Digging into Why We Connect and Disconnect [Episode #550]
This week’s topic is: Digging into Why We Connect and Disconnect
The Cornerstones have been such a great framework for us to really create a system for evaluating our energy, our self-care, how well we’re connecting with ourselves, food, body, emotional wellbeing and spiritual growth. And, the emotional wellbeing category, the cornerstone here is where I put relationships.
Everything is interrelated and the spiritual growth part of us is also part of relationships, because the more we connect in with our essence, the more we connect out with others.
However, I think when we’re talking about communication and really creating healthy boundaries, healthy relationships and some of the tricky parts of human relations, it has to do with the emotions that we haven’t processed. Our wounds, our triggers and stress. A lot of it, I would say falls into that category. And this is the cornerstone I think that a lot of us often could use some more work in diving in. So I’m very, very excited to hear this.
Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question and 3 more sent in by Beauties just like you, listen now to find out!
Is disconnection to others coming from all the technology we’re using? How can this ever be reversed?
Cristina – Central Coast Ca
Listening to your podcasts all these years has helped me become the woman I am today. I was born Catholic and I am raising my kids Catholic because it’s expected and the Filipino in me feels that I must. I enjoy going to church with my family and will always continue to be a part of that community, but recently I’ve been interested in the spirituality in myself and envisioning the whole universe as one.
The other night I had a real deep discussion about how I was feeling and my hubby had this stern harsh energy about how I shouldn’t believe that because it’s not our religion. No matter what or how I tried to explain it to him, he asked me again and again, what do we believe? We are Catholic so you can’t believe in the stars. I told him my religion is love. I feel like I’m crazy and confused. I know what I know and I feel love. How can I relate this to what I’m supposed to believe?
Whitney – Kentucky
What do you think draws us to connect with another person? I’m speaking of a lover but also in friendships. Is there something beyond us that is guiding us to certain individuals?
Poppy – Washington
I used to be so into my boyfriend but lately I’m just not. Is it me or is there something more that causes relationships to not last, beyond the typical issues that arise?
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Kimberly: 00:01 Hey Beauties, and welcome back to our Thursday interview podcast, where our topic today is Digging into Why We Connect and Disconnect. And, we’ve been getting so many incredible questions around all these different topics having to do with relationships and connection. And, I can just see that as a community, as a collective, we’re really going deeper and deeper into our growth, into our understanding of ourselves, into real connection and real balance, and it’s so beautiful to see. I can feel it in the community. I can feel it just by nature of the sorts of questions we’re getting in. And the real shift in the questions, just like sort of mirrors my journey, the journey of a lot of us where we start with something that’s tangible and something that’s physical. For a lot of us it’s food. And then, we start to branch out into the other layers of our being and the other parts of us.
Kimberly: 00:59 So, that’s why the Cornerstones has been such a great framework for us to really create a system for evaluating our energy, our self-care, how well we’re connecting with ourselves, food, body, emotional wellbeing and spiritual growth. And, the emotional wellbeing category, the cornerstone here is where I put relationships, because it’s related to… Everything’s interrelated of course, and the spiritual growth part of us is also part of relationships, because the more we connect in with our essence, the more we connect out with others.
Kimberly: 01:36 But, I think when we’re talking about communication and really creating healthy boundaries and healthy relationships and some of the intricacies, and some of the tricky part of human relations has to do with the emotions that we haven’t processed, and our wounds, and our triggers and stress. So a lot of it, I would say falls into that category. And this is the one, this is the cornerstone I think that a lot of us often could use some more work in diving in. So I’m very, very excited to hear this.
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Kimberly: Before we get into the topic today, and your wonderful questions. I just want to give a quick reminder to please leave us a review on iTunes, which is free and easy, wonderful way to support the show.
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Question #1 around the topic of: Digging into Why We Connect and Disconnect: Is disconnection to others coming from all the technology we’re using? How can this ever be reversed?
Kimberly: Okay, let’s get into our questions today around our topic, digging into why we connect and disconnect. And, the first question comes from Faith, who lives in Rhode Island and she asks, “Is disconnection to others coming from all the technology we’re using?” “How can this ever be reversed?” So, I think this is a great question to start off with. It’s a very broad question. It’s one that I think we’ve all wondered to different degrees.
Kimberly: 03:27 In some ways, technology is amazing because we get to click a couple buttons and we can get food delivered, and we never have to leave anymore, and we can never have to talk to anybody basically. We can leave texts, and voice texts, and all sorts of things. And now, of course, we can do Zoom meetings. We never even have to see anybody in-person. So, there’s a convenience aspect to this. And of course, because of the pandemic, there’s also the reality, it’s just a wonderful way, pretty much the only way that we can connect with a lot of our loved ones that live in different cities and different countries, in different places around the world. On the other hand though, when we over rely on technology, we definitely, definitely start to disconnect.
Kimberly: 04:14 We are meant to be tribal. We are meant to feel energy, and to feel connection, and to feel companionship and to feel closeness. So, I don’t think we should demonize technology, but I don’t think that we should rely on it to fulfill all of our needs, especially again, from a emotional standpoint. So, this is one of the reasons that I created the Solluna Circle, which is part of our app. There’s the free app part, and then there’s a membership part. Because, I started to see in my life and so many others that this community aspect was really, really lacking. And sure, we can go on Instagram and you scroll around Facebook, but I don’t know about you, but sometimes this can leave you feeling even lonelier if you’re in a certain state. I love the people that are commenting on my feed and I love to comment back, but it’s not the same as a community, it’s not the same as embracing a tribe.
Kimberly: 05:18 I think it can be a positive tool, but for instance, the Solluna Circle, when have our Zoom every month that we can look at each other and everybody can speak, and we’re talking and we’re sharing, it cuts through just small talk and being on the surface, and we get right down to the heart of things. And, I think that’s what we’re all looking for, is deep, deep connection. And again, I don’t think technology replaces that. I think that even in these times, I think that FaceTime is better than just texting. I think that Zooms are better than just sending emails. I think the more FaceTime where we can actually see another body language, and read their energy and see them, it’s a much more holistic experience if that’s our only choice.
Kimberly: 06:09 But of course, on the other side of the pandemic, get togethers, connection, even with so-called strangers, which I never started using that term again after I did my backpacking trip, because I started to realize that we’re all so connected. And, you might not know somebody’s name, and you may be from a completely different part of the world, but we’re all so connected. And, the things that connect us are far greater than the things that divide us. So again, I think technology is okay. I think it can be a tool, but I think we need to put real effort into other means, other than technology for connection. So again, if it’s possible and safe for you to do walks with loved ones wearing masks, keeping social distancing in play, joining our Solluna Circle, FaceTiming, again, Zooming face-to-face versus just emails, I think is also really wonderful.
Kimberly: 07:05 And, I think these are some of the ways we start to reverse this, when we over rely on just messages and sort of lifeless pictureless, actionless ways of communicating. We can go back to our hearts, and we can go back to connecting on a deeper level. And also, I think that disconnection comes because, the more busy the world becomes and there’s so many means for distracting ourselves, we can be on YouTube, we can be on Netflix, we can do all these things, the more disconnected we are from ourselves, the more we disconnect from others. So, part of this is also meditating, finding times for stillness, introspection, self-awareness and journaling. And, all these things will help to reverse the disconnection, because as we naturally connect in, we will naturally connect with all others. And, it really does go hand in hand.
Question #2 around the topic of: Digging into Why We Connect and Disconnect: Listening to your podcasts all these years has helped me become the woman I am today. I was born Catholic and I am raising my kids Catholic because it’s expected and the Filipino in me feels that I must. I enjoy going to church with my family and will always continue to be a part of that community, but recently I’ve been interested in the spirituality in myself and envisioning the whole universe as one. The other night I had a real deep discussion about how I was feeling and my hubby had this stern harsh energy about how I shouldn’t believe that because it’s not our religion. No matter what or how I tried to explain it to him, he asked me again and again, what do we believe? We are Catholic so you can’t believe in the stars. I told him my religion is love. I feel like I’m crazy and confused. I know what I know and I feel love. How can I relate this to what I’m supposed to believe?
Kimberly: 08:00 So, the next question comes from Christina and she lives in Central Coast, California. And, thank you so much Faith for that wonderful question, sending you a big hug. Christina asks, “Listening to your podcast all these years has helped me become the woman I am today, I was born Catholic and I’m raising my kids Catholic, because it’s expected, and the Filipina in me feels that I must.” “I enjoy going to church with my family and will always continue to be part of that community.” “But, recently I’ve been interested in the spirituality of myself and envisioning the whole universe as one.” “The other night, I had a real deep discussion about how I was feeling and my hubby had this stern, harsh energy about how I shouldn’t believe that, because it’s not our religion.” “No matter what or how I tried to explain it to him, he asked me again and again, what do we believe?” “We are Catholic, so you can’t believe in the stars.” “I told him my religion is love.” “I feel like I’m crazy and confused.”
Kimberly: 08:58 “I know what I know, and I feel love.” “How could I relate this to what I’m supposed to believe?” Wow, Christina, this is an amazing question with a lot of different facets. First of all, I give you a huge, huge hug. I love this. I feel your power in this question. I can feel there’s a real strength there, and there’s this struggle between the authenticity inside of you and the voice of truth also rising up. I relate to this, because I too was raised Catholic. I am half Filipino. My mother’s from the Philippines, and I understand a culture that is so heavily intertwined with religion that all your relatives probably, all my relatives, the neighbors, the friends, everybody is invested in this religious lifestyle, and specifically in the Philippines, it’s Catholicism.
Kimberly: 09:55 So, I will say that first of all, I don’t think that they have to be mutually exclusive. For me, the game changer was when I found Paramahansa Yogananda. I was traveling, I was in India. I was increasingly becoming interested in this concept of self-awareness and self-realization. And as you’re saying here Christina, this idea of oneness and love, but I did feel tremendous guilt at first. I felt what about my relationship with Jesus and being a Catholic, do I reject that if I become a yogi. And, what Yogananda taught was that the essential truth of all these major world religions is essentially the same. I think of it as different pathways up the mountain. And the top of the mountain, let’s say, is finding divinity, connecting with God, spirit, whatever word you want to use. So, meditation and the pathway of a yogi, connecting with love and getting past judgment and separation will only make us better Catholics, better Christians, better Jews, better Muslims, better Buddhists, whatever the particular path is in your way of looking at God.
Kimberly: 11:09 So, it’s not so important the specificities, but more about connecting in, and giving you a practice to connect in on a daily basis, and even moment to moment as you go deeper and deeper into meditation. My issue with the Catholic system was that I would go to Mass and I would pray, but sometimes I would get distracted. And then, I wouldn’t really have a consistent practice until the next week that I went to Mass. Whereas now, when I layered my meditations and my prayers, I feel that your spirit with all the different forms including Jesus, is very, very, very close to me, very much a part of my life, lives with me moment to moment, instead of just something I push off once a week. So, I think what your husband may be responding to, is this idea that you’re rejecting part of your culture and part of your family life.
Kimberly: 12:07 And, I think that there’s just a bit of a misunderstanding here. I think that you feel the love, you know that there is an overwhelming truth of love. Depending on what you believe, everybody believes different things. And for me traveling around the world, I believe that, again, there are many paths up, and I think these devout Buddhist and all the different religions that I saw around the world, just because they’re not following Jesus specifically, it doesn’t mean that they’re doomed to go to hell. Which again, are some of the messages that I was passed on to in my Catholic upbringing. So, I feel that you believe in Jesus, you believe in your religion, you can believe in whatever you choose to believe. And, here’s the and word again, from the Perfectly Imperfect book, it doesn’t have to be, or, or, and, doesn’t have to be or, and, and you also believe in love, and you believe in oneness, and you believe in truth.
Kimberly: 13:05 You believe that spirit is inside of all of us and spirit connects us. And, I think it’s a beautiful unifying principle. And I will say this, if your husband isn’t in the space to accept that, or to understand that or to buy into that, that’s okay too. He is where he is and he has his perspective. So, maybe you just foster this sense of oneness and love inside of you. And, you don’t necessarily have to share all the details with your husband, especially if you feel like it’s causing stress or divisiveness. Again, everybody is in a different place along the journey, and you don’t have to justify yourself, and you don’t have to repress yourself. You can stay authentic. So, here’s where a healthy boundary could come up. Maybe that’s just your inner world, and right now you don’t feel that there’s any benefit to sharing that with your husband, because he would just reject it.
Kimberly: 13:58 And at the same time, I’ll remind you again that it doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive. The path of oneness and love is part of all spirituality, all religions. So, you can be Catholic and you can believe in love, and you can believe in the oneness of all things. And, one doesn’t have to be the right way, and one is the wrong way, but they can actually be integrated together in the most beautiful way. So, I send you a huge, huge hug Christina. I send so much love to you and your big heart. I am so grateful that we are connected, and I love the honesty, and just the real seeking behind this question, because I know it so well. I struggled with this myself. And so, I hope you take my words to heart. I hope you take the time to perhaps journal, like write out how you’re feeling, what you’re struggling with, what really feels true to you.
Kimberly: 14:53 And also, take it to God. You can share this with God, you can have a prayer, and just open up your heart and share the struggle that you have within you, and to see what rises up from you, and also your meditation practices. So, I meditate and I pray. I do both. I love Jesus, and I also love the Indian saints, the saints of all religions. It’s one of the things that is part of the prayer of the self-realization fellowship. The organization that Yogananda started. I believe there’s many paths. Again, I believe there’s many saints, and so I don’t reject any of them. And, that can be a way to live in unity as well.
Kimberly: All right my loves, we are going to take a short break here and when I get back, we’re going to answer the last two questions on this topic, digging into why we connect and disconnect.
Question #3 around the topic of: Digging into Why We Connect and Disconnect: What do you think draws us to connect with another person? I’m speaking of a lover, but also in friendships. Is there something beyond us that is guiding us to certain individuals?
Kimberly: 15:59 All right Beauties, we are back from our break. We have two more questions for you guys, all about connection. And, the next question comes from Whitney who lives in Kentucky. And she writes, “What do you think draws us to connect with another person?” “I’m speaking of a lover, but also in friendships.” “Is there something beyond us that is guiding us to certain individuals?” So yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love this question, Whitney. I think that this is beautiful for you to really step back and look at what is it about certain people? Why are we drawn to certain people, and why are we not? And, I think that it is a healthy and wonderful perspective to, first of all, acknowledge that we’re drawn to certain people and
Kimberly: 16:54 Sometimes we can just skip all over that, over that whole thing and just say, “You know what?” “I’m drawn more to Shelley, and I’m not as drawn to hanging out with Nancy.” We don’t have to get into, “She’s so insecure, and she always talks about herself, and she duh, duh, duh, duh.” We just don’t have to get into that, we can just focus on the fact that we are naturally drawn. The truth is that we’re drawn to certain people. And you could say, “Well, why is that?” Well, it goes down to the truth that everything is energy, and frequency and vibration. So, we’re not the surface here, we’re not the color of our eyes, we’re not how tall we are. We’re not the specific way that our faces look or height. Vibration goes deeper than all of that. And, it even goes deeper than shared interests.
Kimberly: 17:45 So within your, let’s say softball team, there are certain people you may and be drawn to far more than others, even though you have that common thread, that common interest of playing softball together. So, there’s something that is deeper that binds the whole universe together, these pulsating ways of energy. And, we don’t understand them fully or exactly. But, quantum physics has shown that instead of just individual separate particles, there really is this unifying theory of energies and waves that connects all of us. So, I think that certain people just have certain frequencies that feel harmonious to you, that you were drawn to, that for some reason balance your own energy. Now some believe, and I do personally believe this, that there is also the law of karma and reincarnation. So, if we’ve been here many times, this is the [Ogiek belief 00:18:45], then sometimes we, this term like a soulmate or someone, you feel like you know them and you just met them.
Kimberly: 18:55 This possible that you’ve been with this person over many lifetimes over the past life. And so, you’re drawn to completing something with that friendship, or you start off already at a high level of friendship, because you’ve been connected in the past. And, I think that, that is one of the reasons that we feel deeply drawn to certain people. So, there’s vibration, there’s energy, there’s past life stuff if you’re open to that. And then, the last thing is that I think certain people help us heal wounds. Or if we aren’t aware, then we just fall into a pattern of matching energy. So, what I mean by that is, let’s say there’s a deep belief inside of you that you don’t deserve as much in a partner.
Kimberly: 19:43 So, this is one of my friends, certain patterns she has. I’ve watched it for over 10 years now and I won’t say her name. But, everybody she dates cheats on her. So, its not like one or two guys, I mean like every guy. So, there’s something inside of her that is attracting this pattern. And, it’s based on her not believing that she’s good enough, not believing that she deserves. So, that is something that’s creating a matching energy. Or let’s say that you are really intensely drawn to someone and you love them so much, and they bring up stuff to be healed, there’s challenges, they help you see blind spots within yourself. So, hubby and I are so in love and we are definitely soulmates, but we have brought up stuff to be healed in each other. Just communication-wise, and all sorts of things that get intertwined with relationships. Sometimes we instinctually heal. We need to heal something, or we need to heal part of our relationship with our mother or father.
Kimberly: 20:52 So, I think we’re drawn to people as part of our souls journey and our innate intelligence, and the energy and the divine. I think it’s all mixed in there. So I think there’s a lot, lot at play when it comes to drawing us to other people. And I think some of it, we can psychoanalyze, and some of it is far, far beyond our limited human understanding. But, it’s really interesting to take a look. And, I can say that besides John, there’s so many soulmate friends that I have, that I feel deeply connected to, that I feel that I’ve known in the past, and that I just know that we have work here together and a purpose to share with together in our growth. So, I definitely believe that. Thank you so much Whitney, for bringing this up. Super interesting question.
Question #4 around the topic of: Digging into Why We Connect and Disconnect: I used to be so into my boyfriend and lately I’m just not. Is it me, or is there something more that causes relationships to not last beyond the typical issues that arise?
Kimberly: 21:48 And, our last question comes from Poppy and she lives in Washington State. Poppy writes, “I used to be so into my boyfriend and lately I’m just not.” “Is it me, or is there something more that causes relationships to not last beyond the typical issues that arise?” So, thank you for your honest question, Poppy. I think that, again, this is just being very frank and very honest. And, I think that we want to be authentic when it comes to our relationships. And sometimes, I think relationships just play out. I think they run their course. I think sometimes we get to the point where we’ve learned as much as we can learn from that person, and it’s time to move on. And, it doesn’t have to be, again, this big story, this big drama, making this person wrong. “Oh, they just don’t love me this way, or I wish… They’re missing this and this.”
Kimberly: 22:43 We don’t have to demonize them. We don’t have to make them wrong. We can just notice that we aren’t into them anymore, and it’s time to move on. And, this is something that’s happened to me, and I’ve struggled with this because sometimes that guy might be a really awesome, nice guy, and I can’t really think of a good reason to dump them, other than the fact that it just doesn’t feel right anymore. And this is, again, the trust that we place in God, in the divine, in the universe, whatever word you want to use, that our feelings, and I would say this too, to Christina and her question about love and oneness versus Catholicism, our truth is in inside of us. It’s not outside of us. It’s not based on the opinions and the ideas of other people. But, when we tune into our authenticity, and our truth and our knowingness, that’s when we become the most powerful, that’s when we feel the most enlivened and excited about life and just bursting with energy. Because, our truth will give us that incredible burst of energy.
Kimberly: 23:55 Our truth is really important that we follow and that we verbalize. And so, even if there’s no big reason other than the fact that maybe you’ve grown a certain way, and your boyfriend, Poppy, has grown in another way and it’s just time, like I said, that you both part ways. There isn’t anything left for you to teach each other, to share with each other, and you make space for another relationship, or just time to be by yourself for awhile. And, that’s so beautiful to recognize, and it’s so authentic. Where again, there doesn’t have to be this reason, it doesn’t have to look a certain way, like people in our culture believe it has to be, or the reasons it has to say, it doesn’t have to look like anything else. It doesn’t have to fit into anything else other than you following your authentic feelings, Poppy.
Kimberly: 24:55 And so, tune into yourself, maybe you need to break up. Maybe you need to create space, separation. Maybe this is a time to just nurture yourself, but just take care of yourself and be honest. And if you’re honest, then no one can fault you for that. And, it will be the best thing, not just for you, but of course, for your partner. And, I love that. The more we go on, the more we realize that when we are unapologetically ourselves and we tune into our truth, we just start to radiate light, and energy, and power and true beauty. And, there’s so much beauty in being ourselves. And, we are naturally drawn to people that are themselves. And so, it’s a wonderful, wonderful thing when we start going down this path, and we go deeper and deeper, and we just start questioning why we’re trying to please other people so much and doing what they want us to do, and instead, we just start living our lives.
Kimberly: 25:53 And, we live from our truth, and we walk forward, and we take steps, and sometimes we make mistakes, but we come back to our truth. And, that really is the shelter of all shelters. That really is all that we can be, ask of ourselves to do, is to honor and to respect our truth, which is intuition, which is the voice of the true self speaking to us, through us, within us. So, I love these questions my Beauties, I love that we’re starting to go deeper, and deeper on the show, and supporting each other as a community.
Kimberly: 26:26 I love hearing all that you’re wondering, so please keep the questions coming. Please be sure to share the show with any loved ones that you think would benefit, who will be into our community, and also check out the Solluna Circle, if you haven’t yet already over on our app. I will be back here on Monday for our next interview podcast. Till then, have a wonderful, wonderful week. Take great care of yourself. I’ll see you here, I’ll see you on the website, I’ll see you in cyberspace @_KimberlySnyder, sending you lots of love and you see back here soon.