Ways to Center Yourself and Limit Stress [Episode #536]
This week’s topic is: Ways to Center Yourself and Limit Stress
When we think of centering ourselves to me, it’s about finding our authenticity, our connection to ourselves, our voice, our grounding and our own energy centers. It means that we stop overvaluing the outside world and over-seeking validation. We stop getting so thrown off by other people’s opinions and their ideas.
The next part of our topic is stress and there’s so many events, constant, tumultuous changes and the ups and downs of life. Everything can feel stressful if we let it. Stress is really about our perspective of things, and it’s not about the actual events.
We just stay very rooted and very connected, and it’s a very powerful and very peaceful way to live life.This is a topic that’s close to my heart, and I’m really excited to share more what’s worked for me and how I’m able to become more centered in my life with you.
Have you been wondering about this very topic? If you want to know the answer to this question and 3 more sent in by Beauties just like you, listen now to find out!
I have been struggling with letting go of the past. Particularly with events, where I feel like I have been wronged. Couple of years ago I had a really hard time in my workplace and got caught up in a situation, where I was wrongly accused of breaking the rules by a coworker and I ended up terminating my contract as a result. The same incident led to a situation where I lost one of my life-long friends, who did not believe me and turned her back on me. I still feel outraged, sad and resentful of all the people there, but I would like to finally move on. I just can’t shake these feelings. What should I do?
Roxanna – Mexico City
My grandma is very ill with covid and I am devastated to see her like this. I know you went through loss and a difficult illness with your mother and was wondering if you could give me any advice please.
Bonnie – Santiago
I just love your work and find your GGS works wonders for my belly (digestion). Also a great way to get lots of veggies in for this vegetarian. :) I would really appreciate any advice on what to do for hair loss. I’m 37 and having a bit of stressful time and now my hair loss is an additional stressor! Any advice would be so gratefully received.
Teresa – FL
I have so much social anxiety, even prior to coronavirus. How can I stop this heavy feeling in my chest and be able to cope when going out in public, even around my family?
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Kimberly : 00:03 Hey Beauties and welcome back to our Thursday community show where our topic today is ways to center yourself and to limit stress. I’m very excited about our topic today, which is so timely. And I think it’s something that we all need to tune into right now. But first of all, I just want to say Merry Christmas Eve, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, whether this year has been a big shift for you and your holiday plans, or not. Probably more likely, yes. It is just right from my heart to your heart. I just want to send you so much love, which I think is really the true message of Christmas, of love and connection, and really our ideals and our hopes to open up more and more to unconditional love and especially starting with ourselves. So this whole concept of centering yourself, let’s take it from the abstract to something much more concrete.
Kimberly : 01:00 So when we think of centering ourselves to me, it’s about just finding our authenticity, finding our connection to ourselves, finding our voice, finding our grounding, finding our own energy centers. So it means that we stop overvaluing the outside world. We stop over seeking validation. We stop getting so thrown off by other people’s opinions and their ideas, which can make us turn in circles like a dog chasing its tail. When we’re centered, we can be respectful of course, of other people’s opinions and ideas, but we feel a lot more grounded. We feel confident. We feel a lot more clarity and that runs true for all of our cornerstones. So the way that we eat, the way that we take care of our bodies, the way that we process our own feelings and in turn, let go of other people’s stuff that sometimes can feel like it’s been put on us.
Kimberly : 01:59 We can decide to create healthy boundaries and also decide that we don’t need to take on other people’s stuff anymore. And spiritually, we start to connect more to spirit inside of us, and that is the most centering practice of all. We start to feel the strength and the power of who we really are and that all this surface stuff that we focus on so much is actually just a tiny, tiny percentage of who we are and what life can be. So the next part of our topic is stress and there’s so many events, constant, the tumultuous changes and the ups and downs of life. Everything can feel stressful if we let it. So stress is really about our perspective of things, and it’s not about the actual events. So we’ll tune into that more as we go through the questions, I’m very excited about this topic. This is something that I feel that I’ve been on my own personal journey for and throughout for many years, because things used to bother me a lot more and things used to feel a lot more stressful.
Kimberly : 03:04 But as time’s gone on and I’ve gone deeper and deeper into my practices, and I’ve gone more and more inward, it doesn’t mean that I become this reckless and hermit that doesn’t talk to anyone, that doesn’t connect. In contrast, when we strengthen our inner relationship, it becomes much easier to be in the group and to feel oneness and to feel unity and to feel connected to other people and to drop judgment, and to just feel centered as we move through life and we move through again, other people’s ways of living and their different values and their different opinions. We just stay very rooted and very connected, and it’s a very powerful and very peaceful way to live life. So this is a topic that’s close to my heart, and I’m really excited to share more what’s worked for me and how I’m able to become more centered in my life with you.
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Kimberly : 03:55 So before we get into it, I just want to give you a quick reminder to please leave us a review on iTunes. I will thank you so much in advance. It’s just a wonderful way to support the shell. And of course it’s free and it’s easy and it doesn’t take more than two minutes. Please also subscribe to our show over there, that way you don’t miss out on any podcasts. It just becomes the flow, part of the flow of your week, and you can tune into this information coming into your space whenever it feels good to you while you’re doing other things, while you’re walking, while you’re sitting and relaxing, and it just becomes a constant. And we know that the rhythms of our life and the constants and the steps that we take forward that are steady and consistent are how we start to really grow and how we start to make real positive change in our life.
Question 1: I have been struggling with letting go of the past, particularly with events where I feel like I have been wronged. A couple of years ago I had a really hard time in my workplace and I got caught up in a situation where I was wrongly accused of breaking the rules by a coworker, and I ended up being terminated as a result. The same incident led to a situation where I lost one of my lifelong friends who did not believe me and turned her back on me. I still feel outraged, sad and resentful of all the people there, but I would like to finally move on. I just can’t shake these feelings. What should I do?
Kimberly : 04:43 So, all that being said, let’s get going with our first question here. The first one comes from Greta who lives in London and she writes, “I have been struggling with letting go of the past, particularly with events where I feel like I have been wronged. A couple of years ago I had a really hard time in my workplace and I got caught up in a situation where I was wrongly accused of breaking the rules by a coworker, and I ended up being terminated as a result. The same incident led to a situation where I lost one of my lifelong friends who did not believe me and turned her back on me. I still feel outraged, sad and resentful of all the people there, but I would like to finally move on. I just can’t shake these feelings. What should I do?”
Kimberly : 05:26 Greta, thank you so much for being vulnerable and for sharing right from your heart. There is so much resonance in this question. I can feel that there’s a lot of energy, a little, a lot actually of just repressed, stagnant energy that is ready to come out and you can feel it too, which is the reason that you raise this question, and you said in your question that you are ready to move on. So, there’s this interesting saying that I came across once and I can’t remember if it was Dr. David Hawkins or Michael Singer or some other author that said this, but it was the idea that lessons are the way to grow. It’s like someone knocks on your door and if you don’t answer the door, then that person keeps knocking.
Kimberly : 06:16 So, what’s interesting about your question is you mentioned that something happened and then a similar thing happened, and there is so much depth in this question. So first of all, I want to talk about a little bit of a forgiveness technique, which I think will release a lot and help prevent some of that energy from having to come back, and back, and back at you because you’re holding it. So it’s almost like a magnet. We are magnets by the way, for all sorts of things. Frequencies lined up. This is something that quantum physics very clearly talks about, this idea of matching frequencies and energy. So below the surface, below what we think is all solid, is actually pulsating energies and energy waves and energy fields, and like energy tends to match up.
Kimberly : 07:04 So I’m going to give you a little bit of a forgiveness technique in just a moment. But the next thing I want to say is to really sit with this, and this could be something that you do in your journaling practice, but sometimes we attract something on the outside that matches a belief that we have about ourselves on the inside. And sometimes it’s because we feel all the different variations of feeling not enough, feeling not good enough, feeling that we don’t deserve something that we have. So, we feel something in the inside and then our experience on the outside matches it.
Kimberly : 07:41 So I don’t know if that’s part of this situation, Greta. I would just offer it to you and see if you can sit with this wrongfully accused, is there something in you that is holding on to some guilt for something else? It may not be this situation. Is there something in you that’s holding onto this idea that you’re small and you deserve to be punished? It could be from your childhood. It could be from, depending on your belief system, another life. It just could be a feeling inside of you, but I would sit with it and I would address it. And as far as just bringing light to it. [inaudible 00:08:25] talks about our shadows. And if we aren’t able to see part of us, then it doesn’t become embodied. It doesn’t become integrated. And so it becomes this disowned part of ourselves that we can’t really see, but yet it keeps affecting our lives in different ways, including situations that will match it.
Kimberly : 08:44 So I would just sit with this because there seems to be guilt and punishment somehow in this question and these situations. So I would sit with that Greta. Now back to this idea of being wrongfully accused, which is very, very tough for any of us to take in. And this is a version of a forgiveness practice that I learned about in my bio neurofeedback training that I did a few years ago in Sedona. So what you want to do is you want to find a quiet seat and you want to just take some deep breaths into your body and just start to center yourself, meaning tune inward. Tune out distractions and noises and just tune into your breath. And then I want you to recall the incident. So you can think through the incident just to help conjure up the feelings.
Kimberly : 09:36 And then I want you to let all of the thinking go for a moment. And next I want you to feel what is going on in your body. This is very important. This is the lesson of learning the wisdom of our body and learning to really tune into feelings versus thoughts. So just feel what arises, where it’s arising. Is it in your gut? Is it in your throat? Is it in your heart? Is it an ache in your back and just tune in, tune in and let the feeling come up and rise and feel very intense because you had recalled the incident, until it starts to wash over you, which could take its own time. Just let it start to settle down in its own time. When that happens, there’s a little bit more thinking.
Kimberly : 10:24 I want you to recall a lesson or something positive that actually came from the situation. Now this can be tough, but it could be, “Okay I learned not to do that again or I learned to be more open in the beginning and share more, so it didn’t go down this pathway of misunderstanding,” or whatever it is. You can just think about a positive lesson that you’ve learned and you can place your hands on your heart. And you can say deeply to yourself out loud or inside, internally, I forgive XYZ, the people involved and I also forgive myself. Just sit in that, just sit and let it wash through you. So it’s a powerful process if you really let yourself think of the incident, then switch to feeling, then switch to finding a lesson, then switch to choosing forgiveness.
Kimberly : 11:30 Because I think sometimes we want to skip to forgiveness, but there’s all this energy that’s still in our body that hasn’t been processed. Because a lot of times when we’re hurt and something happens, we get angry or sad about something. It’s encrypted in our bodies. It stays. And so we don’t really fully let go, unless we let that full process of emotional digestion take place, just like we need to physically digest. And sometimes I will say for deeper incidences, I’ve had to do this several times. So there’s only so much that your body can process at a time. It depends on the depth of intensity of the incident. But I have had situations I’ve done them three, four times until finally I felt like I had fully let it go. So try that Greta. You don’t want to carry that heaviness, holding onto resentment, holding onto anything really burns us. It really affects our energy. It’s very heavy. And so it’s important now to think about this and to process it. Hopefully you’ll have some time to do this before we go into the new year. So it’d be beautiful. Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you go with that process. I send you so much love and I feel a great deal of lightness and freedom on the other side. And so I cannot wait for that for you sister.
Question 2: My grandma is very ill with COVID and I’m devastated to see her like this. I know you went through loss and a difficult illness with your mother. And I’m wondering if you can give me any advice, please.
Kimberly : 12:50 All right, next question comes from Roxanna when she lives in Mexico City, hr I love this. We’re having an international show today. Roxanna writes, “My grandma is very ill with COVID and I’m devastated to see her like this. I know you went through loss and a difficult illness with your mother. And I’m wondering if you can give me any advice, please.” Roxanna. I send you so much love and a big hug. It is very difficult, of course, to see our loved ones go through any sort of suffering. It brings up feelings of helplessness. It brings up feelings of anger, for me was the first thing I felt. Why is this happening? Why is it happening to my mother? Why am I losing her so young, like all this stuff. And then of course it goes into sadness and grief and pain, and there’s many, many levels to this. This is an intense, intense life lesson of trust and surrender.
Kimberly : 13:55 And what I found in my journey with my mom being very sick, by the time we discovered she had cancer, she was already in stage four cancer. The cancer had metastasized to other organs and I could stay angry, and I knew that that was an option. And there was a moment of flailing around and researching and really believing that I would be able to save her with all my knowledge about healing people and the fact that I had worked successfully with other people that had cancer. But then it became clear that it was not going to happen for her pathway. So I think that there is an element here where we trust spirit and we trust the divine and we have to get to a place to get to peace where we trust that there’s something so much bigger than what we understand and what we know, and beyond what we want to fight for in what we consider our world. There is a much bigger cosmos in the multi-verse.
Kimberly : 15:17 So I had to really, this really strengthened my spiritual practice. I went deep into prayer. I went deep into meditation and I had to learn to let go and to surrender to spirit. And I stopped praying for her to get better, which was my initial prayer. And I started praying for her peace of her soul. And I prayed to God, “Whatever your will is, let it be done for the good of all and for her spirit.” And when I did that, I felt so much lighter for me and for her. And I also was incredibly blessed to be able to have held her in my arms as she transitioned. And it gave me much comfort to see that she wasn’t going to suffer anymore, and I also felt much relief in feeling her spirit move. It moved out of her body and I felt it just move across the bed, the hospital bed. And it was 100% clear to me that she didn’t die. I don’t believe any of us die. I personally believe that our bodies die, but that we continue and we go through different iterations of formlessness. The spirit goes on. We don’t know exactly what happens, but I do not think any of us ever dies. So I was able to witness that and that gave me great strength.
Kimberly : 16:49 So I would say to you Roxanna to trust and to pray and to pray for peace and to pray for your grandmother’s ultimate peace, whether she remains in this body for much longer or not. We don’t know. But we do know that we can pray and we can give her a love and we can help her transition, or we can help her strengthen through that love if she is to remain in this body. So I will say that letting go and that surrender into knowing there’s something so much bigger is really what’s going to give us the strength to get through these difficult times with loved ones and those close to us and things that really, really matter to us. And it also became clear to me when I was letting go that so much of the pain and the grief was because I was going to miss her and I wanted her to be around, and I wanted her to be around my children and help me and see them grow. And that was really about me, and it was not about the peace of her soul.
Kimberly : 17:53 And so I had to step back and learn a different kind of love, a much deeper love, an expansive love, which was love for peace. Love for the divine love, for the universal plan, love for my mother’s soul, even though she wouldn’t be here for me in the same way. So it’s a big one Roxanna, and I pray for you and your family and that we are all able to continue to strengthen our trust and to fall back on that, because that’s something that you will always, always have. No matter what happens, you will always have your faith. You will always have spirit. You will always have your connection to spirit. So, thank you so much for your question. Again, big prayers to you. Big love, big hugs, and thank you so much for being part of our community.
Kimberly : 18:45 All right loves, we have two more questions for you guys. We’re going to take a short break and I will be right back.
Question 3: I just love your work and find your GGS works wonders for my belly and my digestion. Also a great way to get lots of veggies for this vegetarian. I would really appreciate any advice on what to do for hair loss. I’m 37 and I’m having a stressful time and now my hair loss is an additional stressor. Any advice would be so gratefully received.
All right my loves two more questions on this topic, ways to center yourself and limit stress. The first one comes from Bonnie in Santiago and she writes, “I just love your work and find your GGS works wonders for my belly and my digestion. Also a great way to get lots of veggies for this vegetarian. I would really appreciate any advice on what to do for hair loss. I’m 37 and I’m having a stressful time and now my hair loss is an additional stressor. Any advice would be so gratefully received.”
Kimberly : 19:27 Bonnie, thank you so much for being in our community and I send you so much love, and I love to see the burgeoning wisdom within you. You mentioned the stress and so intuitively you know that stress is related to your hair loss. And I love that we are expanding the conversation because our cornerstones are food, body, emotional wellbeing and spiritual growth. And as you guys know, I started in my career with such a focus on food and I love food and I will always love food. But I started to see how important it is to talk about our lifestyles and our health and our wellness in a holistic way. And I could no longer just talk about food. And so it’s all these other parts of us that affect everything. We can go very far in food. We can drink the GGS and we can drink hot water with lemon. But we also need to take a step back from a cornerstone perspective. So, remember stress is because of our perspective of things.
Kimberly : 20:26 So from a cornerstone perspective, let’s take it … actually, this is a perfect question. Food ways, keep up with our nutrients, keep drinking lots of water. Hair loss can sometimes be affected by dehydration. So in these winter months when things are drier, make sure you’re drinking plenty of water. Make sure another wonderful, wonderful hair food is nutritional yeast, which will give you the full spectrum of B vitamins, which are used up in stress. And of course we need all the B vitamins, not just the biotin, but B12 and B3. So I load my soups up with nutritional yeast. I put it on my salads. It’s just a wonderful, wonderful ingredient to work with.
Kimberly : 21:07 Body-wise what you want to do is you want to give yourself a little bit of stimulation that the hair root. So go ahead and give yourself a little bit of a massage there and the Ayurveda practice that I talk about sometimes it’s very centered on the feet and the hair, as Ayurveda says those are the two most important places. So you can put a little bit of sesame oil into your hair, and then you massage with your fingertips, and that helps to bring circulation to the root. So that’s something you can do body-wise. Emotionally, this is where we need to let things out, let them flow through you so they don’t get stagnant. Stress has a tendency to build and to congest and to close down energy pathways. So you want to process your feelings. You want to journal. You want to make sure that you have a tribe around that you can connect to.
Kimberly : 21:53 Now, can’t help but say here we are launching our Solluna app in January you guys, very soon. And there is a whole Solluna Circle, which is very different from our first iteration of the circle. It is based on connection on a daily basis, weekly basis. So I will be interacting very, very often in that group. I will be with you guys a lot. Actually, there are daily tips and daily guidance, as well as a virtual live circle with me every month. So I can’t encourage you guys enough to come join me in the circle. It’s going to be amazing. I’m going to put my whole heart into it. So that’d be a way to really have a tribe of like-minded sisters and brothers who will come and we’ll hold space for you. And there’ll be an opportunity for all of us in the circle to participate.
Kimberly : 22:43 So emotionally it’s a big, huge part of stress is to feel the feelings as we talked a little bit with Greta, with forgiveness. We need to process our feelings and sometimes we need guidance to do that, and we definitely need space. Our fourth cornerstone is spiritual growth, and here’s where we just want to make sure that we’re taking the time for stillness. We’re carving out times just to sit and to breathe and to meditate. And again, in the circle, there’s going to be new meditations every month. We also have free meditations over at mysolluna.com if you’re looking for some guidance, when we center ourselves into ourselves, which is really through meditation, the most powerful practice, then the stress starts to slough off us. We realize that it’s just been our perspective and not the actual events and that we can really start to manage it much better, when we tune in and we recenter. So try all of those things, Bonnie, and that will help your hair come back for sure. And remember with the sesame oil for the hair massage to use a very clean, unrefined, organic sesame oil, of course, because it’s going to be going into your hair follicles into your scalp. So give it a try, let me know how you do, and I send you so much love.
Question 4: I have so much social anxiety even prior to coronavirus. How can I stop this heavy feeling in my chest and be able to cope with going out in public, even around my family?
Kimberly : 24:01 All right, our next question comes from Teresa and Teresa lives in Florida .and she writes, and of course lots of love there. Florida is a place I love very, very much. I used to spend a lot of time in Florida and I have a little house there and I will go back to it after things settle down. Moses has not been there, but Bubby has spent quite a lot of time. And she writes, “I have so much social anxiety even prior to coronavirus. How can I stop this heavy feeling in my chest and be able to cope with going out in public, even around my family?” I love this question. Teresa, this is a wonderful question and I think if we’re honest, a lot of us have different levels of social anxiety. I know I’ve experienced it myself sometimes. And it has to do with not feeling comfortable, completely with ourselves. So we feel like there’s this energetic distance between us and other people. We have so much self judgment that we feel that other people may be judging us too, and judging what we’re saying and judging how we look.
Kimberly : 25:12 But the root of social anxiety is self judgment. It is being very harsh with ourselves. And I have found in my journey that working on that and working to really love myself and to know myself and to connect with myself is the antidote. When we do that, we start to draw judgment of other people. And then we start to realize that other people aren’t really judging us. Everything is a mirror to ourselves. And what we feel about ourselves very much shows up in the world around us. So, then we also realize that we’re so connected to ourselves. We’re so connected to everyone else that we don’t feel like the outsider. We don’t feel like we don’t fit in into the group, which again, which is part of this whole social anxiety phenomenon.
Kimberly : 26:06 So what I would say to you Teresa is to breathe, really breathe into your body, right now. And to breathe down into every cell of you and to remind yourself right here, right now that you are a divine, an expression, a unique expression of the divine and that you are pure light and energy and love at your core. And that there’s nothing missing. There’s nothing lacking. There’s nothing horrible about you. There’s nothing that needs fixing. It’s just about embodiment and about breathing into the truth of who you are and the true beauty that you are already.
Kimberly : 26:57 So when we take the time to remind ourselves of this, and there’s so many practices around this that I’m going to be sharing in the circle because I’ve taken such a deep dive into self love, and I’m ready now to share it with you guys and with the world. But I will say that spending the time to understand what judgments you have for yourself, you could even write this in your journal. I judge myself for, and see what comes up. For not being a good friend, for being mean to my mom, for cheating on my boyfriend a few years ago, for whatever it is that comes up for you. For not doing enough, not being a good enough sister, not being a good enough mom. Whatever it is, just see what judgements come up and then let them be there.
Kimberly : 27:47 And look at the page and then remind yourself that everybody is going on a journey of life, and everybody has ups and downs, and everybody has foibles and missteps and mistakes and things. And just remind yourself that despite all this stuff you judge yourself for, underneath you are still whole and complete, and the divine lives in every cell of your body. And you are incredible and stunning and amazing and beautiful just as you are. And now it will take some time to integrate this, but just keep reminding yourself and keep meditating, because that is the space of non-judgment. That is a space of we go deeper and deeper into connecting with our bodies and to connecting with ourselves in such a deep level that it surpasses the mind and it surpasses all this mental crap and BS that we hold onto and these justifications and the stories we tell ourselves. And we start to draw deeper and deeper and deeper into our knowingness and knowing how amazing you are Teresa, and knowing that you are a gift to the world and you bring a light, an expression of light that no one else can bring.
Kimberly : 28:55 So this does take time and it does take focus. But just start by breathing down into … imagine you’re sending light into all the cells of your body. Hold your hands on your heart, hold yourself. We can hold ourselves through this space of, we can mother ourselves back to wholeness. And just keep breathing and then do your meditations, and you will start to go deeper and deeper into that knowingness, which again is not something that we can think through. It’s not an intellectual concept to absorb. It is a knowingness that needs to be embodied, and there’s a big difference. So we’ll keep working on it. Keep reminding yourself, Teresa, Tessa sorry. You’re reminding me here of mother Teresa. I think so many of us go through this hero’s journey of not knowing ourselves and then back into knowing ourselves.
Kimberly : 29:51 And I’m looking at the page. Your name is Teresa. I was right. I was feeling just all this love, and sometimes I feel your energy through the questions. So the names just go out of my head. But it is a process, but I send you so much love sister, and I look forward to being with you on this journey as we continue together to deepen our relationship to ourselves. So I love you so much, and I love all you guys so much. I feel like our community is incredible, and I feel so lucky to walk with all of you.
Thought of the Week
Kimberly : 30:24 The quote of the week is very simple, “You validate you.” And what I mean by that is you connect in and you don’t need anybody else to validate you. You don’t need anybody else to tell you that you’re okay, that you look enough, that you are enough. Once we keep going deeper and deeper into our practices, we realize that you are the one that validates yourself, and that becomes the energy that is reflected out in your outer world. So we’ve talked about this in different iterations. So funny, I write these quotes and then I don’t read the questions that it always seems to line up. When Greta was talking about the situation coming up, what is inside of us? What feeling are we holding onto inside of us that is then mirrored in the outside world? Or what is the stress that we’re holding on to inside of ourselves, that can manifest in hair loss and digestion issues and all these sorts of things?
Kimberly : 31:21 So just remember to tune in and love yourself and give yourself the validation that you’ve always been looking for and we can continue to work towards that. So I send you so much love. I’m so grateful for you. I will be back here Monday for our next interview podcast. Until then sending you lots and lots of love and take great care of yourself.