How to Find Real Safety in a Fear-Based World for Better Health [Episode #781]
This week’s topic is: How to Find Real Safety in a Fear-Based World for Better Health
Our topic today is one that I feel is very needed at this moment in time, particularly, and it is finding safety in a fearful world. How do we really create consistent safety and security within ourselves? And this has very important and expansive benefits throughout our entire lives, including in our physical health, when we are in a state of fear and just not feeling quite secure for a variety of reasons, which we’ll get into in our show today. We come into this elevated state, this more hyperactive state. We’re activated in fight or flight. Our nervous systems are imbalanced between our parasympathetic and our sympathetic.
And this, of course, has a cascade effect throughout our entire bodies, creating more wear and tear. It’s sort of like having the breaks on a little bit all the time. It really does break down our bodies. It affects our mental health. It keeps us from enjoying our lives. We age faster. It has a detrimental effect on our microbiome and our digestion, our metabolism, our immunity lowers. Many, many things come from consistently living in fear, which could be big bursts of fear.
Today I’m going to give you four tangible tips on how to really create this soothing feeling of safety and security in your own life. And these are tips that have very much supported me out of living a fearful life that was ridden with anxiety and just so much thinking and circular thoughts, fears around not being good enough, fears of what could happen to my body, to my family members, to the world in general. It’s really important that we talk about this and that we really discuss some solutions and tips that are tangible and practical.
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Namaste loves and welcome back to our Monday Solocast podcast, where our topic today is one that I feel is very needed at this moment in time, particularly, and it is finding safety in a fearful world, how do we really create consistent safety and security within ourselves? And this has very important and expansive benefits throughout our entire lives, including in our physical health, when we are in a state of fear and just not feeling quite secure in for a whole variety of reasons, which we’ll get into in our show today, we come into this elevated state, this more hyperactive state. We’re activated in fight or flight. Our nervous systems are imbalanced between our parasympathetic and our sympathetic. And this, of course, has a cascade effect throughout our entire bodies, creating more wear and tear. It’s sort of like having the breaks on a little bit all the time.
It really does break down our bodies. It affects our mental health. It keeps us from enjoying our lives. We age faster. It has a detrimental effect on our microbiome and our digestion, our metabolism, our immunity lowers. Many, many things come from consistently living in fear, which could be, you know, big bursts of fear. Let’s say we see something on the news that freaks us out to just everyday low grade fear. And so this is something I’m very excited to talk about today. Like I mentioned, I think it’s very much needed. And you know, we live in, in times where there’s just a lot going on. So I’m going to give you today four tangible tips on how to really create this feeling, this soothing feeling of safety and security in your own life. And these are tips that have very much supported me out of living a fearful life that was ridden with anxiety and just so much thinking and circular thoughts, fears around not being good enough, fears of what could happen to my body, to my family members, to the world in general, right?
The fears that you may be conscious of, and there may be fears that you’re not conscious of, can really, um, be on a micro scale. They can, they can be localized, so to speak. They can be around your day or part of your day, and then they can start to expand out into the whole world and what is happening in the collective, right? So it’s really important that we, that we talk about this and that we, um, you know, we really discussed some, some solutions here, some, some tips. So we keep it tangible, we keep it practical.
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Our latest book, baby, You Are More More Than You Think You Are – Practical Enlightenment For Everyday Life, is now out in paperback. There is a whole chapter on fearlessness, which is right at the top, it’s chapter two because as we’ll talk about in our show today, if we aren’t able to move past our fears, then we will never live the lives that we want. It’s really that simple. We aren’t able to access our full potential, and we’re living life in a very different way. So it doesn’t mean that we get over everything right away, but it means that we start to address and understand what our fears are, where they come from, and what we can do to move past them in order to expand our vitality and our lives across the board.
Solocast:How to Find Real Safety in a Fear-Based World for Better Health
So let’s get into our show today. That was a really nice segue, I think. And you know, in many ways we, we talk, we hear the topic today, finding safety in a fearful world. And at first you might think, well, is that really possible? And so I would say, yes it is, but we need to approach safety and security in a very different way. So let’s talk about fear for a moment and just go into it a little bit to provide a little bit extra motivation around this topic. So there’s many things that you may wanna create in your life, whether it’s more abundance, more freedom, more love, more connection, more fulfillment, more health, and you know, so on. There’s, we all have personal goals, more creativity, more self-expression. Every single one of the things that you wanna create are detrimentally impacted by fear. And every single one of those things will be elevated and boosted if we find more safety, more feelings of actually relaxing into this moment.
And this is a huge, huge thing we need to understand because we could be constantly pushing ourselves, constantly taking action, constantly running around, depleting ourselves. And yet at the core there’s this fear energy, which is also lack energy. And if this is driving us, if this is what is at the root of our motivations, and this is what is inside of us all day long, no matter how hard we work, no matter how much we push, no matter what we’re trying to create, we’re always going to get the short end of the stick. We’re always going to be, um, it’s always gonna be a damper. There’s always gonna be something that is suppressing our best results. And so it’s really important that we know that, and we see that fear is chaotic energy, it’s lack energy. So again, whether it’s seeing something on the news across the world, you know, you know things that are going on in the Ukraine, for instance, or, um, you know, something that happened many states over just crimes and all these sorts of things, you know, it just, it creates this upheaval in our body.
And that upheaval in turn creates restriction in our gi tracts. Our bodies are in fight or flight. So digestion certainly isn’t a priority at that moment. It redirects circulation and energy. So instead of this, um, deep rejuvenative effect happening, healing happening, and also ongoing efficient digestion happening, we get dysbiosis, our guts get affected, our food can stagnate, we can actually get more bloated and heavier from this fearful state. So there’s this chaotic quality, this dissonance that happens from fear and also lack energy. So you think about, I’m fearful that I’m not enough, so I’m constantly starting to do more and more with, um, you know, products and procedures around my face and my body. No judgment. Of course, whatever people do, there’s no judgment, there’s no right or wrong. But for our own sake, we wanna see, well, why am I doing this and how is it making me feel? And is it this never ending pit of lack which creates this and can feel, we’ve all know what that lack energy feels like when we compare ourselves. And it’s like never enough. There’s this, um, emptiness, this sadness almost like this, um, like this chasm that never gets filled. And so we are, we rob ourselves of joy, peace, love, and abundance.
And the reason we rob ourselves of abundance is if we’re in this lack place. And this is something that I wrote about in the new book as well in the magnetism chapter, whether we realize it or not, and this is something that’s measured in quantum physics. There is a wonderful book called The Field by Lynn McTaggart, if you’re interested in looking at some of the science behind frequency and the mission, um, this is measured in many different scientific contexts. There’s hundreds of studies about this. Heart math is one of the organizations that measures the resonance of coherence between heart, brain, nervous system. So this isn’t woo woo, this isn’t saying, oh, I feel scared. And, you know, like it’s, it’s like something that, you know, other people can feel, but it sounds like, you know, like just something that, you know, hippies or whoever would talk about, there’s science to this.
So if we are constantly in this lack of energy, whether the words are coming out of our mouth and we are constantly just putting ourselves down, or we’re constantly in the state of fear, we don’t attract abundance, we don’t attract abundance situations, we don’t have those synchronicities. And so this is the example I talk about in the mag magnetism chapter, is that I was really feeling so excited about getting a quote from Deepak Chopra for my third book, the Beauty Detox Power. And I was on this high and I was just feeling so full and amazing about this and just about, you know, things in my life in general. And I, I just remember being in so much gratitude at that time. And then I happened to run into Deepak on the street and there wasn’t this doubt clouding me. There wasn’t this, oh my gosh, you know, what do I do?
Um, just keep walking, you know, this lack feeling like, oh, maybe he doesn’t care about you, or this would whatever. I really, and of course we need to play this situation out because it’s not always warranted. But in this case, we had already been corresponding, we just hadn’t met in person. So I went up to him and, you know, connected. And that led to more things, including co-writing a book together. So if I had been in a very lack based place or fearful, that wouldn’t have come to fruition. So we can, if you just pause, we pause here for a moment, and you think in your life, what does it feel like to be in lack? What does it feel like to be in fear? What does it feel like to be around people that are fearful all the time? And I can certainly think of some people, relatives that are constantly on the news and really do live from a fear-based place.
And you know, in the brutal honesty coming from a place of love, because we still love, we create healthy boundaries, it’s not great to spend a lot of time around those people. So we create very strong boundaries and sin love and, you know, it is what it is. But there is a resonance, like I was saying, as we start to read more about fields and energy, which doesn’t just stop at the physical boundary of your skin, but does extend beyond. And there is this energetic quality around certain people. You could call it a unique energetic blueprint. You could call it their vibrational frequency. Um, the resonance, what HeartMath would say is the, the resonance of coherence from the heart, their heart. Um, so if there’s fear, we know it affects the heartbeat into an irregular pattern. And there’s usually faster breath and a faster heartbeat that creates an energy that can be felt when you walk in a room.
4 Tools to Move Past Fear
And so we dilute ourselves if we think that fear cannot be felt. And so I just wanted to, you know, you know, just show and demonstrate that we are repelled by fear and we can feel that truth in specific with specific people in our lives. And so imagine if you are in that state of fear, how it would repel, um, potential away from you and po in, you know, positive, um, solutions and situations. So what el what else fear does? And then now we’re gonna get into our four. Here’s the good news. There are four solutions. There are four tools that you can lean into to move past fear. But the last thing I wanna say as well is that fear creates a tendency to try to control. So we tried to control the situation because we don’t want this fearful thing to happen. We tried to control this person, we could, we tried to control, um, you know, something just going a certain way.
And control is the opposite of abundance. Control creates, um, rigidity and it creates more of that constriction, which actually doesn’t open things up. It actually can attract in what you don’t want. It doesn’t work. And so we don’t wanna go down that pathway. We wanna live our lives fully, we wanna live our lives and flow, and yet we still wanna feel secure and safe. So that segues into what do we do, right? We know that fear is an energy that is extremely detrimental. We know that we don’t really wanna live lives of fear. We don’t wanna come from a fearful place, but yet the reality is that we do have some fear to varying extents, right? And maybe varying times for each of us. And on a daily basis, we experience different levels of fear. And like I said, it’s not gonna all go away maybe immediately, but there are things we can do.
Tool #1: How to Find Real Safety in a Fear-Based World for Better Health: Find safety inside
So the first piece and the most important piece of this, the first part is to find safety inside. So finding safety externally is an illusion. And the great teachers throughout time have always taught this modern times. This is a central theme with Eckhart Tole. And Lazu from thousands of years ago talked about this idea of this illusion of fear or this illusion of safety outside. And so as society continues to recalibrate itself, old systems are falling away. And we see this across society, we realize that so much that we thought safe really was an illusion. So I’ll give you an example where people used to think it was safe just to stick to working at one big corporation, but then you see these companies, mid-size, large, enormous companies making massive layoffs. So just because you work at a so-called big company doesn’t mean that your job safety is guaranteed.
And we’ve all heard stories about people that, you know, they just got let go after working for a company for 25 years or 30 years or 40 years or whatever. So, you know, this, this I, so we can think about what do we think of safety externally, right? Like what outside of us makes us feel safe? And then we realize it’s not really true. Like I feel safe in our home. I love to be home, I’m a homebody. But a couple months ago when my husband was outta town, I woke up to this rocking and there are many different earthquakes that happen throughout California and parts of the world. And you know, thankfully this was one that didn’t create damage, but it really reminded me that at any time things can happen. So we can’t control everything and to do so to try to do so is futile and an energetic waste.
So what we can do and what we are called to do is to find safety within, to find this place of stillwaters within. And in the peace chapter of the new book, there’s an analogy that Paramahansa Yogananda, the great yoga guru who brought yoga to the west mentions. And that is this analogy of the lake. And he said, when the lake is clear and calm and peaceful, it becomes this, uh, reflection where we can really see, and then we can move forward with inspired action and inspired steps. But if the lake is distorted, so to speak, it’s not a accurate mirror anymore. So in one sense, we can think of this steadiness that we find within us, which we can cultivate through meditation, especially starting the day with meditation. So we come from this more grounded place. And when the lake is distorted and it becomes impossible to really see and to discern that is when we are in a fearful fight or flight state, we tend then to make worse decisions.
We cut ourselves off from creativity and abundance. And guess what? It doesn’t help to protect us anymore. So it’s very important that we consistently foster this connection to the safety and security that’s at the root of us. The inside from the inside, the true self, this place of stillness that’s underneath all the happenings, all of the things that come and go, all the things that we might hear that jar us, all our deep insecurities about ourself. There is this secure place where we can actually go to and eventually start to live more from that place, the more consistent we are with our practices and our meditations. Especially because in meditation, that is the opportunity to actually go to a different place beyond form, beyond, you know, what’s already been created in a, in a deep sense. Everything that we’re seeing is, is a sense, there’s a sense of it was already created. There’s a, there’s a past element. And so pure creation, pure safety comes in the now moment.
And I’ve heard these various talks by Eckhart Tole of great modern spiritual teacher. He wrote The Power of Now if you’re not familiar with him, and he says, when he talks about fear, he said, in this now moment, you are okay, we lean into that, come back to this now moment. You are okay right here, right now. So we keep coming back to the safety within us. We can’t control the outside, but we find the safety within us right here, right now. And then we will be more abundant because we’re making better decisions and we are attracting more into our lives and we’re not wasting energy. And so our bodies are more resilient and healthy and strong and many other benefits. So I encourage you as always to check out our free guided meditations, which are on our website, mysolluna.com. They are called the Practical Enlightenment, heart-based meditations.
They’re generally seven to nine minutes long. There are ones that will be supportive around fear. And I also wanna mention little announcement here, it seems to fit. We used to have a, a separate app, if you, those of you might recall, the meditations were on there as well. We used to have a separate Solluna Circle with lives every month. And then we, it was like separation. It was like all this stuff was separate. And then I realized it’s not necessary. We are already a family, we are already here together. So we don’t need a separate app. We’ve just continued the app and we don’t need a separate circle. We’ve discontinued the circle, but we are creating the subscriber circle. So those of you that are deep, more deeply in the lifestyle in the family, I encourage you to join you. If you subscribe to our supplements, our products, this circle I’m creating is gonna be live time, life, meditation, time and q and a time together cuz it’s really, really powerful.
So we can be together and meditate. And that will actually start in early May. So check it out, we’ll have some information going out about this. But no, you don’t have to spend extra money. There’s not an extra fee to join the circle. It’s just by being a subscriber, being in our core family and consistently living our lifestyle, there will be this reward of lifetime and life questions and life meditations and all of that. Okay?
Tool #2: How to Find Real Safety in a Fear-Based World for Better Health: Live a lifestyle that supports more equanimity and safety
So the second point I wanna cover today is a lifestyle that supports safety and security. So our nervous system is reacting to noise. And I don’t just mean hearing like loud sounds, but the noise of what’s going on, and especially the focus on negative news, which is, let’s face it across all news outlets and all news channels. So first of all, we just wanna be really discerning about what is coming into our space.
And there’s many ways it could be in the social media feeds that we follow. It could be on the TVs that we have playing on in the background. It could be, you know, just the radio or, um, we we’re listening to other podcasts besides their feelgood podcast. We just wanna make sure that we are supporting ourselves. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t, you have to be cut off and you can’t hear or know anything that’s going on. But there has to be a tangible balance. So there has to be an understanding that, okay, I need to know to an extent, and this is a different amount for everybody, but I don’t wanna be inundated with the news all the time. And it gets to the point where it’s actually, um, kind of poking at the fear and amplifying the fear when it’s too much.
And let’s face it, a lot of the news we don’t really need to hear about in graphic detail over and over again, crimes that were committed across the country or across the world. And the news loves to play on people’s fears and it creates this drama within the ego and almost this, that’s a different kind of magnetism than we’re sucking in towards this negativity. And you know, it’s also in magazines and things in the print. So just be aware that you’re nourishing a lifestyle that supports feeling safe and calm. Now, the other way in lifestyle that we feel safe and calm is with consistency and routine. And this has been highlighted for thousands of years in our veda, this whole, I took a whole class called Dinacharya and it was, there’s so much in Aveda about mental health and it’s a really important part of consultations.
I used to sit in the clinic with Dr. Jay and he would always ask every single session, you know, how are your stress levels? What are you worried about? What’s in your mind? What’s alive in you today? Because everything is so interrelated. So we can start to calm the mind, which is where fear lives. It’s an energy of the ego, it’s an energy of the mind. We come with consistency in our physical routines and what we’re doing through the morning, through the evening. And then, you know, can, it spans across our four cornerstones. So if we’re consistently eating lunch at let’s say 1230, that’s a great consistency to get into in the body. Um, there’s also, by the way, I wanna mention a great podcast. We’ll link to in the show notes with Dr. Suhas, who’s another amazing Ayurvedic doctor. And he wrote a book called Change Your Schedule, change your Life about the importance of routine and the enormous impact it will have on your body and your life.
So let’s say you eat lunch at 1230, and then you consistently go for a 15 minute walk at one o’clock out in the sunshine, right? And then maybe you do a meditation or 10 minutes after that of breathing and journaling or whatever. That is something that your body just starts to get used to. And that consistency, even in a world where we don’t control everything, and there’s a lot of inconsistencies, does create soothing and more resonance throughout your nervous system, which will translate to more feelings of safety and security. So see how without rigidity you can continue to optimize and systematize your routines and your rituals throughout the day.
Tool #3: How to Find Real Safety in a Fear-Based World for Better Health: Watch the company that we’re keeping and to make sure to surround yourself around more grounded people and to spend less time as much as possible with fear-based people
Number three is to watch your company to be discerning with who is around you. So I touched on this a little bit before and environment. This, this is part of what p Mahan yoga called right Environment. And he said that besides your meditation practice, the people that you surround yourself with the most, that is the most impactful thing in your life. So if you’re trying to quit smoking or drinking and you’re around people that are constantly smoking or drinking, you’re obviously far more likely to fall back into that habit. So if you’re trying to get past the habit of fearful thinking, and yet your, you know, five friends that you hang out with the most, or people are constantly talking about fearful things, it’s not going to really support you in your goal. So I encourage you to just start to be aware of who feels more safe and secure, the energy that you want, more calm, more detached from all the what ifs and who of your friends and you know, f even family, relatives, coworkers, people around you that are more reactive and they’re more in this fearful state.
It doesn’t mean it has nothing to do with love, it doesn’t mean we don’t see them at all, but it does mean we create healthy boundaries. And I have done that in our life. There are some family members who are incredibly fear-based and very much in the news cycle and very much a huge part of the conversation with them is around, oh, this is so terrible and oh my gosh, and there’s just, it’s just riddled with fear and lack and low vibration energy and I just, I don’t wanna be around it very much. So we aren’t. So we can create strong, healthy boundaries with love. And another podcast I’ll mention here, which we’ll link to in the show notes is the author of the book, the Conversation Guide. Our name is, uh, she’s a therapist called Joelle Provost and she talks about boundaries and how important boundaries are to our health so we don’t have to get dragged in and completely deplete ourselves.
That really isn’t what it’s about and we’re not really, um, helping anybody. I think sometimes out of guilt, we think like we have to always pick up the phone or we always have to say yes. And the truth is we don’t. And so this third point is very much about discernment and making sure that we are creating healthy boundaries on one hand around people that are very fear-based. And then we also, on the other hand, make more of an effort to connect to those around us who are more connected to this safety and this calmness that I’m talking about, which is so magnetic and it’s so attractive and it feels so good to be around anyway. So there could be a bit of a recalibration in your social life or in the ways in which you choose to spend your time and your precious energy. And that’s great and there’s nothing to feel guilty about there because it’s really important practice for your health and vitality, which you then spread and emanate out to everyone around you.
Tool #4: How to Find Real Safety in a Fear-Based World for Better Health: Watch and observe your mind
So number four, this is our fifth piece here to living a life of safety in a fearful world. And this is to watch and observe yourself. And when I say yourself, I’m talking about your mind. So do not feel shame when the fear comes up. There is some sort of trigger or something that happened from the past or there’s there’s reasons why we are fearful of certain things. There’s reasons why we are fear. You know, we have, everybody has some sort of fears and they’re different. My grandmother on my father’s side who’s no longer with us in the physical body, she was very fearful of flying in the plane.
I know people that are very fearful of, you know, even walking barefoot because of the what ifs of the bacteria of the, um, you know, stepping on something <laugh>. And I send them videos of me and the children walking quite often to waterfall hikes completely barefoot, and they freak out <laugh> because that’s what’s in them. I have, you know, different fears from your fears perhaps, but it’s important that we observe and we don’t push them down. We don’t pretend they’re not there. But we also understand that these fears are, um, ones that we can rebalance. So part of observing is being aware when we’re coming from a fear-based place in the first place. And the second part of it is being able to show up for ourselves and soothe ourselves. So when the fear comes, if we keep pushing it down, it comes out in weird ways or, you know, um, weird isn’t the right word.
I’m thinking of some of my own behaviors, uh, <laugh>, which can be a little bizarre, like repeating myself over and over again, my opinion over and over. What I mean is, um, depleting ways, right? Like taking fear-based action steps and pushing ourselves and fearful we’re not enough, right? Which I’ve also done the fear of not enoughness really drove me to perfectionism, which is an enormous waste of energy. We’re never gonna be perfect enough. So we, we see the fear and then we show up and we say, oh, you know, what, what do I need? Like what’s the real need here? Is it to soothe myself? Is it to take a pause? Is it, you know, to reach out for a hug? Is it to take a rest? We just start to observe more. What is the mind telling me? What is going on in my mind?
So the unobserved mind is a breeding ground for a fear-based life and for fears that continue to expand and feel like they’re choking us. Whereas the more we are able to observe and be aware and witness our fears as they rise up, the better we’re going to be, the more strong and resilient we’re going to be. And the more we move into this place of consistent safety and security, which really isn’t dependent on outside things, but it comes from the inside, it comes from within. So I hope that these points support you in your beautiful life within your beautiful self. They are, number one again, to find safety inside, make sure to meditate and just find that space to connect because it’s in there and we’re never gonna find it outside. It has to come from the inside. The second is to live a lifestyle that supports more equanimity and safety.
That means reducing noise and static that isn’t really necessary and you know, across all channels, the news, social media, so on and so forth. And also to have a consistent routine, which helps us to feel more secure. Number three, to watch the company that we’re keeping and to make sure to surround yourself around more grounded people and to spend less time as much as possible with fear-based people. Number four, to watch and observe your mind. So we wanna make sure we, we are aware when the fears come up and how they play out in our lives. So we’re not just blind to them because if we don’t see them then we can’t make shifts. And if we can’t make shifts, we continue to live out the same fear-based patterns. So please also check out the show notes. There are quite a few very supportive podcasts around this topic that I definitely recommend that you listen to, as well as some nourishing foods. Some recipes are really wonderful as well. The meditations articles and more. I’ll be back here Thursday for our next q and a show and I’d love to hear from you. I’d love to know how else I can support you on a personal level with your personal questions. So sending you so much love, so much heart-based security. Remember that this really does build from the inside. And I’ll see you soon. Namaste. And so much love and so much gratitude for you.