9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life [Episode #766]

This week’s topic is: 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life

If you’ve ever wondered where you sort of are in the category of emotional wellbeing, it is so individual. However, today we’re going to be giving nine characteristics of being emotionally healthy. Just like how we might check our blood pressure number, blood test or measure our inflammation, it’s important to see where you may have some work to do in the emotional wellbeing/mental health area. Or, Hey, I’m doing pretty great.

And if we’re finding that some of these characteristics don’t quite match up to where we are, it’s not to say that we should feel bad about ourselves or judge ourselves, it just shows that we can put so much more energy and nourishment in this Cornerstone. It’s really important that we nourish our emotional wellbeing and we’ll get into why and how in today’s show.

Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question sent in by a Beauty just like you, listen now to find out!

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[Question Answered]

Sydney – London

I have had to face a lot of emotional trauma in my life which has made it more difficult in my personal relationships. What are some things that I can do within myself to improve my personal relationships?

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Transcript:

Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.

Namaste loves, and welcome back to our Thursday q and a show where I’m really excited about our topic today, which falls into our emotional wellbeing, cornerstone. And our topic is specifically 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person in Life. So if you’ve ever wondered where you sort of are on the, on the scale or in sort of just the category of emotional wellbeing, it is so individual. But today we’re gonna be giving some markers, nine characteristics of being emotionally healthy, emotionally. Well, just like we might check our blood pressure number or we might, um, do a blood test and measure our inflammation, biomarkers, it’s important to see, huh, maybe I have some work to do here in my emotional wellbeing slash mental health. Or, Hey, I’m doing pretty, pretty great. And if we’re finding that some of these characteristics don’t quite match up to where we are, it’s not to say that we should feel bad about ourselves or judge ourselves, it just shows that we can put so much more energy and nourishment in this cornerstone.

And I will say, personally, from my work with hundreds, thousands of people that I’ve personally, um, worked with to some degree, that this cornerstone and the spiritual growth cornerstone, in my opinion, are the ones that need the most nourishment, the, the reasons that we overeat or we choose incorrect foods, or we tend to abuse our bodily sample with alcohol or sleep deprivation, or whatever it is come from the formless parts of us. They come from being a little bit, um, or needing some help to create more emotional health, um, a deeper sense of self. Our spiritual growth is really about not placing our sense of self in the false sense of self or the ego. If we do that, if we’re identified with the surface, what we look like, what we’re doing, we are constantly driven to try to make that better. So there’s this endless stress, this endless seeking, this endless, relentless pushing of ourselves, which unfortunately ultimately leads to depletion and fatigue and just never feeling satisfied.

So it’s really important that we nourish our emotional wellbeing, and we’ll get into this in a moment, but a lot of this stems from childhood. And as adults, we don’t wanna keep dragging our past into our life today. We don’t want, we don’t want whatever happened to us, whatever we perceived in our very limited adolescent mind, those stories, those conclusions to affect our life and our relationship today. So we’ll get into that, but sometimes we really need to learn emotional wellbeing. We need to have some therapy or some guidance or just some, you know, a shift in perspective. But this is so huge. This will affect your health, this will affect your happiness and many other things.

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Question around the topic of: 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: I have had to face a lot of emotional trauma in my life which has made it more difficult in my personal relationships. What are some things that I can do within myself to improve my personal relationships.

All right, so I’m very excited now to get into our show. Our question comes from Sydney, who lives in London. Hello, my love across the pond. I used to live in Richmond for some months when I was working with some of my entertainment clients. I absolutely love London. I love all of the uk. So sending you so much love over there. And thank you so much for participating. I’m so excited that we are connected. And your question is, I have had to face a lot of emotional trauma in my life, which is, which has made it more difficult in my personal relationships. What are the, some of the things that I can do within myself to improve the relationships that I care about? So, Sydnee, I really relate to this. I’ve had to take a look at myself, and trauma is in a word I would’ve used, you know, five, 10 years ago. It’s come into the vernacular of our culture, thankfully, from some of these really great leaders, thought leaders in the space, including Bessel VanDerKolk, who wrote the, um, the now

Very, um, I would say it’s a groundbreaking book called Your Body Keeps the Score. When I read this book, it was the first time, it was like a light bulb went off in my head when he started using statistics, um, including that 75% of Americans have experienced some form of trauma, something that takes us out from reacting in a completely neutral way or behaving in a completely new, neutral way in this present moment. And he talks about neglect as being even more impactful than a singular event, potentially like a our accident or something of that nature. And so, if we think about all the things that have happened to us in our childhood, you know, our caretakers were doing their best where they were in their life, but no one’s perfect. And so we were exposed to things or ideas or situations, perhaps over repeated amounts of time, which just caused us to create different conclusions, beliefs, ideas that may not be true at all.

So for me personally, my parents are incredible loving people, busy hustling, working. My mother’s an immigrant from the Philippines, so there was a, you know, a bit of left aloneness. And so to, for me personally in my life, I was, you know, trying to then hustle myself for love, trying to prove that I was worthy of love and being a perfectionist and all these other things. And so I’ve had to look at that as an adult and how that affects how it was affecting my relationships and my relationship with myself. And it really did. And it does to this day, takes work. I’ve done a deep dive <laugh>, I, you know, a lot of the practices and a lot of the work and the meditations and the journaling that has helped me a lot are what I write about in you are More Than I than you think you are, especially across the fear chapter.

There’s a really deep fear that a lot of us internalize in different ways. The fear that we are not lovable, that we are not worthy of love or worthy to be seen, acknowledged, validated, whatever it is. So this can play out in perfectionism, this can play out in low self worth or just literally, you know, choosing bad partners a million different ways. <laugh>, right? So there’s me a lot of research out there talking about, and there’s one I’ll link to about unresolved emotional distress in childhood being a prominent cause of emotional distress in adulthood. And several epidemiological studies have shown that social and emotional support can protect against premature mortality, prevent illness and aid in recovery. So it’s really important that we look at where we are today with clear eyes, and as we go through these nine characteristics, now it’s, we can take a bit of a self-assessment and just say, Hey, you know, some of these feel a bit off.

Maybe it’s time for me to put more attention, more nourishment, more resources, whatever that looks like for you. Supportive community counseling, telehealth, um, just within your tribe, within these practices. It just shows it, you know, where we need to work a little bit more. And so, for me, and I like to share, we, it’s important we share a story. So you can see this in the real world. I put so much energy and attention on my body and on my diet for so many years, I didn’t really wanna look in because there was a lot of pain there, and I just didn’t wanna admit to myself or see that there was a lot going on in this cornerstone. But it all started to just come up to be healed around when my mom passed away, well, five years ago now, five and a half years ago.

And it’s been the biggest exponential increase in peace and joy and love in my life. So I really do think it’s important to talk about this in the context of feeling good. The title of our show, we will never really feel Good, which means connected, which means healthy and whole, unless we look at our emotional wellbeing. So nine characteristics.

#1 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Healthy boundaries

The first characteristic is that we have healthy boundaries in our life. This means that we understand where boundaries are when they’re crossed. This could be at work, this could be in our personal relationships when something is really not okay. And if this isn’t clear to us, this is a sign that we need to pay attention to this. They’re not defined, they’re not healthy. We feel like we’re getting taken advantage of all the time, or we just have trouble saying no. Whether it’s saying yes to too many events, depleting ourself or whatever it is.

Healthy boundaries show that we are emotionally healthy. I will link in our show notes to some shows that have focused completely on healthy boundaries, including our show with Joelle Prevost and some, um, some other doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists and healers, because this is really important. Dr. Judith Orloff, who is, um, the empath expert willing to her podcast. Um, sorry, her, yeah, her interview as well. Healthy Boundaries. Just as you hear this, think to yourself, Hmm, am I there or do I have work to do?

#2 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Wait on it, whatever it is

Number two, learn to wait on it, whatever it is. So when we feel healthy, when we are healthy emotionally, it means that we are moving away from this frantic energy, this desperateness, this sort of has to happen now, which is from the ego, right? It’s from when we’re, we’re listening too much to that voice in our heads, this impulsiveness that can actually lead us very wrong.

It can make us, um, feel that we have to speak right away, and then we’re regret regretful of the things that fall out of our mouth or the actions that we take. So being able to sit back and process big feelings instead of acting right away, um, is a sign of emotional health. And I can say that I’m pretty healthy here, except for when it comes to my ex. Um, there’s a couple people that still really trigger me and just shows I have more work to be done, like all of us. But it’s true, this sitting back and letting things, um, wait a little bit, we can just come back to our center. The different parts of our brain associated with rationality can then be lit up and turn on. Then we’re not just coming from our emotional center. So, hmm. See that in your own life, if you have that ability to sit back more, or if there’s just real pushing, have to act now. So just, again, this is all self-assessment. We can see where we need to work.

#3 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Learn to enjoy your own company

Number three is learn to enjoy your own company. When we are emotionally healthy, it means that we are fulfilled from within. And this is again, relates back to the true self understanding that we are this energy inside of us. We are the hearts, we have this love inside of us, so we don’t have to be so attached to always craving, needing external company, external, whatever it is. This is fueled very much from within. And so as we learn to meditate, as we learn to sit with ourself, we don’t always have to run off to call and text someone. When we have a little bit of time, a little gap, we can then sit more with ourself. We can start to enjoy silence and stillness. So this is about self sovereignty, and this is in a very important part of emotional wellbeing. When we really start to feel whole and complete, we tap into that because it’s the truth and it’s always there, but then we start to experience it as reality.

#4 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Be flexible

Number four, be, be flexible. When we are safe and secure within ourself, we don’t have to have things being just so we don’t have to over-rely or be so rigid and tight and closed, right? Uh, a really emotionally healthy person is more open and open to different ideas and doesn’t feel threatened by different things. When you realize that, oh, the world is, you know, a big place and everybody’s equal. So everybody’s gonna have different opinions. It doesn’t have to threaten or impinge on my ideas, right? So somewhere in childhood, if this isn’t true, we may have picked up that, you know, um, we weren’t worthy or we weren’t important. And so as adults being told that something isn’t right or that people don’t agree with us can feel really challenging and really difficult.

And once we understand more and more the stem of that, the root of that, it doesn’t have to affect us so much. We wanna be able to go with the ups and downs. We wanna remain open and flexible and going with, you know, life’s punches. And the way things roll along is really important. If we tend to get overwhelmed, then, you know, it’s just a sign that we need to, we need to work on our resilience, which comes from our practices. It comes from building a real relationship with the true self from the inside. So, again, I have a lot of support for you there. Please check out the new book. Check out some articles that will link to mysolluna.com to also help support you in this regard.

#5 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Deal with life’s discomforts as they arise

Number five, deal with life’s discomforts as they arise. So this is related to number four. We need not crawl under a rock or collapse and overwhelm when things happen that are unexpected. We want to be able to call on our resilience to take, to take a deep breath and to under have this understanding that we don’t actually control everything. And so that it’s okay. Um, life isn’t about things working out exactly right. I built a lot of emotional resilience after my mom passed away, because I think I lived in a bubble up until then. I really did think that nothing like that would happen, especially losing my mom, what I, you know, would describe as young, quite young, instead of, you know, later in life in my forties or fifties or sixties even. Um, it didn’t work out that way for me. So I had to really surrender into the, you know, the wave of what was going on. And so, life isn’t always gonna be neat and pretty.

We wanna be able to breathe and feel that anchor and know that no matter what is going on, you will be okay. It will pass. Safety and security come from the inside. You are resilient, but we need to br create that relationship with your true self. Otherwise, we can start to feel really rocked by life. And then we’re not in a mentally or emotionally healthy place. So it’s good to develop these practices before something major happens, which again, I encourage you to check out our practical enlightenment, meditations and everything that we offer over@mysaluna.com.

#6 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: We give love

Number six, we give love. Love is our natural state. So when we are emotionally healthy, we’re radiating out this powerful energy. If we’re not emotionally healthy, we can tend to get really stuck in more negative vibrations like resentment, or frustration or envy, or jealousy or anger or whatever it is.

We wanna be able to bounce back. We need to understand how to he, you know, in a healthy way, digest our feelings. We’re not trying to suppress them, but we’re letting them move through us. The word emotion means energy and motion. So literally we want things to move through. And then what’s left is this light and this love, which we can then radiate out. So this ability to be loving actually is a marker of an emotionally healthy person. If you met someone who’s very closed and it’s like they’re not in touch with their feelings and you feel like you can’t get through to them, I have known people like that in my life who shall remain unnamed. But if that is the case, then we certainly wanna make sure that we are able to look at that. And there’s some work to be done, because again, I believe our natural and a healthy natural body should be able to digest healthy, natural foods like fruit.

And a healthy person emotionally should be able to reflect our natural state of love. So if there’s a deep wound, we can’t take in love, we can’t give love, that’s something to look at. And, you know, put some energy and resources, potentially therapy into that.

#7 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Take care of your physical health

Number seven, take care of your physical health. When you’re emotionally healthy, you want to take care of yourself. You care about having healthy food, you are not going to be abusing your body so much either in, you know, drugs, toxins, experiences that are unhealthy. So it starts to awaken in us the, the knowing just how precious we are and just how precious life is. It’s so precious. We’re here, we’re alive, we’re breathing. Spirit has given us a chance to be on this earth. It’s such a gift. So we wanna make sure that we’re taking care of ourselves. And when we’re emotionally healthy, we will boost the health of all the cornerstones and very much including our body cornerstone.

#8 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Are reliable

Number eight, emotionally healthy people are reliable. We need to be able to count on our word. Other people need to count on our word, but we ourselves need to show up and be reliable, um, for ourselves. So I had this worker, I’m a very loyal person, I’ll say. And I had this worker who happened to be, um, I, you know, it won’t say exactly his type of work, but he was a worker on my home. And we used to, when we first moved in a couple years ago, and there were some things that needed to be done, and I reached out to him, and it took him a long time. It took several missed meetings for him to come over to give an estimate for some new work. And then we scheduled a date, and then he didn’t show up. And I was like, Hey, what’s going on?

And then he canceled literally four more times. And my husband said, you know, you can’t, you gotta move on. And then my friend who I’d recommended him in the first place, I said, Hey, what’s going on with, you know, call him Thomas. And she said, oh, I’ve heard from other people. I recommended Thomas to that. Just something is going on, um, mentally. So I use this little example to show that within our lives or within other people, you will notice a through line. When someone is mentally and emotionally healthy, they show up more when they said they’re gonna, of course, life comes in and we may miss something or there’s an emergency. But when someone is consistently unreliable or, you know, again, taking an honest look at yourself, we need to see what is going on, because there shouldn’t be that much of a gap between what we say we’re gonna do and showing up to do what we say we’re gonna do, right? So it’s very important. Reliability is a key component, a key characteristic.

#9 Tip 9 Characteristics of an Emotionally Healthy Person In Life: Be proactive

And lastly, number nine is to be proactive. Living a balanced life is to look at your life and understand that, hey, I may need to plan ahead a little bit here and save a little bit of money to have a nest egg. Or it’s really important that I, um, lock the doors in my, you know, in my house before I get leave on a week long vacation. Or just to say, Hey, there’s all these, you know, blinkers, all stuff going on with my car, so maybe I need to check it out before I break down on the side of the road. I need to be aware of these markers, these things that are coming up, these red flags in this relationship that show that, hey, maybe it’s not so healthy. So it’s this ability to be proactive, mindful, aware of what’s going on.

And instead of constantly being blindsided by these landmines or these disasters, we, you probably know someone, and I know them too, who’s just dealing with crisis after crisis. And when we take a little bit of a look, it’s a, you know, incredibly loving, amazing person, but disorganized and has some emotional stuff going on and, and overwhelm and is just dealing with a lot of things. And so then the rest of their life tends to be messier. So if you’re proactive, if you’re planning more, if you’re on top of things, that’s also a sign that we’re doing pretty good with our emotional wellbeing. So to wrap the show, I’ll review the nine characteristics and also remind you that this is not an exercise in feeling bad or saying, Hey, what’s going on with me? But that these characteristics we wanted to discuss, because it’s a little bit more tricky to assess where we are from a health perspective with our emotional wellbeing than let’s say our body or our diet, which is, you know, more dense, more physical can be measured.

So this is a wonderful way to just look clear eyes looking at ourselves, turning the mirror back in and just seeing, hmm, where am I? Where can I put more nourishment and more support? And or, you know, I’m doing pretty well here. Maybe I’ll focus on another cornerstone. But these are important markers. So the formless parts of us, the emotional wellbeing, the spiritual growth, really do build that expansive health, that expansion that we’re looking for in our vitality, in our life, in our abundance, in our love. So number one, let me review them again. A health emotionally healthy person, number one, has healthy boundaries in their life and their relationships. This could be your boundary with your work, with your career, with your friends, with your partner, with your children, whatever it is, healthy boundaries abound. Number two, learning to wait. Whatever it is that feels so pressing and impulsive so that we have this delayed, um, gratification, so to speak.

We are emotionally well enough to not be in reaction, fight or flight, but to take a more calm, uh, approach, a more calm response. Number three, learning to enjoy being alone, being with yourself, with your own company. This is huge because when we understand that we are able to fulfill ourselves and be healthy from the inside out, our attachments, our pushiness, our over-reliance on the external world, which leads to emotional unhealthiness is balanced. Number four, we’re flexible. We’re open, we’re adaptable to change. And all the changes that life throws at us, number five. And we’re able to deal with the discomforts, the, oh, this wasn’t expected or this didn’t go as planned when we are emotionally healthy. Number six, we’re able to give love. We are in a natural place of expression of love because we’re not so mired in our own wounds and pain.

This is a really important one. Number seven, we’re taking care of our physical health of our bodies because we care, because we’re awake and alive to how much incredible gift, how much we have to be grateful for. Number eight, emotionally, healthy people are reliable. So we do what we say we’re going to do. Barring, um, you know, emergencies, we’re able to really show up. And number nine, we are proactive. We’re more organized in our life. So we aren’t dealing with crisis after crisis, but we’re, you know, able to just plan a bit, not focused entirely on the future, but we can get a, a deeper picture of everything that’s happening, a, a wider vision, so to speak. So we aren’t blindsided all the time when we’re emotionally unhealthy, we tend to get blind to other people their needs. It’s hard for us to be empathic.

It’s hard for us to be organized because we’re just so <laugh> in this tunnel vision almost of whatever the pain or the whatever emotion there is. And so as we become more emotionally healthy, we learn to process and digest our emotions and feelings and so our life doesn’t feel so derailed with what is happening on that front. So emotional wellbeing is a huge key to freedom. It is a huge key to expanding spiritually and being anchored to the true self because the ups and downs of emotional chaos keep us entangled in the physical world. They keep us entangled with the ego and in this belief system, and it’s very hard to expand, to go into this place of pure potentiality when we’re in the emotional chaos. It’s actually impossible. So this is an important topic. It’s a very important cornerstone. This is a very important part of wellness.

So please head over to mysolluna.com for resources, other podcasts to support you in this regard, tools and so on. And I’m very excited to be connected to you. I’m, it is my great honor to be on this journey together. So please reach out to me on the website. You can submit questions for this q and a show, or if there’s any topics you’d like me to cover a little bit more in depth for the solo cast, you can also submit them there. Otherwise, I’ll see you here Monday for our next interview show. Till then, take great care. You can also reach out to me on social at well as well at underscore Kimberly Snyder. Sending you so much love and so much gratitude. [inaudible].