This week’s topic is: Ways to Stop Focusing on Numbers
I have a lot of strong opinions about numbers. I think that numbers are really limiting and are very finite and we of course are infinite beings. We have so much potential and energy. We have so much power to enact change and to grow and to rejuvenate and to do all sorts of things.
Today, we’ll get into why I feel numbers can be very limiting. I will also share the ways that you can go about things without numbers and achieve, in my opinion, far better results in terms of your weight, how you feel and what you’re trying to create in the world.
Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question and 3 more sent in by Beauties just like you, listen now to find out!
Do you ever get consumed with how you’re spending your time? What I mean is, I’ll be working on one thing, say exercising, and can’t seem to stay in the present moment. Any tips on how to not always be thinking ahead, especially when I don’t have to be anywhere at a specific time?
Meg – Florida
I threw away my scale a few months ago and am tempted to buy a new one. I know I’ve lost weight and can feel it when I put on my jeans but am curious to know where I’m at on the scale. Part of me wants the validation, It’s an old fixation but not that old. How did you overcome using your scale?
Camillia – Copenhagen
I would love to hear your take on age. I´m 43 and extremely shameful about my age. I feel like I’m not desired in this youth obsessed society. It’s gotten to the point where I’m lying to new people I meet because I just can’t bear the thought of being labeled as `old´. I also want a seat at the table. How should I handle this mess I’ve created for myself/shame around age/being `not young´ in a society that only values youth? I want to be authentic! I want to live my life freely. Your help is much appreciated.
Bonnie – Kentucky
I’ve heard mixed viewpoints on whether you need to track food/calories and have only been successful in losing weight when I’m counting calories. I get the whole concept of why you don’t need to count when you’re eating plant-based, however, this has never worked for me. Is it so bad if I continue to keep track?
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Kimberly : Hi Beauties. Welcome back to our Thursday Q&A community show where all the questions come right from you guys. Our topic today is Ways to Stop Focusing on Numbers. This is a really big one. I have a lot of strong opinions about numbers as I’ll get into in our show today, because I think that numbers are really limiting. I think that numbers are very finite and we of course are infinite beings. We have so much potential. We have so much energy. We have so much power to enact change and to grow and to rejuvenate and to do all sorts of things, so I feel that numbers can be very limiting. We’ll get into that. I will also share the ways that you can go about things without numbers and achieve, in my opinion, far better results in terms of your weight, how you feel, what you’re trying to create in the world.
Kimberly : Big topic today. I love talking about this. I love sharing about this because I’ll say that when I stopped focusing on numbers well over a decade now, life has just gotten so much more easeful for me and satisfying and peaceful and joyful. I have gotten to my ideal weight without the same arduous striving. I pretty much been able to maintain it and not obsess about food the way I used to. It really does make a big difference. Anyways, I could go on and on but I want to get to your questions of course. I’m going to be reading them myself because Katelyn is super swamped right now. We have a couple things that we are launching for you guys very soon, including our fertility, pregnancy and postpartum course. Really, really excited about that. Make sure that you are on our mailing list if you’re not already.
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Question 1: Do you ever get consumed with how you’re spending your time? What I mean is I’ll be working on one thing, say exercising, and I can’t seem to stay in the present moment. Any tips on how to not always be thinking ahead, especially when I don’t have to be anywhere at a specific time.
Kimberly : All right. All that being said, I’m going to get into our first question here. This comes from Paige who is from Texas.
Kimberly : She writes, “Do you ever get consumed with how you’re spending your time? What I mean is I’ll be working on one thing, say exercising, and I can’t seem to stay in the present moment. Any tips on how to not always be thinking ahead, especially when I don’t have to be anywhere at a specific time.” This is a really great question, Paige. We’re talking about numbers. I think this has to do with time and the numbers of, as the hours go around the clock, where am I going to go? What’s happening next? This jumping ahead is something that the Zen Buddhist referred to as the monkey mind. It’s jumping ahead, it’s jumping into different thought patterns. It’s this resistance to being present, or maybe it’s just that we haven’t really trained ourselves or practice this idea of being present. If you’ve never practiced it before, then just like anything else like acquiring a new skill, it does require effort, requires time.
Kimberly : The great news is that it’s something that can be learned over time. Imagine in our world, imagine your parents, wherever they came from, whatever their background was, your grandparents, how they were raised. It just goes back generationally this idea of coming into society and going to school, learning a craft, learning a job, going forth, getting together for holidays, raising kids. There’s just a certain list, a checklist that we have all sort of, not all of us, but whatever that specifically is for you and your family. Those are the things that you pick up and you learn from your parents and your grandparents and it becomes embedded somewhere deep in your subconscious.
Kimberly : This is how life is, this is how it works. Unless you were raised by a family of yogis, meditators, then this idea of presence may not have been something that you were really taught. Again, it’s a practice. It’s something that as adults we can consciously start to focus on and bring into our lives. I’ll say, Paige, that the gift of presence is that you really have a much deeper sense of many things. First of all, relaxing. You can just be here in the moment and not try to micromanage in your mind juggling, am I here? What’s happening next? What’s going on there? It’s feels very fragmented. It feels like there’s so many different things going on at once that it really starts to disperse your energy. It’s very exhausting. It creates a lot of fatigue. Number two, if you are not fully in the present moment, you can’t really enjoy the present moment to the fullest extent.
Kimberly : Sometimes people say, oh my gosh, my kids grew up in the blink of an eye. I think that’s because, well, first of all, we don’t grow as much, so of course our kids may seem like, oh my God, look what’s happening between ages two and four and all these different time spans. Of course, it’s very visible with children. I think that sometimes parents are so busy and there’s so much going on and they’re juggling everything that maybe they’re just not as present as well. This is for all of us. I know sometimes I’m not present. Unless you’re enlightened to the Dalai Lama or Yogananda or someone, no one is really fully present all the time but it’s the practice of coming back to this moment, coming back to this moment.
Kimberly : We juggle a lot. It can be really exhausting. Number two, as I said, it just means you don’t enjoy as much. Number three, I also think that when we aren’t present, we lose touch of connecting with our bodies and our intuition. We start to get confused about what to eat and if we’re really hungry, and the right decision to make and the right step to take forward, because we’re not here. We’re not sitting with ourselves and in our body. We’re somewhere else. We’re floating again to the future, to the past. There’s a lot of pitfalls of that. What I would say, Paige, is start the practice of being present. This is what in my life I remember being very much in my head, jumping around, evaluating, talking to someone and not really being there.
Kimberly : What happened for me is I did start to work on a meditation practice, which was very difficult at first. I’m not going to lie. It was very hard for me to sit and to feel really comfortable being still. But I did do that. Over time what I found was that not only was it easier to meditate, but that sort of skill set of staying with my breath and staying in my body started to translate into other parts of my life, which is what I think one of the real benefits of meditation is, is that you’re training yourself again. You’re training your mind. Maybe you never trained your mind, you train your body. You may learn something in school, but actually training the mind to be here in the moment does take time. Again, it can shift. What I recommend Paige is to try meditation.
Kimberly : We have free guided ones for you at mysolluna.com. There’s also lots of different apps and programs. My coauthor, Deepak Chopra has some great meditations as well. See what resonates for you. Since you’re beginning on the path, I definitely recommend a guided meditation. Meditation isn’t just let me sit here and close my eyes and be quiet, right? Because you could just sit there and keep thinking. It’s really important that you have some sort of guidance about where to direct your breath, where to direct your mind, what to do. There’s many techniques for doing that, including mantra meditation, where you say you repeat a sound over and over again. There is working with different breath patterns. Again, it helps center your body with your mind. It also gives your mind something to focus on initially. Definitely give it a shot.
Kimberly : I recommend doing your meditation practice in the morning right when you get up, even if it’s for a few minutes, five minutes. Ideally we’d also do it in the evening before going to bed. Don’t worry Paige. We all have a little bit of a monkey mind in the Western world, I think. But the more you spend just sitting and being and training yourself, it will get easier and easier. I promise. All right.
Question 2: I threw away my scale a few months ago and I’m tempted to buy a new one. I know I’ve lost weight and can feel it when I put on my jeans but I’m curious to know where I’m at at the scale. Part of me wants the validation. It’s an old fixation but not battled. How can you overcome using your scale?
Kimberly : Our next question comes from Meg and she is in Florida. She writes, “I threw away my scale a few months ago and I’m tempted to buy a new one. I know I’ve lost weight and can feel it when I put on my jeans but I’m curious to know where I’m at at the scale. Part of me wants the validation. It’s an old fixation but not battled. How can you overcome using your scale?” Meg, this is a great question. I have had a really interesting relationship with scales myself.
Kimberly : I think that scales, again, fixating on a specific number is something that is first of all, common. I have compassion for it because I know what it’s like to really like that number, to really have that validation, Meg. But I’ll say again that when we start to feel really good on the inside, when we start to connect to our vitality, to our energy, as you were saying, your clothes fit better, it matters less and less what the number is. I think it’s great that you threw out your scale, but it’s like when people give up coffee full stop or they give up cigarettes and it’s just cold turkey, I’m done, that’s it. Moving on. Some people need a little bit of a transition period where they do weigh themselves here and there. Maybe when you go to a doctor’s office or you go to your friend’s house.
Kimberly : I think that could be a nice transition point for you because your mind is grappling with, well, I’m pretty sure I lost weight, my clothes fit good but I like to see it. Right? You can weigh yourself. But again, that’s just a stepping stone, right? I think it’s good to establish that trust where you see the number and it helps you maybe trust yourself more. You can say to yourself, oh, I knew it. I knew I lost weight. See, there’s the number. Then you keep going along in the long, and then maybe many more months down the road, you want to see the number again. The point is you’re weaning yourself off. I think that is how I did it too, because it’s like calories. When you give up calories, you may still, and I’ve worked with so many people that we do this gradually, you still may want to see the calories for a while and then for certain foods.
Kimberly : Then it starts to wean off when you start to trust that your body is losing weight and you are feeling great without counting the calories. In this case, it’s the same thing. You can start to trust that your body is doing what it needs to do and you’re taking care of it. The numbers are there, but more importantly, you feel great in your body and you feel your vitality and you feel your strength and you feel, yes, that you are getting more fit and that’s wonderful. But because you’re in that phase of weaning out, it’s tough right now because we’re in quarantine. Because I was going to say, just pop over to your gym or your friend’s house those times that you do want to have the scale, or maybe you do have a small bubble. Maybe your parents or your family members or someone like that.
Kimberly : Ideally, you wouldn’t get another scale, right? Because it starts to be so tempting that you start to weigh yourself more and more and more and more, or otherwise just put it out of sight so that it doesn’t become a temptation. I’ll say Moses now, my baby is almost a bit about three months. We went to the doctor in the beginning, but I have really focused on staying away as much as possible, just for obvious reasons, because I just want to protect him and our family as much as possible. We’re just staying home. I send little videos to my doctor and we chat. Obviously, with a baby it’s really important that they’re gaining weight, so I did get an infant scale.
Kimberly : Once I got the scale, I just wanted to weigh him all the time. Again, there’s that habit. I put it in the guestroom in the bedside table on the opposite side of the bed in the guestroom, which is pretty much I never go in there. I really helped. First I was like, where’s the scale? Where’s the scale? But then it started to fade because I didn’t see the scale that much. Again, I would put the scale somewhere you don’t see it and just remind yourself, hey, when you get on the scale and it verifies what you already know, just remind yourself, I knew that. I knew I was doing well. I don’t need the scale to tell me that. I’ll also say for me in this postpartum period, when I first got back from the hospital, I think it was seven days or maybe 10 days after Moses was born. I weighed myself because actually my husband has a scale.
Kimberly : Speaking of which, in the gym, which is in the bottom of the guest house which again, I rarely ever go so I forget it’s there. One day I was in there and I saw it, I weighed myself. I got to tell you guys, it did not feel good. I was like, oh, okay. That old feeling came back. Then I totally let it go. I have just been focusing on eating well and my digestion, taking my SBO Probiotics and my Detoxy. Just living my life, doing my walks. I haven’t weighed myself since then, but I can say that I do feel really great in my clothes. I like how everything’s rebalancing. For me, I just don’t even feel drawn to the scale anymore. Again, this is after a few years of really weaning myself off and learning to trust my body. Again, the experience of feeling good and feeling that your body is in flow and digesting well and feels good is going to eventually be way more powerful than just a number. It doesn’t happen overnight.
Kimberly : Again, I’ve been doing this for well over a decade now. I would just say, Meg, be patient with yourself. Again, if you need to weigh yourself once in a while, but just do it, but then remind yourself that it backs up what you already know because you have your own amazing intuition and you are the one that’s most connected to your body.
Kimberly : All right, Beauties. That is our first two questions. I will be right back after this short break to answer the next two questions on ways to stop focusing on numbers.
Question 3: I would love to hear your take on age. I’m 43 and extremely shameful about my age. I feel like I’m not desired in this youth-obsessed society. It’s gotten to the point where I’m lying to new people I meet because I just can’t bear the thought of being labeled as old. I also want to sit at the table. How should I handle this mess I’ve created for myself? Shame around age, being “not young” in a society that only values youth. I want to be authentic. I want to live my life freely. Your help is much appreciated.
Kimberly : All right, Beauties, we’re back from our short break and we have two more questions for you guys. The first one comes from Camilia who is from Copenhagen.
Kimberly : She writes, “I would love to hear your take on age. I’m 43 and extremely shameful about my age. I feel like I’m not desired in this youth-obsessed society. It’s gotten to the point where I’m lying to new people I meet because I just can’t bear the thought of being labeled as old. I also want to sit at the table. How should I handle this mess I’ve created for myself? Shame around age, being “not young” in a society that only values youth. I want to be authentic. I want to live my life freely. Your help is much appreciated.” Camilia, thank you so much for your question. I can feel the hurt, the pain, the frustration here. I will say that this is something that I think a lot of people, a lot of women especially struggle with is this idea about age and assigning our value based on numbers.
Kimberly : Again, whether it’s weight or it’s age, it’s that idea of not feeling good enough and so we look to the outside, we look to what the labels are that we can see, that we can focus on. That’s where numbers fit into this whole thing. The reality is that you deserve love at any age. It doesn’t matter how old you are. How old you are is your chronological age, it just based on your birthday. Your biological age is based on your overall health and your vitality and the way that you take care of yourself, including your emotional well-being and spiritual growth, which are our third and fourth Solluna cornerstones. Really, all the cornerstones matter here. Food, body, which includes exercise and skincare, supplements, and emotional well-being and spiritual growth.
Kimberly : The emotional well-being part is really important and spiritual part, because when you’re not feeling as secure on the inside, again, I think that’s when we hyperfocus on the outside and what society is doing and what people are saying. I think that, of course we do live in a world where a lot of people are trying to take measures to be younger and younger and younger. There’s nothing wrong with that per se, but our beauty is dependent on, it’s a total state of energy. True beauty is really when you’re around someone who’s really connected and comfortable with themselves. There’s this lightness, this naturalness, this magnetism and this power that comes from really being connected to your unique soul. That is not dependent on age at all, Camilia. I think what’s happening here is again, when we don’t feel as good on the inside, we really focus on what other people are saying, what society is saying.
Kimberly : The truth is again, is that you deserve love at any age. The truth is that there are all kinds of people of all different ages coming together, creating partnerships, finding their love, their soulmate, getting married, all decades, 20s, 60s, 40s, 70s, whatever it is. I just say, let go of it, forget about it. It’s funny that when we emphasize something so much, we start to think that everybody else emphasizes it too to the same extent. It’s like when we have a zit on our face and we think that everybody’s noticed it, everybody’s talking about it, everybody’s staring at it, but they’re not because they just don’t care that much. When we get fixated on a particular thing, let’s say it’s our age, we start to think that that’s the number one factor when anyone asks us or looks at us or asks about us, whatever it is. It’s not.
Kimberly : People may be curious, but then they just let it go. It’s really not dependent on that. I’ll say that, ironically, I feel that people and women especially that are really secure in themselves, some of these amazing monks and medicine women that I’ve met that are in their 60s are really, really magnetically beautiful because they’ve grown in their wisdom and they’ve grown in their comfort levels with themselves. They’ve grown in their self-love and it’s truly just beautiful to see, and it really draws you in and it’s incredible. True confidence comes from really being connected to yourself, which is what our four cornerstone lifestyle does. It allows you to be yourself, to be here right now with yourself. Then you start to form a better relationship with yourself, and you start to accept yourself, and you start to feel and to be more authentic, and just to show up just as you are.
Kimberly : You’re not trying to be anyone else. You’re not trying to look like anyone else, but you’re really working on all the aspects of yourself. I would say Camilia here again, third and fourth cornerstone are really applicable to you. I would say emotionally, it’s good to process your feelings, to feel your feelings, to journal, to join a circle, a group. We also have our Solluna Circle, which is really great. We’re evolving that constantly and as we speak. Also to just have a really close support group and just watching you around. If there’s people that are really negative, people that are obsessed with age, that’s not the best group maybe to hear about. It doesn’t mean drop all your friends, but you want to make sure that you seek out company and people that are comfortable with themselves too, because that’s what you’re working on.
Kimberly : The more positive people you can focus on, the better spiritually, the more you connect inside, Camilia with your soul. You’re so much more than your age. You’re so much more than how you look. You’re so much more than the surface. The more you connect in with yourself, which comes through, it comes through meditation, it comes through stillness. It comes through really taking the time to connect back in and to breathe, and to connect with the real you. The real you is not Camilia, I’m 43, I’m a woman, I’m Danish. I’m all this stuff. The real you is so much more than that. It’s expansive, the soul, this consciousness, this drop of consciousness, this form of life. There’s so much to you, Camilia. Your age is not important. It’s funny because my guru, Yogananda, has always said, never tell anybody how old you are. He says it reinforces karma.
Kimberly : It also reinforces ideas about what it means to be 30, what you’re supposed to look like when you’re 50 or whatever, right? The more you say it. Well, well, now that I’m 50, I guess blah, blah, blah. Or now that I’m 60, I guess, now I’m going to start having a bad back and blah, blah, blah. It’s not that it’s some big secret, but it does mean to not overemphasize it because it’s not the most important thing. Just try showing up as yourself, Camilia, and try to drop it. Try to focus on again, emotional well-being and spiritual growth. As I was saying earlier, we have some great free guided meditations on mysolluna.com. If it comes up, just don’t make a big deal out of it. You could just say, yeah, I’m 43. I was thinking that today I’m going to go, I’m going to make a gluten free vegan pie. Do you want to come with me?
Kimberly : Just continue the conversation because it’s not that big a deal. If you make it not as big a deal then other people will as well. Just remember, any age, any moment in this time, you are deserving of love. You are amazing. Just relax into yourself and don’t worry. Vibrationally, if you do that, then you will have the ability to attract in, whether you’re looking for a partner or friends, whatever it is. Other people that don’t care about age either. Like attracts like, so be it and attract it.
Question 4: I’ve heard mixed reviews on whether you need to track food calories and have been only successful in losing weight when I’m counting calories. I get the whole concept of why you don’t need to count when you’re eating plant-based. However, this has never worked for me. Is it so bad if I continue to keep track?
Kimberly : All right, our next question comes from Bonnie who’s from Kentucky. She writes, “I’ve heard mixed reviews on whether you need to track food calories and have been only successful in losing weight when I’m counting calories. I get the whole concept of why you don’t need to count when you’re eating plant-based. However, this has never worked for me. Is it so bad if I continue to keep track?”
Kimberly : Bonnie, this is a great question. We were speaking about this a little bit earlier. The idea of scale or calories, it’s this reliance on numbers that can give us guidance but it doesn’t give us the whole picture. It sounds like here you’re trying to lose weight and you’re using calories to do that. I would say, sure, it can be effective and it can be something that you can use, but I don’t think it’s the only thing you should use. The reason why is that a calorie again, doesn’t give the full picture of a food, how nutrient-dense it is, how well it digests, how it’s going to interact with your body. Think about it. You could have 500 calories from low fat cheese and also 500 calories from avocado. The same amount of calories but it digests completely differently in your body. Dairy is very difficult to digest for a lot of people. It’s got casein protein.
Kimberly : For a lot of people that are lactose intolerant, there’s just a bloating effect for a lot of people. Whereas the avocado, which is a monounsaturated fat can digest very easily and quickly through most people’s bodies. When we rely only on numbers for food, we’re not getting the full sense of the food. For me, losing weight is good. It’s one thing, but there’s so much else. There’s this, I keep talking about vitality because vitality is our lightness, our energy, that juiciness and that passion that pours through us, that magnetism. That is supported by plant foods that are whole and abundant in antioxidants and vitamins and minerals, and just have this synergy between the nutrients. It just can’t be created in the lab. It can’t be synthetically created. It’s something that is really born of nature and part of the power of nature.
Kimberly : I will say though that Bonnie, if numbers make you feel safe, then I would say it’s a good idea to maybe be familiar with the calories of certain foods that you’re eating. Over time you can start to drop it a little bit and relax a little bit and focus more on range, variety, freshness, digestibility, all these other things beyond just numbers. Now, the reason it does work easier for plant-based is because of all the fiber. Only plant foods have fiber so when you’re eating a big salad, for instance, and then afterwards you eat some quinoa or some lentils, the salad and the veggies help to fill you up first so you don’t have to obsess. That’s the way I created the first, the original program in The Beauty Detox Solution.
Kimberly : Also, in our 30 Day Roadmap for Healthy Weight Loss, which is our, if you don’t know it’s our online course where the meal plans are written out. You will see in a small number the calorie count, but it’s small because I don’t want you to obsess about it, but it’s there for minds like Bonnie that liked to know it. But then I want you to try to let it go, right? Because what we’re moving towards is a world where we are so connected to our bodies. We trust our bodies. That we gather information, we know generally, okay, obviously, broccoli and these vegetables are lower calories. There’s probably a lot of calories in this coconut ice cream so I’m going to go easy on that. Even lentils and super lower calories, you just have a general idea and then you start to trust your body.
Kimberly : You can start to trust, oh, this feels good. I feel nourished. I feel full. I don’t need enough. I am really hungry. I’m going to start again. I’m going to put a lot of veggies on this plate so I don’t end up having a million calories of pasta. You can start to play with this idea. Again, using your base of big, big salads, cooked veggies, raw veggies, have a really big salad full of abundance. Then also, whatever you’re eating for dinner, pair it with cooked broccoli, cooked cauliflower, a bowl of veggie soup, whatever. That I’ve always said is the best form of portion control without counting calories. Again, Bonnie, I think that this idea of letting go of numbers has to take time because we’re all so used to relying on these means. Like I said, you can just know and then drop it and let it go and move on as best you can.
Kimberly : Just remember that it really is a process and it’s going to take a little bit of time so just be really patient with yourself. That was fun. I like reading the questions myself sometimes. Something that we are working on is getting you guys to send me a little voice recording of your questions, which is super exciting. We’re working on the formatting of how to do that. Keep checking with our website, mysolluna.com for how you can submit questions, because I start to really want to feel your voice, which is exciting for me. It feels more like we’re having a two-way conversation. I really want this to feel like a community and where we can hear each other a little bit, even though obviously the podcast is it’s just we’re hearing it. It’s not visual, but at least we can hear it. We can hear each other. We can hear the vibration of each other’s voices, which I think is really beautiful.
Kimberly : I want to leave you with my thought of the week, which is something that I also posted on my Instagram, which is @_kimberlysnyder. Please follow if you don’t already so we can stay connected even more. I do answer all the comments on there. I try to answer every single one as much as I can myself. It is a place for inspiration. I like to post things. It’s nice to just have that little platform, just like quick hits of inspiration and insight.
Thought of the Week
Anyways, my thought of the week is something that I posted. This is a quote from Bubby who is now four. He says, “My favorite color is all of them.” I love this because he says that about everything. What’s your favorite dinosaur? All of them. What’s your favorite Lego? I like all of them. He’s so open. He’s such a spiritual teacher to me.
Kimberly : When I hear that, I love all of them, what it says to me is that this openness means that he isn’t so locked into just A or B. I think as adults, we get really locked into our preferences, our likes, our dislikes. We start to live from this place of really spending a lot of energy avoiding and creating our preferences. Then we can get thrown off if we don’t get the exact meal, maybe it’s sold out at the restaurant or maybe we didn’t get the exact right day for an appointment or whatever it is. Then it starts to create a lot of suffering and a lot of frustration, a lot of stress. I think Bubby has something to teach all of us, which is just to be more open and to be cool and to be chill and to go with the flow.
Kimberly : Of course, we’re going to have preferences one way or another, but to not be so caught up when things don’t go our way. I’ll leave it at that. Thank you so much for tuning in, for being part of our community. I love you. I send you lots and lots of love. I will be back here with you on Monday for our next interview podcast. Have a wonderful week. Sending you lots and lots of love. Take great care. See you back here soon.