How to Create True, Lasting Partnerships with Dr. Suhas Kshirsagar & Dr. Manisha Kshirsagar [Episode #775]
This week’s topic is: How to Create True, Lasting Partnerships with Dr. Suhas Kshirsagar & Dr. Manisha Kshirsagar
I am so excited to have my very special guests, Dr. Suhas and Dr. Manisha Kshirsagar, who arebestselling authors and Ayurvedic physicians. Listen in as Suhas and Manisha share how to balance busyness while maintaining mutual respect and love within your relationship, how to progress spiritually as yourself while growing together, being the best version of yourself, and so much more.
Balancing busyness, transcending friction and maintaining mutual respect and love within your relationship…
Why establishing some sense of peace is vital before finding a partner…
Our thoughts on arranged marriages and the results within these relationships…
How to progress spiritually as yourself and also grow together in your relationship…
Maintaining your own uniqueness in modern life…
Core practices to strengthen your feminine and masculine self…
Advice for those who really want a partner and the waiting perspective…
Being the best version of yourself…
Vedic philosophy on if you’re meant for a relationship…
About Dr. Suhas Kshirsagar
Dr. Suhas is a classically trained Ayurvedic Physician with over 30 years of Clinical Experience. He is a Best-Selling Author, Motivational Speaker and an acclaimed Educator in the field of Ayurveda & Integrative Medicine. He has traveled around the globe popularizing Ayurveda, Yoga, Meditation & Natural Medicine. He has Chaired & designed curriculums for several Ayurvedic schools including Mount Madonna College of Ayurveda, Kerala Ayurveda Academy and Maharishi University. He is an adviser to National Ayurvedic Medical Association.
About Dr. Manisha Kshirsagar
Dr. Manisha Kshirsagar graduated from Pune University, India with a Bachelors degree in Ayurvedic Medicine and Surgery. She is also trained at the Indian College of Naturopathy and qualified as a Yoga Instructor from the renowned Kaivalyadham University in India. She is also a Licensed Esthetician from USA and has been teaching Ayurveda and yoga for more than 25 years. She specializes in women and infant health, skin care and natural beauty treatments.
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Kimberly: 00:01 Namaste loves and welcome to our Monday podcast interview where I’m very excited to have double guests today who I love very much. I’m so excited to share them with you. Together we have Dr. Sue Haas and Dr. Manisha, and I’ve actually interviewed them individually on our show, and they are world renowned Ayurvedic doctors. They have taught in, I believe, 39 countries together. They have been working in the clinic for over 30 years. They’re both authors, and I met them through our mutual, dear friend Deepak Chopra. They have been a colleague of Deepak for many years as well. And so the reason I’m really excited about our show today is we’re not specifically talking about a Veda. We’re talking about relationships. And as I see Dr. Suhas and Dr. Manisha at these conferences that I have been seeing them for years at the Chopra Center and Chopra retreats, I was just struck by them together as well as individually. There is this radiance that comes off in this, this true partnership, this love, this respect. It’s very magnetic and it’s very inspiring. So I invited them back on the show today together to talk about their wisdom, to share with us their wisdom around love and relationships and partnership that lasts and is fulfilling and sustainable, and they offered so many pearls of wisdom. I am so excited to share this interview with you today.
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Finally, little reminder as well that our latest book, You Are More More Than You Think You Are – Practical Enlightenment For Everyday Life, has recently published into soft cover as of January. So you can pick up a lighter version of the physical version of the book, which is all about creating your life, recreating your life from the inside out, just as we can with nutrition. We can also do that with practices and meditations and journaling, prompts and introspection and ways to get past fear and ways to tap into our intuition and creativity and create incredible changes in your life. I’m really passionate about this book
Kimberly: 02:58 Because has, it includes the teachings that have really helped me reconstruct my life, not just in my health, my physical health, and in my body, but in terms of my situation, the the love that I’ve been able to so grateful I’ve been able to create with my family and this beautiful land that we have in California, in Hawaii, which would’ve seemed impossible some years ago when I was struggling to pay rent. So I’m really just excited to share this all with you. So please check it out wherever books are sold. All right, all this being said, let’s get right into our wonderful conversation today with Dr. Suhas and Dr. Manisha.
Interview with Dr. Suhas and Dr. Manisha
Kimberly: 02:45 I am so excited for today’s show. I have talked to both of you individually on the podcast, Dr. Mania, Dr. Suhas, and you have so much incredible wisdom to share individually and combined. So first of all, thank you so much for making space in your busy schedule to come back on with us.
Dr. Suhas: 03:07 Thank you. Thank you.
Dr. Manisha: 03:08 Thank you for having us.
Dr. Suhas: 03:09 Thank you.
Kimberly: 03:10 And on a personal note, I, I love you both so much. I’ve seen you over the years at all the Chopra, um, events and retreats, and I’ve heard you speak, and that’s why I feel really drawn to you first on the, you know, the wisdom, the knowledge coming in sharing about Ayurveda. But then I also have always been drawn to you as a couple. And I feel like there’s a lot of wisdom that you can share with the community in the world around that. Because when I see you guys, there’s this love and there’s this mutual respect for each other and for the work, and it feels like it’s radiating out. And so that’s what I wanted to talk to you about today, because in today’s world, this idea of relationships love, you know, how do I pick a partner? How do I maintain that partnership can feel really murky, and there’s a lot of people struggling with it today.
Dr. Suhas: 04:03 Well, I fully agree and I understand and, uh, really value and respect all the work that you have done so far, Kimberly, in, in bringing about, um, and understanding about what a true life is all about. It’s not just about superficial looks or beauty. It’s all about the inner qualities of us all as human being, how we interact with ourselves and everyone else. Because I think that is a primary relationship. I got lucky with this catch here 32 years ago, and, uh, it’s still going strong every day. And, uh, I think, uh, Manisha will shed some light on that. But I think it’s a, it’s a process to learn and grow and see each other’s reflection
Kimberly: 04:52 Yes.
Dr. Suhas: 04:52 Each other every day.
Kimberly: 04:54 Well, and then practically speaking, you both have two children. And in the beginning it can feel really romantic and Oh, we’re, you know, we’re attracted to each other. We’re drawn to each other, but then life gets busy, and then there’s child raising, and then you both are Ayurvedic doctors. And so how have you balanced that busyness into and transcending friction and daily life into maintaining this beautiful ideal of mutual respect and love?
Balancing busyness, transcending friction and maintaining mutual respect and love within your relationship
Dr. Manisha: 05:23 So that’s the key, how to balance your life, because, you know, it’s with your relationship, with your family, with your work, and, uh, with your environment around you, it’s everywhere. So you need to learn how to balance your life. And in order to do that, you need to create a kind of peace in your mind. So wherever there is Shanti, there is [inaudible]
Kimberly: 05:50 Ah,
Dr. Manisha: 05:51 Means peace, and shakti means strength. So whenever you have peace in your mind, then you get proper strength to deal with everything.
Kimberly: 06:00 Wow.
Dr. Manisha: 06:01 And you can, you can organize your day, you know, according to your needs. And you can, you can keep balance in each and everything. So that’s what you need to learn, because it’s what we see. Everybody is overwhelmed with their work, with their families, especially, you know, as women. So they need to juggle so many things in every day-to-day life. And, uh, they, they put their health on their back burner, you know, and, and, and so they, they don’t have time to take care of themselves. And so that’s how all the impurities or the imbalances happens, means that’s what we see in our practice.
Kimberly: 06:41 Yes.
Dr. Suhas: 06:43 As I reflect upon what you just now asked is, um, ours was an arranged marriage means our family knew each other, and they proposed that, uh, she’s studying Aveda, I am studying Aveda. We lived in different cities, and they knew each other. So they encouraged us to meet. We met several times. We talked to each other many times. We did our veic chart compatibility together to see how compatible we are. And then we wanted to create a career together. We want to, uh, travel together. We want to start businesses together. So we had similar aspiration, but what is even more important is as that real marriage progress. And we were born and raised in India. We got married in India, but we grew up together as a married couple in a joint family. My my brother, his family, everybody lived and worked together. And I think that is an important piece, whether you have enough role models around you to see happy, healthy, successful couples. Wow, my parents said married for about 60 odd years, her parents are married for 60 plus years. When you see a lot of those kind of couples around you, you feel really under, you get an understanding. Even you mature as a couple before you mature as a couple to see how to interact with each other, how to deal with all the complexities of life, not one by one, but together as such. And I think having a role model and finding those role models around you is a very important piece of this puzzle.
Kimberly: 08:22 Well, and, and sometimes I agree with you, Dr. Suhas, but sometimes it’s not gonna be in our immediate family, right? The reality of the world today. There’s a lot of, you know, just separation and certain things. But we can look to those role model. Like for me, you guys are a role model, right? It doesn’t have to be someone you see every day, but it’s almost like this archetype. You see it and then you know that it’s possible.
Why establishing some sense of peace is vital before finding a partner
Dr. Suhas: 08:45 Well, and, and this is so important because it doesn’t have to be in your family. You might have witnessed something unhealthy, but it doesn’t stop you from manifesting a decent, I see. We see so many patients in our practice where they struggle with relationship, but we encourage them to create a softic mentality, to look at each other and to cultivate a bond of spiritual love where you are bringing in some of the qualities of patients, forgiveness, compassion, mutual love. But the foundation is spiritual because the foundation of that relationship has to be that. Yes. And what our computer said is very interesting because we come to this stage about relationship with each other as a romantic partner or a couple or a married couple, way later in life. The first relationship is who you are with yourself. Yes. And I think that is a very, very important journey that you’ll have to work on yourself as an individual and how you communicate with yourself, how you good you feel in your own relationship.
Kimberly: 09:52 What you did, what you said was so profound, Dr. Manisha, because we don’t always think of peace and strength as being correlated. We think, oh, peace means I’m de-stressing. I am, you know, bettering my health and I’m strong by pushing or doing more. But to have this perspective, the peace is, is strengthening us, not weakening us. And I see a lot of people in our community, people asking questions, how do I find a mate? How do I find a spouse? But then within themselves, there may be a lot of, um, you know, tic qualities, a lot of turmoil, a lot of movement. So first, primarily we find that peace or establish some sense of peace. We continue to work on it, even when we have a partner. But you find that first before you find the partner, ideally.
Dr. Manisha: 10:37 That’s very important. Once you know who you are, once you know how blessed you are, how unique you are, how grateful you are, then it changes the whole atmosphere. Not within yourself, but around yourself.
Kimberly: 10:51 Yes.
Dr. Manisha: 10:52 You know, you are your, your mom. Um, so you will understand this when, when mom is sick or upset the whole family, the kids and husband, the whole family, the energy around, you know, in the house. It just gets down. <laugh>.
Dr. Suhas: 11:09 It’s true. <laugh>, you’re the hub.
Dr. Manisha: 11:13 So, so, so it’s, it’s all about you. How do you feel?
Kimberly: 11:17 Yes.
Dr. Manisha: 11:18 You know, God, God has given us good qualities, and, you know, we need to cultivate those good qualities and become a good person. So once you will feel good about yourself, you will become, you know, happy and handy. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that, that, that will show on your outer physiology means that’s, that’s the real beauty’s from, you know, beauty from within.
Dr. Suhas: 11:41 And I think way the culture has always revered women as goddesses. Okay. And goddesses not because of their beauty or their looks, goddesses because they cradle humanity. Okay? Mm. They, they literally are responsible for creating and cradling humanity. And so when men are respecting women and that love and respect that reflects in the relationship, how you treat each other with you, respect and love and appreciation, that is exactly what your kids are going to watch and learn and grow from that. And that’s how they’re going to become successful in attracting and maintaining a healthy, happy relationship. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I think this weighting perspective of respecting women is, is so important because there are three stages from AIC perspective of marriage as we talk about first stage. First stage, or first step you may say is karma. Karma is desire. So you, it’s more material, it’s more about looks that you’re attracted to each other. There’s, there’s a romantic quality to that. There is a sexual compatibility to that, all of that. But that is the first step in a relationship, which is karma. The second phase is called as my three, my three is friendliness.
13:07 Hmm. Friendship. Where you feel that the only true friend that you have in your life is your partner.
Kimberly: 13:15 Hmm.
Dr. Suhas: 13:15 And that friendliness, that friendship means there are many friendship that you have, but there’s no comparison to this friendship that you have with each other. So first step is karma. The second is my three. And the third is very interesting that we can’t even wrap our mind to it. It’s called as [inaudible] [inaudible] devotion as if you are committed and devoted to each other for the rest of your life. And that feeling is almost unconscious. This is how you think, this is how you live, this is how you behave, that you are literally committed and devoted to each other. So these three steps from aic marriage perspective are so important. And it’s interesting that we talk about this at the backdrop of Valentine’s Day as we celebrate
Kimberly: 14:02 <laugh>. Yeah. <laugh>.
Dr. Suhas: 14:03 And, and that’s <inaudible> quality is, is reflecting into these steps, I would say. Is that right?
Dr. Manisha: 14:09 Yeah. So appreciate each other. And you know, I would, I would add one more important quality that is flexibility. You have to have some kind of flexibility within yourself, so you will accept your partner as aids.
Kimberly: 14:24 Mm. Mm mm So at the beginning though, you, you know, and the, the statistics on arranged marriages are that they tend to work out very well. The families are, are going into a deeper place. And so, you know, unfortunately not all the world practices that, but I actually think it would be really wonderful in some aspects if that was a worldwide phenomenon.
Our thoughts on arranged marriages and the results within these relationships
Dr. Suhas: 14:46 Um, think about it. It’s such a beautiful technology. It’s a wonderful technology because I
Kimberly: 14:51 Agree.
Dr. Manisha: 14:52 These parents, parents know what is good for your children. Yeah. So, so they, they talk to each other and they say, oh, I saw this, uh, boy, or, or I saw this girl, and I think these are good match for, for you both. So both of you, you can, you know, see and get married. So that’s what they, so it was, it is, it is like a trust what you are having in your parents, what they are suggesting you. And so that’s how they go ahead. So they, they don’t ask any question is the same thing. It happened with us. So our, my parents, his parents, they talk to each other first and then they encourage us to encourage us to meet. And we’ve met only once before we get married. And <laugh>,
Kimberly: 15:39 It’s a amazing look 32 years later, like the heaviest couple on the planet
Dr. Suhas: 15:44 <laugh>, I would definitely say. So I would definitely,
Dr. Manisha: 15:46 What what I mean to say, yes, everybody has, you know, good and bad qualities, but you know, it’s a bit our flexibility. We just work with each other. That’s, that’s the
Dr. Suhas: 15:57 Biggest. And, and going back to what you just now said, that not everybody has the, the ability to doic matchmaking or compatibility. But as I said, it’s an important interesting technology. You look at once they place in time of birth and you put both of their horoscopes together, and there are specific areas that you see and you generate a score based upon the compatibility of the planet, the placement of the Venus and moon Mars, all of that together. And that score would tell you that whether you are very close to each and slowly drifting as the life goes by, or you’re a little bit distanced, and you are able to come together as the life goes by and create and rise above each other’s imperfections. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I think it’s a technology which is so important because many people question and ask this, that why should I believe in this?
16:51 And we don’t question this. When you go to your financial advisor who tells you that the stock is going to do good, and these bonds are good to invest, and they’re just looking at the probabilities, uh, in the financial market. Is that right? Yeah. We trust them to make our investment. Same with real estate, same with anything else. These are all assessments which are done in an algorithm, rhythmic manner, done by an expert who looks at those things and advises you. And you have to make a decision and trust those things. And I think this art of veic, matchmaking and compatibility is a, a part of a wonderful, wonderful technology. And, and the divorce rate in this country is staggering. It’s really, yeah. I don’t even want to quote the number today on this beautiful day, but it’s really bad.
Kimberly: 17:39 <laugh>. Well, that’s because you said you’re the first stage, there’s a lot of picking based on the surface, the ego, the appearance, the, you know what, whatever, um, is on surface. And then life continues, which is my next question. As you’ve continued and you got married quite young, how have you been able to progress spiritually within yourself, but also as, as a couple? Because sometimes it’s easy to put things on your partner project or like, oh, you know, I’m not happy because of this person. So there’s two things. There’s the individual journey, and then there’s the couple and the family journey.
How to progress spiritually as yourself and also grow together in your relationship
Dr. Suhas: 18:15 Well, number one is it doesn’t have to be too serious or too spiritual. There’s an element of fun, love after, just to be happy together with each other. Okay. It doesn’t have,
Kimberly: 18:25 I like that. Lightness.
Dr. Suhas: 18:27 Yeah. En likeness, lightness of being is so important. Even before we get into serious stuff. Now, whether you meditate together or whether you do puja or ceremonies together, that is important. But what is more important, whether you really enjoy each other’s company and make each other laugh. Yeah. What
Kimberly: 18:44 We love it. Happy.
Dr. Suhas: 18:45 Yeah. So that, that is important. Enlightenment begins with, with that lightness. Okay. So fun, laughter, humor is important. That is one part of it. Second is spiritual foundation. It doesn’t come from worshiping a guru or a teacher or an idol. Spiritual qualities, as Dr. Mania was saying, is expressing love, giving each other, maintaining a degree of patience, creating a, a, a trustworthy, loyal bond in each other. And these are spiritual qualities that you need to reflect in your behavior on a daily basis.
Kimberly: 19:22 Mm.
Dr. Suhas: 19:23 Self-reflection. Yeah. Because we often tell couples not to go angry or be mad at each other and go to sleep. You have to, you have to solve that out within a day or so, so that it doesn’t escalate to a degree where you are able to understand each other’s perspective, maybe give them the benefit of doubt, forgive them for the peace of your own mind. And something would happen. So as, as some of these things evolve, we see that there is a better communication that is happening mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but the better art of listening, many problems in, in a relationship, you don’t have to act or even react. You just have to listen and it diffuses automatically.
Kimberly: 20:06 Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,
Dr. Suhas: 20:07 Many times we, we try to get into an active or reactive mode, which makes the things worse. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So you just listen and say, I don’t know what we can do, but what you are feeling, what you’re telling is genuine sounds, sounds right to me. What you feel is what you feel. Okay. There’s, there’s nothing good or bad about it. There’s nothing right or wrong about it, because rationality is important, analysis is important, but sometimes just being there for each other, holding hand. Yeah. And many times the, the touch, all the sensory faculties that how you interact with each other is so important. Now, Dr. Manisha’s book is a phenomenal book, the Enchanting Beauty, because Yes, it talks about those inner qualities that you need to cultivate.
Kimberly: 20:53 I love that. And, and also, I’m sorry, go ahead. Doctor.
Dr. Manisha: 20:58 Appreciation is the most quality that that will really helps to, um, nurture your relationship.
Kimberly: 21:07 So I’m, I’m interested in, um, you know, it feels, this starts to get a little more complicated when we think about the, the couple, and of course there’s many iterations in between, but we could say there’s more the dominant divine masculine energy, and then there’s the more dominant divine feminine energy. And, um, there’s mutual respect. But it’s, it’s, it’s a, there’s a difference, right? And so we were talking about this temple that we love, that we’ve gone to in Hawaii, that we all have enjoyed very much. And I’ve been reading some of the tradition, the books by the more traditionally minded monks. And some of them say, you know, the, the mother’s role is this, and she shouldn’t ideally be working and she should be home. And then the father is this role. You know? And that’s, that’s something that has worked over time. But then today we see all these different iterations in modern life where there’s still the feminine energy, there’s still the masculine energy, but like in, in your case, my case, you know, working moms and then roles start getting shared. So how do you maintain this, you know, equalness, but we’re different and how it evolves in modern life?
Maintaining your own uniqueness in modern life
Dr. Suhas: 22:13 Well, I’ll answer that first and then I’ll let Monia speak to that. Uh, the fact is the combination of Shiva and [inaudible] Okay? That’s what is been expressed inve culture. So [inaudible] is a divine emini, shiva’s, uh, uh, divine masculine energy that come together. And actually, frankly speaking, there’re the two sides of the same kind.
Kimberly: 22:36 Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,
Dr. Suhas: 22:37 Every feminine energy can be masculine. And we have numerous examples that women can be masculine, including Carly Durga goddesses who have whole weapons and have done everything that takes to make it happen till the modern day and all this things. So it doesn’t mean that you’re to just stay home and do nothing at times. Okay. So there’s inequality about, and there are many men who are very loving, caring, and sharing, and have a genuine feminine quality about themselves, which, which are happy to, they are happy to do, and, and share that, that quality with each other. So I think every man would have feminine quality. Every women would have masculine qualities. The understanding is probably understanding each other’s role in the society, in the modern society as such, we all have to go out and do something mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But if you stick to your own qualities and maintain the attraction for each other, that maintains its beauty and that maintains its, uh, uh, the, the quality in that relationship together.
23:44 I, I, I have, I don’t tell women to stop working and stay home and just to take care of the kids itself. But you use your skillsets because number one is your primary relationship with yourself that makes you feel good about yourself. If you are feeling good about yourself by earning, sharing, teaching, writing books, the way you did do that makes you really self, uh, your self-esteem goes up. You feel empowered, you feel stronger, and you feel happy in that relationship and partnership. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But imagine if you’re feeling weak, low depressed, stuffed up, suffocated, and then you feel that way in the relationship, not only in that, but in every area of your life. So your primary relationship with yourself has to get better to make you feel good about yourself, and then it’ll reflect in everything that you attract
Kimberly: 24:39 Mm. Beautifully said within yourself. And then within the couple, because both people have to keep working on themselves, like you said, their sense of self, the self-esteem to create a really healthy relationship.
Dr. Manisha: 24:54 But because of our busy lifestyle, I think I’m afraid women as losing their [inaudible] feminine energy. Mm-hmm.
Kimberly: 25:02 <affirmative>. Yeah.
Dr. Manisha: 25:04 And that’s what we need to tell each and every woman that they need to have kind of balance in their lifestyle in terms of, you know, their internal, um, happiness or, uh, um, uh, the outer whatever is their environment. So, um, they, they need to find at the end of their days, you know, the satisfaction or happiness that that is important. And they should, they should ask this question to themselves that, am I happy what I’m doing? Or what I’m, you know, uh, interacting with, uh, other people? So how was that? Or was it, uh, was it a good interaction or was bad, or, you know, that makes you happy or sad or whatever. So you need to, you need to answer these questions. What did I do today? And how, how I can improve that? So what did I do today for my physical health? What did I do today for my emotional health? Because nobody talks about emotional health. And women can suppress all those emotions because of our busy lifestyle means they don’t have even time to express their emotions. And suddenly they burst their emotions in terms of, you know, any skin rash or migraines or high bp or, you know, so we, we see all the time, um, women in our, you know, practice and that’s what it’s happened.
Dr. Suhas: 26:30 So it’s very interesting what she’s saying is that, um, the environment that you live allows your body to turn on and turn off certain genes. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I see these girls who have done their engineering, Indian girls, got married in India, came here working in a very high stress, competitive Silicon Valley environment, and they’re dealing with mostly men with 20 people in a part of their team. And they start thinking, behaving, acting like men,
Kimberly: 27:03 Right?
Dr. Suhas: 27:04 Because you’re working 14, 15, 16 hours interacting that so slowly that, that masculine quality starts reflecting when you come back home, how you treat your husband or what happens. And then it starts creating shift and changes in your perspective before you realize. And that’s an unconscious shift that is happening. And the husband is looking, is this, this gentle, beautiful soul and girl that I met and married in India, and something has shifted in her because of this epigenetic environment. So we have to be very cautious in looking at what we do on a daily basis, how it is affecting us. And there’s a very interesting statement, what I said earlier in the podcast, what <inaudible> say is about, if your outer environment is influencing your inner environment, then you are constantly at loss,
Kimberly: 27:58 Right?
Dr. Suhas: 27:59 But if your inner environment is strong and positive and powerful to shift your external environment mm-hmm. <affirmative> and your
Kimberly: 28:06 Life, it starts from the inside out, inside out. So, so what are some of the core practices that you teach your, you know, your patients and that in, in your books that you would, you would recommend to someone that’s really trying to strengthen their sense of self? They’re feminine energy. We’ll say cuz and, and masculine <laugh>, we’ll focus on feminine as well, right? How do
Core practices to strengthen your feminine and masculine self
Dr. Suhas: 28:28 We It’s the same thing. It’s the same thing. I don’t think
Dr. Manisha: 28:38 That right? Exercise, yoga, meditation, all these things. Little, little things, but works amazingly is that’s how you create your healthy lifestyle.
Kimberly: 28:51 Is there, is there a difference between
Dr. Manisha: 28:53 You do something? Yeah. When you do something good for yourself, it’s always, you know, the outcome is good. It’s happy you, you feel good about that. Okay. That, that, that shows on your physiology and, and you feel good and then you do it again. So it’s, it’s again, you do that good thing. So that’s how, it’s a peer back loop mechanism. It’s, you know, you need to do constantly something good about yourself or for someone else.
Kimberly: 29:21 Mm-hmm. <affirmative> would, would the vidic perspective say that continually doing these good practices, you know, man or woman, whatever gender you are, will help your true energy come through. So it’s not necessarily different practices for different genders, but it’s more just letting your natural energy shine. Does that make sense how I’m asking it?
Dr. Suhas: 29:44 It does. It’s
Kimberly: 29:46 <laugh>.
Dr. Suhas: 29:47 There’s a nugget. There’s a very important nugget that I want to share with your audience. Okay,
Kimberly: 29:53 Please.
Dr. Suhas: 29:54 So the word for love is [inaudible]. S N E H a snare. Sneha means oil, lubrication, moisture.
Kimberly: 30:07 Mm-hmm.
Dr. Suhas: 30:07 <affirmative>. So whatever you are doing on a daily basis for yourself, doing an oil massage, putting some drops of oil in your nose, putting some drops of oil in your ears, putting some green in your eyes, rubbing your skin with healthy, organic cold pressed oils that are all food grade. You’re ingesting oil, you’re eating good quality, raw cold pressed oil, extra virgin olive oil, seme oil, fla oil, good quality key that you are creating that softness, that degree of flexibility, that degree of suppleness, which is the best way to love yourself. The word sna means love. Wow. Moisturizing,
Kimberly: 30:51 Incredible <laugh>, truth bomb.
Dr. Suhas: 30:55 Incredible. That is an real pearl of wisdom because those ation, lubricating, hygienic average that you do on a daily basis as a part of your dinner area, rap area, massaging the salts of the feet, moisturizing your hand, whatever you do is allowing you to create those quality of soft. And I told this earlier, from AIC perspective, drying is dying de dehydration,
Kimberly: 31:25 <laugh>, what a quote. Yeah. All the, the vodka, the dryness everywhere,
Dr. Suhas: 31:29 Water, the dryness, dehydration, makes you stiff, rigid, inflexible, shriveled out, create wrinkles, shrinking qualities, anything which is moisture, supple, flexible, soft, loving, lubricating is reversal of aging.
Kimberly: 31:49 Wow. So,
Dr. Suhas: 31:50 And for ages together, I whether has talked about this, make it as a habit, whether you talk, do it in, in terms of internal or external recina, that is exactly what our books talk about. That’s exactly what her books talk about. That’s how we live, that’s what we share with our patients doing zema. We tell them, orating, lubricating giving you the oil animals is going to reverse aging process, but your relationship is going to get better.
Kimberly: 32:17 Wow. So love is the same word as oil
Dr. Manisha: 32:23 For oil.
Kimberly: 32:24 Wow. So you, you, you oil yourself. Yeah. When,
Dr. Manisha: 32:28 When you, you massage when you, yeah, yeah. Self massage with nice oil. So there are same neurotransmitters in your skin and in your brain. So it reaches to your brain. So it comes down your brain, your nervous system immediately. That’s how you’ll feel good. Or, you know, water pacifies.
Kimberly: 32:48 And then, not to get too granular here, but for the average person, how much cold pressed oil do you think that they would ingest to get enough to feel that lubrication but not get too heavy
Dr. Suhas: 33:00 Ideal? I would say two to three tablespoon OK. Tablespoons of good quality oils. Same with two, three teaspoons of ge. That is safe enough. And that was an old myth that used to talk about that fat makes you fat. Now, the size says that fat does not make you cry. We are talking about good, healthy fats, good, good fat. We’re talking about good, healthy plant-based fats. Doesn’t make you fat. So our brain is in awe that we call it as a frozen ball of ge.
Kimberly: 33:31 <laugh>
Dr. Manisha: 33:32 Is that much
Dr. Suhas: 33:32 Fat. 96 is pure fat. And, and the spinal goes through the spine is literally quoted and it’s a lubricating, uh, loop that goes all the way. And every nerve that comes in with mylene sheath that is quoted, is quoted with that goi liquid of th or cerebral spinal fluid as we talk about is allogenic orating liquid, which is surrounding the brain, what the brain is made up of, what the spinal cohort made us off. So when we talk about being fried, being dried, depleted, fatigued, revitalized, that’s a drying process that has begun. It is affecting all your sensory faculties. It is affecting your nervous system and it’s affecting your homeostatic ability to bounce back from difficult challenges in life.
Kimberly: 34:22 Well, and that’s why this knowledge is so important, because it’s something that’s accessible people can do, but we just don’t really hear that. You know, and then couples, they’re trying to connect and they, they don’t know what else to do, so they go out, they just keep having wine every night or alcohol or watching Netflix and it’s, it’s drying, it’s frazzling versus nurturing. Yeah.
Dr. Suhas: 34:43 All of that is not bad. If you’re having a jolly good time with a glass of wine or enjoying a good, um, romantic comedy, I, I won’t say that is terribly bad, but it should be a thing that you should be, uh, relying upon those everything.
Kimberly: 34:57 Yeah.
Dr. Suhas: 34:58 I mean, once in a while, if you do that, there’s nothing bad. We also do that sometime. Yeah. Nice. Some old old Hindi movies or some songs or something that really allows us to really feel alive and being connected also. So I don’t think that is really bad. Um, the point that we are trying to make is these self-care rituals that you do Yes. Is helping you to be loved and nurtured. That’s how you feel when you do it for yourself. When you talk about making these smoothies, putting all these things, washing your vegetables, adding those, you are expressing self love, that you care about your body, you care about your looks, you care about your organs, you care about your hair, that you’re doing this ritual for yourself.
Kimberly: 35:44 Mm-hmm.
Dr. Manisha: 35:45 <affirmative>, I use some of your smoothie recipes.
Dr. Suhas: 35:48 Beautiful. Oh,
Dr. Manisha: 35:48 <laugh>.
Kimberly: 35:49 That’s so great. I, you know, I balanced, I had that hot water with lemon and ginger first I do the agni and then I have it closer to room temperature. But I feel great having all the, the vegetables and the plant foods in and um, you know, incorporating it with the, with the Ayurvedic recipes. We do a lot of kitchery, we do a lot of one pot meals at night. Um, Cindy, but what <laugh>
Dr. Manisha: 36:15 All our stuff, uh, all our, uh, patients every day they eat kit.
Kimberly: 36:21 Yes. Wonderful. And easy and accessible. And, and now I wonder, what would you say, because I get a lot of questions around this. Let’s say just think of, um, you know, someone, your, your children’s age, your children are age 20.
Dr. Suhas: 36:34 Yeah. Son is 30 and our daughter is 24. Mm-hmm.
Kimberly: 36:38 <affirmative>. Okay. So yeah. So think about how many people there are that are really wanting a partner, right? And they’re on dating apps and it’s like, oh my God, so frustrating. So confusing. And they don’t really know what to do. And they’re feeling lost. And you’ve already answered this in different snippets, but could you give some advice to that person that really does wanna find partnership?
Advice for those who really want a partner and the waiting perspective
Dr. Suhas: 37:00 I will tell one advice and I’ll have Dr. Manisha add one more. One is that you are trying to get a perfect match before enter into a relationship. Okay. So for example, you like someone and it’s six out of 10 and there are four qualities in that person that you don’t like or you don’t get along and you are waiting for 1, 2, 3, 4 years to fix that before it becomes 10 out of 10. And then you would even consider him or her to be in a relationship. And the way the perspective is, if it is six out of 10, you look at yourself, you might be five out of 10 or seven out of 10 <laugh>. And those imperfect individuals come together to become perfect couples.
Kimberly: 37:47 Wow. You should better each other.
Dr. Suhas: 37:50 Yeah. You should not wait. That I’ll make you perfect and good enough for me. And then only I can think of getting married to each other. So those imperfections come together and you learn and grow and allow each other to grow together. That’s how perfect couples are created. The work begins thereafter. It’s not that you’re to do that work before, and then people are sitting on the fence for decades together. Sometimes <laugh>.
Kimberly: 38:18 I think that is such a concise point because then I feel like my husband and I are mirrors to each other. Right. And we, we are imperfect, but we show different aspects and things to work on that we didn’t really realize before because we’ve gotten so close together. So it does help us purify in a way. So thank you doctor. That’s wonderful. Dr. Manisha, I
Dr. Manisha: 38:42 Would add the number one quality you need to cultivate its flexibility.
Kimberly: 38:47 Mm.
Dr. Manisha: 38:48 So you need to accept whoever it is as is. So we accept nature. We’d never say, oh, that mountain was a little bit on left side, that it would’ve been looked good. You know, we will, we accept the leaf as is, you know, and we say, oh, it is beautiful. So why, why don’t we accept, you know, our partner or our, whoever we interact with as, as is because God has given each one of us good and bad qualities.
Kimberly: 39:21 Yes. Yes.
Dr. Manisha: 39:22 Just, just ignore on those bad qualities and then work only on their good qualities and you know, just, just, um, have, have some kind of trust in between that is also important. So flexibility, accept as is trust. These, these are the qualities I think they should have to choose their partner
Dr. Suhas: 39:47 Honestly.
Kimberly: 39:48 Yes.
Dr. Suhas: 39:49 Honestly, another important one. But another important thing, what she is bringing up is so unique is that we are a byproduct of her, um, upbringing. Is that right? By the time you are 25 to 30 years of age, it’s a bit too late because many of your conditioning has already happened. And when you enter into a relationship, you bring that with you
Kimberly: 40:11 Mm-hmm.
Dr. Suhas: 40:11 <affirmative>. And you can’t constantly blame your parents or your past or want Yeah. Happen to you or what your neighbor did to you or anything moving forward. It’s all about positive psychology. And in a relationship that is so important because then you nullify that with each other’s love, appreciation, acceptance and affection that you provide each other. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that’s how you erase those, some of the imperfection. Mm. Yeah. Someone would have a traumatic past, someone would have a trauma around sexual quality, someone would have challenges in, in financial matters or things like that. But you understand, you respect and you bridge those gaps. And that comes with a lot of love and respect and your ability to work with each other. There’s a lot of work in the relationship that, uh, is never effortless. Everyone who is staying married 20, 30, 40, 50 years has put a lot of work in making that thing flower <laugh> so,
Kimberly: 41:14 So impressive. Yeah.
Dr. Manisha: 41:17 There is some kind of karma that you need to burn together. So that’s why God has made those souls together. And
Dr. Suhas: 41:27 And the reason is that not only you are coming together as two different imperfect individuals, but you together are creating these kids.
Kimberly: 41:37 Yes.
Dr. Suhas: 41:37 Which is creating a new karma together and that new karmic identity of yourself, which is expressed through your kids. Okay. That’s a genetic expression of the whole ancestral lineage that all the way the tradition has talked about. And that is connecting the dots, connecting the link era, the karma, improving the carmic debt, and more importantly, aligning yourselves to, to probably meet the challenges of life together, raising the family. And, and it’s an interesting thing because it’s, it’s a collection of bunch of relationships. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> means she got married in our family, her relationship with my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, I got married to her family, her parents, her brothers, her sisters, all of those, her side of family, our side, everything coming together. And all this relationship combination allows you to probably interact and slowly develop because it’s not only how we interact with each other. Yeah. How each of us interact with everyone else around us that is connected with us.
Kimberly: 42:48 Wow.
Dr. Suhas: 42:49 And that is so important because at the end of the day, those, those complex relationships are extended further where you travel and you create new friends, you accept jobs, and you go to your career and you meet your colleagues and everything that is all extending further. So life is all about relationships. That’s all it is. Yeah. It’s all about taking yourself and how good you are in presenting, in every relationship that is evolving. And you would find that how you, how you interact with your friends, where you live, and how successful you feel with surrounded with your social wellbeing, your community wellbeing is equally important for you to feel good in your individual relations.
Kimberly: 43:38 So did you say Dr. Soja being the best version of yourself in every relationship?
Being the best version of yourself
Dr. Suhas: 43:43 It automatically happened. The funny part is, you don’t have to do anything different. You can become a good father, you can become a good son, you can become a good husband, you can become a good grandfather. You don’t have to do different things to become that, automatically become that you’re just one person in all these different hats that you put on.
Kimberly: 44:03 Yes. But being, going back full circle, being at peace with yourself and then having peaceful relationships, strong relationships
Dr. Suhas: 44:13 And, and the latest research that Gallup has come up with, okay. They talk about career wellbeing, social wellbeing, physical wellbeing, financial wellbeing, community wellbeing. It all happens together. Okay. Well, when we got married at 25, 26 years of age, we didn’t have any money. We didn’t, we had barely started a professional career. We developed a career together. We wrote books together. We traveled the globe together. We earned money together. We took good care of our physical health and routine and exercise of sports and yoga and meditation on a daily basis. We build community in all the different countries that we went through. And all the people that we have, we have known each other like, like yourself. How many years? We know each other, Kimberly. Okay. Yeah. We, even if we don’t talk every day, but we feel connected with each other.
Kimberly: 45:03 Yes.
Dr. Suhas: 45:03 There’s a genuine appreciation of each other that we have carried that in our heart for a long time. And I think those are the things that we need to talk about to, to young people, to allow them to really understand that relationship is, is a little bit more selfless and understanding you to evolve and become the better version of yourself in every situation. Oh, you’ll, you’ll find success and happiness no matter what.
Kimberly: 45:36 Dr. Suha so well said. I, everything you say just resonates so deeply. Both of you, what you say is so wonderful. Um, that’s
Dr. Manisha: 45:44 What our children have seen us. Yeah. That, that’s how they, they say what, what else we can do? And both of them are in the, the same path. So, um, I think you should become role model for your children and for your family, for your neighbors, for your, you know, in, in your society.
Kimberly: 46:06 D does, does Vedic philosophy say that some people aren’t really in according to their chart or wherever they are karmically they’re not meant to be in partnership?
Vedic philosophy on if you’re meant for a relationship
Dr. Suhas: 46:17 Well, it means they’re in partnership. Uh, they were born in a family. They have brothers and sisters. There
Kimberly: 46:22 You go. Yes.
Dr. Suhas: 46:23 They, it’s not that you’re a misfit for a romantic relationship and partnership with a wife or a girlfriend or anything like that. You are in relationship. And if you can maintain all the other relationship, you can a hundred percent this another relationship as well. So there’s no one that I would say in the world that is meant to be in a cave and stand on one leg for the rest of your life.
Kimberly: 46:45 <laugh>. And then I, I just love being in the aura of both of you as we close up. And of course I could ask you questions all day, but I wanna be respectful of your valuable time. Can you just say what, um, what strengths you admire most in each other or qualities?
Dr. Suhas: 47:03 Um, I think what I like
Kimberly: 47:05 <laugh> Dr. I have so many, right.
Dr. Manisha: 47:09 So I, I need to think
Dr. Suhas: 47:12 When she was interviewing me, uh, on her last podcast, I did say that, if you remember that she’s, the best thing that has happened to me is that
Kimberly: 47:19 Yes, he did remember Dr. Venetia.
Dr. Manisha: 47:22 I would also say the same thing. That’s the best thing that happened to me.
Dr. Suhas: 47:26 And, and it’s behind each other’s back and how you function in a public setting. Okay. How you behave with others and whether they can see that love and appreciation for each other in those settings. Because
Kimberly: 47:41 Not only can I see it in the settings, but I feel it coming through in your box in your work that there’s a richness as not just professionally, but coming through this embodiment through your personal life and your heart and it’s coming out in your work.
Dr. Suhas: 47:57 Well. And I think that becomes effortless because that’s what it should feel like after you have crossed few hurdles initially it should feel effortless. There’s nothing that you are to wake up and think that how do I cultivate and grow in my relationship? It becomes second nature.
Kimberly: 48:15 And how do you deal with conflict now? Or is there, do you just talk about things? Do you ever still get annoyed with each other? Do you, ev do you ever fight every,
Dr. Suhas: 48:22 Every day, every day There is some kind of a conflict. There’s some kind of an argument. This is what you want to do. I will love and support you for doing that. However, this is what I think is the right thing. And this is another gem of relationship perspective, that after a while you don’t have to even ask each other what you want to do. You know exactly how this other person is going to think and what decision they’re going to make and react. And you actually do that even before they say or anything. So you are slowly, I start thinking like her and slowly you changed your behavior according to
Kimberly: 49:02 Dr. Wow. Again, back to my environment is so important because you merge. Yeah. Wow. Well, if I, if I could say, I would hope, and, and maybe this is just a prayer in my heart, that one day you might consider together or one of you writing a book on va dic relationships and family life, because I could see a big need for something like that out there. There’s a lot of confusion today and there isn’t sometimes the deep roots, the role models, like you were talking about the, you know, who we go to for wisdom in this area. Um, and that’s something I, I’m seeing a lot of questions and you know, just seeking out there. So whether you you do a course or a book, I’ll be the first to sign up. I love hearing you talk about this subject.
Dr. Suhas: 49:48 We do that. Thank you.
Kimberly: 49:50 Thank you both so much. I respect you both so much. I really do revere you. I love everything you do in the world and just as humans and just so inspiring. So thank you again for taking the time. It really means so much.
Dr. Suhas: 50:04 Thank you for inviting us from our side. We wish you all the success, many more successful books, courses, classes, beautiful product that you have created, wonderful work doing. And more importantly, you’re helping many other people, helping so many people because that’s such a good karma. That’s such a good karma. It’s constantly be excited, wake up and show for work and help many more that you feel really content and connected by the end of the day. Yeah.
Kimberly: 50:31 Yes. Thank you so much.
Dr. Manisha: 50:34 Thank you,
Dr. Suhas: 50:34 Kimberly. Thank you. All the best. Bye.
03:43 I hope you enjoyed being basking in the energy of these incredible humans. So inspiring so wise. I just have so much love and respect for them and the wisdom that they have to share with us. So please check out our show notes over at mysolluna.com where you can find information about Dr. Manisha and Dr. Suhas books and their work and more information as well as other podcasts. I think you would enjoy articles and free meditations, food recipes. So much lives on our website, our firstname.lastname@example.org. So we will be back here Thursday for our next q and a show. Till then, take great care and sending you so much love and so much gratitude.