How to Improve Your Pelvic Floor for Better Health with Alicia-Jeffrey Thomas [Episode #989]

This Week’s Episode:

In this episode Kimberly interviews Alicia Jeffrey Thomas, a doctor of physical therapy, about the importance of pelvic health. They discuss the anatomy and function of the pelvic floor, factors that can weaken it, and how it relates to digestive and urinary health. Alicia shares insights on the interconnectedness of body systems, the impact of stress and trauma, and practical exercises for strengthening the pelvic floor. They also touch on the significance of pelvic health during pregnancy and the challenges faced by women experiencing painful sex due to hormonal changes. The conversation continues with the complexities of pelvic floor health, the role of posture and breathing, and the emotional aspects tied to pelvic therapy. They explore the significance of building trust with practitioners, and the interconnectedness of body mechanics. The discussion emphasizes the need for open conversations about pelvic health and the empowerment that comes from understanding one’s body.

About Alicia-Jeffrey Thomas

Dr. Alicia Jeffrey Thomas has been a pelvic floor physical therapist since 2016 and treats people of all genders in the greater Boston area. She isn’t one to shy away from taboo topics. From bladder problems to bowel movements to sex, Alicia is always game to talk through the dirty details to help patients figure out what’s going on “down there.” To this end, she has created and directed multiple social media channels where she spreads evidence-based pelvic health information in humorous and relatable ways. Her page, @thepelvicdancefloor, has over 1.2 million combined followers, between Instagram and TikTok. She and her content have been featured in podcasts, magazines and blogs, and on television. Although born and raised in Florida, she now lives in Boston with her husband and their dog.

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Guest Resources

Book: Power to the Pelvis: Improve Your Pelvic Floor for Better Digestive, Urinary, Reproductive and Sexual Health

Website https://www.thepelvicdancefloor.com

Episode Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Pelvic Health
02:05 Factors Affecting Pelvic Floor Health
04:51 The Interconnectedness of Body Systems
05:56 The Role of Trauma and Stress
06:21 Pelvic Floor and Digestive Health
08:28 Personal Experiences with Pelvic Health
09:36 Common Bladder Issues
11:22 Time Commitment for Pelvic Floor Exercises
13:00 Effective Pelvic Floor Exercises
15:26 Preventive Care for Pelvic Health
16:14 Pelvic Health During Pregnancy
18:20 Painful Sex and Hormonal Changes
20:12 Understanding Pelvic Floor Challenges
22:23 The Importance of Posture and Breathing
24:43 Connecting Breath with Pelvic Health
27:13 Addressing Trauma and Sensitivity
30:12 Preventative Care During Pregnancy
31:40 Navigating Vulnerability in Therapy
33:18 The Interconnectedness of Body Mechanics
35:00 Empowering Conversations Around Pelvic Health

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Transcript:

Kimberly Snyder (00:00.526)
Hi loves and welcome back to our Monday interview show. I am so excited for our very special guest here with us today. Her name is Alicia Jeffrey Thomas. She is a doctor of physical therapy and a certified pelvic rehabilitation practitioner. She has a brand new book out called Power to the Pelvis, improve your pelvic floor for better digestive, urinary, reproductive and sexual health.

Alicia, thank you so much for being here with us today.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (00:30.621)
Thank you so much for having me.

Kimberly Snyder (00:32.622)
It’s a really interesting topic. think a lot of us have heard about our pelvic floors. We’re always looking for new ways, especially when you’re talking about digestive health, which is such a big thing in our community, but also all these other aspects. Before we dive in, what is, I know this sounds really basic, but what is the pelvic floor? Because some of us are imagining the bones, but then you talk a lot in your book about muscles. So can we just give sort of a broad definition?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (01:00.497)
Yeah. So, okay. So you think about the bones, right, you have your pelvis, there’s a hammock of muscles that run from the pubic bone in the front, all the way up and underneath to the tailbone in the back. So it basically is responsible for holding up your internal organs. So your bladder, your bowel, your, I mean, sort of kind of your uterus, right? And then, you know, opening and closing for those functions to be able to go to the bathroom, to be able to, you know,

have a child, be able to have sex, all of these ins and outs there. And then it also works with your core for core stability. It works as a stabilizing function there. So it’s this small set of muscles, relatively speaking, that we don’t see, so we don’t really think about, but it plays a big role in a lot of really integral parts in the body.

Kimberly Snyder (01:48.96)
And why might our pelvic floor be thrown off, especially in modern life? I know we’re sitting more, or what are some of the factors why, of course, having a baby, but what other reasons might our pelvic floor weaken and we don’t even realize what’s going on?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (02:05.863)
Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, a big factor for a lot of people can be stress. you know, in, the same way that when you’re stressed, find yourself clenching your jaw or like, you know, squeezing your glutes, your pelvic floor is probably also kind of tensing up as a result. so for some people that can result in, you know, pelvic pain, which could be pain with sitting, it could be, you know, just pain with, you know, any kind of, like sexual activity or, exams or anything like that.

Kimberly Snyder (02:10.562)
Mm.

Kimberly Snyder (02:26.094)
Mm.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (02:36.166)
It could be that pelvic floor issues could develop from repetitive bathroom habits that maybe aren’t the best. So people who strain to go to the bathroom a lot, they could develop like a prolapse or a weakening of the pelvic floor or different things that would kind of fall under that umbrella. There are tons of different little lifestyle factors that we don’t really even think about that over time doing things.

on a consistent basis can have those stacking negative effects.

Kimberly Snyder (03:09.27)
What about not breathing properly?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (03:12.201)
my gosh, that’s a huge one. Yeah. mean, and that kind of comes into it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a lot of it, you know, if we, if we think about how we grew up, right, a lot of us were kind of told like suck it in, you know, try to look smaller, look skinnier. we’re constantly like pulling in a little bit. that over time is kind of changing your breathing patterns because if you’re not kind of having this full expansive breath happening,

Kimberly Snyder (03:14.574)
You’re not really taking your breaths.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (03:37.969)
then your muscles are having to do weird things to compensate. They’re tensing up or weakening in different ways. And that can also have kind of a nervous system-wide effect. So it’s harder to get out of that fight or flight if we’re not able to take like really good deep breaths.

Kimberly Snyder (03:56.366)
Yeah. And what about, I’ve heard, you know, with fascia, Alicia, or fascia, that there’s a piece of fascia that’s connected to your jaw that runs all the way down. So let’s say you’re clenching in your mouth, which is something I used to do a lot. I used to be a mouth or a teeth grinder. And can that, I know it can affect your back. It’s also affect your pelvic floor. It’s all interconnected.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (04:05.49)
Mm-hmm.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (04:12.079)
Yeah.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (04:15.837)
Mm-hmm.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (04:19.315)
Right. There’s that whole frontal fascial plane that’s going to run all the way down like to like the front of the pelvis. And so, you know, we, we see that a lot, like people who have, you know, tension through here or, or, you know, gripping through their masseter muscle. we do release work here, we notice a change in their pelvic floor or vice versa. I’m working on somebody’s pelvic floor and they tell me, you know, I didn’t mention this before, but I’ve had jaw pain for a while. My jaw’s actually been feeling a lot better since we started doing this relaxation work for the pelvic floor. So there’s, there’s these kind of cool little.

Kimberly Snyder (04:36.174)
Yeah.

Kimberly Snyder (04:43.758)
Mmm.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (04:48.847)
related effects that we can get. Little side quests.

Kimberly Snyder (04:51.234)
Well, I love how everything’s so related. And here we talk about really holistic approach with food and your body, your physical body and your emotions and also your spiritual growth. So one of the things you talk about in the book is trauma. You also talk about tension and stress. And from a yogic standpoint, this pelvic floor area is the Mooladhara chakra where we can hold fear. And when it’s balanced, we can feel more safe and secure, which is directly linked to our abundance.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (05:18.397)
Yeah.

Kimberly Snyder (05:18.882)
There’s a lot that can happen energetically from feeling literally more rooted and more healthy down in that area.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (05:26.609)
No, absolutely. And that totally makes sense with what I see clinically. I mean, if we’re holding a lot of tension, that creates this stress cycle that happens, like stress to tension cycle. so particularly, if we aren’t comfortable with moving that area of the body or talking about that area of the body, then it becomes this thing that we put into a little box. And so part of what I really love about working in pelvic floor therapy is giving people

Kimberly Snyder (05:30.862)
Mm-hmm.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (05:56.477)
that freedom to be curious and explore and bring awareness to these areas.

Kimberly Snyder (06:03.438)
So I love how you, going back to the digestive health, which you lead in your subtitle, there’s many reasons our digestion can be off. Of course, what we’re eating, we’re not eating fiber, we’re eating a lot of junk food, we’re eating a lot of sugar, so on and so forth. Tell us how realigning your pelvic floor can optimize digestion as well.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (06:21.361)
Yeah. So from the most simplistic standpoint, your pelvic floor is the last part of that whole system, right? That starts at your mouth when you take something into your body. so, you know, one of the ways that we can define constipation can be that the muscles there don’t do a good job kind of getting out of the way to allowing things to evacuate completely. So working on that ability to relax so that you’re not having to strain is going to result in

Kimberly Snyder (06:42.945)
and

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (06:51.335)
more complete elimination, which then can kind of cascade into other things, right? So if you’re more backed up, that can actually put pressure on your bladder and contribute to bladder symptoms. So there’s kind of those effects, but then also, thinking up the chain a little bit more, your pelvic floor is very, very related to your abdominal wall and things like that. And so if we work on kind of mobility of the abdominal fascia and things like that, that can also help to promote more gut motility.

so that things are moving through the system at a normal pace and not getting stuck somewhere along the path.

Kimberly Snyder (07:26.786)
Well, I love your pictures in the book and there’s a picture in here of you sitting on a toilet with a little stool. And so there’s all these tips and hacks we can incorporate. And there’s also the exercises, which we’ll talk about in a moment, but also this lifting of your, or lining your knees can actually help you have more thorough bowel movements.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (07:33.0)
Yeah.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (07:38.973)
Totally.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (07:42.578)
Mm-hmm.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (07:46.107)
Yeah. So basically when you sit with your feet just flat on the floor, your pelvic floor kind of kinks around your large intestine. So instead of having, you know, a nice easy path, it kind of has to make an extra turn before everything comes out. if you elevate your feet so that your knees are a little bit higher than your hips, then all of a sudden that pelvic floor can relax. And so then your colon straightens out and you have a much more straightforward path to the exit.

Kimberly Snyder (08:10.594)
Leisha, on a personal note, did you struggle with bathroom problems or pelvic floor problems? I’m always interested how, I know in my line of work, you I write about the things that I’ve worked on myself and struggle with. So it’s really interesting that this is where your career, where your work focus has led you.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (08:27.507)
It’s really interesting because before I’d been in the field for a couple of years, I wouldn’t have made that connection. It’s something that I kind of buried, right? But I realized, yeah, I was a really constipated kid. I joke all the time that my mom should have been the person to patent the squatty potty because she was the person that was always saying, just turn the trash can on its side, put your feet on top of that and stuff like that to help me. But there’s little things that I think what drew me to the field was realizing that

Kimberly Snyder (08:49.614)
Mm.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (08:55.539)
I had these little internal conversations with myself that once I started seeing them play out in a clinical setting, I realized just how many people were not having these conversations because they didn’t have the language, because they didn’t feel comfortable, because they were embarrassed, whatever it was. And so that was just an opportunity to really give people their voice and to have them be able to take a little bit of that power and quality of life back.

Kimberly Snyder (09:19.084)
Yeah. You also talk about the bladder and sometimes again, this isn’t something that’s widely talked about. We think about, maybe when you’re, you know, older, seventies, eighties, nineties, you may have bladder issues. How common is it for women or people of all ages to sort of struggle?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (09:36.527)
It, yeah, mean, you know, the statistics are super variable. mean, it’s kind of like, you know, urinary incontinence can be upwards of like, I think like one in three people. Yeah, can struggle with it. And I think to a certain degree, like everybody can kind of recall a moment that they almost had a problem, right? And it’s whether that then turns into something that

Kimberly Snyder (09:49.112)
Really?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (10:04.807)
pushes over the edge to where, okay, I leaked a little bit when I coughed that time, but maybe that won’t happen again. And maybe we try to like, you know, hold off and say, okay, no, that was just a, that was a fluke. And then it happens a second time and you’re like, okay. And so whether that then becomes something that you report to your physician to try to get help for is, you know, I think a lot of these statistics could be a lot more common than we give them credit for because people are so afraid to bring this up.

Kimberly Snyder (10:30.293)
Yeah.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (10:33.691)
It’s very common, but it doesn’t have to be your normal. You can have leakage with coughing, laughing, sneezing, running, jumping, that all kind of falls under stress incontinence. And it happens to people regardless of whether they’ve had children. It happens to people at any age. mean, you see elite athletes, gymnasts and people who do a lot of impact work that are starting to talk about their struggles with urinary incontinence.

all the way up to your older generation, post-menopausal, where we’re having weakening of the pelvic floor and decreased supporting structures and things like that. So it’s a conversation that I think we need to be comfortable with so that we can get the help that we need.

Kimberly Snyder (11:12.674)
Well, so, and you break this down by different topics and there’s different exercises. If someone’s listening to this or watching this and they say, hey, I do have a bladder issue that I want to address or digestive issue. How much time on average, and I know this is very individual, but how much time does one have to devote to these pelvic floor exercises on a regular basis?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (11:22.835)
Yeah.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (11:33.959)
Yeah, no, that is a really good question. you know, I try to make it when I’m developing a home exercise program for a patient, I don’t want it to be something that feels like it’s so overwhelming to their life. Like if I can give you bite sized things that like maybe you’re doing a couple of times a day that I’m going to try to do that versus saying, here’s an hour’s worth of exercises that you need to do. Right. We’re so busy and that’s just going to increase your stress level. And it’s kind of like, you know, there’s a

Kimberly Snyder (11:55.15)
We’re all so busy, you know.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (12:02.013)
There’s a level at which somebody says, if I can’t do all 10 of these things, then I’m not just going to, I’m just not going to do any of them instead of maybe I’ll do three. And so if I set it as here’s a little module that you can do, right? Of like two or three things. And if we try to incorporate those, you know, when you take a break at work or right before you go to sleep, like little things that are easier to integrate into your life. I tend to see that working better for people. but again, it’s, all going to be individualized to what that person.

Kimberly Snyder (12:08.974)
Great.

Kimberly Snyder (12:26.007)
Yes.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (12:30.397)
feels like they can commit and maybe that changes the amount of time that they’re working on this for, know, different things like that.

Kimberly Snyder (12:37.026)
Can you give an example of a general pelvic floor exercise that might be great for, I know it’s individual, but someone who’s just looking to strengthen their pelvic floor in general, like a simple exercise so someone can get an idea of what it feels like. I know there’s a chapter in your book where you talk about going beyond key goals, which is what most of us hear about with exercises in this area.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (13:00.091)
Yeah. So, so right. So a Kegel is a contraction of the pelvic floor and it’s just that very isolated activation of the pelvic floor, which is great to know how to do, but it doesn’t translate to function. I want to know more about what the pelvic floor is doing when you’re doing a squat or a deadlift or a bridge or something like that. So if we take a bridge, for example, right, because this is one that most people can do. so you’re lying on your back with your knees bent and you’re trying to like squeeze your glutes to lift your hips up.

I want you to be able to kind of get in tune with what your pelvic floor is doing. When you lift up, do you find that you’re holding your breath, right? Which might be putting pressure downward onto your pelvic floor. Then I’m trying to tell somebody, okay, maybe we’re exhaling as we do that. What’s happening with the position of your spine to make sure that you’re not like overly flattening your back, but also that you don’t have some big arch in your back. That’s also kind of throwing off the whole mechanics of the system. And whether we then additionally cue for contracting the pelvic floor as you do that.

depends on what’s happening with the person because a lot of times these motor patterns are happening automatically where if I have you do certain movements, your pelvic floor is going to protectively to say, okay, yep, we need to make sure we support the organs when you’re doing this more loaded exercise. So it’s layering in all of those pieces so that you’re not having to kegel, do the thing, relax kegel. That’s not how I want it to have to function in the long term.

Kimberly Snyder (14:24.93)
got it. So it’s not as simple as, do 10 Kegels while you’re driving your car and you can work it into your day while you’re sitting there with your clothes. It’s more nuanced is what I’m hearing you say.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (14:29.434)
No.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (14:36.755)
Totally. The Kegel thing, it’s great because it’s an exercise that is really accessible. It doesn’t require any equipment. You can kind of do it anywhere. But it’s like medication, right? We want to make sure that we have the right medication at the right dosage at the right time for the right person. We talk about exercise as medicine, and this is one of those instances where I’m like, okay, well, not everybody needs to be taking the Kegel medicine.

Kimberly Snyder (15:05.772)
Right. Well, let’s say someone is going to the bathroom pretty well and they don’t have bladder issues. Are these signs that we have a healthy pelvic floor? And in that case, do we still need to do pelvic exercises sort of preventively for the future? Or is this more like you feel that there’s an issue and you want to explore it deeper?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (15:26.227)
So, I I am never going to tell somebody like, just forget about your pelvic floor, right? Like I think it needs to be something that we need to be, you know, aware of and have knowledge of. And so in an ideal world, what I would encourage people to do is to get their pelvic floor muscles assessed by a professional who can say, you know, yes, you’re not feeling XYZ symptoms, but

Kimberly Snyder (15:37.923)
Right.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (15:49.489)
I noticed that when you do this, you are bearing down or that you’re doing something you’re not supposed to. So like, here’s a couple of things that you can individually work on, right? But it’s in, in an asymptomatic person, it’s, it’s going to be like particularly nuanced because I don’t want to have them then like kegel themselves into a pelvic floor issue, you know, where then their muscles get too tense and then they start having issues, you know, relaxing to like go to go to the bathroom or something like that.

Kimberly Snyder (16:08.205)
Right.

Kimberly Snyder (16:14.51)
Well, and when there’s a life changing circumstance, let’s say pregnancy. So let’s break it down, Alicia, pre, during, post, because I love you talk about reproductive health. How can healthy pelvic floor even help potentially with fertility?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (16:18.545)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (16:30.547)
No, definitely. In the earlier stages, so pre-pregnancy, the vast majority of people are not going to have a pelvic floor issue unless they have that pelvic floor tension. Usually we’re seeing frequent urination or pain with sex or something like that. Once you are pregnant, you can do strengthening and awareness training for your pelvic floor because you’re going to

Kimberly Snyder (16:59.16)
while you’re pregnant.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (17:00.081)
while you’re pregnant in the earlier trimesters, right? So, because as the pregnancy is growing, we’re getting more load placed on top of the pelvic floor. So it’s almost kind of like you’re like strapping more and more dumbbells to the pelvic floor muscles. And so training that and having that awareness can be really good for reducing urinary incontinence in pregnancy to decreasing back pain, you know, especially if we’re incorporating it alongside other, you know, core exercises and

body awareness, postural training, things like that. Once we get into the later stages of pregnancy and we’re getting closer to delivery, then we start thinking about the opposite end of the spectrum where we say, okay, the pelvic floor needs to be able to get out of the way for that baby to come out because the pelvic floor doesn’t push the baby out, the uterus does that. But if you’re always clenching the pelvic floor and we’ve only been working on strengthening, then sometimes it doesn’t necessarily have that like…

ability to let go on its own, and especially to be able to keep the pelvic floor relaxed through something as painful as labor or a contraction or whatever. And so we do that kind of training. do, know, perineal stretching training, labor positioning training, things like that.

Kimberly Snyder (18:07.392)
If someone’s clenching though, let’s say sex is painful, is there any way that could, and I’m just asking, really don’t know, but prevent, let’s say the sperm from going all the way, actually prevent pregnancy, is that possible?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (18:13.787)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (18:20.603)
No, I wouldn’t say that. As long as penetration is possible, then that’s not going to be the inhibiting factor. There are people who have a condition like vaginismus, for example, where the pelvic floor muscles are so tense that nothing can go in. There are people who can’t even get a Q-tip in or have a speculum exam or something like that. so there are people who work with…

Kimberly Snyder (18:25.559)
Okay.

Kimberly Snyder (18:30.38)
Okay.

Kimberly Snyder (18:42.669)
What?

Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas (18:47.313)
reproductive endocrinologists who will do artificial insemination because they’re not able to achieve it that way. But from a pelvic floor perspective, it’s not necessarily going to interfere with insemination otherwise.

Kimbe

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Week’s Episode Special Guest: Alyssa Trask Campbell Summary: In this episode, Kimberly and Alyssa Black Campbell discuss her journey as a parenting expert and author, focusing on the emotional landscape of parenting. She emphasizes the importance of understanding emotions, connection, and the needs behind children’s behaviors. The discussion covers various topics including self-regulation, co-regulation, the significance of creating safe spaces for communication, and navigating challenges like lying and bullying. Alyssa shares insights from her personal experiences and highlights the role of neuroscience in understanding children’s emotional needs. About Alyssa Blask Campbell Alyssa Blask Campbell is CEO of Seed & Sew, a platform that offers consultations and courses on emotional intelligence, as well as creating a modern parenting village. She has a master’s degree in early childhood education and is a leading expert in emotional development and travels the globe speaking on the topic. Her first book, Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, published in October 2023 from HarperCollins. Follow @seed.and.sew. Guest Resources: Website: Seed & Sew Book: Big Kids, Bigger Feelings: Navigating Defiance, Meltdowns, Anxiety to Raise Confident, Connected Kids Episode Sponsors: LMNT OFFER: Right now, for my listeners LMNT is offering a free sample pack with any LMNT drink mix purchase at DrinkLMNT.com/FEELGOOD. That’s 8 single serving packets FREE with any LMNT any LMNT drink mix purchase. This deal is only available through my link so. Also try the new LMNT Sparkling — a bold, 16-ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water. USE LINK: DrinkLMNT.com/FEELGOOD ANIMA MUNDI OFFER: To get THE PUREST, MOST DELICIOUS PLANT-POWERED protein blend, infused with real vanilla and harmonizing adaptogens go to Animamundiherbals.com and use code: KIM20 to get 20% off your purchase! USE LINK: Animamundiherbals.com and use code: KIM20 to get 20% off your purchase! Episode Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Parenting and Emotions02:48 Understanding Emotions in Parenting06:01 The Role of Connection in Parenting08:50 Identifying Needs Behind Behaviors12:09 Navigating Punishment and Connection14:48 The Importance of Self-Regulation17:51 Co-Regulation and Emotional Intelligence21:09 Addressing Lying and Trust23:47 Creating a Safe Space for Sharing27:00 Understanding Fear and Vulnerability29:45 The Impact of Trauma on Parenting32:59 Conclusion and Resources SOLLUNA PRODUCT LINKS Glowing Greens Powder™ Feel Good SBO Probiotics Feel Good Detoxy Feel Good Digestive Enzymes Feel Good Starter Kit Feel Good Skincare KIMBERLY’S BOOKS Chilla Gorilla & Lanky Lemur Journey to the Heart The Beauty Detox Solution Beauty Detox Foods Beauty Detox Power Radical Beauty Recipes For Your Perfectly Imperfect Life You Are More Than You Think You Are OTHER PODCASTS YOU MAY ENJOY! Wellness Insights: How to Listen to Your Body for Nutritional Guidance How the Power Foods Diet helps with Weight Loss with Dr. Neal Barnard EP. 877 How Not to Age with New York Times best-selling author Dr. Michael Greger How to eat to reduce anxiety with Harvard nutritional psychiatrist Dr. Uma Naidoo Powered and Distributed by: PodcastOne Transcript: Welcome to the Feel Good Podcast, which is all about heart-led living and wellness. When we awaken the power of our hearts and let that guide us through our daily choices and decisions, through our four cornerstones, food, body, emotional well-being, and spiritual growth, we will experience the most incredible results and create more vitality, health, strength, peace, abundance, and love in our lives. I am your host, Kimberly Snyder, New York Times bestselling author, founder of Solluna, creator of the research-based Heart Aligned Meditation, wellness expert, nutritionist, and international speaker. I am passionate about supporting you on your unique heart and wellness journey. For more information on todays show please go to mysolluna.com for show notes and links. Let’s get started. Speaker 1 (01:29.13)So thank you so much for being here with us today and congrats on your new book. This is your second one. Speaker 2 (01:30.73) Yeah, yeah, my first one, Tiny Human’s Big Emotions came out in 2023. I was like 32 weeks pregnant when that one published, was a whirlwind. Wow. Yeah, that one hit the New York Times bestseller list, which was exciting. Yeah. And then a few weeks after it published, was doing well. Our editor reached out and was like, Alyssa, will you write another book? I was like, actually, I just need a nap. I’m so tired. And so I turned to Rachel, who I’ve worked with, had the privilege of working with now for seven years. And she works with me at my company. And I asked her she would write this bad boy with me. And she said, yeah. So we were able to do it. Well, I think this is so great because many of us are parents in the community or are thinking about being parents in the future or even not. feel like parenting books help us understand ourselves. And I can say as a parent, there’s been this incredible experience of feeling like I’m reparenting myself. And most of us are not learned. You we don’t learn. to handle emotions, have tools as you talk about in your book. And I went through this period of this, where it’s like, hmm, you know, it just felt a little sad and I had to process that. But I also think we’re given the, you know, the childhoods that were meant to be given. But I feel like this is, you know, this is big stuff we’re talking about here. Yeah, people often say they like come for their kids, but they stay for themselves. That so much of this work. We say if you have a nervous system like this works for you. We are really just talking about neuroscience and what it’s like to be a human on planet Earth and be in relationship with other humans. And man, it’s doozy sometimes. Yeah. Speaker 1 (02:55.63)Yeah, and I like how you talk about upfront. It’s not about trying to shield ourselves or our children from hardships because you know my nine-year-old now I can see him being more self-conscious about what he wears to school and Then he told me that there was a child like in one of the older grades who kind of made fun of his dog man sure now he won’t wear it and it just brings up stuff and It’s a lot like all the layers of kind of reliving what we’ve been through as parents. 100%. And I find for myself as a parent, there’s nothing harder than just watching your child experience something hard, like being made fun of, feeling left out, feeling that shame or embarrassment. And knowing that it’s not our job to take it away, but instead to be with them through those hard things to let them know that they can navigate this and survive it. It’s so hard. to do in practice as a parent is allowing it. Well, I’m not sure that all of us were even raised with parents that were aware that there was hardship. I wasn’t. I’m not just blaming my parents or anything. just I don’t think that’s how they were raised either. So I just know that there was a lot of things that I pushed down because I couldn’t handle them. Speaker 1 (04:26.614)And I think that’s ultimately why I turned to certain things like bulimia and eating disorders. I couldn’t digest life. And, you know, as adults, we continue to learn and grow and pass on, you know, more tools to our children. Totally, and we’re not gonna heal all the things and that’s okay too. I think of my friend, Dr. Linietta Willis, she’s an intergenerational trauma therapist. And she talks about our legacy blessings and our legacy burdens. And our legacy blessings are those things that we wanna pass on, that we inherited and that we want to pass on to our children in the next gen. And our legacy burdens are those things that maybe we don’t want to pass on, but also knowing that we’re not going to heal all the burdens, that some of them will get passed on and that’s okay. We get to give our kids the tools and the outlets to continue to heal and process. Yeah Speaker 1 (05:24.078)Well, I love how, and we’ll get into some of the more specific tools you talk about, but there’s a underlying theme of connection, which is, you know, in my work with the heart and just being connected to self and always, even if we’re not perfect parents, if we can stay empathetic, we can be connected. Our children will really feel that. 100%. And when we’re talking about different topics in big kids in this book, we talk about a number of different topics, but you’re right, the through line is not it. The goal isn’t to say, Hey, say this script at this time, or say these exact words or do this exact thing. The through line for us is how do you maintain connection and just stay in relationship with each other and recognizing that Yeah. Speaker 2 (06:13.336)Sometimes relationship is messy and hard and sometimes it feels good and easy and you’re not failing if you’re in conflict in relationship or you’re in the messy hard parts. That’s just a part of being in relationship with each other. Right. Well, you know, as you say, these tiny humans and then middle childhood, there’s different things happening on in their brain and their prefrontal cortex and the way that they process information. So I want to ask you as a parent, you know, some real questions. And then of course, it will illustrate some of the information that you share in big kids, bigger, bigger feelings. either you or Rachel use an example where, obviously paraphrasing here, but I think it was one of the daughters. was teasing the sibling. then the mama, which was you, Rachel, said, well, no screen time tomorrow, if you remember this. And I think as a parent, sometimes we see behaviors in our children. And in our family dynamic, our older son, who’s four years older than our younger son, who’s now five, sometimes he’ll take his choice because he can, and he’s bigger, or he’ll do things. And as hard as a parent, like we don’t know. Sometimes you wanna say, because my kids don’t get screen time except on the weekends. So sometimes I’ll say something, well, next Saturday you’re not gonna get your 30 minutes of screen time. like you said, it’s punishment, give, take, but sometimes you don’t know what else to do. Totally, yeah. Well, and that’s real and a part of just being a human on planet Earth too, that you’re not always gonna in the moment have the answers. So giving ourselves grace is so key here too. But in an ideal world, what we’re looking at is trying to identify, we get to be like a detective and see what’s the need that’s driving this behavior. So when your older son comes and takes that toy from his younger son, is it a need for connection? Speaker 2 (08:08.768)Is he really trying to connect or engage or get somebody’s attention, which is a connection? You get so much attention though. Some of our kids, it’s like a leaky cup. It can feel like a leaky cup for connection. I have a high connection seeker. My daughter’s a high connection seeker. And it can feel like there’s not enough connection in the world that will be enough for her. And my son is not a high connection seeker. It’s almost like it feels easier to fill his connection cup. But also for him, his sensory needs are more demanding than hers. we all just have our own little blueprint walking through this world. But when we can look at what is the need driving the behavior and we break these down into two categories. We have sensory needs and we talk about the nervous system, the nine sensory systems which we can get into. But when we’re looking at that, we’re really looking at are they under stimulated or overstimulated? Are they hungry? Are they tired? Do they need to move their body? Do they need a break from stim? They need to chill. Right, okay. That’s more easier to decode in a way. Speaker 2 (09:11.822)For a lot of us, we grew up in cultures where sensory needs were seen as needs. Food, water, movement, were seen as needs. And connection needs were often seen as wants. It was like attention-seeking behavior, and that was a negative thing. And it wasn’t seen as, you need attention, that you have this need for inclusion or belonging or knowing that you’re loved or worthy or valued. so for a lot of us, the connection needs can actually be quite triggering. where it can feel like, my gosh, this kid’s so needy. They need so much. And that’s our own bias coming up into play and being able to recognize that is half the battle. And then really being able to see like, okay, this is a need for connection. And maybe I just spent a bunch of time connecting with this kiddo and maybe they’re a high connection needs kid. And so what are the outlets for that? Great. Speaker 2 (10:07.154)And we give some examples in the book. And I was actually, was just at an event down in LA where we were, I was met with a group of a hundred moms and we were talking about exactly this. Like what are ways that we can help our kids? Like if I can’t give them more connection in this moment, I’m cooking dinner or I’m trying to do something. What are outlets for that? And we have things like journaling back and forth or being able to call a friend and chat with them on the phone or. FaceTime a grandparent or a cousin or a friend or an aunt or uncle and find ways to have that outlet that’s not always directly from you as the parent or maybe even from the sibling who might have lower connection needs and kind of needs a break to be by themselves for a little bit. Right. Okay. So would you say as a parenting expert, Alyssa, punishment or taking things away doesn’t really work? It just doesn’t solve the problem. What we’re going to do is we’re responding to the behavior on the surface. As long as we’re not meeting that need, you’re going to keep seeing new behaviors pop up because the need doesn’t go away. Right? In the same way that if you had like a baby who was hungry, you could bounce them and shush them all day long, but until you feed them, they’re not going to stop crying because they’re hungry. And if we have a child who needs to move their body or a child who needs to connect, we might put out the fires on the surface, but until we meet that need, you’re just gonna see new ones pop up. Speaker 1 (11:40.226)Do you think that there’s some children in the way that they’re, you know, finding their way in the world? Like my older son is very mischievous, for example. Slime in my farm boots and he thinks it’s hilarious and he laughs like he’s always… Pranks like he loves it. And he just thinks it’s hilarious. And he gets so much attention. Again, like always, all the time. Do you feel like maybe some of this behavior is, you he wants his… He would. Speaker 2 (11:54.888)Such a connection seeker. Speaker 1 (12:09.57)get a rise out of his brother and. really from a place of connection. I want your attention. want you to notice me. brother. From anybody, right? Our high connection seekers, they’ll seek it out anywhere. we can help them identify that. I would say things like, that was a silly prank that you did, or that was silly joke. Did you want me to laugh? Were you trying to connect with me and help kind of bridge that awareness for them of when you’re doing these things, it’s because you want to connect. That’s how we help build their awareness of what is my need. So then when they grow up in the world, they can move through the world knowing, when I feel this way, it’s because I’m hungry. When I feel that way, it’s because I’m tired. When I feel this way, I need to move my body. When I’m doing these things, it’s because I need to connect with somebody, because I need to feel that sense of connection and belong. you Speaker 1 (13:07.278)As many of you know, I’ve been drinking our beloved Power Protein Smoothie Community Recipe for many years. And I do this day to day as a great way to get energizing protein into my day without feeling too heavy. Usually I drink it in the early or mid afternoons. And lately for the protein, I’ve been using the most pure, delicious vanilla chai plant-based protein blend that I want to share with you by Anima Mundi. This protein is made from pumpkin seeds, brown rice, sacha inchi, and pea, and it contains adaptogens like astralagus, ashwagandha, and aluthero, which all have been known to help support recovery, enhance performance, and help the body adapt to everyday stress. It also has digestion-boosting warming ingredients. You know we love that, like cardamom, cinnamon, and ginger. This protein tastes delicious and there’s a subtle sweetness to it which comes from the vanilla and the monk fruit. It’s a way to deeply nourish your cells with amino acids, complete plant-based protein. To get this delicious plant-based blend, please go to anemamundiherbals.com and use code Kim20 to get 20 % off your purchase. Again, we’re talking about the amazing vanilla chai protein powder. That’s anemomundierbals.com code Kim20, A-N-I-M-A-M-U-N-D-I-H-E-R-B-A-L-S.com code Kim20 to get 20 % off your purchase. In a world that is constantly promoting health fads and quick fixes, we can never get past the importance of the basics, such as creating optimal digestion, eating whole foods, and hydration. Yes, hydration. When we are optimally hydrated, our skin glows and is nourished, and it greatly helps us avoid headaches, cramps, fatigue, brain fog, and weakness. Besides water, we need electrolytes, which need to be replenished like probiotics. Every morning in my room temperature water that I drink first thing, Speaker 1 (15:27.99)I add a packet of Element electrolytes, usually the watermelon or raspberry flavors, which contain a science-backed mix of magnesium, potassium, and sodium. Element contains no sugar or artificial colors or fillers. I highly recommend that you also incorporate electrolytes into your routine as well to optimize your hydration, which your body, mind, and heart will greatly benefit from. And for now, our amazing community listeners, We’ll get a free sample pack with any element drink mix at www.drinkelement.com slash feel good. That’s eight single serving packets for free with any element drink mix purchase. Please go to www.drinkelement.com slash feel good. That’s www.drinklmnt.com slash feel good. Also check out the new element sparkling, which is a sparkly, fizzy electrolyte water if you love fizzy drinks. Speaker 1 (16:34.958)I’ll just tell you a fear as a parent hearing this is, again, he gets so much attention. Again, everybody says it, right? I pay so much attention to E. So I guess my fear is if he’s still wanting more, what if when he grows up, he gets into unhealthy relationships or he just always has to be in a relationship because of that. I want to reframe, like, you’re looking at intimate relationships. I see most often with our high connection seekers, they often actually seek it out even much outside of intimate relationships in friendships and in other spaces where, like, they might be the human who corrals kids to, like, all get together and play a game or they can often be, like, leaders in a pack where they… are so many outlets for connection that it’s not just an intimate one-to-one relationship. There are so many avenues for it. And as they continue to grow, they’ll find places to connect in different ways to make that happen. And we can support them along the way. But these are humans who it’s a superpower and we need them in this world. My daughter is like this. She is a high connection seeker. She walks into a room of 100 people she doesn’t know. And she’s like, my God, yes, 100 new friends. She’s 20 months. And she’s four? my gosh. and do you think that correlates with being an extrovert? Yeah, a lot of way. Speaker 2 (18:00.494)A lot of our high connection seeking kiddos are also extroverted. You a little bit have to be because it’s going to fill that cup, right? That like when you’re in that, although I just had a kid pop into my head who I when I was teaching and he was five years old and he had high connection needs, but he was an introvert and he would seek out more one to one like peer connection connection for me as a teacher. But he would look forward in those kind of smaller groups. activities and avenues, but he would glom on to like other kids and just want to be near them and want to talk to them and want to share and yada yada. But it was like he had one or two good friends in each space. He wasn’t like, I want to hang out with everyone in the class. Well, so there’s natural extroverts, introverts, connectors, like you said. How do you think this relates to, and you know, this is sort of on a spiritual level and in yogic traditions, you talk about the true self and self connection, which is self-effulgence and fulfilling and being so connected to the love inside that you wanna share it with people, but you’re not needing it. Yeah, I think that we’re, I’m going to pull in the like neuroscience and too. When we’re looking at this, I want to recognize that there’s not a human on the planet where there’s a one size fits all. Right? all of us, our nervous systems operate differently in the way that we integrate stimuli, the way that we integrate the world around us and make sense of it is different for all of us. And for some kids, they are their superpowers. I can noticing the details. or they know if something moves in their environment. They can get really dysregulated by like piles or clutter or things like that because they’re super attuned to the visual stimuli in their space. Some humans who sound, they’re really aware of the sounds in their environment and they can get really overstimulated by sound, especially if there’s competing sounds happening. Some kids who notice the details of how clothing feels in a heightened way. It’s too itchy, it’s too tight, it’s too something. Speaker 2 (20:02.378)And I look at these as superpowers, that they’re really good at noticing, they’re very attuned to those senses. And there are some humans who aren’t as attuned, and for them, can, it then appears as though they can maybe be more easygoing or they can move through the world differently, because their brain isn’t so hyper-focused on like, my gosh, what is that noise? I can’t stop hearing that clicking sound in the background and kind of tuning into those things in different ways. And so when we’re looking at the integration of all of that stimuli. We go through the nine senses in the book and outline it. But I think it’s really important in then saying like how you integrate them then determines how you show up in the world and what you need from the world around you based on how your nervous system is integrating that stimuli, because it’s going to find kind of homeostasis and regulation in different ways based on your unique nervous system. Does that make sense? It does to me. It sounds a little complicated to explain to a child. for sure. I’m going to break it down in different words to Yeah, to a kid. we this so the bulk of the work that we do at Seed is in school systems. I work in schools, elementary, middle schools, and then in childcare programs. And we teach teachers like how to talk to kids about this. How do you teach them about their nervous system? Totally. Well, there’s this idea of self-regulation even is something I think we need to really break down that and self-regulation. Speaker 2 (21:32.404)You teach self-regulation through co-regulation and self-regulation isn’t one size fits all. Wait, so say that again for a moment. mean co-regulation, you regulate yourself and then you’re in the space and then… You know, it’s like goosebumps. It’s almost like the science of heart coherence. Well, our hearts are giving off a magnetic field that’s 100 times stronger than the brain. So when we’re more emotionally calm, you talk about emotional intelligence and the more coherent, our heart rhythms are smooth and our… borrowing your comms. Speaker 2 (21:52.108)Not anymore. Speaker 1 (22:06.306)Brains are nervous, everything’s in sync. People around you feel that. Totally. So as we calm ourselves, we can calm our children more. That’s right. I think of it like the difference between a thermometer and a thermostat. A thermometer is just going to read the temperature of the room, you’re going to join it. A thermostat sets that temperature. And in order to set that temperature, you have to be mindful of your own regulation. So often we want kids to regulate for us. We want them to get calm for us when we can’t. Right. Yeah, I see parents who are literally screaming in public. Yeah. And they’re like, you calm down. We’re at the playground and I heard this, this mom didn’t know we were there. We were in the bathroom and she was like talking to her two girls and then me and my younger son came out and she was like embarrassed. I mean, I felt bad for her because obviously she didn’t want, no one wants to be that person. Nobody wants to be in that state where their body feels so out of control that you’re like, need the humans around me to change their behavior so I can feel in control. And so so much, that’s why I said so many folks, they come for the kids, but stay for themselves that we dive into what is, how does your nervous system work? What does it look like to learn how to build your own self-awareness and self-regulation so that we can then navigate co-regulation with our kids so that Speaker 2 (23:28.098)when our kid comes in and they roll their eyes and they slam the door and they give a sass or the sarcasm or whatever, that we can be the calm force in that moment. And it doesn’t mean I don’t hold boundaries. It doesn’t mean that any behavior is allowed. It does mean that I am really working on, okay, how do I calm my body so that I can respond with intention instead of react from a place of dysregulation. So let’s play this out for any mamas out there who have teenagers or getting close to teenagers, not there yet. But although I’ve seen some behavior from my nine-year-old defiance and disrespect, which you talk about in the book. Let’s say your teenager comes home and you say, or, hey, I’ll be the teenager. Well, it seems like something happened at school today. I’m fine. Yeah, I am here if you want to chat. Would you like space or do you want to talk about? Speaker 1 (24:30.862)Why are you so annoying? Why are you always trying to say that to me? I love you so much. I’m going to be cooking in the kitchen. If you want to come touch base, that’s where I’ll be That’s not a fun. Okay. Let’s do another one. Yeah. I mean, so it’s a center. You’re the center and you’re not trying to grab. Okay. I love it. I’m not taking the bait. Right? Like the bait is all, that would be me joining their energy. And I’m saying like, I’ve got you. I’m still calm in your storm. Okay, let’s do this one, which I have experienced where my son will call me by my first name and I don’t like it. Sure. Okay, so I’ll be the teenager tween, okay? Yeah. Comes home from school. Hey, Alyssa. Speaker 2 (25:15.544)Hey, did you want my attention? I heard you use my first name. Alisha? Yeah, it does sound like you want my attention. I’m here if you want to chat or hang. Lyssa, Lyssa! Yeah, come

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How to Improve Your Pelvic Floor for Better Health with Alicia-Jeffrey Thomas [Episode #989]

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