Building Personal Resilience: How to Lean on Yourself to get Through Anything [EPISODE #954]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Topic: 

Hi everyone and welcome back to our Thursday Q &A show. I hope you’re having a lovely week so far as we start to head into this new year upon us. And what a beautiful time to be talking about our topic today, which is how to build personal resilience and lean on yourself to get through anything. I didn’t used to think so much about personal strength as a really important component of wellness. I used to think a lot about the surface and I still want, of course, great skin and hair, but I would think about energy because we feel that day to day. But as time has gone on, I realize how impactful personal resilience is because when we are resilient within ourselves, it also means we are resilient against stress and all the many, many things that we don’t control in the outside world. all the things that don’t go our way, all these ways in which we can expect life to be and it doesn’t show up. If we don’t have inner resilience, you know, I use this analogy in the Hidden Power of the Five Hearts, it feels like we’re being tossed in the ways of the ocean. It’s very up, it’s very down. We’re in fight or flight. Our nervous system is all over the place. And this has a very real physiological effect. Our hormones don’t work so well. There’s a lot of cortisol in our system. We start to notice symptoms. We start to get sick more often. We feel more tired. We notice our hair is thinning. Maybe there’s more wrinkles coming. We start to feel…..

Episode Summary:

Kimberly discusses the importance of building personal resilience and how it can be cultivated through heart coherence, emotional regulation, and lifestyle choices. She emphasizes the significance of inner strength in navigating life’s challenges and shares practical tools and mantras to enhance resilience. The discussion also highlights the role of community support and the impact of a healthy lifestyle on mental and emotional well-being.

 

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Episode Chapters

00:00 Building Personal Resilience
11:20 The Power of Heart Coherence
20:05 Lifestyle and Resilience
26:15 Intentions and Mantras for Strength

SOLLUNA PRODUCT LINKS

• Glowing Greens Powder™
• Feel Good SBO Probiotics
• Feel Good Detoxy
• Feel Good Digestive Enzymes
• Feel Good Starter Kit
• Feel Good Skincare

KIMBERLY’S BOOKS

• The Hidden Power of the Five Hearts 

• Chilla Gorilla & Lanky Lemur Journey to the Heart
• The Beauty Detox Solution
• Beauty Detox Foods
• Beauty Detox Power
• Radical Beauty
• Recipes For Your Perfectly Imperfect Life
• You Are More Than You Think You Are 

OTHER PODCASTS YOU MAY ENJOY!

• How to Believe in Your Self Worth with Jamie Kern Lima [Episode 907]
• How to Raise Your Standards In Your Love Life with Matthew Hussey [Episode 883]
• How to Eat to Beat Your Diet with New York Times best selling author Dr. William Li [Epsiode 913]
• The issues with consuming vegetable and seed oils with Dr. Catherine Shanahan [Episode #899]
• How the Power Foods Diet helps with Weight Loss with Dr. Neal Barnard [Episode #877]
• How Not to Age with New York Times best-selling author Dr. Michael Greger [Episode #873]
• How to eat to reduce anxiety with Harvard nutritional psychiatrist Dr. Uma Naidoo [Episode #867]
• How to Optimize Your Metabolic Health with Dr. Casey Means [Episode 889]

STUDIES AND RESEARCH

A 2006 study in the Journal of Scientific Research showed that research on growth vs. fixed mindsets highlighted that individuals who believe their abilities can be developed (growth mindset) are more resilient in the face of challenges and more likely to embrace difficulties and persist through setbacks.

A 2005 Study in the Psychological Bulletin found that social support can mitigate the negative effects of stress and promote resilience and that people with strong social networks are better equipped to cope with challenges.

A 2004 Study in the Annual Review of Psychology showed that adaptive coping strategies, such as problem-solving and seeking social support, enhance resilience. In contrast, maladaptive strategies, like avoidance or denial, can hinder recovery from stress.

A 2001 study in the American Psychological Journal on self-efficacy found that individuals with high self-efficacy are more likely to take on challenges and persist in the face of difficulties, contributing to greater resilience.

A 2002 Study in the Journal of Psychophysiology found that emotional regulation was a key factor for resilience. Individuals who effectively manage their emotions are better able to cope with stress and recover from adversity.

A 2012 Study in the Journal of Scientific Reseach found that mindfulness practices can enhance resilience by helping individuals manage stress, increase self-awareness, and improve emotional regulation.

A 2009 Study in the Journal of Psychological highlighted that many individuals experience positive psychological changes following trauma, including greater appreciation for life, improved relationships, and increased personal strength, which contributes to resilience.

 

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Transcript

Kimberly Snyder (00:00.612)
Hi everyone and welcome back to our Thursday Q &A show. I hope you’re having a lovely week so far as we start to head into this new year upon us. And what a beautiful time to be talking about our topic today, which is how to build personal resilience and lean on yourself to get through anything. I didn’t used to think so much about personal strength as a really important component of wellness.

I used to think a lot about the surface and I still want, of course, great skin and hair, but I would think about energy because we feel that day to day. But as time has gone on, I realize how impactful personal resilience is because when we are resilient within ourselves, it also means we are resilient against stress and all the many, many things that we don’t control in the outside world.

all the things that don’t go our way, all these ways in which we can expect life to be and it doesn’t show up. If we don’t have inner resilience, you know, I use this analogy in the Hidden Power of the Five Hearts, it feels like we’re being tossed in the ways of the ocean. It’s very up, it’s very down. We’re in fight or flight. Our nervous system is all over the place. And this has a very real physiological effect. Our hormones don’t work so well.

There’s a lot of cortisol in our system. We start to notice symptoms. We start to get sick more often. We feel more tired. We notice our hair is thinning. Maybe there’s more wrinkles coming. We start to feel a just a lack of groundedness in our bodies. Our digestion can feel off. I’m really passionate about talking about this because I would say in my own personal journey, I wasn’t so resilient against myself and I share

quite openly because I think sharing is important, right? We wanna see that we can really shift and grow. And sometimes people look at me and they say, you know, this is great. You eat perfectly and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I say, no, I don’t. And I have really been on this journey. And one of the ways I’ve been on this journey is through anxiety. And I share the story as well in the new book, having to call up my best friend all the time and talk things through and see, you know, is it gonna be okay? Spend so much time.

Kimberly Snyder (02:25.198)
with external validation and feeling like I needed other people to make me feel okay. And now where I am at is, of course, community is really important and we wanna have our circle of people we can confide in, talk through, but inner resilience can be learned and it can grow from tools and practices. And I’m really excited to share about this research today because when we build this inner resilience,

no matter what life brings our way, we know that ultimately we’re going to get through, going to be okay. And I have a really powerful mantra I’m gonna share with you in just a moment. So thank you so much for tuning in. Speaking of which, I wanna mention quickly before we dive deeper into the show, if you haven’t yet heard, are, I am running a at-home heart retreat in January. So we’re gonna take this research around heart coherence, which is so powerful, especially in regards to resilience. And also tapping into our intuitive

What is the best thing for us? What is the best pathway? And what is the best solution? How do I move this forward? Right? We need to really tap into this wisdom. No one else can give this to us. So not from a mental place, New Year’s again, same old resolutions. I want to lose the 10 pounds. I want to make this much money, whatever it is. From a heart-based power perspective, this program is going to include embodied recipes, food recipes, a stretch video that I recorded in my forest in Hawaii.

and heart aligned meditation that’s tailored for the new year, journaling prompts and more. So I really hope you’ll join us. It’s gonna be powerful and amazing. You get the information at mysalina.com. All right, our question today comes from Jeannie who lives in Florida and she writes, Kimberly love the show. I’ve been going through a difficult time in my life and have been struggled to bounce back. I wanna learn how to be stronger in the face of adversity. What can I do?

So Jeannie, my heart goes out to you. We all have these moments, these periods of struggle, of challenge. And I was just talking about this with Gary Jansen on a recent podcast around his new book, Saints, Angels and Demons. He talks about St. John of the Cross. When I was going through a really dark period when my mom passed away, Gary, who’s a dear friend of mine, as well as an incredible writer, as well as an incredible editor, we met him through the Radical Beauty Book with Deepak. He’s the only editor, Deepak.

Kimberly Snyder (04:50.074)
will use for his books. He sent me a book about St. John of the Cross. And it was this, you know, beauty in seeing that as humans, we all have these really dark periods. Different things come up, different circumstances. But life is about growth. And The Dark Night of the Soul is about

not just the actual challenge, but seeing how things crack and they fall away. And you could call it an ego death. You could say that the things that you thought were stable, the things you put your identity in, aren’t really lasting. And so what is underneath? What is really secure? Where does safety and security really come from? And so these challenges keep bringing us back into our center, to the core, to truth.

to what we can really rest our safety and security on. Otherwise, we don’t feel so resilient if we place all our security in that job and suddenly we are laid off or furloughed or the job description changes and we realize our skill sets don’t match up or a partner breaks up the relationship or breaks up the family or whatever it is. There’s so many, a billion different examples.

that we can all think of. as I, you it’s just like flash, like I think about my life, all these things that happen. And so we don’t want to outsource our power. You know, one of the things, the hidden power of the five hearts, it’s the power to be peaceful. It’s a power to find stability within ourselves. So resiliency, I believe, comes from the heart. The mind has all these tricky ideas around…

You know, this has to work this way, very linear. It has to be like this. It has to be this way. But there’s so much power that we can access through the heart, which then regulates the thoughts. It can help to clear trauma, that these stories and these narratives from the mind, through this work, we can really build resilience. And a lot of this helps us with our perspective.

Kimberly Snyder (07:12.528)
A 2006 study in the Journal of Scientific Research showed that a growth versus fixed mindset would help individuals become more resilient in the face of challenges and embrace difficulties and persist through setbacks. So the mind can tell us, you know, this sucks, life is so hard, why should I even try? You know, this relationship didn’t work out, I guess I’m not lovable. The heart.

this light inside of us gives us a different perspective. So first of all, we have to learn to hear the heart, which is why the heart aligned meditation, which you can get the tracks on the website, you can read about in the book, is so powerful. What it does is it starts to create this inner harmony where we turn on the heart brain, which is 40,000 neurons, and it starts to synchronize and harmonize your heart with the brain in your heart with the heart in your head. So this starts to give a very different input signal.

There’s more entrainment, there’s more harmony, which means lighter thoughts. Instead of chaotic fear, we start to feel very grounded. And groundedness translates to resilience.

I also want to say that if you feel, if you’re listening to this and even this topic and you’re like, I don’t feel resilient at all, I don’t feel very strong at all, remember that that light can always be kindled, rekindled or reconnected with and neuroplasticity doesn’t just apply to the neuron pathways in your head, but actually between your heart and your brain. So your heart can very much be reawoken and connected to. There’s this story of Diwali and I’m gonna be

telling it actually at my children’s school and in the assembly. And I told the story last year, but I’m gonna be teaching it in a different way. And I’d like to share with you very briefly what it means. So it’s basically the festival of light in India, comes from ancient India. And it’s really the triumph of the light over the dark. And here in our topic, it’s really this triumph of the heart, of resilience, over feeling weak, over giving our power away.

Kimberly Snyder (09:23.624)
Feeling like our lives are in chaos, right? The light is still there. No matter what the outer circumstance we can tune into this inner guidance. So what happened years, you thousands of years ago was Prince Rama went out into the dark forest with his wife Sita and with his brother Lakshman and there was a whole series of adventures and learnings and incredible realizations happened in this period. And after 13 years he came back to the kingdom out of the dark forest.

and he was ready to be king. And the people were thrilled and they lit thousands of candles to signify the coming out of the dark forest back into the kingdom, this light of now who would be crowned Prince Rama. But it was so the sons collective on the societal and this bigger level that the light will not be held down, no matter this period of so-called darkness and confusion when Rama was in the forest. But also it represents

you know, through these periods of the dark night of the soul, or when we feel like life is really hard and why did this have to happen and, you know, why did this relationship break up or why do I have to move out of my house or whatever it is. The light is never extinguished. So there is this wisdom, this guiding principle, which can calm us, it can soothe us, it can show us the way forward to kindness, to the way of peace, the way of love, which is the way of the light.

And this is also the way of resilience. I was also just rereading the Dao De Ching at my son’s chess tournament recently. And it’s a great read for, you know, events like that because it starts, stop, there’s games, then we have to go eat, da da. So I can read a few passages and absorb and reflect and then put the book down. And so there’s so much around this idea of do nothing and nothing gets undone, you really coming from inspired action.

being in flow like water, you know, not being rigid, but being yielding and supple. These are some of the words that the Tao uses. So resiliency is when we have this perspective that we can flow with life and we don’t have to be so resistant. There’s a lot of research in the Hidden Power, the Five Hearts around what stress really is, which is upset and resistance. And then we start to break down because we don’t like what’s happening.

Kimberly Snyder (11:49.86)
We don’t like that there’s an accident and the traffic is really slow. We don’t like that we got sick and we have to not go to that wedding that we were really looking forward to. We don’t like that, you know, this is happening at work. So then it creates a stress response and our bodies get weak and our mind starts to feel weak because we feel this out of control feeling that the mind doesn’t like. But resiliency comes when we go in.

and starts as simple as connecting with our heart, doing a couple deep breaths, doing your heart aligned meditation, again, the heart line harmonize in life, which I use every single day, asking your heart for guidance about how to best flow. So there’s this moment of being really present, we’re in our hearts, we’re not imagining we’re somewhere else, we’re not caught up in the flurry of thoughts, we’re very present, very accepted, the surrendered state of I’m right here right now.

And then there’s this heart guidance. How do I move forward? How do I progress? How do I keep going here? And 2005 study in the Psychological Bulletin found that social support can mitigate the negative effects of stress. So strong social networks are important. So there is a balance. We want to connect with our hearts first. I feel that this is primary. But at the same time,

you know, having loving friends and people that we can connect with and share with. And sometimes it could be a therapist or, you know, a professional counselor or someone that can be a sounding board for us, can be tremendously therapeutic so we don’t get caught up in our minds. I know for me, there has just been this natural…

ratio growing where I’m out of my head more, out of the thoughts, more in my heart. But in the beginning, I was still needing to talk to friends a lot, needing to talk to other people a lot to feel soothed and to feel okay. And now I’m in a place where because of this work, not because I’m special, not because I’m different, but because of doing the practices, I feel a lot more resilience. I do feel that I do self soothe myself a lot more.

Kimberly Snyder (14:13.998)
And I can look at things more common sense, right? The heart wisdom and the heart intelligence gives us that rational very much like, okay, well this happened, but we can go this way. Sometimes we think the heart is the irrational emotions and it’s actually the ego which has the erratic emotions, flies into chaos, know, things are out of control. It’s the calming feeling of the heart that can bring us down into this very grounded place.

So one of the things that is really important, this comes from a study from 2004 in the annual review of psychology, adaptive coping strategies, problem solving, avoiding avoidance and denial can really help us recover from stress. that calmness is a really important part of being resilient. We need to just be really aware.

you know, what happens? And I was talking to my hairdresser who does tend towards worry and stress. And she says, you know, something happens with our kids who are in their twenties now. And she goes right to worry, right to stress. And then she’s up all night. So just noticing when we start to get off kilter, notice the very beginnings of starting to go down into the mind pathway of, you know, this is a disaster. This is a huge problem.

And when we start to buy into the thoughts and then the heart rate keeps going faster and the breath starts to get more shallow perhaps, or we start to feel an empty, for me I feel a lot in my stomach, my tummy, my shoulders tighten. So we just wanna be aware. This is one of the things that we expand out of and become awareness, grow awareness in our Expand and Release Stretch video. It’s part of that at home retreat and also this really somatic movement.

There’s some rocking which helps the body release stress and trauma, right? Trauma stored throughout the body. Resiliency comes when we really come into this moment and we start to recognize that we are actually so much more capable than we realized. We want to dial it down past all the friction and the, you know, these big emotions of the mind into getting into what do I really need right now? Okay.

Kimberly Snyder (16:42.904)
I accept that there’s a lot going on or this is happening. We get calm. Just take a couple moments, get into my heart. What do I need? Okay, I’m need someone to pick the kids up from school because I need to do this. Or I need to take care of myself right now or I need to get myself out of this situation or I need to have this conversation. Start to get really clear about what we need to do and then we take those steps forward.

It feels so empowering. We realize this resilience when we don’t have to be overwhelmed. Overwhelmed comes from the mind. It comes from thinking about so many things that we feel that we aren’t capable. Again, calmness, one of the most important qualities that Paramahansa Yogananda talked about. Calmness is spiritual quality. Calmness means coherence. It’s like a lake that’s clear so we can see ourselves.

We can see the situation calmly and clearly. We can see what to do. Now, something I used to do in the past is, you know, I can’t believe this is happening. Like, you know, why is it, it’s like so much fixation. That’s a form of resistance, which would actually create more stress. So I started to really recognize that pattern in myself instead of just talking about the problem. It’s like, all right, that person did this or this happened. Here we are.

Let me get calm. I just need a moment here. Okay, I’m in acceptance. Now what’s the path forward? How do we move forward from this? You what do we do? So there’s a lot of trauma and just sort of, you know, victim mode, sort of wallowing in the actual event or the thing you didn’t, you wish didn’t happen. But we need to move forward and so we can do that from calmness.

and coherence, again, with these beautiful tools around the heart. And so the more that we get, we feel this resilience, the more we are able to be confident in our resilience. And so there’s a different type of confidence that comes from realizing we can handle what life brings our way. And it’s powerful. Sometimes we have to go through a really big challenge. I remember when my mom was passing away.

Kimberly Snyder (19:07.608)
And there’s this moment of this is happening and I can fight it or not, but this is actually happening. It’s a train that you cannot stop. And finding a way to breathe and to move across the room and to keep doing what I had to do really grew that level of confidence.

and clarity in me and it just, you know, we realize even when life gets really tough and we find a way, we can keep building and building on that. So one of the things is emotional regulation. And a 2002 study in the Journal of Psychophysiology found that when we were able to manage our emotions, better able to cope with stress and recover from adversity. So back to the calmness. But there’s something really important I wanna share with you.

The heart coherence builds not just when we are in challenge, but you wanna use the tools when you are already feeling calm, when you are feeling good, when something really great happens, when you’re feeling joyful, when you’re feeling really peaceful, when you’re feeling relaxed. Because when you do the heart aligned meditation in those moments, when you do the heart aligned steady in life, when you tune into your heart, you keep building those pathways so your reserves grow, your baseline grows.

so that when you do have the challenging email or text that comes up, when the unexpected traffic or weather hits, you have a deeper reserve to keep you more resilient. And that’s a really important point to get across. Sometimes we think that these tools are only there to be used when things are off kilter. No, we wanna do the practices regularly all the time. So when I’m driving in the car, like I was this morning and just looking out over the shimmering water,

and it’s beautiful and things are going really well and it feels really amazing. What do I do? I train myself, go into my heart, take those heart focused breaths, feel the appreciation, the first few steps of the heart aligned meditation. That builds coherence. So don’t just wait till you’re down. Do these really incredible tools regularly. And when you’re in high moments, because guess what? You can use that energy to keep

Kimberly Snyder (21:31.288)
rewiring and awakening the heart, brain and the heart intelligence. And these are really powerful moments and times to to take, you know, advantage of. Now, when it comes to resiliency as well, our lifestyle is such an important part. So remember here at Saluna, have, or at Saluna, this is the Feel Good podcast. But if you didn’t know already, if you’re a new listener, I have a wellness brand called Saluna, which is all around heart lead living and wellness. And it’s built around four.

cornerstones, food, body, emotional wellbeing, which we talked about so much today, and spiritual growth. These all work in tandem. So how we eat will help our resiliency. We can’t be eating junk food and sugar all day and processed foods and feel our best. So fiber, whole foods, right? There’s a lot of simple recipes on our website at mysaluna.com. We build resiliency in our body when we have excellent gut health.

When I was my most anxious, my gut was screwed up. was eating dairy all the time, was eating gluten, I was bloated, hardly went to the bathroom, I had massive constipation. We have an amazing SBO, soil-based organism, probiotic formula, which is clinically researched. If you wanna check it out, it’s really powerful, it emulates nature, how our ancestors used to eat a little bit of soil and take that in.

That is resiliency on a body level. When our bodies are strong, we can be more strong mentally. So really strong gut health. You digest your food. You digest what life brings you. And then you realize you have the power within. So take your SBO probiotics all the time. Also, get rid of the waste. Take your detox as I do every week, multiple times a week when you’re full of waste.

It starts to affect your mind. You start to feel wishy-washy. You’ve got all this crap literally inside of your body. So for me, it’s building that gut health, getting rid. Also physical activity that helps you feel strong. Maybe for you it’s lifting weights, doing some type of resiliency workout. When I was doing my Vedic astrology appointment with Dr. Suhas, who’s been a guest here on our podcast, he’s also a wonderful Ayurvedic physician.

Kimberly Snyder (23:55.972)
He prescribed for me weight lifting. He said this will be really great for your mind. To be totally honest, I don’t lift weights regularly, but my regular exercise is to walk in, I do a one hour walk, you know, four or five times a week in these mountains, know, essentially these really hilly roads around my house where I live. So there is this.

element of strength building. I feel strong walking up those big hills like wow I can do it. I feel it in my legs. I feel it in my body and there is a deep sense of strength when we strengthen our bodies. So eat strengthening foods. Foods that have fiber. Foods that have antioxidants. Foods that have strengthening minerals. Right? Your greens, your legumes, your organic tofu or tempeh.

You know different foods that work for different people’s bodies. I find sweet potatoes, earthy foods, lots of seeds and nuts. I love almonds. I love pistachios. I love walnuts. I feel strong when I these foods. So we want to build an environment for our bodies. It’s very strengthening. Also in our homes, we’ve done full shows about this as well. Get rid of the clutter. Get rid of the chaos. You’ll feel stronger mentally and emotionally if your space is cleaned up.

Don’t let the dishes pile up, right? Keep your kitchen clean. Get rid of all the stuff you don’t need anymore. Clean out your closets. I’m a huge believer in environmental space. you know, free of chaos in all the ways. I like to clean up my desktop regularly. When I open up my computer and there’s a million files and stuff all over the place, it doesn’t feel so calming, right? Resiliency builds. Think calm.

harmonious, builds real strength. Another thing that I suggest, I mentioned at the top of the show I teased my mantra. So first of all, I think there’s a real power and intention. It brings us back to the strength of focus. As I start the day, I stand in front of the altar and I say, know, whatever the prayer is, but to me all the mind is a distraction away from purpose, away from spirit.

Kimberly Snyder (26:15.588)
God, however you like to phrase it, universe, your purpose in life. So I pray for strength. I pray and I say, you know, whatever situation comes my way, may I deal with it with strength, kindness, and love. And that’s my prayer as I go into the day. And so when we have this really clear intention, it’s like, where are we pointing the arrow? Where are we pointing the boat? As we go out into the harbor, you want to have this feeling, this intention.

behind what you’re doing. And now another thing is this mantra which comes from a monk from this temple I go into in Hawaii and the mantra is I’m alright right now. I’m alright right now. So not everything’s going to be okay which is future-based like what does that mean I’m not okay right now. In this moment I’m okay. All right.

Now I can take action. All right, I realized I’m sick. I realized this is happening, but I’m okay. What do I do now? Right? There’s this moment and Eckhart Tolle talks about this as well. He talks about how these people come to him with big problems, know, financial disaster, big divorces, whatever it is. But he says, but are you okay right now? We’re having this conversation. Are you okay? And they’re like, well, but now all this stuff’s happening. He said, no, no, right now. Are you okay? Yeah.

Right? So we tune in. This very presence brings us to this real place of resiliency. I’m okay right now. Say it to yourself. Right now I’m okay. feel it. How the strength starts to come in. Okay, I can work with this. There’s things I can do. I’m okay right here, right now.

So I’m gonna end on that and take that in with you. Check out the show notes at mysolluna.com.  Remember that you are far more resilient and stronger than you ever realized. Feel it in your heart. Take advantage of these tools. Lots for you in the hidden power of the five hearts. And this heart at home retreat we have coming up. You can check it all out. Once again, the show notes, the resources, the supplements I talked about, mysaloonit.com. I’ll be back here Monday as always for our next interview show.

Kimberly Snyder (28:40.24)
Until then, take great care. Hope to find you out there on social media at underscore Kimberly Snyder. Sending you so much love and see you back here soon.