Emotionally Navigating Through Relationships [Episode #434]

This week’s topic is: Emotionally Navigating Through Relationships

This is such an important topic. I’ve been speaking more and more about how our feelings affect everything. Of course, they affect our happiness, our joy, our peace and our bodies. They affect the levels of inflammation and bloating that take place in our bodies. In addition, they affect our adrenal system, our nervous system and even our immunity.

This is an important aspect of wellness. We’ve been talking a lot about the four cornerstones of true beauty that we have here at Solluna. The first is food, the second is body, the third is emotional wellbeing and the fourth is spiritual growth. And this topic is very much tied to our third cornerstone, however, everything does affect everything else in such a profound way.

Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question and 3 more sent in by Beauties just like you, listen now to find out!

Remember you can submit your questions at https://mysolluna.com/askkimberly/

[Questions Answered]

Kim – Fresno, CA

I’m curious to know some methods of improving self-compassion. I have 2 kids and try to be a beacon of light for them and the folks I surround myself with. I’m also a massage therapist so while I’m working I’m also dumping tons of good intention into my guests. When the world doesn’t always reflect back what we are putting into it how do you calm negativity within you?

Chiara {key-ah ra} – Melbourne

How do we support a partner who has anxiety? If they are not so open to spirituality?

Jane – Louisville, Kentucky

I have a history of compulsive and impulsive eating, among other addictions. I’m on a healing journey and the Beauty Detox books and this podcast have been so helpful with that! However, I still struggle with a calorie counting OBSESSION. It takes so much of my energy and lowers my vibration to be so obsessed with crunching food and weight numbers 24/7. Any baby steps or practical tips to get started with breaking these food obsession chains?

Caroline – New York, NY

I struggle with my emotions around this time of year. The weather is cold and there is a lot less light. My father also passed away near Christmas so I feel especially sad during this time. How do I manage my feelings in the winter and the holiday seasons better?

Inspirational Thought Of The Week

Trust the light that shines within.

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Want to know what to expect from other episodes of the “Feel Good Podcast with Kimberly Snyder”? My passion is to inspire and empower you to be your most authentic and beautiful self. We offer interviews with top experts, my personal philosophies and experiences, as well as answers to community-based questions around topics such as health, beauty, nutrition, yoga, spirituality and personal growth.

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[RESOURCES]

• The Calorie Myth With Jonathan Bailor & Overcoming Negativity and Self Doubt
• Stress & Healthy Ways To Cope
• Tips for Dealing with Anxiety, Chronic Fatigue and Hormone Issues!
• Good Stress VS. Bad Stress!
• Fighting the Damaging Effects of Stress with Adaptogens
• 10 Ways to Combat Depression and Anxiety Through Your Diet
• Tips to Help Treat Depression
• 9 Tips for Fighting the Winter Blahs as the Days Grow Shorter
• Probiotics
• Detoxy
• Digestive Enzymes  
• Feel Good Starter Kit
• FREE Gift: 7-Day Meditation Series (DIGITAL COURSE)
• Recipes For Your Perfectly Imperfect Life
• Be a part of the community Join the Feel Good Circle
• Kimberly Snyder’s Books
• Four Cornerstones FREE PDF: Text the word: feelgood (833) 744-0079
• Additional resources in transcript

Other Podcasts you may enjoy!:

• Meditation Tips & Overcoming Anxiety!
• A Good Night’s Sleep Is More Beautifying Than You May Think!
• Breaking Though Old Habits and Fears!
• Growing Through Difficulties with Elizabeth Lesser & How To Practice Nonviolent Communication

Transcript:

Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.

Kimberly: Hi Beauties and welcome back to our Thursday Q&A podcast where our topic today is emotionally navigating our feelings and relationships. And this is such an important topic because as I’ve been speaking about more and more, our feelings affect everything. Of course, they affect our happiness, our joy, our peace. They also affect our bodies. They affect the levels of inflammation and bloating that take place in our bodies. They affect our adrenal system, our nervous system, even our immunity and so on. So, this is an important aspect of wellness. We’ve been talking a lot about the four cornerstones of true beauty that we have here at Solluna. The first is food, the second is body, the third is emotional wellbeing and the fourth is spiritual growth. So this topic is of course very much tied to our third cornerstone, but everything does affect everything else in such a profound way.

Kimberly: I’m really excited to talk about this because I didn’t really think about this for years and years. I was really focused on what I was eating, getting my gut in shape. I was obsessed really with food and different parts of the journey, my weight and my body and I didn’t really think that my emotions and my feelings could affect my weight and my body so much. So now that I really truly understand that and believe it a hundred million percent, I’m really excited to talk about this with you guys because I think this knowledge, this information, can only really help our community and you, hopefully, and your family. The more we know, the more we understand ourselves, the deeper we go and the more whole we feel, which feels amazing.

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Kimberly: So again, we’re excited to dive in, but before we do, just want to give a quick reminder, as always, to please leave us a review on iTunes. It’s just a great way to support the show and I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. It keeps things going. It keeps the show going and growing, which is really important and we put so much love into the show. So again, thank you, thank you, thank you. And while you’re at it, you can also please subscribe and that way you make sure that you get that constant source of, really, self-care and self-love by getting notices about all of the Q&As we have on Thursdays and the interviews on Monday. And that way you don’t miss any shows.

Kimberly: So, we also have our amazing Katelyn who has been patiently waiting on the line.

Katelyn and I have been doing the podcast since the beginning and Katelyn has been with me from, Solluna from the beginning and way before that. She’s been with me since Beauty Detox Power and she’s an amazing human. She lives on the East Coast. I’m on the West Coast, so we’re sort of covering all the ground in between too, K.

Katelyn: Mm-hmm (affirmative), we are.

Kimberly: [inaudible 00:03:19] if you go the other way. [inaudible 00:03:23]

Katelyn: Yes. Well, I’m happy to be here. It’s amazing to think we started the podcast in 2015, it’s about to be 2020. So it’s been quite some time that we’ve been here together and that we constantly have support from our listeners sending in questions. I’m just always surprised that there’s always new questions, so much to talk about. It never gets old and things to dive deeper into.

Kimberly: You know, the journey always goes, it just continues and it continues. When I think about my personal journey, K, I wrote the Beauty Detox Solution in 2011 so we get to stages where we’re like, “Oh,” we hit a peak and we’re like, “I got to figure it out.” Like I could think back then I’m like, “Oh, you know, it’s this and here’s all the answers.”

Katelyn: Right.

Kimberly: But it does keep going deeper and deeper. It is layers of the onion. And as I said, back then, if you said to me, if you talked to me about wellness, I would have said, “Oh, it’s food and fitness and yoga and all this stuff.” I wouldn’t even really brought up this idea of emotional and mental health. I would have been like, “Oh, that’s a separate part.” And so, life continues, the journey continues and that’s why it’s always exciting. It never gets boring because there’s so much to keep sharing with each other.

Katelyn: Yes, and we can always keep digging deeper. I think this is such a great topic to talk about this week as we dug in last week and talked about this really being a great time for reflection. This is kind of a quiet week for a lot of people between the holidays ending and about to start the new year and just a couple of days for self reflection where a lot of people start to think about their resolutions. And resolutions can have positive and negative connotations and can bring up mixed emotions and feelings around yourself and your relationships. So, I think it’s a perfect time to talk about this and pick your brain and give support to the community today.

Kimberly: Yes. I love this topic and I can’t wait to hear what kind of questions we got in.

Question 1: I’m curious to know some methods of improving self-compassion. I have two kids and I try to be a beacon of light for them and the folks I surround myself with. I’m also a massage therapist so while I’m working, I’m dumping tons of good intentions into my guests. When the world doesn’t always reflect back what you’re putting into it, how do calm the negativity within you?

Katelyn: Yeah. Let’s just get started here because we’ll have a full show today. We have a question from Kim living in Fresno, California. “I’m curious to know some methods of improving self-compassion. I have two kids and I try to be a beacon of light for them and the folks I surround myself with. I’m also a massage therapist so while I’m working, I’m dumping tons of good intentions into my guests. When the world doesn’t always reflect back what you’re putting into it, how do calm the negativity within you?

Kimberly: Kim, thank you so much for your question, beauty. I send you lots of love. I send you a huge hug. It sounds like you are truly a healer. As you said, a beacon of light. You are giving love to your kids and to your family and to the folks around you and to all your massage guests. So the fact that you consciously do that is really, really beautiful because it means that you’re conscious of what a big effect we all have on each other. So first of all, I want to acknowledge that in you and I think that’s really beautiful and that’s an amazing way to go about the world is really consciously being that light.

Kimberly: Now, the next part of your question what you wrote in is what happens when it doesn’t reflect back to you and you feel negative feelings come up, which could maybe range from, this isn’t fair or I’m trying to do good. Why are people still being mean to me? Why doesn’t it come back directly? And there’s a couple of things I will say about this. Unfortunately sometimes I get really annoyed too. Life isn’t always exactly fair and karmically energetically, we know what we give, we get back. But sometimes it doesn’t always happen in the right timeframe that we want it to or immediately.

Kimberly: So this was part of our Solluna circle theme a couple months ago where we talked a lot about dropping expectations. Expectations create a lot of stress, and they create a lot of negativity in our lives and a lot of struggle because an expectation means I want it to … I expect someone to be this way. I expect them to say XYZ to me. And if they don’t, I’m going to be disappointed. I’m going to be upset. I’m going to react and we can’t really control where anybody is.

Kimberly: So this is the lesson that I’ve been working on myself, is this concept that nothing is personal. And I had to really wrap my head around that because I thought, “Well, what do you mean? What if someone says something mean to me?” And the idea with nothing is personal is that all these external events will just happen all the time, all day long. And we have our own wounds and expectations and things that we have inside of us. So, if we attach a story to something that happens externally, then we distort what happens into our own version of it. We make it personal.

Kimberly: So let’s say for instance, you’re trying to be very kind and loving to your massage guest, your client, and they may be grumpy or they don’t leave you a great tip, or they’re just not nice back. And if we personalize that because we’re so fixated on wanting everybody to like us, we attach, “Oh, this event means I’m not good enough.” Or, “They didn’t like me.” Then it creates a lot of suffering. If we try to stick to, it’s not personal, we can think, “Oh well, I did my best. I can only control what I do. Maybe they were just having a bad day. I hope they’re okay. Maybe they’re just in their head right now. Maybe something’s going on. But I know I did my best, so I know this isn’t about me.” So, that’s the thing I’m working on a lot because I can, I have been very sensitive in the past to what people say and I think I’ve shared with you guys quite a bit how in the past I’ve had a really rocky relationship with my in-laws.

Kimberly: Katelyn knows this, and I think it’s because I’ve had expectations about how I want to be spoken to and respected, especially as far as food and things like that, with Bubby in the house, whatever. But when I started to really try to process this idea that nothing is personal, everybody’s just acting from their perspective and everybody has wounds and everybody in their own way is doing their best. That helped to bring a lot more peace into my life. And I also just … you know Kim, ultimately we are the sanctuary to ourselves. I heard Diane von Furstenberg, you know the fashion designer say that one. She’s a pretty powerful woman and she’s like, “I had so much self doubt, people always doubted my work.” And she said, “One day I realized I had to be the sanctuary to myself.” And I always remember that interview because I love that.

Kimberly: It’s like, if we go inside, if we spend some time, just quiet time, reflective time. I’ve been doing a lot of journaling, meditation time, whatever you want to call it. And we authentically know that we’re doing our best and we’re putting our best out there. That’s it. We can feel proud of that. We can feel proud of being kind and loving and ultimately we have to just remind ourselves, maybe every day, that we can’t control how other people are and what their reactions are and how they’re going to eat and what decisions they’re going to make in their life. And that’s part of that deep, deep compassion and lovingness. Like, “I love myself, I love you. And sometimes we see things differently and that’s okay too.”

Katelyn: This goes back to what we were talking about last week too, if anybody was listening about having that self love and that we’re enough. I think perfectionism comes up a lot when we’re talking about the relationship to ourself or relationships and expectations. So I think digging a little bit deeper into this is super helpful because it’s something I know a lot of people struggle with as much as myself. It’s definitely hard to not take things personally. Sometimes I’d be the first one to well up in tears or feel my face get flushed when I feel somebody’s upset with me or I didn’t maybe do the best job and I would really internalize it.

Katelyn: So I think these are some good tips because we all have to take a step back and know that we don’t know what’s going on underneath everybody else’s. Like when you pull the wool back, we don’t know what’s going on, so could be totally something unrelated to what, we, the interaction we had with the person.

Kimberly: Oh 100%, and again, it could be what’s going on for them that day and it could be very, very deep wounds and that just affects the way that they react and the way they show up in the world as well.

Katelyn: That’s so true. Yeah. It’s like having that compassion. Sometimes I find when somebody’s acting erratic, I try to have more compassion for them because I try to tell myself, they must have something going on that I don’t know about.

Kimberly: For sure.

Question 2: How do we support a partner who has anxiety, especially if they’re not so open to spirituality?

Katelyn: Yeah. Good lessons for sure to learn. Okay, so let’s dig in a little deeper here. We have Ciara from Melbourne and she’s asking, “How do we support a partner who has anxiety, especially if they’re not so open to spirituality?”

Kimberly: Ciara, thank you so much for this question. We get a lot of questions about, my partner doesn’t … I’ve shifted my lifestyle. I’m eating a different way than them or I’m meditating now and they’re not open to this or … I know this is tough because when we are excited about something, when something comes into our life, a new practice, a perspective shift, we get so excited about sharing it with our partner. And it can be very disappointing, again, back to the expectations, back to wanting things to be a certain way. If we find that they just are shut down, they’re not open to what we know in our hearts could really help them. So I will say, let’s take it to the cornerstones for this one. Let’s start with food.

Kimberly: There’s some really practical things we can do to support someone with anxiety. Number one, there’s some very wonderful anti-anxiety foods out there. Ones that are more yin, ones that are soothing to the adrenal system, ones that aren’t going to rev us up. The ones that come to mind, first of all, are things like tulsi tea, camomile tea. You can always suggest to your partner that, “Hey, let’s …” Or just make it for them and put it in front of them. Let’s have this tea together at night. Or you could make it for them while you guys are relaxing or reading magazines or whatever you’re doing in the evening, watching TV. And that is really good that these sorts of teas have been shown to help calm the nervous system, which is really important when it comes to anxiety.

Kimberly: If you’re doing some of the cooking, Ciara, you want to add greens. Right now in Melbourne I believe it’s the opposite, so I think it’s actually coming into the hotter months, but still soups and stews can be really wonderful with green veggies and things like tumeric and cumin and all these wonderful herbs and spices. And what I avoid and what I try to cut out of our kitchen because my husband is very Pitta, he’s got a lot of fire, is things like garlic and onions, which can be very activating and if someone’s already prone to anxiety, they can be extra activating. So try to use herbs and spices in your cooking other than onions and chili and garlic to help from a food perspective, create more calmness.

Kimberly: Now, whole gluten-free carbs like sweet potatoes and bananas and quinoa have B vitamins, which are also really great for the nervous system and just give us sustained energy and long burning fuel. Going back to Dan Buettner‘s amazing interview, if you guys missed it, it was like, two weeks ago, I think. Talking about the blue zones, which are the longest living, healthiest cultures around the world, and they all are 90 to 100% plant based. They’re mostly vegan, maybe not fully. They eat meat sometimes on special occasions, but you go back to this idea that if you’re going to live that long, it means that stress and anxiety haven’t overrun your life, right? Because that is the cause of inflammation. It’s a precursor to a lot of different issues.

Kimberly: So what they’re eating is root vegetables, greens, vegetables of all kinds and then whole grains and then beans and nuts. So if you try to stick to these foods when you’re doing the food prep for your partner, Ciara, these are wonderful foods to focus on and rotate, incorporate. And of course we have a lot of recipes on the website to help you out if you’re looking for ideas.

Kimberly: Body-wise, our second cornerstone, when it comes to anxiety, one of the best things you can do for your partner is touch. It doesn’t have to be a full blown massage every night, but just a little bit of a back rub or rubbing some lotion on their back or just soothing touch on their arm or their hand I think really goes a long way. I think we forget that for a lot of people, they’re out there in the jungle every day of the office and the commuting and there’s a lot of disconnection. People are on their phones and they’re on social media, but they’re not necessarily being touched a lot. I’m touching Bubby almost all the time when I’m with him and it feels great for me and it feels great for him. And sometimes I just think about, that’s not the norm for most people. And it wasn’t the norm for me before I became a mom to have so much touch. But it’s healing. And so I think if you can just bring whatever form that looks like in your relationship, even more touch, that’s very supportive to your partner.

Kimberly: And now emotionally, our third cornerstone. Depending on his or her openness, just have it creating, holding space for safe conversations to process. “Oh, what’s going on? I noticed you are tense today when you came home from work, is there anything you want to talk about?” Just in a nonthreatening way. Sometimes people are more open to talking than others. Sometimes men can be very closed. I know sometimes I have to really fish it out of my husband when I know that there is something going on that is bothered him. But just creating that supportive energy where you’re not necessarily going to give advice, you’re just there to listen and to hold space I think can be also very supportive.

Kimberly: And then in our fourth cornerstone is spiritual growth. And I know you mentioned that your partner is not open to spirituality, but you can still, again, hold space. If you’re meditating, if you are bringing in that peaceful, beautiful, calm, serene energy into your relationship, that will inevitably support him as well. I mean, we affect everybody else with our energy. So I think it’s a very powerful thing that you can still always do to really support your partner.

Katelyn: And if anybody is interested in learning more about the four cornerstones, this may be the first time you’re hearing about it if you’re just tuning in with us, over on mysolluna.com there is a link there. You can just put your email and for free we’ll send you over an amazing PDF that we developed that has all of this information in one place where you could share that with your partner directly or use that as a resource when you’re working with somebody.

Kimberly: Thank you so much, K, that’s great. Yeah, it’s just got recipes and info and as Kate mentioned, it’s a great support for you guys.

Katelyn: Totally great support, especially if this is new to you and it’s a lot to take in at once. You can just go through each cornerstone one at a time and get familiar and start working on them one by one. Okay. So with that beauties, we are going to let Kimberly take a short break here and then she’ll be back to answer the last two questions.

Break

Kimberly: All right beauties, we are back from our break and we have two more questions for you guys. I can’t wait to hear what they are. This whole topic of feelings and relationships is a big one, I think, and has … I mean, what is the closest thing to us is our relationships, and feelings impact our whole life. And everything can be rosy and beautiful on the outside and we can be even on vacation, we can be in this sunny amazing place, but if there’s chaos inside of us or something doesn’t feel right, then of course we’re never going to really enjoy where we are. And, of course, it does really affect our health. It affects ourselves down to the cellular level, down to our hormonal health and any aging and inflammation. Our feelings profoundly impact us on every level. So, excited to hear our next two questions, K.

Question 3: I have a history of compulsive and impulsive eating among other addictions. I’m on a healing journey and the Beauty Detox foods books and this podcast have been so helpful with that. However, I still struggle with calorie counting obsession. It takes so much of my energy and lowers my vibration to be so obsessed with crunching food and weight numbers 24/7. Do you have any baby steps or practical tips to get started with breaking free from these food obsession chains?

Katelyn: Yes, let’s jump right in here. We have another question from Jane who’s living in Louisville, Kentucky. “I have a history of compulsive and impulsive eating among other addictions. I’m on a healing journey and the Beauty Detox foods books and this podcast have been so helpful with that. However, I still struggle with calorie counting obsession. It takes so much of my energy and lowers my vibration to be so obsessed with crunching food and weight numbers 24/7. Do you have any baby steps or practical tips to get started with breaking free from these food obsession chains?”

Kimberly: Jane, thank you so much for your question. Sending a big hug, beauty. I totally get this obsession because I was there right with you, writing down every number, everything I ate, adding everything up in my head. And the problem for me was, I couldn’t really enjoy my food because, for me, it was like a number and I knew that I would probably still be hungry. And there’s always this feeling of lack and I couldn’t eat enough and I was frustrated and I felt hangry a lot of the time. So it really did affect my life. And as you put it so well here, lowers your vibration. It also takes away our focus and puts it on something that is fleeting and temporary. It doesn’t really give us what we’re looking for.

Kimberly: So for me, when I started to break my addiction, it was when I started to feel better in my gut and in my body because I started to notice that if I was taking my SBO probiotics, if I was pooping more, literally, I was able to have a flatter stomach and feel better results, even if I was doing the same thing or not doing the same thing with the calorie counting. So it was actually feeling proof, feeling, not the thinking, right? Because the calorie counting is thinking, thinking, thinking. It means you’re up in your head, Jane.

Kimberly: So for me, feeling and connecting with my body more was the way out. It was the way through. It was the way to break it. So it didn’t mean I switched right from thinking to feeling because that’s a pretty abrupt switch. But it meant that even as I was going through the calorie counting, as I mentioned, I started really tuning up my gut health and I started to just feel that, “Oh, I’m fitting better in my clothes. Oh, I feel so much lighter. I went to the bathroom again.” So that’s sort of out of my obsession and out of my disorders is really what so much of the Beauty Detox has been created from.

Kimberly: And I’m happy to say, I’m honored to say, I hope it’s been very positive for you guys. But, especially our supplements, having Detoxy, having the probiotics are there to help you feel better in your body. So I would encourage you, Jane, to make sure that you’re taking those things. You’re taking care of your gut health, you’re going to the bathroom regularly, just so you can start to feel that feeling of more empowerment. And again, just feeling lighter in your body.

Kimberly: Second to that, I was able to break it by getting comfortable with foods that I knew I didn’t have to count. So for instance, when we created our 30 day roadmap for healthy weight loss, the numbers are very, very small for what the calorie counts are, but they’re there. But the idea is, you start to eat this way and you naturally start to lose weight and you started to get filled up on fiber and you realize, “Oh, I don’t have to obsess about my glowing green smoothie, even though it’s 130 calories or whatever.” You just sort of trust certain things. You can trust that soup is going to be really filling. It’s not going to be so dense.

Kimberly: So you can start to, where you’re comfortable, even if it’s one or two meals a day, Jane. Let’s say in the morning you’re doing GGS, you’re doing hot water with lemon. For lunch, if you do a soup and a salad or whatever, try to take breaks from those meals of counting because you’re filling them with all this fiber, this amazing food, and you could start to reinforce to your conscious mind and your subconscious mind, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m eating these foods and I’m not going to gain weight. It’s going to be great.” And then when that starts to equate to your, you do feel great and you’re not gaining weight when the truth starts to happen in your body, you’ll start to feel more free, hopefully, over time of letting go of more and more of the calorie counting.

Kimberly: But I would say if you pick three to five things you’re really comfortable with, let’s say GGS, a couple soup recipes, a couple salad recipes, whatever. Just entree recipes that you’re like, “Oh, I know what the calorie count is and I can trust that it’s low, so I’m going to eat heartily and just let it be what it is,” that’s the beginning. I have found, time and time again, with most of my clients that are hardcore calorie counters, it’s almost impossible to go cold turkey with this one thing. You can maybe go cold turkey with alcohol or cigarettes or things like that. But the point is we still have to eat every day. And so that’s why I think it’s a much more difficult thing to go cold turkey with.

Kimberly: But as I mentioned, feeling into your body more, taking care of your gut health, being aware of feeling lighter through those measures. And then secondarily, like I said, having some foods that you feel really comfortable with, that you don’t have to worry about quote unquote so much and start to let go of some of those foods and some of those meals as far as counting, I think are some powerful ways to start breaking that habit.

Kimberly: And then lastly, I will say that I talked to Deepak about this when we were writing Radical Beauty, this idea that we’re hungry. We focus on food because we’re so hungry spiritually. And that’s the other part of my healing, has been to fill myself up with self-love. And the practices we talk about, the meditation, the sitting, the affirmations, things that we put on Instagram, all these little things. I don’t think self-love happens overnight. I don’t think we just get there magically. But the more self-love I was able to bring in, which is like a whole subject in and of itself and something we talk about so much in our circle, in our Solluna circle, it lessened the obsession with the food because I knew I was so much more than the surface. And food is just one cornerstone and the more I worked on the other ones, the healthier I started to be all around.

Katelyn: Such good lessons. I know for me on my journey I’ve had issues with eating disorders as well and for me it was the control I felt I had, say by either calorie counting or being obsessed with what I was eating. And when I first read the Beauty Detox Solution, and that’s what sparked as you guys have heard Kim and I’s story. When I read the book, it really transitioned my life cause I was in a binge eating state where I overate and I was just out of control and I always felt this fear. And for the first time in my life when I made these transitions to eating the Solluna Beauty Detox way, I felt safe because I knew I was getting the nutrients I needed. I knew I wasn’t going to gain weight, I was most likely going to lose weight, which was a goal of mine at the time. And then I’ve been really consistently able to keep that up. And even though now I’ve gained a little bit of weight from not working out as much, I feel more happy and confident.

Katelyn: I never thought that I would feel that way. I look back at pictures and I’d be like, “Oh, I’m so fat, I’m so ugly.” And then I looked back now and I go, “Oh my gosh, I was quite thin then.” And even though I’m a little heavier now, I don’t look at myself in the same negative image because I’ve worked on my spirituality and I’ve worked on my self-love. And I think, you’re not there in the beginning, right? You’re like, “What are you talking about?” If you’re just starting maybe, but just to know from Kimberly and I’s journey that you can get there and you can really feel more connected to yourself beyond, I think that’s a good lesson and something to keep top of mind that we’re not just our bodies. For me, it makes me feel good to be nice to the barista at Starbucks, to acknowledge a friend, like things beyond my physical body. I’m more than just what I look like.

Kimberly: Mm-hmm (affirmative), exactly. And those little daily reminders and connecting with others really does help that as well.

Katelyn: Yeah.

Kimberly: Community.

Katelyn: Community, and that’s why we’re focused on so much community here at Solluna and we’ve really rallied to have our Solluna circle that we’d love you guys to be a part of and you can find out more about that over on the website. But community really does help you to step away from, just yourself, and know there’s bigger things out there.

Kimberly: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Thank you, K, for that reminder. So true.

Question 4: I struggle with my emotions around this time of year. The weather is cold and there is a lot less light. My father passed away around near Christmas, so I feel especially sad during this time of year. How do I manage my feelings in the winter and the holiday seasons better?

Katelyn: We need it, right? We can get stuck in our heads. Okay, so we have one more question today from Caroline and she’s living in New York, New York. “I struggle with my emotions around this time of year. The weather is cold and there is a lot less light. My father passed away around near Christmas, so I feel especially sad during this time of year. How do I manage my feelings in the winter and the holiday seasons better?”

Kimberly: Carolyn, thank you so much for your question, beauty. Sending you a huge, huge hug. We hear so much about the joy of the holidays, but the holidays are tough for a lot of people. It brings up a lot of family stuff and just a lot of complicated stuff. Like, one of my friends was talking about Christmas actually makes him sad because he doesn’t have kids. So it’s just like a lot of complicated things around the holidays that I think about sometimes, oh, I wish my mom was here for the holidays, because she passed away.

Kimberly: So I think the best thing to do is to take our holistic approach. Let’s take this one also to the cornerstones. From a food perspective, there’s a lot of happy foods out there that can stimulate our serotonin levels and just help us feel some of those feel good chemicals more. We have a whole blog about this, K, I believe? So we can link to it in the show notes. But right off the bat, just making sure we’re getting the full spectrum of vitamins. The glowing green smoothie through the winter always makes me feel energized and happy with all that vitamin C and again, all the vitamins that are in there. I always feel more balanced when I’m getting B vitamins, so I make sure to have nutritional yeast quite a bit.

Kimberly: Let’s see what jumps out at me, happy foods. Fruit makes me really happy. I think that it’s a complete nutritional package. The yogis will say that fruit is the highest vibration food, so make sure, Carolyn, that you’re eating fruit, berries, whatever feels good to you this time of year. There’s a freshness, there’s a aliveness in fruit.

Kimberly: If we start to feel stodgy with the foods that we’re eating, we can feel that stodginess in our body. So I think it’s important to eat fresh foods from nature, especially this time of year, to get that natural boost and to feel really, really good. Also, just natural mood boosters, there’s a lot of different teas, a lot of different adaptogens out there like ashwagandha, amalaki, a lot of the Ayurvedic herbs which you can look into as well. We also have blog posts on adaptogens series and how to use them so we can link to that as well. But using all these happy foods, almond milk, hemp milk, making lattes in the evening are just a great way to boost mood and again, serotonin levels.

Kimberly: From a body perspective, I would say this is the time it’s dark and we start to feel stagnant. So I would encourage you, Carolyn, to just put on some happy music and go for walks. Even if it’s around your local mall, if it’s really cold out where you live or park if you bundle up. I just think moving your body is really important, not just for fitness levels but for mental health. Just so we don’t feel stagnant and we keep things flowing and going and maybe some yoga stretches. Roll out your mat on your living room floor or even your bedroom floor and just twist. Get some stagnant energy out of your body. I think that’s always going to be really, really positive.

Kimberly: Emotionally, I think it’s okay to feel sad. I think it’s good to feel our feelings. So rather than bury them or feel like, I can’t, I have to reject these feelings. Dr. David Hawkins has always said, “If we feel our feelings, it helps them be processed, they get out.” So I would say just sit with those feelings, those big feelings. I’ve been doing that too. Sometimes I get really sad and I feel pain, old triggers and I’ve been trying to really sit with that and journal about it. So I would encourage you to try doing the same thing.

Kimberly: And also spiritually, our fourth cornerstone, this is the time of year to let yourself have that quiet time, to maybe work on your meditation practice, which does help that joy bubble up. It does help with equanimity and more peace coming from inside. So, if you have a practice, great, work on it. If you don’t, we have free meditations for you. There’s tons out there that you can look into. Just sit with yourself. It’s a great time when it’s dark outside, there’s less going on outside. It means there’s more time to meditate is one positive way of looking at it. So just trying to really work on that self-practice, that going within, is also a really great thing to do this time of year as well.

Katelyn: Well, thank you for all these amazing tips today. I’m sure the beauties have a lot to process. If you’re thinking about anything we talked about, please head over to mysolluna.com and check out the show notes where we’ll link to some of these recipes, the four cornerstones and other podcasts that are related that you guys may want to check out. And while you’re also over there, you may want to submit your question. So as always, please do that, mysolluna.com/askKimberly. Be sure to fill out your form there with your question so I can check it out and pick out the new shows for 2020, just a week away now.

Kimberly: Okay, thank you.

Thought of the Week

Katelyn: So with that, our last Thursday Q&A here before the New Year, we’d love to hear what your thought of the week is.

Kimberly: Yes beauties, so my thought of the week as we are in this externally dark period is, I think, especially powerful, which is trust the light that shines within. So we think of light as external, oh, the sunlight, lights in the house, light out there. But remember that you, as we were talking about in one of the questions, you can be your own sanctuary. You have the light that comes within you. You have incredible intuition. You have incredible wisdom within you. It’s absolutely part of your makeup.

Kimberly: So, I think a lot of this time of year is really great for just breathing and slowing down a little bit and taking time to trust that light, to reconnect with your light, your intuition. It will guide you how much to eat, what to eat, what vegetables to buy at the store, what relationship is serving you. Maybe the most compassionate thing to say to someone at a time or how to navigate a certain situation at work.

Kimberly: So I would encourage you, beauty, to think, to meditate on this concept. Trust the light that shines within you and we rely less and less on the outside world to make us happy, to make us feel propped up, to feel light, it has to come from somewhere else. No, you are the source of your own light. And start to trust that and start to breathe into that and connect to that.

Kimberly: So as K mentioned, this is our last Q&A show for the rest of the year. And I want to again share how much gratitude I have for you for being part of our community and I send you so much love. This is a wonderful, wonderful thing we have going here together, being connected, supporting each other. So I want you to know that it means the world to me and I’ll always love to hear from you and I always want to support you and I send you so much love.

Kimberly: Thank you, K, so much for gathering our questions. Beauties, I cannot wait to more and as I said, support you more in 2020. So keep that connection going. Please take care of yourself. Love to hear from you more and have a great, hopefully vacation week this week, and have some extra time for yourself where you can fit it in and for some more self-care. And we will see you in just a few days for our next interview podcast. Till then, so much love.