How an Entertainer Found Peace Through Trials with Josh Peck [Episode #671]
This week’s topic is: How an Entertainer Found Peace Through Trials with Josh Peck
I am so excited to have my very special guest, Josh Peck, who isan actor and author of Happy People Are Annoying. Listen in as Josh shares how he balanced the complexities and pressure of being an entertainer, how to move towards self-acceptance and self-love, and why our intentions of being of service to others matters.
Balancing the complexities and pressures of being an entertainer…
The freedom that comes on the other’s side of self-acceptance…
How to move through negative patterns that could be affecting your health and wellbeing…
Practical tools to find peace through trials…
Finding your true confidence…
Why we need tangible and practical steps towards transformation…
Intention and how this plays into being of service to others…
The path to self-love and self-acceptance…
About Josh Peck
Josh Peck has established himself as one of Hollywood’s rising talents, making the seamless transition from child actor to leading man. He’s starred in feature films such as Mean Creek alongside Rory Culkin (2004), The Wackness beside Ben Kingsley (2008), Red Dawn alongside Chris Hemsworth (2012), Dany Collins with Al Pacino, Annette Benning, and Jennifer Garner (2016), Take The 10 with Andy Samberg and Fred Armisen (2017), Netflix’s The Musical, co-starring Debra Messing, out later this year, and much more.
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Kimberly: 00:00 Hi Beauties. And welcome back to our Monday interview podcast, where we have a wonderful guest for you today. His name is Josh Peck and he’s an actor, an entertainer, and he’s the author of a new book. Happy people are annoying. I was not sure exactly what to expect from of the book or from Josh, but I have to say that he is so vulnerable and kind, and he shares his story of finding self love. And self-acceptance from never knowing his father having a turbulent childhood. Um, his conception was accidental and just really a coming out of obesity, really reconciling a lot of pain and transmuting that into kindness and love. It’s powerful story. And I really enjoyed our conversation and can’t wait to share it with you.
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Kimberly: 01:08 But before we do shout out to our fan of the week, Ru 1990 re who writes, I’ve been listening to Kimberly’s podcast for over a year, and I love it. I try to live a plant forward lifestyle, and this is just one example of how her cornerstones and practices can benefit all of us. There is really something here for everyone Rouge 1993. Thank you so much for your review. Thank you for being part of our community and sending you a big virtual hug wherever you are.
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Kimberly: 01:08 And my loves, please also be sure to leave us a review. It is a wonderful way to support the show. If you screenshot your review and you send it over to firstname.lastname@example.org, we will send you our affirmations, our affirmation series for self love and for overcoming limiting beliefs, which is an audio program. I think you’ll enjoy very much. So thank you in advance. Please be sure to also subscribe to our show. So you don’t miss out on any of these great interviews or Q and a shows on Thursdays.
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Kimberly: 02:08 And also please be sure to share the show with loved ones, friends, anyone that you think would benefit. We’re all here to short share and support each other. So it’s a really great way to do that by sharing the show. And finally, before we get into the interview, a little reminder that my new book, baby, You Are More More Than You Think You Are – Practical Enlightenment For Everyday Life, is out in the world available for everyone. So please check it out. It’s my full playbook for the teachings and practices to really upgrade and to change your entire or life. These are the practices and the teachings that have completely changed my life, starting from when I was a broke backpacker into the creator of my own life and my books and business and, and so on, and just creating so much more inner peace. And there’s nothing more that I want to share these teachings and practices with you. It’s very practical. The subtitle, the book is practical enlightenment for everyday life. So please check it out. Wherever books are soul, all right, all that being said, let’s get into our review, our review, ha get into our interview today with a wonderful kind one and only Josh Peck.
Interview with Josh Peck
Kimberly: 00:18 Josh, it’s great to chat this morning. Thank you so much for sending me your beautiful book. And I love the cover
Josh: 00:29 It’s so punchable.
Kimberly: 00:31 Yeah. Happy people are annoying. Okay. I like that. So you you’ve, you’ve done a lot of, um, visual work. You’re a comedian. I know you you’ve done a lot of TV. What made you interested in the, in the written word? What, um, what inspired you to start writing as opposed to, you know, doing the more of the camera work that you’re, that you’re so known for…
What inspired Josh to start writing as opposed to more of the camera work he’s known for
Josh: 00:55 The book advance? No, I’m kidding. I, I, uh, you know, I, it’s a great question. I, um, it’s weird, right? So I have, uh, a father-in-law who is a professional football player. I have a buddy of mine. That’s like one of the great, um, greatest break dancers in the world. One of the greatest B boys, his name is kid David. And, you know, they’re both people who are in very different sort of, um, uh, skill professions, you know, quarterback in the NFL and a professional dancer. And yet the, the commonality I see between them is like their understanding of movement and how it applies to everything. So like, my father-in-law is like a great basketball player. It’s great golfer. Like, it’s just like, he is tuned to be good at movement and athletics. And even my friend, who’s a dancer, so it’s more of a creative endeavor.
Josh: 01:50 And yet like, I’ll watch the way he will just pick up a soccer ball or something. And it’s, there’s just a depth of knowledge. There. There’s an understanding. And for me, in a weird way, I kind of feel that way with the arts. I feel like it’s where it’s, it’s slightly like Harkins back to the old school, like cabaret, Vail acts of like the forties and fifties where like you, like, you had to have a song ready, you had to have a monologue ready. You had to have a little dance. Like you had to be well rounded. And you know, like the best example is like Sammy Davis, Jr. Like what, was there anything he, he couldn’t do? So I’m not saying I’m great at it, but like, I just, I, you know, I can sing a little bit, um, you know, I’m an actor, you know, I do some writing, like within the space of artistry, other than painting, I’m really a crap. I, I I’m terrible at drawing, but within that space I can kind of play. So this idea of writing the book just seemed like, okay, this is a specific delivery method, but I know, I understand art. I understand how to tell a story. So I wasn’t too intimidated by it.
Kimberly: 02:58 Yes, yes. And, and, and the way that you, you tell the story, um, it does flow beautifully. There’s this naturalness to, to it. And you’re, you know, you, there’s a lot of humor obviously, but you’re going into some deep subjects here. You know, there’s a lot of vulnerability you talk about, um, being raised by a single mom, um, which I can relate to. I was a single mom myself with my, um, with my first son. So that part of the story really, um, touched my heart. And then you talk about, you know, just this, the figure of your, of your dad who wasn’t around and it wasn’t a, you know, a planned a pregnancy. Um, so these are, these are big, big topics. Josh, have you ever talked about your story before in, in a public space?
Josh: 03:40 Never, not really. Only to sort of joke about it. And I, it’s funny. I was, you know, and I, I also talk about, you know, getting sober 14 years ago in recovery. And, uh, and it’s funny because I was sitting with a couple buddies of mine who are sober guys the other night. And we were like, we have kind of a ritual of going out for ramen every, uh, you know, Tuesday night. And, uh, and I, I was sort of saying like, wow, you know, for us, because recovery and, and this idea of sobriety, it’s just, it becomes second nature to a certain extent just because it’s, you know, it, it’s not a novelty to us. Right? Like, uh, the people who love us obviously are keenly aware that, you know, this is something that we, that that’s a huge part of our lives. And I said, but, you know, in writing this book and seeing people’s reactions, it’s like, wow. Like, it, it feels like very trans, you know, I, I’m a transparent in a way I’ve never been, but also just like, I, I forget that natural understandable reaction to a lot of that is like, wow, it’s people are very, yeah. Um, sort of struck by it. And my buddy goes, well, you did a really good job of keeping it under wraps for 14 years. And I was like, oh right.
Kimberly: 04:56 Yeah, no, it’s really interesting. Josh, in, in my work, there was a time in my career. Um, you know, up to five years ago when I first had my first child where I was working with a lot of entertainers and a lot of, um, comedians actually, um, like VI Vaughn and Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller and Melissa McCarthy and Chelsea handler and Chris rock and all these comedians. Um, and it was interesting because we, you know, the general public has this idea of, of entertainers. And of course, when you get to know them, they’re, they’re real people and there’s complexities and, you know, the, the normal struggles of life. So I feel like, I don’t know if you felt this too, but as an entertainer, sometimes there’s this pressure where you have to be like, how people see you on the show. You always have to be funny, or you have to be a certain way versus just, you know, relaxing into yourself.
Balancing the complexities and pressures of being an entertainer
Josh: 05:47 Certainly. And I think I listened to my Ambi, um, on this pod the other day. And I look up to her as a performer, but also just because she too was like a kid actor who, who has been able to yes, stay, you know, successful and transition into adulthood. And, and she’s like, you know what, I don’t know if I would necessarily allow my kids to be in show business cuz you’re not really allowed a bad day.
Kimberly: 06:10 Yeah. And,
Josh: 06:12 And maybe that’s okay, it’s a grown up, you know, a certain level of professionalism. You know, you, there’s a lot of, uh, more important jobs. I’m not sure if you’re in the military or, or you’re, you know, you’re a physician, you can have a bad day. Certainly you can’t have the kind of day where it would bad enough to affect others. But, um, you know, in, in, in show business, it’s like, especially as a kid, you need, um, enough of a birth to have a bad day. You know, you need to be, be thoroughly young and, and not be judged for that. And, and as a kid, you just, the stakes of what you’re doing and, and how much money is on the line constantly. And how many people are affected by if you can’t show up to do your job, I think can, can ins stall a lot of, um, sort of possibly negative drivers.
Kimberly: 07:05 Yes. Like external issue. Yes. Yeah. When, how old were you when you actually started acting? I
Josh: 07:11 Was nine.
Kimberly: 07:13 Yeah. So that’s a, you know, that’s a, not even TW, like that’s a pretty young age now, would you have your kids be a child actor instead of going have gone through it yourself?
Josh: 07:24 No,
Kimberly: 07:25 There you go.
Josh: 07:27 But, uh,
Kimberly: 07:28 It’s complicated. Yeah.
Josh: 07:30 People are obsessed with that. I don’t know. I mean, like my buddy has a, has a cab company and he was like, he said, you know, I don’t want my kids to get into it. Cause it’s such a hard business. Every business is hard. Nobody wants their kid to get into there. Like, like maybe if you’re a physician or a lawyer, like these specific jobs that have a high barrier of entry. So that once you’re qualified for them, then like, you know, at worst, you’re probably gonna make a minimum based salary. That’s gonna give you a nice middle class light. And you know, there’s a certain prestige that comes with it, but he’s like, I don’t know if I, you know, he’s like, I certainly wouldn’t want my kid to get into the cab business. He’s like, he’s like, I’m chasing these guys down left and right.
Josh: 08:11 You know, I’m, I’m fixing cars and, and, and having to make sure guys aren’t stealing from me, but yeah, it’s it. So, yeah, I think I also having walked through it, I’m not sure what’s to be gained by starting before you’re 18 as an actor professionally. Yeah. Certainly you can hone your craft and get really, really good and do plays and study and go to class. And, and so that when you’re 18, you can like come out like a lightning bolt. But I think being in the public eye before then will only give you a stigma or a, a, um, a, you know, this, this stereo, this pigeon hole that you’ll have to sort of find your way out of.
The freedom that comes on the other’s side of self-acceptance
Kimberly: 08:56 Yeah. Well, we talk a lot in our community about the difference between the ego. We say, like the shell of who we are, you know, what we look like, what we’re doing versus the true self. Right. We, we can say it’s underneath all the layers, like who you really are, who Josh really is. Um, and you talk about in your book, you know, you say the freedom that comes on the other’s side of self-acceptance. So it’s true when you’re a child actor and there’s so much emphasis on how you’re acting and what you look like. And ESP, you know, I imagine it’s also very vulnerable for young girls, young women coming into that space to have so much emphasis on out here. And I’m funny, and I look like this and the camera’s on me to really go underneath and find a way, you know, how, you know, despite or how well things are going out here to find a way to connect and find that self acceptance beyond all of that I imagine has been well, it’s a big challenge for all of us, you know, but from your perspective, you also had the, you know, which going through the book, Josh, oh my gosh.
Kimberly: 09:51 Like I could really feel this. Um, you know, you talk about your dad throughout, maybe talk about a little bit about your, um, experiences with this, but it’s just, you know, the journey to self-acceptance given the fact, you know, that you had an absent father figure and your child actor, you had these, um, additional challenges as well, really like a clear question that I’m just saying, wow, it’s a, that’s, you know, there’s a lot you’ve been through.
Josh: 10:17 Certainly. And, you know, we, I don’t, I don’t mean to, to be like, um, reductive or, or, or to make light of people’s experience, but we all have our sad little story, right. Like to a certain extent, like, and mine is specific to me and, and God knows they are far are worse and more challenging. And yes, you know, I, I, I didn’t, I never knew my, my father, but then, but I had one incredibly solid, you know, uh, not perfect, but, but, you know, provided for me leaps and bounds with every ounce of her being. And, you know, a lot of people, people don’t even have that. And so I think like I have to remember that it’s all part of this. Like, you know, it was part of the recipe of Josh and
Kimberly: 11:09 Yes, yes.
Josh: 11:11 And we’re all gonna be faced. We’re, we’ll, we’ll be forced to, at a certain point to, no matter how good our parents or our circumstance was to do some self parenting, because there’ll always be gaps in our rearing, in our development, no matter how much our parents do
Kimberly: 11:28 For us. Absolutely.
Josh: 11:30 Some things are missed. And maybe it’s just that our parents had the goal to give us too good of a life. And then we have to like, do some shedding and some reverse engineering of, of maybe some entitlement or, or understanding that, that our experience was so, so specific. So, yeah. I mean, I, I just, I think what was fascinating with my dad’s stuff, which is like most negative patterns in our life was how unaware I was for much of my life of how it was affecting me.
Kimberly: 11:59 Yeah. And then when did you start to wake up to that and how did you move through that?
Moving through negative patterns that could be affecting your health and wellbeing
Josh: 12:05 I think, you know, being 17 years old and 300 pounds and just, uh, disappointed and upset with any man in my life because of yeah. Um, unattainable expectation, I was putting on them and these, these secret agreements that I felt I would enter into with every man in my life, but they had no knowledge of set agreement. Um, and so inevitably they would always let me down because no man in my life be it a, you know, an uncle or a, or, or just a friend could live up to the, the standard of a parent. And, and so, you know, and then I, I lost Sue and I started to like work on myself and I got sober. And then, you know, in my mid twenties, I found out my dad passed away
Kimberly: 12:53 And you, so I never met him. You never met him.
Josh: 12:56 Yeah, no, I never, I never met him. And, and then I had to, like, I couldn’t believe I had to mourn this guy that I never knew. I’m like, I gotta mourn this guy. And there’s no, I don’t even get to go to a good Jewish funeral with the deli trays and like the night, I mean, that’s a bet, dude. You you’ve ever been to a Jewish funeral if you’ve never been treat yourself. Cause it’s a nice time. If it wasn’t for the whole death of it all, it’d really be a party.
Kimberly: 13:22 They do it up. OK.
Josh: 13:24 We do it up man. And uh, I was like, God, I can’t. And I talk about in the book, there were these sort of two factors that helped me work through that, which was, I’d never seen a picture of my dad. He was older when he was with my mom. Um, so when he passed, he was in his eighties. And so there was no sort of online footprint for him, but I knew he had a whole other family and I knew my sibling’s names. So I looked them up on Facebook after he passed away. And I found just a, a, a, a treasure chest of, of pictures and, you know, throughout his entire life and at bar mitzvahs and weddings. And then inevitably when he passed away these beautiful tributes to their father, how much they loved him and, and the kind of daddy was to them.
Josh: 14:11 And I, I kind of realized that he was the father, I at him to be for me, for them. And I couldn’t be the arbiter of the ultimate. Right. Like, yes, it was, you know, in arguably wrong that he, you know, walked away from me, but that wasn’t the only side of him. And so I think that knowing that he, he, he was capable of being a good man, um, but probably was just scared and messed up. And then also once I had my own kid and I’m with my son and I’m like, how old? He’s three.
Kimberly: 14:51 Oh, congrats.
Josh: 14:53 Oh man. I love it. It’s the best.
Josh: 14:56 It’s the best. And, and I, you know, when my wife, my wife and I didn’t find out the sex of the baby. And so for nine months, I’m like, I’m definitely having a girl I’ve done too much musical theater in my life. Like, there’s no way I can produce a male. And then I was like, ah, I don’t think I actually have any say in this. And then, you know, I have a, my son and I’m like, ah, this seems like a total cosmic, you know, sort of comeuppance. And it, it allowed me to be for him what I wanted my dad to be for me. And to, to correct that trauma, to correct that, that feedback.
You don’t have to do anything to be loved
Kimberly: 15:33 I find that too in being a parent. So I have two sons, one’s five turning six, and one is, um, 21 months. And the part about parenting that I didn’t realize was that it really did help to heal a lot of my own childhood. And I find myself saying things to my sons that I would say, I would want someone have said to me, right. Like, I love you just for being you for me. Um, I learned, you know, I, I took on the belief that love was achievement. So I was like always had to be the best in the class and perfectionism and showing things. So with my sons, I hold them and I say, you don’t have to do anything to be loved. And it’s been this incredible experience over the past five years. It brought up a lot for me. And I feel like it’s, it’s brought up darkness to be healed.
Kimberly: 16:17 Like you said, I wasn’t aware of some of that that was driving a lot of my behaviors. Right. So then in becoming a parent, your heart just bursts open so much and, you know, darkness, the Yogi say is just places where light hasn’t been yet. Right. So it’s like where we have negative beliefs or emotional blocks, or think that we haven’t fully processed. So I started to feel this darkness, you know, in different areas, sadness, grief, maybe for my own, um, experiences that I would’ve liked to have had as a child. But now as a parent, it’s almost like I’m living it and healing it in a way that I wasn’t, I didn’t expect that part of parenting to be there.
Josh: 16:56 Wow. That’s the, I love that, that Yogi phrase, it’s, it’s so true. It’s, it’s, it’s like, you know, when you get hurt and, and if you have a cut or something, it’s like, you kind of slather it with the antibiotic cream and you, you know, put a bandage on it, but you know, that’s only for, or two, like eventually you’re gonna have to expose it to the air to like allow that final stage of healing.
Kimberly: 17:20 Yes. And also, I, I, I reframe as an adult things that happened as a child. So something that happened that was such a big memory for me at seven was when I came home from school and I had a test and I got a 98 and my mom was trying to be funny. She was, she came home from work and she looked at it and she said, why didn’t you get a hundred? Right. So it kind of sure. Uh, like it reinforced nothing’s good enough in me. So when I, there was a line in your book that really stood out to me when you talk about your dad, and I think he was 62 at the time when, um, when you’re, when you were conceived and you said something like, oh, to my dad, it was, it was an accident. It was like a, oops. How, how is that, um, how do you, how do you process that? Do you, or how do you, do you believe that?
Josh: 18:08 Uh, well, well, I, I sort of in that passage, I think like both are true, right? Cuz for my mom, it was a surprise. Right. Cause she was, she wasn’t young either to have a child. She was 42 and, but she’d always wanted a kid and, and wasn’t sure it was gonna be in the cards for her and for him, it was certainly, yeah, it was an accident. Like I, because I can, you know, I, I can identify with that, you know? Yeah,
Kimberly: 18:34 Yeah. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t planned, we could say, but in a sense, so you say everything also happens for a reason, right? There’s many ways of looking at it.
Josh: 18:46 Yeah. I mean, there’s look, it’s, it’s, it’s not a singular act. It’s it’s the most, you know, dual thing we can do is to procreate. Right. It cannot be done alone. And so obviously there was more than one person involved in sort of the universe’s decision to bring me here. Um, but I, you know, I look, I, I I’m speaking from a male perspective because obviously the female up perspective on this would be 100% different. Understandably. Like I I’ve certainly in my early days have dated people and, and, and slept with people where I was like, if something, you know, happened, I would be like, you, I gotta be, I gotta know you now for the rest of my life. Cause in 18 years, right. It’s you have a child with someone it’s life it’s for life it’s
Kimberly: 19:35 Forever. Like, yes.
Josh: 19:36 So I, I mean, just being a dude and knowing like, yeah, that, that, that does happen. I, I can understand that he, and you know, my mom and I are awesome, but regardless, I’m sure he must have been terrified at 62 grow own kids, a wife, like a whole thing. And to have to have this blemish on his record, I’m sure. Yeah. He was, he didn’t know what to do, so totally words have power. And, and like, I don’t think my me being here is accidental, but I think for him, yeah, in his ex experience, I think it’s, you know, how he never knew me. So I don’t know what his final thoughts were me when he was sort of leaving this serve.
Kimberly: 20:21 What, um, was your, was your mom an affair? He was married at the time.
Josh: 20:26 Yeah. Supposedly he was separated, but you know, there’d been lots of, you know, uh, six hours operations, uh, that just happened to, um, you know, correspond with a romantic interlude.
Kimberly: 20:38 Right.
We discuss some of the tools on how we found peace through the trials in our lives
Kimberly: 20:39 So I remember hearing, uh, Tony Robbins once talk about his mom who, you know, at one point, like was pouring dish, soap down his throat and had done some, like, really awful things to him. And then she passed away and he, as an adult, he processed this and he says strength. I got from having that mother and the love I was able to work through. And, you know, he said, I would never change it. You know, every everybody’s childhood is imperfect, but he’s like, I would never choose a different mother. You know, it takes a lot of self work to get to that point. I could say for myself and my parents loved me so much. Um, but they were hustling. They were trying to work. My mother had, you know, was an immigrant that came from the Philippines. And so it was like not a lot of, you know, codling and emotional support.
Kimberly: 21:23 It was like work and hustling. And, but I look back at that and I back at everything that, you know, I’ve been through to heal overcoming perfectionism, eating disorders, lots of different things. And I think, wow, like where I am today, I can say this, you know, work has allowed me to get to know myself. Um, I, you know, resilience, strength that may have not been there if I had a, a very, a different childhood. So we get to this point where we, we can look at ourselves, like you said, we process things in adult. We, we, we, um, have different tools so we can look back and see what happened and the decisions our parents made and realize it’s not about us. Right? So, but for me, it took a while. It’s, you know, I’m still a work in progress. It takes a while to have self love and self acceptance and worth for me worth not tied to achievements to break those ideas that come early on.
Kimberly: 22:15 So what have been, you know, for me, Josh, it’s the path of meditation, yoga, just a lot of introspection. A lot of journaling has been a big part of my journey. What are some of the ways that you’ve gotten to this place? You know, sitting here before me, you just, you feel pretty peaceful. You know, I’m sure you dip in and out too, but what are some of the tools that have, you know, worked through not being angry or resentful for your dad, not showing up for you, you know, you use the word accident and blemish, like these are strong words. How have you found that place of, of peace? I know this isn’t an easy an, uh, question, but some of the tools,
Josh: 22:51 Certainly. Yeah. I mean it, uh, I, I look, I got, I, I got sober when I was, when I was 21 years old and, and I’ve been in recovery ever since. And I think like things you learn in recovery, any tenants of a, in, you know, um, uh, a major religion, something you could learn in the self-help book or by a really great, you know, therapist it’s, these are age-old truths. These are, um, ancient truths, right? Like we’re not reinventing the wheel here. Right? It, it just depends on the packaging of ancient that appeals to you, that your brain can wrap it, your, you know, your head around. So for me, that came in the form of sobriety came in the form of 12 step, but what’s 12 step teaching me, right? It’s like, look at the negative patterns of your life help to clean them up, making them, you know, make amends to people that you’ve hurt.
Josh: 23:52 And if you are thoroughly human and you screw up again, cuz you probably will, there will be people where you will hurt their feelings by just, you know, it, it’s unavoidable to a certain extent, even if you’re a perfect, you know, Yogi like, and, you know, clean things up in the moment and eventually just get to a place where you can be of service to others. Right? Like, so that, that was my sort of entrance into, it was like through recovery, through talking to men and women in the rooms and hearing things like gratitude and acceptance and surrender, and you want esteem, uh, you want, self-esteem do esteem of relax, you know, help your fellows vote to the other side. And yours two will cross analysis is paralysis. Um, too much sun brings about a desert. So don’t, you know, don’t Ru these challenging moments. It’s imperative. You deal with it, the universe demands balance. It can’t just be one huge bounty yet. I love this. Uh, uh, I heard this said the other day, my ego needs a nonstop banquet and my soul needs a Croton. Um, you know, I
Kimberly: 25:05 Love it. I love it. You know, Josh, I have a new book too. And in chapter three, I talk about, um, the bug of Aita, which I don’t Fred or you’re familiar with, but it sure, Costa, it’s really hard to say some of the Sanker where it’s cost duty is the warrior path, right? Which inside of all of us, we is this quality of being the warrior, which is our ability to overcome obstacles, persevere, and create for the greater good, right. Because a warrior rarely works for themselves. So as the Vedas and Paramahansa, Yogananda defines purpose is taking our individual unique gifts, right. That flow through us and know unique to us. We put our unique spin on, on it and then pairing that with how can this serve the collective in some way? How can this benefit the whole, because we’re, we’re all of source, right?
Kimberly: 25:58 So we’re, we’re oneness, oneness is the truth. We seem separate, but we’re, we’re interconnected. So it’s again, individual gifts with how can I serve the whole, how I inspire. It’s not as literal obviously as going to the soup kitchen, but how can, you know, whether it’s being the best mom, you can be to your family or bringing a, you know, great environment into the insurance company, wherever you work or whatever it is. So I would say to you, Josh, I’m putting on the spot here a little bit, but by that definition of, of purpose, what, um, what do you think you, your, your purposes part of your purpose?
Kimberly asks Josh to share what his purpose is
Josh: 26:33 Oh, I, you know, again, it’s, my purpose is just to like serve others and like, like I professionally, right? Like I I’ve been given this sort of set of skills that I’ve now cultivated throughout my life. And I think like on a PRI level, you know, we’ve been doing this for thousands of years, right. The storyteller was the one who, when the plan or, or the Kimberly: 26:56 Bringing laughter and joy and inspiration.
Josh: 27:00 Yeah. And, and when it was, when everyone’s freezing their head off and they’ve been like, you know, literally stalking Buffalo on the plane for, you know, the entire day and everyone’s like huddled together. And it’s like, oh, you know, this guy, you know, Moses or whomever, like he tells the best stories. And it helps us to forget our circumstance for 15 minutes. And now that version is to, as someone who most people live really, you know, hard working challenging lives with real problems. And if they can go and turn on a show or something that we create and can escape their world and lose themself from the world, we create like, that’s a virtue like that is worthwhile. So, you know, from me, it can, it can’t just be about the, the prestige or like, um, certain finish lines that I’ve set for myself. It’s it, it, there has to be that underlying idea of helping others.
Josh: 27:55 And then, and even for like, you know, I feel like I’m so overpaid in my life. Cause I have like a mom and a wife and my son who are the, you know, just emotionally I’m so taken care of. And yet my job in this sort of equation is like, I’m the provider, like, it’s my job to go work. And like, that’s my unique set of abilities. And I, I can do what I do for this sort of plan for our group, because I’m getting so much of everything else I need from these three people. It’s who, yeah. That’s my purpose in that group.
Kimberly: 28:34 What I, what I, you know, if I could say too, um, in re in reading your book and I didn’t know exactly what to expect, I also feel like there’s a real, um, service that you’re in talking about trauma, like traumatic things and serious things, but also bringing this like higher consciousness perspective. So it’s the you’re, you’re like this embodiment of someone who’s been through a lot and we see you here as a fully formed adult and you can still find humor and lightness in you’re entertaining us. And you’re showing someone that’s healed a lot and been through that. And you can still hear be here and be an amazing dad, even though you didn’t have that support. So it’s almost like this, you know, the, like this, the, the warrior, the, the hero’s journey, right. Through all of that. Um, and it’s important that we share our stories.
Kimberly: 29:24 Like you said, the storyteller, because I think in sharing our stories, we can mirror back and reflect people have different challenges, like you said, but to see someone that’s been through big, you know, things in childhood and then come to this healthy place in a, as an adult is a, is a great service, I think, to show people and inspire them, that it is possible to move through things like, you know, an absent parent addiction, um, you know, turning to food to make yourself feel better and come on this other side. So thank you for being in the inspiring embodiment of that.
Josh: 29:57 Well, thank you. I, you know, it’s, it’s why you and I can have such a nice conversation. It’s just like, you know, either you’re seeking or you’re not, and yeah. You know, if yes, and I don’t think it’s any, um, coincidence that, from what you’ve talked about, the things that have served you, that you would, you know, find that the, uh, uh, bugga agida would, would, would you really appeal to you? Yeah. But again, it’s like, it’s these ancient, you know, it’s like these ancient truths and I like, uh, the, the history of, of 12 step is, is based in like old school. Yeah. Christianity, like the, a lot of the tenants are taken from Emett Fox and something called the Oxford group. And, and like, I’m a Jew from New York, like from the east coast, like, you know, growing up when you would see like a cross or, or, or you would hear the, our father, it would just seem so boring. Yes. Because within our, you know, and, and you also grow up in, you know, sort of, yeah. It just, it, it felt like, oh, that that’s not who we are. And yet, of course, who would’ve thought that, that I would’ve found that language of the heart in this like Christian leaning group and it’s not really, it’s all, all are welcome. And it’s, it’s a, it’s a higher power of your own, uh, choosing, but, you know, you never know what’s gonna click for you.
Kimberly: 31:22 Yeah, exactly. And so for me, my, my biggest spiritual guide has been Paramahansa yoga. Nanda. Are you familiar with him?
Josh: 31:29 He’s no.
Kimberly: 31:29 He’s the one that brought yoga to the west. This is back in the 1920s. And he caused such a stir in the United States. He went all the way to the top and met with Calvin Coolit, who was the president of the United States at the time. And his teachings are about universal and oneness and the underlying energy matrix of all things. So it goes past religion and he was the person on the altar. He put Jesus Christ and Krishna next to each other saying, there’s this underlying truth of all true religions. Like we’re, you know, it’s like, they’re saying the same thing and they come from different perspectives for instance. So if you read, um, you, you know, you read some of the stories about, about Krishna in the ancient text, and you read some of the stories about Jesus. There’s a lot of parallels, right.
Where do we find our true confidence
Kimberly: 32:10 Even though they were thousands of years apart. Um, so it’s really interesting. And my husband is actually Jewish, Josh, Josh, and our, they, our second son’s name is Moses. And in this, in my new book, which I think you’ll like very much, I’m gonna send it to you. There’s this chapter about confidence and the difference between true confidence and surface confidence. And we think about, well, what makes me confident? I would, you know, think what makes me confident in the past, it was always like, look at my grades, look at my achievements. It was always out here. It was always this external thing. And as my co-author two books ago, Deepak Chopra would say, if your happiness is a moving target, it’s something that can change outside of you. You will always struggle. Right. So then I’d think, well, how am I supposed to get confident?
Kimberly: 32:51 And it’s like, okay, try to make the body, the weight. We want try to be fit, try to do all this stuff out here, but it’s still always shifting. So what the vadas teach us, what is true? How are we supposed to have true confidence? What are we supposed to be confident about? I started to really dig into this topic. And what I found, what I wanted to illustrate was when Moses asked the almighty, he said, what is this? What are you? It was one sentence. I am that I am. Right. So in the deepest sense, when we pull away peel back, the layers confidence is I’m an alive breathing, unique being from spirit. So confidence in the deepest sense is just I’m I’m here. And I’m, that’s it, I’m here Layers on top of it.
Josh: 33:38 But I think like this idea of go, like the phrase go, it goes past religion, like gives this idea of like, there’s some high hierarchy of it all. Like, I think it’s you talking about oneness is just the word you’ve associated with what it is your, you know, is the ultimate, uh, maybe not even goal or, or, or of importance, but, but whatever that version is of me, I think we’re looking for the same thing we’re going for the same thing. We just call it different. So there’s no past religion. There’s no, like, because you know, the, I think all these tenants, we’ve just defined them with different words, but they are the same.
Kimberly: 34:18 Yes. The, the ancient teachings go back to, you know, true self connection, right? So the title, my book is you are more than you think you are. We think, well, what do I think I am? If we’re always fixating out here, you know what Wayne Dyer calls the less than 1% of us living life in this, you know, physical realm. If we think we’re just this part, as we continue to age or things shift, or maybe we don’t get that promotion or people don’t let this movie as much or whatever it is, our self worth, can’t be tied to the external world because it’s gonna go up and down constantly. We need to find that steady resource, which, you know, Yogananda and the yogis we call the true self, not the ego, not the pseudo self. We are, we all have an ego. We have an external, we wanna look good, but we don’t wanna over identify with that.
Kimberly: 35:01 So in the of ADIC teachings, the way to find peace and bliss and freedom and joy, which is what I think we’re all looking for. It means connecting to a deeper place inside of you inside of each of us. And then we can start to see that in other people we’re not fixated on the surface, which is where all the judgment comes in and the comparison and competition not feeling good enough. The, we start to live life from a deeper place. That’s been my experience. My experience is way less anxiety, way more connection and just more peace, right? The mountain. Of course.
Why we need tangible and practical steps towards transformation
Josh: 35:36 No, it sounds so great. And I, I think what was always challenging for me, right? It’s live life from a deeper place and the oneness and all these things, right. It was always the destination. And so I’d read these books and I would hear these things and I’d go, that sounds awesome. What do I do? I walk? Yes. And when, when I walked to a, a 12 cent meeting, this is my experience. And someone was like, you know, those, those shopping carts that when you get into the parking lot of, of your grocery store and you’re like, that’s not my problem. Yes. They were like, put a couple back and see how you feel, make it your problem. Like, go call another guy that you see struggling. It was literally for someone as dumb as me, I needed these very tangible cuz I couldn’t work up at, at that level of like oneness and these sort of platitudes, it was like, I needed some really concrete, like steamable acts, we’ll build self esteem, like go clean the coffee pots and see how you feel after. And it was like, gotcha. Like those were the things where I started. Yes. Where I was given entry to a little bit of that. Like, ah, like getting outside of me.
Kimberly: 36:48 Yes, yes. So my book, I I’m, I’m all about practical to Josh. We’re we’re speaking the same language because I would read Eckhart Toley for instance, who I love. And he’s like, oh, you know, go be on thought. And I was like, what’s he talking about like, how do I do that? Right. It was like these big ideas and I could resonate, but it is the day to day practices that we have the yogis teach us that we transform our lives in two ways that work together. Number one is acquiring wisdom. So you wanna have access to these teachings so they can start to sort of permeate a little bit or like get in there. But number two, the experiential practices. So that’s like, you know, um, meditation, for instance, even five minutes turning the search, all your energy’s always going out here, turning it inward, seeing what’s going on inside of you.
Kimberly: 37:37 And then also like you said, just starting to do things that are in alignment. So the, the love chapter, for instance, in, in what I’m talking about here, I see the difference between thinking love is a noun, something outside of you that you’re trying to get versus activating love as an energy in your life right now. So similarly, similarly to what you’re saying in the first five minutes of your day, text someone and tell them that you love them, right. Or be extra kind to the barista in the coffee shop. Just love is a verb in action, right? So you start to change your relationship to certain energies and things that you want by finding it side of yourself, by activating it in your life now versus chasing. So I agree. I’m a big believer in practices, Josh and things. Um, you know, this neuroscientist, Dr.
Kimberly: 38:22 Carolyn leaf came on my podcast as well. And she was talking about how your biochemistry literally changes every 10 seconds. So every 10, every, we can start to check in with a bio, like what is going on inside of me? Um, just tuning into your heart rate, tuning into, you know, the bottoms of your feet, because the mind can start to go. And you’re, you know, in the future, um, creating more anxiety based on the trauma, the past instead of in this present moment. So these practices are teaching you to be a steward of your own energy. If you’re in that racing heart moment, if you’re feeling tightness in your belly, you’re probably a little bit reactive in fear or ego. Cause that emulates the structure of the ego, which is small and limited. So you wanna change your energy before you get outta podcasts. Before you speak, go for a walk, take some deep breaths. You just wanna be aware of your energy and this starts to create your external life.
Your intention of being in service to others
Josh: 39:13 Well, I think it’s just all action. Like I, I I’m. So, you know, I, I, I love when people say like, I didn’t intend to, I’m like, yeah, I’m not so interested in your intention. Like, like to me, I know so many people that send that text that are like, I love you. Don’t you love like on your birthday or new year’s you get flooded with text, thinking about you hoping have an incredible year. You’re the best. I’m like, go pick up someone from the airport. You wanna do something godly, go pick up someone from the inconvenience yourself, go help someone move. Like you wanna do the most spiritual thing I’ve seen in a really long time, like go like help some like do something gross, like help someone who needs you to like bath them. I don’t know. You know, I’m using an example, but like that to me, these actions are like, oh, and I’ve been lucky enough to have opportunities in which to do these things where I’ve been like, whoa, like those that’s when I feel at one, right.
Josh: 40:13 That I’m not above this guy who needs me to change this diaper. Like I’m not above, like in utterly inconvenience myself. Like, because he is me and I am him and like, I need help. And if I am to be forgiven, then I have to forgive. Right? Like the Saint Francis prayer. Like I, I, I just like get, you know, I, I can’t talk about it too much. I gotta go, I gotta go help somebody. Otherwise I’ll like, you know, I’ll send a text. And like, I, I think about too, there are so many people that would have similar politics to mine that would live in like liberal coastal cities. And we probably vote the same way and think the same way about politics. But like, all they care about is brunch and they’re no not living too much of a, of a, of what, in my opinion would be like a benevolent life. And there could be a lot of other people who would like help other people and are, are doing charity and being of service and are politics are probably totally different. Yes. And like, they, that speaks to me more than a guy. I’m like, yeah, we vote along the same lines, but I don’t wanna be your friend.
Kimberly: 41:21 No. Well, again, it comes down to everything being energy. Right. And I would say that the importance of intention though, is like, you can do any of those things. You can send a text, you can volunteer at the soup kitchen. You can help somebody move, but the intention behind it is it to serve or is it, you know, cuz sometimes we come across people that tell everybody like, look how much money I’ve donated to this charity. And, and it’s kind of like, are you doing that to make yourself look good? Are you doing it as an active service? Right. So it’s, it’s making sure that, you know, whatever you’re doing is coming for from that in intention. Um, I think clarity is important and I think, you know, it’s different for everybody, you know, how they, how they serve, how they can go beyond themselves.
The path to self-love
Kimberly: 42:02 But just the, the idea of that being, um, a goal I think is such an important thing in this world because I get asked about self-love and acceptance a all the time as well. And I could say for me, um, and I talk to these incredible yogis Preto and Krisna, I don’t know if you know them, they’ve written an incredible book as well. Um, anyways, they, uh, they say, Hey, like all this self focus, whether it’s, you know, self deprecating or Hey, I’m fatty, whatever, it’s still self obsession. Right? And so the pathway to self love is directing our energy out to how can I serve? How can I help? Because it moves us out of that. Um, you know, this great quote, quote I, CS Lewis saying, um, humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less. Right? So we grow humility when we, yeah, like you said, the, he is me, I’m him, we’re all brothers and sisters. So it’s going beyond this little shell and then it gives our lives meaning because meaning in our lives has to, you know, it really is in context of the collective. We’re not on these planets just by ourselves. We’re we’re here together so we can create great meaning in that.
Josh: 43:15 Yeah. No, I mean, I’ve always had to put the, you know, act my way in the right thinking. Like I’ve literally had to disrupt my thought patterns and like, and yeah. I mean, there’s, I have seen plenty of people who have been like, I don’t have, you know, self-esteem or I don’t think highly of myself. I’m like, I wouldn’t either, if I were you like, cause you don’t do anything anyway. Right. Go do something for someone. Yes. And like, and then, and, and, and by the way, and then I feel like that’s how I’ve been able to be awake to ancient truths and, and to so many of the teachings you’re talking about, I’m like, to me, that’s always so slightly been like the graduate school portion of it. Like I have to like get my hands. Yes. Yeah. And then I’m like, Ooh, and the echo tole and like where I’m just like, mm. Like those great mores of like, ah, like when you hear from a great spiritual teacher where you’re like, yes, that totally resonates. I, I just had to go get my hands really dirty first to like open me up to the, the possibility of that next level.
Kimberly: 44:18 Yes. Yes. I love it. I love it. It’s it’s um, you know what yoga nano say is dynamic, will it channeled into action and it breaks the inertia, the Tamasic quality, which can take over the ego and you just kind of settle into like doing nothing. And then you start to keep, you know, you go on social media, you look at what other people are doing. And then you just kind of, you know, continue to, to feel smaller and smaller. You start to play smaller and smaller. The way to expand, you know, the Giza teaches us is to give your life away.
Josh: 44:46 Right.
Kimberly: 44:47 Give it away to other people. And you actually get more back. You get the love connection that you want back. The more you give your life away, which is, you know, can seem counterintuitive at first.
Josh: 44:58 Definitely. No, I think that’s right on.
What message Josh would like you to walk away with when reading his Happy People Are Annoying
Kimberly: 45:02 So Josh, thank you so much for writing a very interesting book. I would say it’s a combination of humor and depth. It’s wonderful memoir. I enjoy it very much. Happy people are annoying. What would be the, a message that you would hope or, you know, one or two messages that you would hope someone would walk away from your, your book they would take away from, from your book here?
Josh: 45:30 Oh yeah. I mean, I think kinda say in the last chapter where I, I finally learned that, um, you know, the, the bad times are here to teach us and the good times are here to remind us what we’re fighting for. And I, I just truly sort of believe that there’s, um, you know, it’s like that, that quote, I said the other day, like the univer or earlier in the you, that the universe demands balance too much, sun brings about a desert. And, and I love that roomy quote of like, we, we seek neither to rejoice nor despair. Like I, I, I try to be unattached to the feelings and just sort of be it like sort of a, a level of contentment, which is just sort of like, and nice and, and slightly observant. You know,
Kimberly: 46:18 I also would say, you know, for me, uh, talking to Josh and I, I get goosebumps. The value for me in your book again, was just, um, hearing the story, the, the embodiment of a human, like I said, who’d been through a lot of challenges and goes into adulthood, not defined by that. Right. Find that freedom of this is how I’m gonna live my life. And I’m gonna be this loving dad. I’m gonna help people and all this stuff. So again, the, the storytelling, there’s so much power in that real stories, not just philosophy, but seeing the value of a human going through this, that’s really what I took away. And, and that, you know, you can’t really put that into words. It’s like an energy of, oh, this is possible, right?
Josh: 47:01 Yeah. No, absolutely. I so appreciate it. And I love chatting with you and I can’t wait to read your book.
Kimberly: 47:07 Oh, thank you so much, Josh. Thank you for being here with us today. Thank you for inspiring. So many people. Thank you for being a bright light. I appreciate you so much.
Josh: 47:16 Oh, I appreciate you. Thanks for having me.
Kimberly: 03:36 All right, my loves. I hope you enjoyed our interview today. As much as I enjoyed being in conversation, please be sure to check out Josh’s new book, happy people are annoying. And please also be sure to check out our show notes, where we have links to other podcast articles, meditations recipes that I think you would enjoy. I will be back here Thursday for our next you a show to then see you on social as well at _KimberlySnyder. Take great care of yourself. Please take the time to meditate, to process, to journal, to do your practices, to take care of your unique, amazing self that you are so much love. See you soon.