, very good for self-love. Tulsi is also known as Holy Bazell. So it’s said to be, and it is an adaptogen, it’s said to be very soothing to your nervous system. So this may be a time Alexa, even with positive change, you want to keep that Tulsi tea around, maybe have it in the afternoon when you feel stressed, when you feel overloaded or in the evening, which is often when I drink it.
Kimberly: I also have been doing a little bit more self-massage. I’ve been doing my feet for 10 minutes every night, I’ll be younger and just, it feels really nice to get into my bed a little bit early and have that more downtime. I don’t watch a lot of TV. I don’t watch hardly any movies really. But even less so now because I just feel that the… this is me personally, like it’s a bit jarring, the loud noise in the screens. So I’ve just been getting into books that I find relaxing and I like, and sipping my tea and just letting the nervous system downgrade.
Kimberly: And if you feel like you’re overstimulated nerves, a lot of people say to me, “Hey, TV is the way that I tune out.” If that feels good to you to have something like non-stressful TV in your life, sure, this may be the moment you want to do that for yourself, but just pay attention to what you’re watching. I would say we don’t want to overstimulate, probably not the time for violence and loud noises because that is also a stress on your nervous system, whether we consciously registered that or not, the visual sensation, like the sense of taking things in has an effect on your body.
Kimberly: So just letting yourself chill a bit more, instead of going out all the time to noisy restaurants, maybe having friends come over. Another really wonderful de-stressing activity is walking. So you can get into the habit of just doing a little walk, maybe after dinner to break up the time between your day and when you settle into the evening. Or you can walk a little bit in the morning before you start your day. And then of course, making sure that you’re integrating some sort of meditation practice or some sort of stillness practice. It’s like the effort to start it, but then once you have it, it’s like your best friend and meditation is there just to get you to into deep breathing, which is going to help you through these stressful times of change.
Kimberly: Again, positive or negative. And by the way, guys, this is a great time to talk about this because as Kate mentioned, we’re going into the holidays. Thanksgiving is usually, it depends who’s at the dinner table. There’s relatives and stuff that maybe can be a little annoying. That happens in my family’s on dives. But anyways, there’s these holidays and it’s overall you’re meant to be really positive. But again, these are shifts, these are like jarring to our system. So tea, elixirs, self massage, more reading time, just a little bit more chill time or time in nature, more walking. These are all wonderful ways to really help to maintain that equanimity, to keep your immunity up and to keep your energy up as well.
Katelyn: And we have a great blog that you wrote a while back about positive stress and negative stress and being able to know which ones you’re associating with, if you are having positive stress or negative stress. So we can link to that in the blog today over on my Soluna for you guys. If you’re interested in learning a little bit more about this topic and what you can do.
Kimberly: Yeah. Thank you Kay for putting that out. We’ll link to it in the show notes, that’s great.
Katelyn: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, I know for me, for sure, change always brings up a little bit of a stress trigger. So I think it’s normal, good and bad. We all have a little bit of stress in our life, so it’s good to have the tips you just to suggested to help soothe them a little bit.
Question 2: Is it true that when we are stressed, anxious or upset, our bodies react in a way that might tell us that something isn’t right? How do we help our bodies stay calm?
Katelyn: Okay. So let’s see what Julia from Manchester, Vermont is thinking. Is it true that when we are stressed, anxious or upset, our bodies react in a way that might tell us that something isn’t right? How do we help our bodies stay calm?
Kimberly: Julia, thank you so much for this question and sending you love out there in Vermont, which is a state that I have not been to in some years, but I do love Vermont, I think it’s gorgeous. And I imagine this time of the year, it is incredible with all the leaves changing. So lucky he’ll get to be there in that beautiful spectrum of colors. So yes, you are absolutely right. Our bodies are always trying to protect us. The incredible intelligence of our bodies has so many different feedback loops and so many different systems as we’re working to create homeostasis in our bodies.
Kimberly: So when we’re stressed, when we’re anxious or upset, as you mentioned, our body can start to secrete different hormones, cortisol and we get more into fight or flight mode. Again, our parasympathetic nervous system and our sympathetic nervous system is working towards that homeostasis, and woo fight or flight is jarring. It’s like, oh, something’s happening here. What do I do? How do I keep this body healthy? How do I survive?
Kimberly: So one of the best ways to keep your body calm is to reassure your body that everything is okay through regular, trying to regulate or maintain the regularity of your normal everyday processes such as eating, drinking, sleeping, and exercise, and breathing. So imagine there’s like a stress going on in your life, again, as we mentioned with Alexa’s question, this is why it’s a really good idea. Even if it’s one minute or three minutes to start the day with some deep breathing. Like a breath-work practice or meditation, and I’ll just remind you guys again, we have free led meditations over at mysoluna.com, and there’s meditation apps. There’s lots of resources now. But just find one that feels soothing to you.
Kimberly: And if you start the day on a more regular breath pattern, that has a huge impact on your mind, on your gut health, on your hormones. I mean, there’s more and more research coming out about this. So start the day with deep breathing. So when the upset comes in or something triggers you… you may be triggered for a moment, but you’re coming from a base of deep breathing and it’s easier to go back to that.
Kimberly: In moments of stress or upset, you still want to maintain as close as possible to your regular eating patterns. Drink your glowing green smoothie, drink your hot water with lemon, have your lunch around the same time. Body doesn’t like it, one day you just get really upset and you don’t eat for almost the whole day and then you binge at night or you stress eat all day.
Kimberly: Of course, that happens to all of us. Again, back to this idea of happy stress too. I had my bridal circle, I call it circle rather than a shower. We did a similar thing to the Soluna circle, and I had 11 girlfriends in the house, Kay. And it was an amazing, there’s a lot of energy. It a lot of talking and I was also taking care of Bubby and there was a lot. And then afterwards everybody left and I sat down and I ate those pints of coconut ice cream, I ate like a half of one, which is a lot for me usually, I know some people be like, “Oh, I’ll eat the whole one.”
Katelyn: That’s me.
Kimberly: But for me that amount of fat and sugar just felt like a lot, and after I did it, but again, so I’m just saying, we all stress eat sometimes, but trying as much as possible to stick to healthy rhythms. Same thing with sleep. You may need a little bit more of an evening routine to calm yourself down so that you get to sleep. And this is the practice that Dr. Michael Bruce mentioned on our podcast interview with him a couple of weeks ago, which is this idea of journaling after dinner to get out of your head, whatever you’re feeling anxious or stressed about, and get it into your journal.
Kimberly: You don’t want to do this right before bed because the thought line might continue. But if you do it a couple of hours before bed, it will help you process and hopefully help prevent insomnia because during these periods, your body, your adrenals, your system absolutely needs really healthy, good sleep. So trying to maintain these rhythms will help your body to stay calm. I think hot soup and stew, these types of easily digestible comfort foods are also really great for your body, bodies can easily absorb minerals from cooked veggies, you won’t get as bloated, cooked cabbage for instance, is a lot easier for most people, cooked cauliflower, but those foods will not have enzymes.
Kimberly: So in those cases, I do of course recommend taking a couple digestive enzymes. We have our feel good digestive enzymes, something like that before is a good idea. But the hot comfort foods are great. Hot elixirs are great. Ginger tea is another big go too much of mine because it’s warming and it feels comforting. So all of these practices. And just remember Julia, the main word is equanimity and regularity in your daily schedule and that will really help your body.
Katelyn: Awesome. Will be these, we’re going to take a short break and then Kimberly will be back to answer the last two questions.
Kimberly: All right, beauties. We had our short little break, and we are back to talk about this very important topic about the mind, body connection and your health. And I love talking about this. I’m really passionate about talking about this. Because I didn’t get it to be honest, for a long time. I think that, I was so focused on food because I had such an unhealthy relationship with food for so many years. I was a diner, I had some eating disorders in high school. I was trying to control my body and this and that and I was really looking at it through a pretty one dimensional lens of food. And food is important. Don’t get me wrong, we will always talk about food here. We will always talk about food in the community and provide recipes and plans. And we have books that are very food focused.
Kimberly: But this whole aspect of expanding beyond into a lifestyle, which is what we talk about, it’s a Luna with our four cornerstones to me is the key to feeling good. This is the key to wellness. This is the key to breaking past blocks in your life. Whether it’s not being able to lose those last few pounds or not understanding why you’re always exhausted or why you’re having trouble finding the right partner, it’s really about this holistic approach. So I really love this topic and I’m excited to hear what else you guys, what other questions we have on this topic.
Question 3: After the death of a loved one, I developed a stomach ulcer. I hadn’t experienced such a physical reaction to a stressful event before, and I didn’t know where to begin to help prevent it to begin with. I’ve since recovered and I’m still healing emotionally. However, my question is, if it’s possible to stay ahead of our emotions that ultimately affect our physical health, and how would you suggest doing that?
Katelyn: We have a big one here from Clare in Valley City, North Dakota. After the death of a loved one, I developed a stomach ulcer. I hadn’t experienced such a physical reaction to a stressful event before, and I didn’t know where to begin to help prevent it to begin with. I’ve since recovered and I’m still healing emotionally. However, my question is, if it’s possible to stay ahead of our emotions that ultimately affect our physical health, and how would you suggest doing that?
Kimberly: Claire? Oh my gosh, honey. I’m so sorry. Big virtual hug. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing this with us. Grief is super intense and I think that when we go through these moments of life, our bodies are trying to cope. We are trying to cope and it’s painful. There’s a lot, there’s just, it can feel like an overwhelm. And so first of all, I just want you to know that, again, we send you love, we send you big hugs.
Kimberly: This is very close to my heart as I’ve shared with you guys many times before because it’s such a pivotal moment in my life. When I lost my mom now about two years ago. That was a shocker. It was a game changer. So I do have a lot to say about this topic, about stressful events, including grief.
Kimberly: What happens is if we don’t allow the grief to be felt, which is not a thing that we’re taught normally. If something’s very painful we tend to turn away. If someone rejects us, and this can be childhood patterns we develop, we tend to distract, or we retaliate and say something mean back like another mean comment. Whatever, some social media or we eat sugar. Or we watch a YouTube video.
Kimberly: But to let just… And what happens is, if we’re not processing, if we are distracting, those emotions actually get encrypted down into ourselves, into our bodies. And this is what repression and suppression is. And this is where, whoo! This is a really powerful thing to understand again, about the mind body connection that your body will take it on. If you are not feeling your feelings, your body takes it on.
Kimberly: There was this amazing book that came out years ago called, You Can Heal Your Life. It was by Lynn Louise Hay. And she actually talks about different organs and different ailments as associated with different feelings. So, for instance, stomach or gut is usually associated with anger, and anger is something that is easier to feel for a lot of us versus sadness, one might feel in grief. So it can get transmuted into that and it can start to affect your stomach.
Kimberly: We all know that if we feel anxiety about something, and it just kind of lodges in our body, sometimes we can’t go to the bathroom or sometimes we get diarrhea. There is such an incredible loop, an unbreakable connection between our mind and our body. So what I will say here is to let yourself express and feel what you’re feeling even though sometimes it can feel intense.
Kimberly: Again, I preface this by saying, I’m not a psychologist, so professional therapy can always be a good idea if that works for you and you find a therapist that you vibe with. So, this is just my advice from my own experience and reading a lot of different books about this and processing my mother’s own passing is to let yourself feel. And, my favorite book, which I have talked to you guys about before is the Letting Go book by Dr. David Hawkins. And he always says, it’s about 10 minutes for intense grief to come, and then it will wash over you like a wave, and then you’ll get a little reprieve and then you’ll feel okay for a while, and then sometimes somebody will say something or you’ll see a picture and you’ll just feel that wave again.
Kimberly: But he does say, and this has been my experience too, there is a… It’s like a well, and there’s the bottom of the well, it doesn’t go on forever and forever as long as you let yourself feeling. It’s like pulling out thorns, like rose thorn that are in your heart and you’re letting them be felt and it hurts. But it’s intense. It’s like pulling out that thorn. It hurts for about 10 minutes.
Kimberly: Problem is if we don’t deeply feel, if we start to let ourselves get numb and again, we distract, we drink a bunch of alcohol, we just do whatever it is that distracts us. It’s still in there. It’s not being felt. So it’s actually in our bodies. I believe this is a big reason. I was constipated for so many years. I had a lot of pain, I had a lot of low self esteem. I felt like I didn’t fit in with a lot of the other girls. I looked different. I grew up in a very Caucasian place. I’m half Asian. I had all these stories in my head about being unwanted and I didn’t really talk to anybody about it.
Kimberly: And it really kept getting lodged in my body until it was years of constipation, and IBS and bloating and it really did affect my health. So I will say to your question, Clare, the best way is to really let yourself feel to express things in a journal if you need to. I find that very healing, very therapeutic to write things down. We also have the Solluna circle which is a very low entry offering for you guys. It’s $5.55 a month. I think community, supportive nonjudgmental community is very, very healing and very important.
Kimberly: And that way, this feeling idea, which again hurts initially but stops the repression from happening, is the way not to get sick, physically. It’s the way to clear up and out of you. I’m also, I love energy work, energy healing. I’m a big believer in acupuncture. I’m a believer in keeping the energy flowing, the TCE, the channels, I’m a big believer in Reiki. So some of these practices when you need extra support can also be helpful for you.
Kimberly: So if you want to learn more about this idea of letting go and repression and suppression, again, I’ll recommend that Letting Go book by Dr. David Hawkins. I think it’s wonderful and it really helped me personally.
Katelyn: And speaking of resources today, I wanted to reveal we are, we now have our four cornerstones guide available to you guys. It’s an amazing-
Kimberly: Oh exciting.
Katelyn: Yeah. It’s an amazing-
Kimberly: [inaudible 00:26:30] it’s so much, Kay.
Katelyn: It’s amazing wealth of resources where, it’s actually not even on the homepage of the website yet, we’re just offering it to the podcast listeners first. So you guys get a sneak peek to this guide of our four cornerstones, breaking down each cornerstone and ways it can help you in your life, and all you have to do, we set it up really easily. If you’re on your phone right now, you just text to 555888, and just text the word, feel good, and that will give you a link to download the PDF so you could check it out and it has so many resources for you and it definitely relates to everything we’re talking about today.
Katelyn: So if today’s topic is vibing with you, we definitely think you’ll take advantage of this offering that we’ve spent a lot of manpower and hours to create. And it’s free.
Kimberly: Oh yes, it’s a passion project.
Katelyn: It’s a passion project.
Kimberly: We do love. We really believe in community. We believe in helping each other. So just like the podcast is free and we have free meditations, this guide I think is a really great overview of our philosophy about how everything works together. So thank you so much Kay for sharing it. I think you guys will love it. I think it’s really beautiful, and put together and easy to follow and very… There’s philosophy but there’s very tangible action steps, and recipes and things.
Question 4: If anxiety can cause physical problems and keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse, how can I get over my hesitancy to tell my boyfriend when something is bothering me?
Katelyn: Yes. And we’ll have it in the show notes today too if you prefer to go on the computer, but a lot of people we know have your phone, you’re probably listening on your phone so that might just be an easier way to access. So with that, we will go into Steph’s question, who’s living in Globe, Arizona. If anxiety can cause physical problems and keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse, how can I get over my hesitancy to tell my boyfriend when something is bothering me?
Kimberly: Steph, thank you so much for your question. I like how you phrase this question because it’s like this wisdom is coming out of you. The first part, you’re like, if anxiety can cause physical problems and it’s almost like, you know that’s true. And so this is where it’s coming from, I believe. This idea that something’s bothering you and you don’t want to have a physical problems, so you’re bringing it up. And I applaud you for that. I think it takes a lot of courage because a lot of us, including myself, have difficulty with confrontation sometimes.
Katelyn: I do.
Kimberly: I don’t like it. It’s really hard. I find it awkward and I don’t know, it’s those uncomfortable phone calls we have to make some times, believe me, I get, it makes me squeamish even to think about it. But I think that it’s about the delivery and I think it’s about timing. Like [RomDas 00:29:26] would say set and setting is everything. So I think that if you bring up issues, so to speak or challenges, not when it’s already a stressful time, which would exacerbate, but maybe when it’s just a quiet moment and here’s another book I would recommend it’s called, Nonviolent Communication and it’s by Dr. Malcolm, oh gosh, I can never remember his name, but if you go on Amazon or Google or whatever, it’s called Nonviolent Communication.
Kimberly: And it’s a really great way. And this also helped me with confrontation Kay, it’s a great way to phrase things where the person you’re talking to doesn’t feel attacked. And it’s this whole technique of talking about how you feel and how it’s about you. And so it doesn’t feel accusing the other person. Again, this idea of nonviolence, we’re not saying that they’re doing something wrong, which can very much put someone on the defensive. It’s coming from the standpoint of, something’s going on with me.
Kimberly: And hey, would you be open to these other ways or these approaches. If it’s done with love and gentleness and that’s where you might want to just take a couple of deep breaths first. If you can do like a one minute mini meditation and just stay really grounded and connected to your heart and make it again about just your feelings, because nobody can really negate your feelings. People can, if you say, oh, well, you are wrong. You’re so thoughtless, that you never, you always leave your smelly sucks around.
Kimberly: Or you always stick your nasty processed cold cuts right on top of my quinoa, I just made… Or whatever it is that’s bugging you. Of course that’s going to come off across as like, ah! But I think that I applaud you again, Steph for the recognition that you don’t, nobody deserves to live with all this stuff bottled up. A partner, a boyfriend, a roommate, a friend, a husband, a wife.
Kimberly: We’re meant to be here for each other. And if you don’t have healthy communication, it will eat away at you, and it can, as you said, very much diminish your health, your energy, your vitality, your digestion, your gut health, your microbiome, everything. Because it will eat away at you, will start to imbalance you more and more. So again, I think pick the right time, make it be about feelings, maybe check out this nonviolent communication book, come up with a real plan and to go about it and express it.
Kimberly: And I think if you do it from your heart and with love, hopefully it will really be, you will see that you’re just trying to express authentically because you care and you want to be close to him and you want to have a healthy, beautiful relationship and open communication is a huge part of that.
Kimberly: You don’t want to feel like you have to hide from your partner. So yeah, I would say that’s the approach and that’s what I’ve done, and I have to have those uncomfortable conversations. I don’t do it when I’m heightened anymore. I really try not to do it when I’m upset, I’ll just chill out. And then it’s more like, oh, I kind of noticed this, does that feel right to you? I tend not to ask questions like, what do you think? Because it didn’t feel this way to me, but like how do you feel about it?
Kimberly: And that’s another way that I sort of soften it. And it includes their perspective too, so it doesn’t feel like I’m dictating. So that’s my advice about that. I don’t know Kay if you have anything to add about how you’ve gotten over your issues confrontation.
Katelyn: Yeah confrontation is so hard. I think I try to rephrase it, and not look at it as a confrontation, and look at it as just a conversation that needs to be heard. And I started journaling because I’m never good on the spot. I’ll kind of fire off, and the other day I was not and [inaudible 00:33:45] fiance for the dishes and I called him and I started firing off a million other things I was mad about.
Katelyn: And I’m like, “And then the dishes and then this and then that.” And then he just hung up the phone and I was like, “Then you hung up on me.” And it just turned into this big blow up when it didn’t have to be, because if I would’ve just talked to him calmly, it wasn’t a big deal but I made it a bigger deal than it had to be. So that’s something that you were suggesting of coming in calm, knowing what you want to say, knowing what’s really bothering you.
Katelyn: Because maybe it’s not the dishes. Maybe it’s the comment that was said a week before or something else. Because sometimes it’s a deeper issue that is then something surface, really brings out and then we get really angry or it might just be because we had a bad day at work or with the family or we’re stressed. So I agree of really honing in on what’s actually the problem and then addressing that, and letting the other person know that it’s coming from a place of love, and it just bothering you and seeing, like you suggested, if they have a suggestion on how to fix it can really help.
Katelyn: And journaling, if people aren’t familiar with journaling, we know we talked a little bit about the Soluna circle today. We actually have journal prompts in there to get you used to journaling, and we recently just added something new called, a monthly reflection, so we give you a task to try each month and then we reflect back on it. So that’s something of revisiting something you’re doing, and that’s something here you could revisit as a recurring problem. If you were journaling about it, you might have noticed that it’s come up a few times and you could see patterns better than just kind of bouncing all around.
Kimberly: Yeah, that’s really good advice, Kay. And I really resonate with that part about keeping it recurring because it feels like you’re ganging up on somebody if you list all that stuff that you don’t like over the last week or month or, it bottles up and then it’s like, oh my gosh, what is that? Where did that come from? And it feels like you hit somebody in the face and it doesn’t, that doesn’t feel good.
Kimberly: So I would say, just keep it, like you said, what is really bothering you and addressing it pretty directly, but in a loving way, stay connected. And if you can feel good and proud of yourself, staying calm and connected while you delivered it, then it’s almost always going to turn out way better for you. And I think that delivery is really important.
Katelyn: Delivery is key as the last takeaway.
Kimberly: Yeah it’s right.
Thought of the Week
Katelyn: So with that key, do you have an inspirational thought or quote to end out the session today?
Kimberly: Yeah. So today’s quote is actually something I’m paraphrasing from one of my most beloved authors, Eckhart Tolle. And he writes… he says and writes, I’m paraphrasing here, but something along the lines of, stress is when you’re here, but you want to be there. So it’s the closing thought to kind of ruminate on, we are where we are in this moment and these stories, these stressful thoughts that we bring in like, oh, here’s the way my body looks, but I should be 10 pounds lighter today.
Kimberly: Or my boyfriend should have said this, but he said it that way. When we have such a narrow way that we want things to look and expectations around that, it creates a lot of stress on our body. It degrades our health. It ages us in a very accelerated way. And so there’s a gracefulness and this is an incredibly powerful wellness practice to be here now. To be really present. And then we deal with what comes up, right action comes from being connected to the present.
Kimberly: And you would… Just like Steph’s question, maybe I need, I don’t like this, but I’m going to… this is what’s happening, so I’m going to have that conversation with my boyfriend. Maybe I do want to lose weight but I’m here now. I know that I can still tune in, I don’t have to beat myself up. I’m going to get back on the wagon though. I’m going to start making my… going green smoothie, some of my guerrilla tacos, like my kitchari or whatever recipes your go tos are, I’m going to do that, you’re taking action steps.
Kimberly: But stress is when we lament over the divide between here and there right now. Does that make sense? So it’s like when we’re here in this moment, there’s this acceptance. We can breathe in this moment, we can be calm in this moment. This moment is really all we have. And how does that connection, we can start to take steps forward and improve. And that is the empowered way to maintain our health, to live in the world and not feel stressed and anxious all the time, which I don’t want you to feel. I think we’re meant to be here and enjoy life.
Kimberly: The relatively short time that we have on the planet, we’re meant to connect with ourselves. We’re meant to connect with others. So just take a breath and realize it’s going to be okay, you are powerful. There’s… you have a lot of resources within you. You are resourceful, you are amazing, you are strong, don’t get overwhelmed. Just breathe right here and then create a plan, and have these little baby steps, keep moving forward and then you will start to move forward from that empowered place.
Kimberly: So that is my thought of the week. And that is something that is always everything I share with you guys, is always very close to my heart. And I used to really get whoa! Like why isn’t this happening fast enough? And that creates, for me a big theme was time pressure in the past. And that’s very much like what I was saying, we’re here but it should be there. We should be doing this and this, but why is this different?
Kimberly: So anyways, think about it in your life, whether it’s time pressure or I should be this further along in the year or I’m a certain age, I should have five kids by now or like whatever it is or oh gosh, I should be seven pounds lighter. Well, whatever. Just think about how you can find peace now and I promise you your body will start to relax, your adrenals will balance, it becomes easier to lose weight from that position. It becomes easier for everything to flow more easily towards you and to manifest, when you find peace in the now and you are not fighting right now. So this is a big one for health too. Like I said, weight, everything.
Katelyn: Such a beautiful way to round out the show. Thank you for that. As always, beauties, before we get off the line, I wanted to remind you to please keep submitting your questions over on my solluna.com/askkimberly. There’s a page there with a form we’d love to hear, show topic ideas or questions that you want us to keep answering on the Thursday show just for you.
Kimberly: Amazing. Well thank you Kay, my love for gathering the questions. We love you and we appreciate you so much for holding the space for us here and really keeping the podcast going with all the details and all the organization. Beauties, we love you, wherever you are in the world right now, we’re breathing together, we are here, we are connected. I am so grateful that we found each other. So as Kay mentioned, please let me know if there’s anything I can do to support you. Anything you’re wondering, write into us and we will be back here on Monday for our next interview podcast. Until then, daily inspiration, we’re on Instagram. We have tons of resources over on the website. So we will see you on whatever channel we do in Cyberspace. And we love you and take great care of yourself. See you back here soon.