How to Let Go of Expectations and Timelines and Enjoy A Happier Life [Episode #750]

This week’s topic is: How to Let Go of Expectations and Timelines and Enjoy A Happier Life

Numbers can really drag us down in terms of being obsessed about how much we weigh or how many calories we ate, or what our salary is, or how many followers we have on social media. And if we tie our worth to these numbers, we can get really stressed out. We start to feel that sense of lack, that our life isn’t where we want it to be, and it just robs all the joy from our life.

Today I want to give you three key tips here on how we can have ideas, have goals, have things that we want to create and we want to achieve, however, we approach it in this way that feels really aligned and it feels really nourishing instead of stressful. And these three tips I’m going to share with you are tangible and I hope they can really inspire you and that you can imply to your own life.

Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question sent in by a Beauty just like you, listen now to find out!

Remember you can submit your questions at https://mysolluna.com/askkimberly/

[Question Answered]

Patricia – Florida

I’ve heard you mention a couple of times about letting go of numbers and not being linear but in a world full of timelines and setting up routines, how can we balance this idea of having to keep things on a schedule without losing our sense of centeredness?

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Other Podcasts you may enjoy!:

• The Killer Of Joy: Expectations
• How to Flow with Life in Your Own Timelines with John Pisani
• Overcoming Disappointment, Unmet Expectations and Grief
• Cutting Out Expectations and Reducing Disappointments

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Transcript:

Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.

Kimberly:00:01 Namaste loves and welcome back to our Thursday Q&A podcast where our topic this week is on letting go of expectations and timelines in your life. And we’ve talked about how numbers can really drag us down in terms of being obsessed about how much we weigh or how many calories we ate, or what our salary is, or how many followers we have on social media. And if we tie our worth to these numbers, we can get really stressed out. We start to feel that sense of lack, that our life isn’t where we want it to be, and it just robs all the joy from our life. But today we’re talking about a very specific type of number. If you wanna <laugh>, sort of look at it this way in, in quantitative analysis, which is timelines as in, okay, by a certain age I should have achieved this much.

00:58 Or in quarter two of this year, I’ll have completed these projects, or I’ll have gotten this much more money, or this promotion or whatever it is, I should lose 10 pounds by, um, you know, one month into the new year, right? We can start to see how time has that, um, ability to feel really rigid and stressful potentially when we start to pit our reality, our lives against these expectations. So today, I wanna give you three key tips here on how we can, yes, have ideas, have goals, have things that we wanna create and we wanna achieve, but we approach it in this way that feels really aligned and it feels really nourishing instead of stressful. And I say these three tips from personal experience from the place of I know what it’s like to feel stressed out about timelines because I have very much put that pressure heavily on myself in the past in many different arenas, including with work and with projects, and with, um, you know, just plays out in my personal life in different ways.

02:21 And it really was when I employed these tips as I’ll get into today with some personal anecdotes that things really started to flow. I really wasn’t focused, was, you know, rigid idea I had in my mind that, you know, I wanted to buy a house and then I just let go of it. And then, you know, it just opened up and we ended up only looking at three homes before we found this home, where I’m speaking to you from here today in the mountains of California, really our, our dream home. And I didn’t have this rigidity of we have to buy a home by a certain

Kimberly: 02:58 Amount of time, and I could feel the energy open up around it. So, and a million other examples. But I’m really excited for this topic, if you can tell. And these three tips I’m gonna share with you are, are tangible and I hope they can really inspire you and that you can imply to your own life.

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I also wanna mention that newly out as of just a few days ago, our new book, baby, You Are More More Than You Think You Are – Practical Enlightenment For Everyday Life, has just launched into soft cover. So it’s a little bit of a lighter version if you prefer that. I personally definitely recommend and prefer hard copy actually printed books, especially for this book, which has exercises and practices, if you like to hear my voice guiding you as a friend, we’re all in it together, right? So sometimes we align to the, to the voice, to to sound.

04:55 There is also the, the audio book that I read, but in addition, I do recommend getting the written word, which has a certain type of groundedness for this type of book, if you feel called. So anyways, you have an option now to get the soft cover wherever books are sold. I’m so excited to hopefully support you so much with this book in the new year. So let me know how you do, let me know any questions, comments for this show or around the book. You can leave them for me over at mysolluna.com and they do get past to me and I am always listening and curious about how I can continue to support you. So please know that that channel is always open.

Question around the topic of: How to Let Go of Expectations and Timelines and Enjoy A Happier Life: I’ve heard you mention a couple of times about letting go of numbers and not being linear but in a world full of timelines and setting up routines, how can we balance this idea of having to keep things on a schedule without losing our sense of centeredness?

Kimberly:05:56  Okay, so let’s get into our show today. And our question comes from Patricia, who lives in Florida. So hello my love sending you some, some nice vibes out there to Florida, a state I love very much, spent a a lot of time in Florida, and you’re right, I’ve heard you mentioned a couple of times about letting go of numbers and not being linear, but in a world of timelines and setting up routines, how can we balance this idea of having to keep things on a schedule without losing a sense of centeredness? So again, thank you so much Patricia, for inspiring this topic. And it is a very timely topic. It is an important one to address because on one hand, we, we have these two parts of us, as I speak about a lot at the core, in the core of the new book, we have our true selves, so we have our spirit, our soul, our energy, and more and more we wanna identify more with that unlimited energetic potential versus the limited body, the denseness, the mind, the thoughts. That’s where a lot of the, the, the linearness does come from.

06:52 So we have these two parts of us, and they don’t necessarily have to feel opposing meaning, oh, I wanna just be free and, you know, moving around in this energy, but then there’s real life and there’s daily life, and I have a commute and I have traffic to deal with, and I have a home and a mortgage to pay for, and all these things. We don’t, they don’t have to feel like they’re fighting each other, right? So yes, there’s this, the practicalities of life. And so we want to, as Patricia mentioned, have routines and have goals, but we also don’t wanna feel like we’re too stuck. So the first tip I wanna give here is to really start to get clear about your internal goals and what is really important to you, and overall, what is it that you really want to create in your life?

07:48 So this helps to put everything in perspective. We can ask at the end of the day, you know, what, what am I really doing here? Why am I running around? Why am I breaking my back to, to get this done? Does it really matter? Is this really getting me to where I wanna go? So when we have our, our goals in mind, and what I mean by that is how do we really wanna feel in our lives? When I started shifting to looking at this, it was so clear. I wanted to feel fulfilled. I wanted to feel connected. I wanted to feel love. I want to feel in present tense now, not wanted, I want to feel love connected, fulfilled. So when I looked at my scheduling for my life, it became clear my family is the priority. My spiritual practices are the priority and, and work, but I’m not going to necessarily create those three things by pushing forward to launch more products at Solluna at an unrealistic rate or pushing more books to be published faster, right?

08:58 There was a certain pace at a certain point in my life that was this drive. And when I really looked at what I wanted, what I realized was this relentless drive came from a wounded place in me that was equating my worth and production and producing more with my li literally like my, my worth, my my sense of beingness. And when I got really clear about my internal goals, meaning how do I wanna feel day to day? Because when we look back on our lives, that’s what really matters. It starts to allow you to approach your schedule in a different way. So yes, you can have a timeline and goals and things you would like to accomplish in certain amounts of, you know, how it lays out certain months or quarters or however you set up your schedule, but not at the sacrifice of our internal goals.

09:54 That is primary. So it means we relax, we give ourselves a break. If you know what’s happening here in my neighborhood, and we live near Malibu and there’s been a lot of rain, so there’s been mudslides, the roads have been closed, it’s thrown a wrench, and some of my plans meetings have gotten canceled. It’s taken me, you know, over an hour to get my son back and forth to school one way, just it’s disruptive in that way. But when we realize, okay, nothing is going to take my peace, and that’s really my big goal this year is that I’ve made a decision that my inner peace is my biggest goal, my centeredness, my calmness. So when the schedule is disruptive, it’s like, okay, I’ll deal with this. But my internal, my internal goals are primary. So when we stay authentic to ourselves, when we stay authentic to our internal goals, we feel grounded, we feel clear.

10:56 And the funny thing is, 10 things tend to work out better anyways. We’re making, we’re not making decisions from a fearful place. We have more softness in our interaction with others, and they can feel that. So there’s more collaboration, there’s more creativity. So I encourage you to journal about this. What are my intentions for this year in terms of how I wanna feel? How can I serve others more? What are the three qualities that are really important for me to embody this year, for me to create this year? So when we approach it from this place, it starts to align everything else.

11:33 So the second way, uh, or the second big tip I wanted to share with you has to do with bringing in flexibility as a real practice over rigidity. So again, we, it’s okay to have a schedule, right? And as Patricia’s mentioning, we wanna set up routines. We wanna have some sorts of goals, right? In different areas, whether that’s in fitness or your personal health or in your career, um, or whatever it is. But we wanna bring in this sense of flexibility. We want to understand that like the trees that bend and sort of flow and move with the wind and the different patterns, we are stronger and more resilient when we go with the flow of life. We wanna work with life. We wanna co-create with spirit, with the higher power, with universe, and not just try to jam our way, which again, is where the rigidity comes in.

12:40 And just like that tree that doesn’t wanna bend or mold to the natural forces around us, it creates brittleness, it creates tension, it creates breakage. And that’s what happens to our bodies when we’re so rigid and tense. We can create more inflammation, we can start to wear ourselves out. We start to secrete more stress hormones, and our nervous systems become imbalanced. Our immunity starts to tank. We start to see these little, um, stressors, little areas of wear and tear on our bodies. We can see in our eyes, we can see it in our hair, you know, the B vitamins start to get used up more and more. Our hair starts to fall out more. I was recently reading about 21, how 21 million women today in the United States are suffering from hair loss. So, you know, I, I can’t help but surmise that a part of that is the stress, it is the rigidity.

13:36 It is the constant grinding to create this, these timelines and to hit these deadlines. And then again, back with what we said in point number one for what we step back and we say, okay, I could get this all done. I could make my boss really happy, or I could go over and create these, you know, hit my deadlines. But that, is that really making me happy? Is that really creating what I want this year? Am I really feeling the way that I wanna feel? Is it, what is it really giving me? Right? So then I can start to shift and like I said, get clear about what we want with our goals. What is our real goals of life? And it’s internal because the external is always gonna, there’s always gonna be more and more and more, always more money to make, always more things to create.

14:32 We look at the richest people in the world and we do not doubt that they are not necessarily the happiest people in the world. So it’s this hamster wheel that we wanna free ourselves from by realizing that it is not what I want. I’m not going to give my life away, my power away to these external forces that may not really be aligned. And now it’s clear that they’re not gonna give me what I want. So here we say we wanna be flexible, so it means I try my best, but I’m not gonna let these down lines dictate my happiness. Just like I’m not gonna let other numbers like the weight, the number that comes up on the scale dictate my sense of worth or my joy or my happiness. So we wanna be flexible, we wanna give ourselves a break. We wanna understand that there’s, we are co-creators.

15:20 It’s not just about us, but there’s many infinite forces at play in the world, in the universe, in our lives. And the third part, the third tip I want to offer to you is inspired action. So when we start to witness ourselves, meaning we have a sense of separation between who we really are, our true self, and our egos. Instead of over-identifying with these stories that we tell ourselves with the really strong and potentially violent emotions, the ups and downs, the sadness, the rage, the resentfulness, the jealousy, all these negative, darker emotions. And we start to witness what, how these play out. We can let them wash over us and see them, right? And then we can start to connect more to this deeper place of intuition in inside of us. And we can start to discern where what is driving us. So in my case, a lot of this drive that happens in the past, this relentless, do more, make sure you’re at that, on that list.

16:38 The best seller list, the top of your class list. It was very external at the expense of my own health, my mental health, my physical health. I’d be up all night pushing myself to study, drinking, disgusting diet soda, <laugh>, looking back on it, right? And just this gross fuel, this almost like gasoline just pouring it into my body to jack myself up to stay up to make this list. And I’d make the list. And it really didn’t make me happier. So we wanted to take inspired action, which means it’s coming from our soul, it’s coming from deep inside of us. Something is speaking to us from this deep place saying, yes, yes, I wanna share this with the world. I wanna put my energy into this. This feels aligned. So when we’re moving from this place, we do not get that fatigue. We do not get that exhaustion.

17:36 We do not overly drain ourselves. It’s a very different place to move through life and in, in which to create our goals. So it’s saying, oh, I’m so excited about this goal and today I woke up really feeling this call to email this person or to reach out, or I really wanna try to set up this meeting today or next week or whatever. And so there’s this flow and there’s this natural aliveness, this prana, this oof, this juiciness that moves us forward award. And so we create that separation that, um, so we always are one, we’re always wholeness. We always have a human side and the divine true self part, but we, we stop identifying so much with our ego. So there’s a bit of a separation where we can witness the thoughts and the feelings moving through us, and then we can discern better when, okay, I’ve meditated.

18:31 I feel really clear today. And what’s rising up in me is this natural inspiration to take this action, to take this inspired place of, of, of movement, of action. So it creates a very different way and creating our goals, it means that we are able to move our goals and timelines forward, but without depleting ourselves. And so if we stay connected to inspired action, we stay flexible in our schedule and we don’t sacrifice our internal goals for the sake of just taking something off the box or more and more and more. We are going to be able to let go of the timelines and expectations, but still be able to move things forward in our lives. So my process for book writing, I like to look back and say, you know, there was a lot more frenetic, just late nights and disorganization. Even when I look at pull up the folder, which I still have on my desktop from the Beauty Detox Solution, they came from inspired Action.

19:38 I really did wanna share all the principles in that book, but there was a lot more, um, just I was feeling like wasted energy. There’s just a lot more just kind of running around energy than in my life. And then I look at how I wrote this current book baby, You Are More More Than You Think You Are  and it just flowed, it came out of me. It poured through me. I had a newborn as I started to write. And, uh, Buffy wasn’t in school because the pandemic. So there was less time per se if we look at it from a linear standpoint. But because I was so flexible in my approach, it was more organized and there was inspired writing taking place. None of it was felt forced at all. And so we can create more efficiently, we can create more effectively. We, so it’s not about, it’s really letting go of this idea that if we don’t push ourselves enough, we’re not gonna create what we want. The opposite is true. When we’re in this flow and coming from this really deep heart-centered place, we create our best stuff. And this is something I speak to about

Kimberly:20:47 More in the, You Are A Creator chapter of the new book. So I highly recommend you check out that particular chapter as well. So I hope this really helps to put this in perspective. We can live in joyful, peaceful, and a joyful, peaceful reality and still accomplish a lot. Number one, stay connected to your internal goals and how you wanna feel and what you wanna create. Number two, replace rigidity with flexibility and moving through your goals and your day in the non-linear ways. And really being, um, tuned into what your energy is and tuned into what you feel. So that takes us to number three, which is that inspired action. We don’t wanna push, push, push when our bodies are saying, no, I need to rest, or I’m not feeling clear today, or this isn’t the day to, to try to do that. We wanna take that inspired action from our hearts.

21:41 We wanna live it and let it pour out of us, into our words, into our interactions, into our relationships, and into our action steps. So sending you so much love and so much gratitude. We’ll be back here Monday for our next interview podcast. It’s a really exciting one coming up. So be sure to tune in and as always, reach out to me and between shows on social, on our website, where the show notes will also be uploaded for today in all our podcasts, mysollluna.com. The website is the hub for recipes and our free guided meditations, our practical enlightenment, meditations, articles, including our Kim’s corner blogs, which we revamped and relaunched. And I’m writing currently all the time now and more. So sending you so much love and see you back here on Monday. Namaste.