Discovering What Matters in a Distracted World with Soren Gordhamer [Episode #996]
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This Weekās Episode Special Guest: Soren Gordhamer
In this enlightening conversation, Kimberly Snyder and Soren Gordhamer explore the themes of mindfulness, presence, and self-discovery in an age filled with distractions. They discuss the importance of embracing emotions, living from a place of fullness rather than lack, and the role of technology and AI in our lives. Soren shares insights from his book, āThe Essential,ā emphasizing the need for authenticity, connection, and creating conditions for our gifts to flourish. The dialogue encourages listeners to reflect on their own journeys and the impact of their choices on personal and collective well-being.
About Soren Gordhamer
SOREN GORDHAMER is the founder + host of Wisdom 2.0, the premier conference for exploring living with greater mindfulness, wisdom, and compassion in the modern age. His new book THE ESSENTIAL: Discovering What Really Matters in an Age of Distraction explores the influence of AI and cutting through distractions to uncover what truly matters in our lives, and engaging purposefully and creatively.
He is the founder + host of Wisdom 2.0, the premier conference exploring living with greater mindfulness, wisdom, and compassion in the modern age. It brings the leaders of technology together with leaders in wisdom to explore how we can create a truly livable world. He is also founder and host of Wisdom & AI, an annual event that explores the impact AI will have on society and how we can harness it wisely. Soren is also the founder of the Lineage Project a New York City-based nonprofit that offers awareness-based practices to at-risk and incarcerated teens. He also spent a year walking through parts of the United States, India, Pakistan, and Japan as a part of the Global Walk for a Livable World.
He is also a Co-Founder and General Partner of Wisdom Ventures, along with Jack Kornfield and Yung Pueblo, which invests in companies creating a more just and compassionate world. He and Jon Kabat-Zinn also co-hosted the Mitigation Retreat, which was a free 3-month course held every weekday offering meditations and teachings during Covid. He has taught techies at Google, incarcerated youth in New York City, and trauma survivors in Rwanda. Soren is currently focused on the impact AI will have on our world, and how our society can prepare.
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Guest Resources
Book: THE ESSENTIAL: Discovering What Really Matters in an Age of Distraction
Website: https://www.wisdom2summit.com/
Social: @wisdomventures
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Episode Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Mindfulness and Presence
02:49 Navigating Chaos and Embracing Emotions
06:01 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing
09:00 Living from Fullness vs. Lack
12:00 Understanding Our True Essence
15:07 The Role of Inquiry in Personal Growth
18:01 Practical Steps to Connect with Self
21:02 The Impact of Information on Our Lives
24:04 Nurturing the Next Generation
27:03 Conclusion: The Gift of Presence and Authenticity
27:26 Understanding Misunderstanding: Embracing Our True Selves
28:52 Visionaries and the Courage to Follow Inner Guidance
30:25 The Role of Technology in Human Connection
32:45 Wellness: The Balance Between Self-Care and Self-Obsession
34:52 The Intersection of Spirituality and Health
37:48 AI and Humanity: Navigating the Future Together
41:14 Rethinking Society in the Age of AI
44:50 The Essence of Humanity: Connection Over Technology
47:52 Creating Conditions for Our Gifts to Flourish
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Transcript:
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (00:00.6)
Hi everyone and welcome back to our Monday interview show. I am so excited for our very special guest here with me today, Soren Gordhammer. He has a new book out, which I absolutely love and did read cover to cover. Itās called The Essential, Discovering What Really Matters in an Age of Distraction. Soren is also the founder and host of Wisdom 2.0, the premier conference for exploring lives with greater mindfulness, wisdom and compassion in the modern age.
Thorne, thank you so much for being here with us today.
Soren Gordhamer (00:34.169)
Itās great to be here. Thank you for inviting me.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (00:36.718)
No, you and I were chatting before the podcast and we were just going on and on. said, wait a second. We had to make record. is.
Soren Gordhamer (00:41.425)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Iām super excited to talk to you because it feels like, you know, itās always nice to meet somebody who kind of comes to the same kind of like insights, but maybe for slightly different channels.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (00:56.088)
There are so many topics in the book and I ear, whatās the word, dog ear or ear march or whatever you like to call it. I fold it down so many different pages, Soren. Iām like, I really love this. This piece of wisdom really speaks to me. itās, you know, itās just something that in the way that youāre packaging is so beautiful. You talk about wholeness, you talk about presence. Itās funny because I had a really challenging morning this morning. Iāll share with you.
Soren Gordhamer (01:01.222)
Yeah.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (01:24.654)
I was reading your book afterwards, my sonās who I love so much, oneās in preschool and oneās in third grade. You know, boy energy, I know you have a son as well. And there was just this, you know, like fighting over toys, breakfast, and just so many things. And I was sitting there and I was breathing. And one of the things you talk about in the book is the tension builds when weāre not resisting. And itās funny because, and I was reading that part of your book after this.
Soren Gordhamer (01:49.264)
Mmm.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (01:53.186)
And when I became a new mom, and I know we have a lot of moms in the community, it was just, it just felt so challenging to really, you know, have to manage all these different personalities and all these different energies. And itās not that itās not challenging now, but a little bit further along the path toward, there is a lot of wisdom in what you said about just sort of being in chaos or messiness.
Soren Gordhamer (02:05.2)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (02:09.915)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (02:18.555)
Mm-hmm.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (02:20.042)
and not trying to wish it with something else and just sort of relax into it.
Soren Gordhamer (02:22.799)
Yeah. Yeah. I think thatās really our challenge today. Thereās so much coming at us and I think virtually thereās even more coming at us than our phone pings and alerts and the energy just can get pretty intense. And part of the reason, you know, I really kind of questioned or struggled with the subtitle as like, how do we, you know, discovering what really matters in an age of, is it distraction? Is it stress? Is it turmoil? Like, whatās that word?
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (02:33.154)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (02:49.037)
And I think itās more that thereās just so much coming at us that we lose center, we lose balance. And when we come back, just like you did to our breath, to our body, to how weāre feeling, itās not like the kids all of a sudden start behaving better, but our resistance to them and our frustration with them and our anger towards them takes on a different context because weāre no longer seeing them as the enemy. Weāre seeing that thereās this challenge coming through and that we get the opportunity to respond.
And how might the response expand me? How might it open my heart? How might it develop my compassion versus like, this should not be happening. They should not be doing this thing. They are the problem. The problem needed to be solved. And Iām not saying they donāt need to have rules and guidelines and sometimes have repercussions for their actions, but the energy behind that can either be one of this should not be happening. Youāre doing something wrong.
or it can be the energy of just like, wow, this moment is inviting me into something. How do I expand into it? And I think that inquiry is really the inquiry that we need to make.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (03:48.942)
Exactly. itās really, thereās a part of the book where you talk about feeling a full spectrum of feelings and knowing that as humans, do experience all these things. And thatās part of, I think, what real presence is in aliveness. Because many of us are not taught to feel feelings. know Sorin, for as an adult, Iām unlearning and relearning a lot. And part of that is saying, wow, you know, there was so much of myā¦
Soren Gordhamer (04:10.545)
Weāre all, yeah.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (04:16.216)
childhood and what I learned to be like, this doesnāt feel good. Let me prove my worth. Try to mitigate this pain of not feeling lovable by, hey, look at my Aās, look at my perfect grade, look at this. Right. And so then thereās a lot of blocks and things that, you know, certainly in your book can spark just a different way of revisiting things that you can do.
Soren Gordhamer (04:27.673)
Yeah, yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (04:38.265)
Yeah, think, yeah, and what I tried to do in a very, hopefully, you know, honest way is just to tell my story around it and how I got accustomed to the fact that Iām carrying my past with me in the present moment. And how do I become curious about the stories, the myths, and the attitudes that I kind of grew up with that are carrying me today that maybe donāt serve me. And sometimes I like to think of it as like cages.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (05:02.744)
Yes.
Soren Gordhamer (05:06.309)
that we put up or armor that we put up. And at one point in our life, we did need to put that armor up because it was really dangerous outside and so we needed bars. And then that danger leaves, but weāre still walking around with bars. You know, the bars are still in the cage and we have to go back and like tend to those parts of ourselves that are still hurt, that are still in pain, that are still wounded. So we can show those parts that itās safe now to let down some of those bars and open our heart in a way that maybe we couldnāt when we were younger.
And so I talk about how my own life has unfolded and how my drive to be successful was in part a way of covering up an early pain I had of being a kid and my parents divorcing, my mom leaving and live with my dad. And the narratives that I started to develop around unworthiness and of course something must be wrong with me. Why else would your mom leave and your parents divorce? And thereās something I did.
And if you had asked me, like I would say, oh no, I donāt have that thought, Iām fine. But when I really took a deep look at it, I realized that there was this unconscious motivation driving me and it was never fulfilled. was not like, oh, I made it now. I did the successful this or the successful that. There was just like a constant seeking and a constant running. And I think the only way to be free of that is to question that story and to be like, is that really true?
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (06:26.894)
Mm.
Soren Gordhamer (06:27.033)
and to go back and to see if we can heal whatever parts of ourselves that we exiled or pushed away. So for me, a lot of it was in order to be a success, I have to push away my vulnerability and my not knowing and my fear. Like I have to make sure that nobody sees those, only people see my confidence and my happiness. And yet weāre humans, weāre all of it. Parts of us are fearful, parts of us are angry, parts of us are happy.
For me, that wholeness involves embracing all those parts and not just building an identity around a pain that we had that really doesnāt serve us. through my conference, Iāve been able to interview, as you probably have, some of the most successful people in the world. Iāve interviewed the founders of OpenAI and Anthropic and LinkedIn and eBay and PayPal and all the different companies. And itās not like those people succeeded, but not all of them have been healed where theyāre actually satisfied and content.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (07:01.794)
Right.
Soren Gordhamer (07:24.965)
And I think how do we live in a way thatās content with the present moment and when our heart is open and we donāt necessarily have this like enormous either thriving energy or fear energy. I think it can go either way. Either weāre thriving towards success or weāre afraid of putting ourselves out there. Weāre afraid of being seen. So weāre just going to spend our days on TikTok or Instagram or the news because weāre kind of hiding out in our apartment or our house and the life.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (07:28.59)
more
Soren Gordhamer (07:51.801)
question is just like, do we move forward and how do we more fully show up in the world in an authentic way? And that was my hope with the book was just to kind of share my journey in that.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (08:02.614)
Yes, I love all the stories along the way and the honesty. you know, if people are different parts of the journey, soreness, sometimes we think, well, hmm, how do I know if I am stuck in the story or I am in the past? And I could say for me personally, one of the biggest markers of my growth has been just feeling more peace because weāre on that treadmill of achievement. What we would say is the propelled heart stage.
Soren Gordhamer (08:17.649)
Yeah.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (08:32.686)
Itās like always on, like you said, social media, always consuming, always producing, always trying to uphold this persona or this mask or this identity. And then thereās that dopamine hit if you get a viral post or whatever it is, but itās not really sustainable. And if weāre really honest with ourselves, itās not really peaceful. Itās like walking on this razorās edge of like, hey, letās just up and down. And thereās something to be really said of, know, things arenāt always going to work out. Itās not always going to look.
Soren Gordhamer (08:41.061)
Mm-hmm.
Soren Gordhamer (08:44.496)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (08:56.593)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (09:00.913)
Yeah.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (09:02.646)
you know, neat and pretty and how we want, but can I find more peace with what is with myself?
Soren Gordhamer (09:08.24)
Yeah, yeah, 100%. I think thatās the number one thing. if we do that, and we were talking before, the creativity that comes out of you is so much different than just that striving for some future moment that this moment doesnāt have. And if I can just get this moment, if I can just get my life situation in this little perfect way, everything is going to be great, right? If I can get all these things and weāve seen it again and again and again, it doesnāt necessarily satiate, right? Thereās still this sense of lack.
And I think thatās really a beautiful question. Are we living from lack? Are we living from fullness? And Iād like to think we can create more things. We can make more money. We can have better friends. We can be a better partner, better parent when we actually know ourselves and weāre coming more from a place of fullness rather than a place of lack. And when youāre with somebody and you can feel that lack and they could have bazillions of dollars and be the most famous person in the world. Like they could have all the external, but internally they still feel lack.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (09:55.032)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (10:05.435)
They feel like theyāre not enough. And I think that is the thing that we have to be so careful of and the algorithms that now run our lives on social media. Give us lack. Yeah. They make a ton of money on us feeling lack and continuing to stay on the scroll of the next hit and the next thing and keeping us glued to that. itāsā¦
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (10:13.696)
Attention. Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (10:27.633)
I want to complain about that, but itās just the truth. Thereās a system there that wants you to feel lack because it makes more money the more you feel lack.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (10:36.48)
Mm, you know, itās funny, so when you and I were talking about the journey a little bit and earlier on, as I mentioned, I was pulled into this celebrity world and I was just pretty fresh off of backpacking and it wasnāt something that I planned or chose. A lot of people like, how did you do that? Like I didnāt try, I donāt know what itās taken to this day. Iām not a movie person. Suddenly Iām on and, you know, what was really interesting, cause I would ask God I aspire. Iām like, why am I here?
Soren Gordhamer (10:58.971)
Yeah.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (11:06.178)
And then I started to get this knowingness, know, everything is growth, everything is learning. And one of the growths for me was sort of getting that inner peak into some of these, you know, the lives of people that are on all the magazine covers and be the most famous, the most beautiful and all the timeless and, know, peopleās most, whatever beautiful list and having a lot of anxiety amplified and
Soren Gordhamer (11:09.275)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (11:20.421)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (11:24.835)
Mm-hmm.
Soren Gordhamer (11:31.845)
Yeah.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (11:32.674)
then thereās a part of the book where you say, this system that you speak about is trying to convince us that what is not really essential, like what all these celebrities are doing or having the most followers or all these things arenāt really essential to our wholeness and our wellbeing. Itās not gonna bring the connection to our hearts, to ourselves, to other people. And so it is this giant fallacy. And Iām not saying,
Soren Gordhamer (11:42.513)
Thank
Soren Gordhamer (11:51.653)
Yeah. Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (11:58.267)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (12:00.728)
Believe, you know, Iām not trying to say, know, the amazing things came out of that period and it certainly helped to find my voice as an author and things. Iām very grateful. But it was, it was a little bit, at the time of being in my early twenties, a little bit disconcerting, like, you know, why is the world as it is? Like, why are we striving for something that just feels like the compass is so off?
Soren Gordhamer (12:06.118)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (12:19.238)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (12:24.985)
Yeah, I think itās because we donāt know who we are. We donāt know who we are. And when we can better understand who we are, which is only an inner journey, like nobody can tell you who you are, but you can get glimpses of who you truly are, like the beauty that you truly are, independent of the shape of your body or the age of your body or your intellect or your bank account or your number of followers. Thereās like a beauty to each one of us. And I think when we discover that, we walk
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (12:29.495)
Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (12:53.521)
through the world a little differently. Granted, we will forget it probably 10,000 times going forward, but if we can get in touch with that inner dimension, that inner knowing, that inner intelligence, I think thatās the only medicine. And then if life wants us to be a successful actor, actress, amazing, and we can play that role, we can do that dance, or an ex, or a CEO of the largest company, whatever, we can play that dance, but we know thatās just a dance. We know thatās not who we are.
So weāre not living in this incredible fear that weāre going to lose that status that we have, or thereās a more beautiful model thatās coming up, whoās going to take over our job and then weāll be less than again, and this fear of lack, this constant searching back and forth. So I think the beauty is to know who we are and then to be able to play in this world of form. mean, isnāt it amazing to write books or to post things or to build companies? Itās all like amazing.
if our identity doesnāt depend on it, if we think that Iām this now, Iāll be more of a better person or my rank will increase when I get this, weāre totally lost the path versus like, know who I am and this just wants to be expressed out of me and Iām just going to enjoy it and celebrate it. And Iāve always liked the Buddha, the Buddha said, I teach the path thatās glorious in the beginning, glorious in the middle and glorious in the end.
And it might be hard, but there still needs to be a gloriousness with it, right? Like youāre in the process of creating a business or writing a book or doing something. And we feel like weāre supercharged by a power that weāre aligned with that makes that moment so sweet. And we still want to create something and we still want to make an impact. And I think thatās the balance that when we can find that balance, extraordinary things come from that. And itās not so much by me, but itās through us, right? Weāre tuned to something and itās happening through us.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (14:37.708)
Yes.
Soren Gordhamer (14:41.145)
And we can feel like, and we talked about, itās just the most beautiful feeling because we realized weāre just a channel for something to move through and we each have different karmic assignments, right? So one person might, karmic assignment might be to go into the food industry or the fashion industry or the healthcare industry or whatever. And it doesnāt matter really. I mean, itās not like, this form is better than being a hermit or being a spiritual teacher is better than being a business owner. Like, I donāt think so.
I just think we have different karmic assignments and then how do we fully embody what those are from a place of deep love and compassion and openness. And I think thatās what the world is hungry for. Weāre hungry for that presence and that authenticity. And I think the algorithms tell us on you just keep staying here and weāre going to eventually give you something satisfying, but you just keep have to stay in here long enough. And so like people spend four to five hours a day on the platforms and
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (15:22.093)
Yes.
Soren Gordhamer (15:34.457)
I just think itās really, really sad. And I totally understand using the platforms for business and, you know, itās where peopleās attention are and it makes sense to have some engagement. But thereās a moment where it shifts from like, this is useful use of social media to now Iām just bored and lonely and Iām just being fed this algorithm that doesnāt serve me. And I think itās really important for us to know when that turn happens so that weāre aware and we realize like, wow, what actually matters to me? Maybe it calling a friend or going for a walk.
or going to a yoga class or meditating or, you know, thereās certain things that are probably more nurturing than being caught in that loop.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (16:12.48)
Yes, yes, itās true. Itās, I think a lot of people listening to this can say, know that feeling of sort of disconnection or not feeling really peaceful or really fulfilled. And there is a journey between what youāre saying, knowing who we are, which sounds, you know, it sounds true, but thereās also practical steps. And for me, itās practice, consistency to get there. Because I think about myself, you know, 15 years ago when I was starting
really out on the path and the anxiety and the masks and theyāre not really knowing who I was. I used sit and meditate and I was, you and I am and I still follow the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda, Kriya Yoga, and now our own Heart Aligned Meditation and that consistency soren of sitting in meditation and also in nature, not having my phone, the stillness and the spaciousness.
Soren Gordhamer (16:45.937)
Yeah. Yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (16:54.661)
Yeah, yeah.
Soren Gordhamer (16:59.334)
Mmm.
Soren Gordhamer (17:07.557)
Yeah.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (17:08.384)
and inquiry because your books raise a lot of, you know, I love to read and sort of reflection have helped me progress. Those are some of the practical steps I would say. What are some of the practices or steps you would say to someone or whatās really helped you to go from identified with a mask or spaciousness of I know more of who I am.
Soren Gordhamer (17:13.509)
Mm-hmm.
Soren Gordhamer (17:25.659)
Yeah.
Hehehehe
Soren Gordhamer (17:32.891)
Thatās a beautiful question. I think, you I appreciate what you said about my book because I try to make it more of an inquiry for people. So at the end of the chapter, Iāll be like, you you might want to ask, what are the stories that are running your life? Iām not going to tell people what stories are running their life or assume, but I think that kind of inquiry is actually really, really valuable. Itās like, huh, you know, itās almost like weāre handed a backpack and itās all the stories of, you know, our society and our family.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (17:57.835)
You
Soren Gordhamer (18:01.041)
And at some point it helps to look in that backpack and be like, are these true for me? Like, what are the stories that seem impactful for me? And I think to discover who we really are, itās not a story, right? Itās not like even we can say Iām a spiritual person. Like to me, thatās so limiting because like we are the essence of the cosmos, you know, really like the big bang happened, whatever 13 billion years ago. We are the expression of that. Like we are the energy of that.
Solluna By Kimberly Snyder (18:22.358)
is.
Soren Gordhamer (18:29.859)
you know, what els
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